Dean wiped oil on his work jeans, breathing through his mouth to avoid the grimy smell. Despite the dirt hazards, working on his car soothed him. He was irritable lately, though he couldn't explain why when Sam called him out on it.

Dick wasn't improving his mood. The bastard had more manpower than they were equipped to deal with, and they hadn't had a break on how exactly they could deal with him in far too long.

Then there was Cas…

Dean couldn't stop thinking about the way Cas had looked at him, the feel of his lips against his palm. He wasn't quite sure what to do about the whole situation, but he hadn't mentioned it yet, just as Sam suggested.

Besides, Cas was off figuring out his sexuality on his own at the moment. He didn't seem too torn up about his little crush.
Dean let the hood fall with a slam. He wiped his hands off fully on a rag and tossed it in the back before he locked her up.

"Did you figure out what that clicking sound was?" Sam asked as Dean closed the door to the hotel behind him. Dean grunted and grabbed his coat from the closet.

"I'm starved."

Sam closed his laptop. He picked his coat off the hook by the door and went for his coat.

"Will you go get her started? She needs to warm up." Dean tossed the keys to Sam, who nodded and left. Dean sat down on the edge of the bed and rested head in his hands for a moment.

God, he was tired, and so very irritable.

"It didn't work." Cas' maudlin voice drifted through the room.

"Holy mother of God!" Dean shot off the bed at the sound. Castiel was suddenly lying on the bed behind him.

"God doesn't have a mother, or not one that I know of." Cas squinted at him, unable to understand figure of speech as per usual.

"Cas, can't you ring a bell or a gong or something before you just show up in people's rooms? A little warning. That's all I'm asking for."

Cas sat up, his legs still splayed over the bed.

"Dean, I did not experience a physical attraction to Adam."

"Who?"

"Bar man!" Castiel clarified urgently. He stared at Dean in that intense way that Dean used to think creepy, but now it seemed almost… cute.

"Oh." Castiel's date for the night. Right.

"He kissed me and I didn't experience anything."

Dean flushed.

"He kissed you? What did you do?"

"I came here to tell you that I did not experience a physical reaction." Cas said impatiently, as though this should have been obvious already.

"What, you just teleported away in the middle of it?"

"Yes."

Dean started to laugh, really laugh. He had to grab the dingy chair to steady himself. After his day of pent up anger, it was a welcome release, one he didn't realize he needed so badly. A black cloud of anger seemed to gather around Castiel as he watched him.

"So my misfortune is amusing to you?"

"You are amusing to me."

Castiel's lip curled into a snarl, but then he deflated.

"First the prostitute, now this man. I must really be broken." Castiel sighed, reclining hopelessly back against the bed into his original position.

He didn't want to do this, really didn't want to, but Cas looked so pathetic lying there and staring at the ceiling listlessly.

"Just because you didn't get a woody for him doesn't mean you weren't attracted." Dean sighed. He sank into the chair and rubbed a hand over the stubble on his chin. Castiel sat up again, his interest peeked. He leveled his intense gaze on Dean, and Dean couldn't help but squirm against such scrutiny.

"That's just one way to tell, a very clear sign. But you can have an emotional attraction to someone too."
"And how would I distinguish that?"

Dean looked at his innocently curious expression and tried to remember that Cas was capable of great violence and military prowess. He could snap him in two if he wanted.

He couldn't say it to that face, so he said it to the wall, and his hands, and the denim of his jeans instead.

"You want to protect them. You respect them. You care when they're sad, rejoice when they're happy. They can never be too close. Even when you're fucking, it's not close enough. It'll never be close enough." It was a bad idea, and Dean didn't know why he did it, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Do you… do you feel that way about anyone?"

Castiel was very quiet, so quiet Dean could hear his own heart beat. When Dean finally chanced to look up, Cas' stare was so grave it made the air around him feel heavy.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing in here?" Sam opened the door and broke the silence. Cas jumped and awkwardly rearranged himself on the bed so his feet swung off the sides.

"Oh. Hey Cas."

"Sam." Cas nodded, his gravelly voice taught.

"You ready to go?" Sam asked Dean. Dean was irritable again, even more than before.

"Yeah, alright."

"Cas, want to come with? We're going to dinner."

"I am hungry." Cas said with some confusion.

"Now wait just a minute." Dean's thoughts turned over quickly in his head. "Why are you hungry? And for that matter, why were you able to get so drunk the other night? You fell asleep. And- son of a bitch. The other night when we were talking you remembered how you felt about that prostitute I set you up with." Dean's mouth fell open. "How did you remember that?"

"Oh, I guess I did." Cas said mildly.

"You did what?" Sam groaned.

"Don't give me that 'oh I guess I did' bullshit! If your memories were starting to return, why didn't you say something?" Dean yelled, standing up.

Cas shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, when we were talking the other night… as you told me stories, I could remember them. I could picture what you were saying and how I felt at the time. But I don't remember everything, just bits and pieces. I've been remembering much more about being an Angel than of my life after I met you two."

"So why are you hungry and sleepy and running to the bathroom, then?" Sam wondered.

Castiel sighed.

"It's a side-effect. I haven't been back to heaven…. in months, close to a year. Not even one trip. I've started to acclimate to my human body."

"So you're turning human?" Dean wondered.

"Not exactly. I can't change species. I'm just more… in tune with my physical needs here. Usually I don't experience them, but… It's a slow process."

"Is that why you're freaking out over your sexual preference? Because I gotta tell you, Cas, I never pegged you for thinking twice about that kind of thing." Sam laughed under his breath.

"Oh, come on. Cas is different from most Angels. He rebelled, for Christ's sake. He thinks for himself, wonders about things other Angels wouldn't. I don't find it surprising at all." Dean shrugged.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas said softly.

Sam looked between them, and that strange expression overcame him. Dean broke contact with Cas, uncomfortable under his brother's scrutiny.

"Well Cas has the munchies for once, so let's indulge him."

"I do not understand how you humans get anything done with your tiny bladders and short intestines calling for your attention every few hours."

"Well, for one thing, we don't talk about it. For another, the process of filling those two things is pretty great, so we don't complain much." Dean bit off the end of another chicken finger to punctuate his words.

"Tell us about your date, Cas." Sam suggested.

"Uneventful." Cas shrugged.

"Indulge us." Sam seemed to harbor an intellectual curiosity when it came to Cas's sexual journey. It annoyed Dean to no end. "I mean, all's stale on the Leviathan front. We're still just as powerless as usual, and you recovering your memory is our best chance at finding a way to beat these things…. so, let's talk about your memories. New and old."

Cas took a slow breath.

"We ate dinner. He talked about his work and family. I talked about my amnesia and the fact that I am an angel, which he laughed at- I think he thought I was joking, but I decided not to correct him. Then he groped me under the table, dragged me into the men's bathroom and kissed me in a vacant stall."

"He did what?" The growl that came out of Dean was surprisingly low. Sam gaped at him a moment before he bit into his veggie burger.

"Oh really?" Sam said as soon as he finished chewing. Dean wanted to smack the amusement right out of Sam. How could he think some guy manhandling poor, innocent Cas was funny? "Then?"

Dean sipped aggressively at his straw.

"Then I teleported to Dean to tell him the experiment was a failure, or so I thought at the time. I did not experience a physical reaction to his violent advances."

"Violent? That fucker was violent with you? Alright, give me his number." Dean extended his hand over the table. Cas was startled by the action, but he fished around in his trench coat pocket.

"I seemed to have misplaced it." Cas eyed his empty, insistent hand with trepidation.

"Goddamn it. You see him again, you let me know."

Sam started to laugh out loud.

"What is your deal?" Dean demanded of Sam.

"I have to urinate. Again. This is exhausting." Cas complained as he stood from his chair and threaded his way to the bathroom.
Sam watched Cas retreat, ignoring Dean. Dean was about to repeat his question with more force when Sam turned back to him, a giant grin plastered on his face.

"Should we set him up with someone else? Maybe a screening process this time: only applications where people checked the 'not sexually aggressive' box."

"That better be a joke." Dean frowned, jamming a chicken finger into the gloppy mess of honey mustard in his food basket.
"Wow, I can't believe this but…" Sam shook his head slowly, still grinning. "You are jealous."

Dean turned to stare at him, his stomach dropping into his ass. He couldn't even form words to address the absurdity of that statement.

"You're a little slower than I, and Stanford, assumed, Sammy. I'll spell it out for you, since the last I don't even know how many years on the road together haven't sunk in: I like women. A lot."

"And men, apparently. Or at least Cas. Definitely Cas." Sam was still grinning as he bit into his sandwich.

"Oh my god, this is some college crap, isn't it? I knew you were going to come back a hippie. Can't a guy just watch out for a friend without gettin' judged?"

"Will you just admit it? I mean, sure, I barely believe it myself, but you are jealous that Cas is getting groped in a bathroom stall by some guy that's not you."

"Shut up, Sam." Though Dean couldn't deny that his throat tightened just at the thought.

"It isn't always an either or thing you know." Sam teased as he stole one of Dean's fries and popped it in his mouth, still grinning. "It is possible to like both. Or maybe just a person."

"You have no idea how wrong what you're saying- I can't- I have never-"

"You are. Live it, love it, accept it, Dean."

Dean couldn't speak, so he just gaped at his brother's smug face until Cas returned from the bathroom.

"That was disgusting. That's never happened before." Cas wrinkled his nose.

"Too much information, Cas." Sam set his veggie burger down.

"Well at least I have room to fill my stomach again, right?" Cas said brightly, smiling at Dean. He tossed a fry into his mouth and let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Food is wonderful. I like food."

"No more diners for a while." Dean muttered to himself as they left. "Bad things happen at diners."

"What bad thing happened at this diner?" Cas asked. Dean forgot he had that damn Angel hearing.

"Don't worry about it." Dean sighed. Sam snickered.

"You are a… bad person." Dean sputtered and Sam's snicker turned into a roar of laughter. He still had the keys- Dean actually let him drive over for once. He spun them around his finger, pausing by the door to the Impala, deep in thought.

"Hey, I have a friend nearbye. I've been meaning to look him up since we got here, he's really into occult research and he might be able to give us some pointers."

"Great. Let's go." Just what Dean needed, a distraction.

"I can handle it alone. You two take the motel. Sounds like Cas needs it."

"Sam." Dean barked.

Sam grinned at his own joke. Castiel looked between them, confused.

"I am only moderately sleepy. I could probably nap for an hour and be fine for tomorrow." Cas said.

"Hear that? He's fine. Let's go."

"No my friend's house is within walking distance from here." Sam threw the keys to Dean. Dean caught them and smirked.

"Oh yeah? What's your friend's name?"

"Tom Smith." Sam said without hesitation.

"What does he do?"

"Welder. And occult researcher."

"Family?"

"A Wife."

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith? You kidding me with this?" Dean sighed. Damn, the kid could lie through his teeth. Law was the perfect occupational choice. Sam flashed him a smug look.

"I'm sure you'll find something to do. Maybe that whole storytelling thing that worked out so well before, for Cas' memory of course. I'll see you guys in the morning."

And then that bastard winked at him.

He walked off, heading down the block, hands in his pockets. Cas turned to Dean.

"Are we going to get drunk again? It was fun at the time, but I did not care for the next morning."

"If we are, it's going to be in a bar." Dean said, his heart suddenly speeding up. No way were they going back to that motel. Not after that wink.

"You won't make me talk to anyone, right?" Cas said, adjusting his trench coat nervously.

"No." Dean breathed, "No, I won't."

Dean felt awkward, and it was all Sam's fault. He couldn't sit still, peeling the wrapper from his beer, tossing stale nuts from the 'Colorado Bulls' plastic dish at their table down his throat even though he wasn't remotely hungry.

"Dean." Cas said mildly, taking a swig from the beer Dean bought him, "I think I'm starting to enjoy the flavor of this drink."

"Because that's an Ephraim. Best damn beer I ever drank, I'm surprised they stock it in this little piece of nowhere."

Cas sipped once more, contemplating this new information though it couldn't have meant anything to him, licking his lips. Dean watched his tongue run over his lower lip and cursed Sam once more for making him so self-conscious.

"So." Cas began. Dean realized he was staring at Cas with a very grim expression and tried to smooth it out before he noticed. "With the memories I got back, I'm pretty…. Um, how you would say, 'kickass' in some. I decided to try out some of those moves. I ended up destroying a trash can."

"Oh?" Dean grinned, grateful Cas found something to talk about before he had to.

"Yes. But then I practiced a bit, and now I'm much better at controlling my strength." Cas smiled.

"Well." Dean smacked his hand down on the table. "Let's see those moves then." Any excuse not to sit there overanalyzing every little reaction of his body.

Cas followed him out the back alley door. Two men smoked cigarettes a block away, and three dirty lamplights spotlit the dusty back road. Cigarette butts crunched under the heel of Dean's boot as he walked several paces away from the door, out in the middle of the alley, and turned to face Cas.

Cas looked like he used to for a split second- solemn, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Then Cas wasn't there anymore and Dean was pressed against the wall by a hand to his throat. Dean gasped because Cas's body pressed against him too, his chest against his, his knee parting his legs-

Dean ducked out, and if Cas was using all of his Angelic strength he sure as hell couldn't have, but Cas let him go and when Dean spun to face him Cas came at him again through that Angel teleportation thing. Dean balked at the fist heading towards his face, but then twisted right at the last moment to avoid it. He threw a punch at Cas, and Cas caught it in his fist easily, grinning at Dean. Dean grinned back as Castiel let his fist go and backed up a step into a mischievous stance of 'come and get it'. Dean realized that Cas found this fun. More surprisingly, so did he. Without the blistering pain that usually accompanied fighting, it was actually kind of enjoyable. He had never seen Cas playful before- they were always worrying about something, and Cas was usually at the forefront of that worrying.

Dean stepped forward, trying to sideswipe Cas and knock him on his ass in one swift motion, but Cas was too fast for him and before he knew it Cas had him in a headlock from behind, charging forward to press him against the wall. Dean hit it with a grunt, but it didn't really hurt. Cas was overly gentle with him.

"Got you."

Cas' breath on his ear, his body molded to his and pressing tightly against his ass-

He ripped Cas' arms from him and pushed off from the wall, backing away.

What was that?

What just happened?

Dean found himself panting and staring at Cas, while his mind exploded from the fact that he was still goddamn hard.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

Dean was wearing stiff jeans, so he doubted Cas could tell what he had just done to him, but he spun away from him all the same, resting a hand on his hip and catching his breath as his thoughts raced through what had just happened. Cas must have seen the change in his attitude before he turned because he kept his distance in the quiet.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No." Dean choked out. "No, I'm fine."

"Then let's go again."

Dean glanced over his shoulder.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on…. wuss."

Despite his spinning mind, a smile twisted his mouth.

"What did you just say, you little shit?"

"You're scared of me, huh? Pansy ass." Castiel taunted again, a lighthearted grin on his face, his eyes sparkling. Dean considered him, and he felt such a surge of affection for Cas, teasing him with names he must have learned from Dean himself, that in that moment some of his intense frustration with Sam and his damn insistence fell away. Maybe he could, possibly, be right. Maybe he felt something more than friendship for Cas. It was such a fine line, though, for him. He really couldn't quite tell what it was.

Only one way to find out.

Cas got such a look on his face when Dean let a yell loose and charged that Dean almost laughed. But he kept his battle cry going until he barreled into the angel, who was too stunned to transport away, and slammed him up against the wall as he had done to him mere moments earlier. He was rougher with Cas than Cas was with him, but Cas could take it. Dean watched his eyes as he pressed into him, pressed his whole body against him, the lapels of Cas' trench coat fisted in his hands, his mouth inches from his. As he had expected, Cas' pupils blew out into wide black orbs, his deep, sea-blue irises mere rims. He felt Cas' hardness against his thigh, and he froze. It was one thing for Cas to tell him how felt about him, another to feel it and watch the effect of his body shiver through the angel. Dean liked the sight of it in an animalistic, primitive way. A coiling heat erupted in his stomach as he watched Cas' pupils blow out and a slight brush rose to his cheeks. A beat passed, then another.

Then Castiel reminded him that while he might be absurdly naïve about everyday human interactions, Cas is one of the fiercest soldiers at God's command. Even before he poured millions of souls into his power well Cas was killing angels left and right for Dean's sake and for the sake of what he thought was right. The angels voted him, God's favorite, to lead their rebellion against Raphael for a reason, not only because of his favor in their Father's eyes but because he was fierce and formidable in battle.
Cas pulled him the remaining few inches to his lips with a growl low in his throat. Dean let out a muffled yelp of surprise before Cas' hands trailed through his hair, roughly grabbing at the expanse between his shoulders and pressing him closer until there's no way Dean could escape.

Dean tried, in a brief moment of panic, to pull back, to deny it. He tried to deny his own surge of desire, but Cas in his sudden lust didn't hold his strength back and Dean couldn't compete with that kind of power. Dean was too close to think about it for long anyway, the heat and hardness of Cas' body driving coherent thoughts from his head. Cas' tongue against his, his thigh guided between his parted thighs and grinding against his undeniable erection, the possessive groan in his throat as he devoured Dean's whimpers and gasps, all of it chased his panicked thoughts from his head. Underneath it all, the most surprising, was the burning need to let Cas take control and mold him to the shape of his desire, to let go and give in to everything. He loved feeling so powerless in the angel's arms.

"Dean." Cas whispered as he pulled back finally, and Dean was boneless in Cas' ferocious hold on him. He felt like a rag doll in the jaws of a wolf that, with one jerk of his head, could tear him in two.

"Cas, let me go." Dean fought to keep his voice under control. Without the distraction of Castiel's kiss, those panicked thoughts pushed their way back into his head, displacing the heavenly contentment of being completely at Cas' mercy.
Cas released him, and as Dean backed off Cas' eyes drifted down his body to his groin. Dean blushed more than he'd ever blushed before.

"Dean?" Cas said again, and it was a hopeful question. He smiled faintly. "It seems you're ignoring your own advice."

Dean thought he couldn't blush more, but he was wrong. He didn't know what to say, how to handle this situation or his own body's response.

"Dean." Cas stepped forward until he was so close Dean could smell the faint scent of alcohol and the angel trademark of clean air. Cas ran his hands up his stomach, hesitantly at first, watching Dean's reaction. Dean's breath sped up and he couldn't move, frozen in his desire. He closed his eyes as the hands ran, more sure in their touch, past his chest and gripped his shoulders firmly. He trailed fingertips along Dean's jaw, much gentler than the rough kiss he'd dragged him into, almost reverently feeling Dean's skin. "You are so beautiful." Cas whispered. Dean's breathing was shaky. He felt vulnerable to Castiel and hard as he tried he couldn't close back up, couldn't deny that his touch satisfied a deep craving in his stomach that had been there for as long as he could remember. "I did not know you would— could— want me like this. God has truly given mankind a gift… This 'sexuality'…" Cas whispered, mesmerized by Dean's lips suddenly, "… explains everything I've been wanting since I met you." He finished.
Dean licked his lips, torn between the powerful need to let Castiel drag him back into a crushing kiss, and the necessity to take a step back, sort through all these new feelings and emotions that had taken him completely by surprise.

"Fucking faggots."

It came out of nowhere for Dean, who was lost in Cas' eyes with the decision still unmade, but it shocked him out of his head and back into reality. They were in the back alley of a bar. Cas was still caressing him, and the two smokers, who had been down the alley at the beginning of their play fight were standing a mere twenty feet away, one flicking his cigarette down and the other wrinkling his nose as he watched them. Dean knew that look from every demon and monster he'd ever fought- the look of someone gearing up for causing someone else pain.

Castiel was gone from his reach in an instant. He appeared behind the two, knocking their heads together and letting them crumple to the ground independent of each other.

"They'll wake up with well-deserved headaches." Cas said primly, wiping his hands on his coat as he surveyed his work.

Dean was shocked at how casually Cas absorbed the incident. He was sure that… he had wanted to protect Cas from something just like this. Cas seemed to notice his confusion.

"I am familiar with hate of all forms, Dean. Hate is where demons flourish, so I know its sources. I'm unfamiliar with the nuances of everyday life, not big picture problems. "

"Right." Dean muttered. Cas stepped around the two and circled back to Dean. Suddenly this was very real. Beyond the confusion over his surprising attraction to men, or maybe just Castiel Dean hadn't figure that out quite yet, they were crossing a line. This was Cas, his oldest friend, his most loyal and trusted ally. His past relationship history was littered with broken promises on both sides and fleeting passion that usually ended in an untimely death.

"Dean?" Cas asked, and he stopped farther away this time. Too far for Dean to feel his heat, taste his smell. Dean cleared his throat.

"Let's, uh, let's go back to the hotel."

The way he said it he could see Cas cooling off, shutting himself away. His open adoration simmered into that steady bare-scent of affection. They walked in silence, too far away from each other, back to the impala and drove to home for the night.

They settled awkwardly to sleep on the two twin beds, the three feet of distance between the beds a gaping chasm that haunted Dean in his dreams.

When Sam tapped hesitantly on the door, Dean almost rolled his eyes. If he and Cas hadn't ended up in a twisting embrace last night then he really would have, but turns out Sam had been partly right.

"Come in." you fucker, Dean added silently.

Sam's key twisted in the lock. He looked warily around the room like he was expecting to see it strewn with the bed comforter and hastily torn off clothes.

"Where's Cas?" Sam asked, and Dean could have sworn he heard disappointment there.

"I dunno. I woke up and he was gone."

"So you two didn't…"

"Goddamn it Sam, no." Dean frowned. Then he scratched the back of his head, briefly considering whether this was the worst idea he had ever had before deciding to do it anyway. "We kissed, though."
A smug grin broke out on Sam's face but, thankfully and surprisingly, he didn't say a thing.

"Alright, yeah, you were right." Dean admitted. "I might…" Dean was a grown-ass man. He'd killed so many demons and watched so many people die that he knew by now that there were far, far more important things than whether you preferred men or women or both. Still, it was a big change in how he viewed himself fundamentally and it was harder to get out than he thought it might be, considering. "I might feel something for Cas."

Dean could see the 'I told you so' or 'I knew it' on the tip of Sam's eager tongue, but he shot him a look to kill thoughts of voicing such things. Dean sunk back into the bed, lacing up his shoes.

"So were you completely bullshitting Mr. Smith? Or do you actually have some sort of information on the leviathans?"

"I was completely bullshitting about him," Dean rolled his eyes before Sammy hurriedly continued, "But I did find something out that might be worth looking into on my own. Where the hell is Cas? Are things weird between you two now?"

"That's not really the most pressing issue."

"It is if we need him and he's too hurt or embarrassed or whatever reason you two didn't end up banging it out last night-"

"Jesus Sammy."

"Look, Dean, you're great at picking up girls and, you know, leaving the next morning… but I've never really seen you try something like this with someone you-"

"Try what?" Dean swallowed hard. "There's nothing to try, Sam, not right now. We've got leviathan's so far up our ass they're coming out of our eyeballs. And beyond that, Cas only remembers half of his life. He's like a totally different person right now, what can I really 'try' on him? That would be like, I don't know, taking advantage of him."
Sammy was quiet at that, but Dean didn't particularly care for the pity in his gaze either.

"What, Sam? Just say it, I can't stand that look."

Sam sighed. He seemed to consider saying nothing before he finally decided, sat up and looked at Dean with resignation.

"Dean, I know you and everything you just said is bullshit. It all comes down to the same line you always spin- 'don't get attached, not with this job'. How many freaking times have I heard you repeat that? The sad part is that you've said it so many times, usually to me, that you actually believe you don't want it. But you do, Dean, you want it maybe more than I do, you've just denied it so much that you've convinced yourself of the opposite. If you're unattached, it's easier and you don't have to worry about hurting anyone. But Cas is different, Dean. You have a real shot at happiness here with someone who can handle our 'work'. That line doesn't apply anymore, and I think you're scared shitless without that excuse."

The breath Sammy released at the end of his little speech was that of a balloon hissing into a deflated heap.

Dean stood up, grabbed his coat, and shut the door behind him.