"Life carries on endlessly,
even after death
With shortness of breath
You'll explain the infinite
How rare and beautiful it is
that we even exist."

Merlin didn't want to move. He'd been standing there for almost half an hour now, just staring at the lake. Of course, he would end up here again. The lake of Avalon.
After a day's ride with Morgana's body, he had finally arrived at the location where he wanted to lay her to rest.
It would always end up here. With a lake, a body and a boat.
Merlin ran his hand on the rough, damp wood. Morgana's body lay there unmoving, but she didn't look that dead. She looked like she was sleeping.
The warlock wiped off one last tear that slowly rolled down his cheek.
Enough. This is the last damn tear I shed for Morgana Pendragon, he thought to himself, biting his bottom lip.
Merlin took a shaky breath before he called upon the magic of the earth, feeling the energy vibrate all around him, his own voice echoing with an unfamiliar force as he yelled to the sky:
"O Aithusa, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!"
His body shivered with the effort of the chant, and he almost fell to his knees. The battle with Morgana, the teleportation spell, dulling the witch's pain… they had taken a toll on him.
He took in a few shaky breaths and sat down to wait.

Aithusa didn't take long. Soon Merlin heard the familiar screech from the sky and saw the young dragon's form flying towards him.
"Hello", Merlin smiled sadly when Aithusa landed next to him. The dragon sensed what was wrong, and she started approaching the boat, that was still on the beach. As she reached it, she threw her head back, and let out a heart-breaking howl. The voice was hoarse, riddled with grief and pain - and it was breaking Merlin's heart.
Well, there goes my tears again, the scoffed to himself as he wet his cheeks once more. The sound of a grieving dragon was the worst thing he'd ever heard.
Aithusa stopped, and let her head droop.
She is so broken. How am I going to fix her?
Merlin swallowed and took a few steps towards the dragon. He knelt beside her, placing his hand on her bony shoulder, sending a soothing surge of magic. Aithusa's blue eyes stared, unmoving and glazed over, at Morgana's body.
"I'm sorry, Aithusa. You know I am", he spoke quietly, stroking her ragged wings gently. "I know how important Morgana was to you."
Aithusa didn't make a sound.
"Look at me."
Merlin gently touched her chin, guiding her eyes to meet his. There was so much sadness in them. Aithusa actually reminded him of Morgana - she too had felt everything so passionately, deeply. This dragon was no different.
But you're not evil, are you Aithusa? You were just helping a friend.
"I know you feel lost", he started slowly. "I know you must feel so alone, but you're not. You are not alone, I promise you. Not now and not ever."
Aithusa blinked her big, blue eyes and gave him a sad snarl. Merlin hummed at her.
"I'm here for you. Anytime you need me, I'll find you", he whispered, stroking her cheek. "And that's a promise." Aithusa pressed against his hand and closed her eyes.
"You should find Kilgharrah. He'll help you, I know that." Merlin murmured. "You just need a little courage. Be proud, Aithusa. And be strong."
The dragon flinched at the words - Morgana had said the same thing to her before she'd died.
"Like this", Merlin said quietly, lifting Aithusa's head so that her head was almost on the same level as the warlock's.
"Keep your head high", he muttered. The man then turned around, reaching out his arm.
"Astyre."
The boat slowly slid into the water and started departing the shore. Merlin felt a heavy wave of sorrow wrap around his chest the further the vessel went.
"Goodbye, Morgana", he whispered. Aithusa snarled, spreading out her wings. She flew through the air, circling the boat for a little while before knocking her head back and breathing a wave of fire on the boat. The flames caught on quickly on the old wood, and Morgana's final resting place ignited and burned like a torch on the water.
Burning her body in dragon's breath. What a lovely way to burn, the thought.
Aithusa let out one last, sad howl before flying to the sky. Merlin watched as she became smaller and smaller until the dragon disappeared from his sight completely.

Arthur was out of breath - the battle had been long and exhausting, and he wanted nothing more but to take a bath, lay down on a soft bed and fall asleep in Guinevere's arms. The king sat down on a rock, and his loyal knights soon joined him.
"Damn great battle, that was", Gwaine grunted out.
"Yeah", said Elyan. "They'll probably tell stories about us."
"Well there's a weird thought", replied the other with a frown. Arthur let out a small chuckle.
"But we won", the king said. "We won and Morgana's finally dead. Camelot is safe."
Silence fell between the knights, but not an uncomfortable one. It was full of unspoken words, promises of a better future, untold stories and new beginnings.
"You know", said Percival suddenly. "You're like brothers to me. I'm so lucky to have you as comrades."
"Oh, Perce", answered Gwaine. "You bring a tear to me eye, mate."
"Merlin should be here, too", said Lancelot, looking up to the night sky.
Arthur didn't answer at first. He could barely wait to see Merlin again - the king really needed to exchange a few words with him. The king had thought that his servant had suddenly lost his courage, but he should have known he was planning something. Merlin was the most loyal and courageous friend he'd ever had - there was no way that the servant would leave him at the last minute. Merlin had thought that Arthur was walking into his death, and had seen no other way than this. He'd been working in the best interests of Camelot, but he had also worked together with the sorcerer who was responsible for his father's death. Anger flashed inside of him, but he chose not to feed it. That sorcerer had saved his life, and he knew it.
"I wonder why that old sorcerer wanted to keep Arthur alive so badly", wondered Gwaine out loud, taking off his shoes. The knights already knew to lean away from him to avoid the reek that would surely rise from his feet.
"Well, for instance", Leon started. "Arthur is our king. And his, too."
"I don't think things like that matter to him", answered Arthur with a dark tone.
"I get that he wanted to bring down Morgana, her darkness reached everywhere, and she was an enemy to him, too", Elyan said slowly, "but he didn't have to rescue us, specifically."
"Perhaps he believes in Arthur", Percival said quietly, glancing at his king.
"I know what he wants", the king murmured. "He wants me to legalise magic. He's trying to make me owe him."
Lancelot glanced at him sharply but didn't say anything. Arthur got up and walked into the sick tent - maybe Gaius would have answers about Emrys. Gaius always had answers.

"Oi, you!"
A woman's voice called out to Merlin. The warlock flinched in surprise, looking frantically around until he saw a short figure standing behind him.
"Hello?" Merlin greeted in confusion. They were in the middle of nowhere (two miles away from Lake Avalon), and he had started his long road towards Camelot.
"So, I kinda got lost, ridin' 'ere all by me onesies", the girl (she couldn't be older than twenty) said, looking around. Her eyes were shockingly bright green, and her face was very delicate, beautiful and perhaps a little childlike - there was also a frown between her thin brows. She took her hood off with a yawn, and Merlin's jaw dropped: this girl had a short hair.
No woman he'd ever known would cut her hair like that. It was ebony-black, a little shorter than Gwaine's, but still longer than Lancelot's.
"What are ye starin' at?" she snapped. Merlin had a little trouble understanding her peculiar accent, but he flinched at her tone and gulped.
"Right, yes, can I help you?" the warlock stuttered.
"Well that's kinda the reason I stopped ye", she replied, like it was obvious, patting the neck of his beautiful, black mare. "Ye 'appen to know which direction lies Camelot?"
Merlin raised his eyebrows.
"Funny you should ask", he said slowly. "I live there. On my way there right now."
The girl smirked at him. "Well, that's awfully convenient. Shall we?"
Merlin gulped again - she wanted to travel with him?
"It's a good fifteen miles that way", he stated, pointing with his finger.
"Aight", she answered, frowning. "But ye'r goin' there, too, aye?"
Merlin had to focus to understand a word of her speech, but slowly realised where she was getting at.
"Yes I am, and I would be honoured to be accompanied by you", he answered, breaking into a shy smile.
The girl rode closer and reached out her hand. "Me name's Lilith", she stated as the warlock grabbed it. "But mates call me Lily." Her hand was freakishly small and bony, but her grip was strong.
"Merlin", he introduced himself.
"Well, Merlin", Lilith yawned. "I think it's best we get goin', if we intend to reach that blasted city before the dark."
"... Right."

Arthur had never been so happy to see the sturdy walls of Camelot. The king was baffled by the sight that was waiting inside the city - the people, the normal rabble, had all gathered down to the streets. They were carrying candles and flowers and placed them down on the ground as a tribute as they passed them. Even though the returning soldiers were victorious and carried their heads with pride, there was grief in the air - because the returning people were bringing bodies with them.
The victory hadn't been easy. A little less than half of the people who had gone to the battle never returned. People wept silently, raising their candles high up to the air.
"There is a castle on a cloud", some old man started singing. "I like to go there in my sleep."
"Aren't any floors for me to sweep", a little girl joined him. "Not in my castle on a cloud."
The song was familiar to Arthur from his childhood. It was sung by some girls he used to play with when he was little - from times he and Morgana were children and playing together, causing trouble… having fun. But he hadn't heard the song in years and hadn't really thought about the meaning of the words as a child.
"There is a lady all in white", the two singers got company. "Holds me and sings a lullaby."
It didn't take long until all of Camelot was singing the familiar tune. Arthur had a hard time not letting his tears fall. A king does not cry.
Guinevere, however, who was riding next to him, had silent tears running down her cheeks. And Arthur didn't have to look back to know that most of his soldiers were crying, too.
"She's nice to see, and she's soft to touch", their voices were weary and full of sorrow. "And she says, 'My child, I love you very much.'" The sound of his people's voices echoing in the streets sent shivers down his spine. Merlin would cry if he were here, Arthur suddenly thought. The king was then glad that he wasn't.
"There is a place where no one's lost", the song continued. "There is a place where no one cries."
As the king and his soldiers arrived at the courtyard and he was followed by his people, carrying their candles, lighting their way in the dark.
"Crying at all is not allowed", they sung. "Not in my castle on a cloud."
Arthur and the remaining army of Camelot had stopped. The king suddenly felt like his feet weighed a thousand pounds and that the crown on his head was so heavy that he should trip and fall. Would his voice fail?
Oh, please don't let it fail.
Arthur was silent when watching the tired and dirty faces of his people. Some had just returned from the battle, some had just lost their family members - sons, brothers, fathers and husbands. Friends.
"People of Camelot", his voice was strong, "The war is over. Morgana and her army are defeated. And I owe this victory to the people who fought for the freedom of this kingdom."
Arthur's eyes swept over the crowd. "I know you have suffered. I know you have endured pain, loss and sorrow, for such a long time now."
His eyes swept over the crowd. "But after tonight", his voice became louder, "Camelot shall be better. We will stand stronger." He then looked down for a moment "But now it's time for us to mourn", he swallowed. "Time to lay loved ones to rest." Arthur eyed at the rabble, who waited him to continue.

"You know what I see when I look at you?"
He wasn't expecting an answer, but a little girl - the same one who'd started singing with the old man - asked:
"What?"
This caused a wave of smiles move through the crowd, including the king. There was warmth in his voice when he continued.
"I see brave people. I see people, who have been struck down countless of times, but who have always gotten back on their feet. I see people with selfless hearts and brave souls. I see the grief in your eyes, but I also see hope."
Arthur sighed, glancing up at the sky, that was becoming paler every minute.
"A new dawn is rising."

"Wow, finally a speech I didn't have to write for you."
Arthur froze. He was inside the castle, on his way up the stairs towards his chambers, ready to just fall into his bed (chainmail and a cloak on, he didn't care), but now the king turned around, eyes widening.
"Merlin!"
His servant was standing at the start of the steps, the other corner of his mouth turned upwards.
"Good job out there", he smiled.
"Yes", Arthur stated, walking the steps back down and crossing his arms. "Where the hell have you been?"
Merlin blinked before turning his gaze away. "I went to meet the old sorcerer in the woods", he confessed, voice quiet and distant. "I…"
His voice died out, and he quickly glanced at his king, who was still looking at him, waiting.
"I thought you'd be marching to your death", he finally said, very quickly. "I thought that in order to defeat a sorcerer, you'd need the help of a sorcerer."
Merlin stopped again, not looking Arthur in the eye. "I rode there to meet him. I told him about the battle. I know you hate sorcery and that I broke the law by associating with a sorcerer and know I'm going to be punished, but honestly…" his eyes met Arthur's. "I would do it all over again."
The king was silent, watching his servant's nervous expression. Finally, he shrugged and grabbed Merlin's shoulder.
"I'm not going to you a punishment, you idiot", Arthur said warmly, enjoying the surprise on his manservant's face. "You did well. I was blinded by my hatred for sorcery, and I could never have thought that magic would play such a big part in our victory."
He glanced at the man with a smile. "I guess you were one step ahead of us."
Merlin exhaled, processing the king's words. "Thanks", he finally breathed. "I'm glad, because if the sorcerer would have failed I would have never forgiven myself…"
Arthur frowned. Of course - Merlin had wanted to come with him; he would never leave his side if not for something important.
"Or him", Merlin added quickly.
"Look, I'm not mad at you", the king sighed. "The sorcerer saved my life, more than once, and I owe him my gratitude."
Merlin raised his eyebrows as if expecting him to continue. "However", Arthur said slowly. "He was the one who caused my father's death." His eyes suddenly turned cold with fury. "He has repaid his debt now."
The servant didn't say anything for a moment, but then he nodded. "I understand."
"Now then", the king's expression had returned to normal. "I am exhausted. I want a bath, something to eat and also", he turned to look Merlin in the eye. "I want to hear about your meeting with the sorcerer, what he said, what you said, what you did with him… everything."
Merlin gulped. "Absolutely. Although, is it okay if I first run by at Gaius?"
"Sure", Arthur stated. "But be up there in twenty minutes."

Merlin exhaled in relief - Arthur hadn't seen through his lies. Although, what had he expected? He never did. Merlin was invisible. He was getting quite certain that he should start growing daffodils out of his ears before Arthur or the knights would notice his magic.
He had left his new friend, Lilith, to the Rising Sun Tavern. She had quickly disappeared to the crowd inside (although the atmosphere there was gloomy, Merlin had no doubt that she would cheer up the people's minds. After a whole day of riding and talking with her, he found the scenario quite probable) and said brief 'thank ye's and 'see ye efter's.
Merlin opened the door to the physician's chambers, where he could see Gaius sitting down and treating a nasty gash on Lancelot's shoulder.
"Gaius!" he greeted with a bright smile. Immediately both Lancelot and Gaius jumped up on their feet.
"Merlin!"
"It all worked out in the end", he stated, smirking. Gaius pulled him into a warm hug, patting his back. "Well done, my boy", he laughed.
"You do realise we owe you our lives?" Lancelot smiled at him, squeezing the younger man's shoulder.
"Oh, yeah", Merlin gazed down. "I have a good alibi, but Arthur wants me to tell about the time I spent with 'the great Emrys'."
Gaius arched his brow at him. "What will you tell him?"
"I'll figure something out", he smiled.
"Are you alright, though?" Lancelot asked, brown eyes scanning his thin form. "After your battle with Morgana, and… after disappearing into thin air?"
The warlock hummed and looked down at his hands. "Yes, I'm alright. I was just a bit tired afterwards. Now I'm alright, though."
"And Morgana?" Gaius' blue eyes seemed to drill into him.
"Dead."

Arthur was almost asleep in his bathtub by the time Merlin entered his chambers. The king had scrubbed off most of the dirt and the blood around his body and was feeling very comfortable, resting in the warmth of his bathwater. His head was lolling back, and his mouth was slightly cracked open.
"I think you should consider sleeping in the bed", his servant's amused tone woke him up. Arthur let out a surprised moan and blinked rapidly, splashing some water.
"Twenty minutes, like you said", Merlin stated, standing right in front of his tub. Arthur licked his lips and leaned forwards.
"Yeah, you were taking too long, so I asked George to bring me the bathwater", he explained. "I'm ready now, though."
After Merlin wrapped the towel around his shoulders and he'd gone and dressed into a loose pair of pants and a comfortable tunic, he gestured Merlin to take a seat in front of his desk.
The servant sighed and seated, watching Arthur's expression. The king sat down behind his desk and crossed his fingers.
"So", he said firmly. "Why don't you begin."
Merlin leaned back with a sigh. "Well, I didn't believe you could win with the things being like they were."
Arthur raised his eyebrows. "And why's that?"
"Several reasons." The servant shrugged. "Mordred had a deep hatred for you, and he was going to do everything he could to kill you. And I knew that Morgana couldn't be killed with a mortal blade."
The king frowned, considering his words. Merlin hadn't believed he would win against Mordred and Morgana… and reluctantly he had to admit that his friend was right. Mordred would have killed him without hesitation unless the sorcerer's dragon had stopped him.
"Did you know that the sorcerer was a dragonlord?" Merlin looked surprised at first; then a shadow crossed over his face.
"No", he answered quietly, not meeting Arthur's eyes. The king suddenly remembered the time when the two of them had gone off to search the dragonlord. The events of that night still puzzled him - Merlin had told him that the dragon had died and its body had evaporated. But still - how had he killed it? He had passed out during the battle and didn't remember plunging his sword through the beast's heart.
But he'd believed Merlin when he'd told what happened.
"Anyway", the servant coughed. "I asked Lancelot to accompany me, and he escorted me to the shack. The sorcerer wasn't there at first", he explained, "so Lancelot left, and I decided to stay and wait. He showed up after a few hours."
Arthur nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"Well, he was surprised to see me", Merlin said slowly, not meeting the king's eyes. "I told him my business, asked him to help."
The king raised a brow. "Just like that? And he agreed?"
Merlin shrugged. "Well, yeah, pretty much. He said he owed it to you after what happened with your father."
Arthur leaned back in his chair, turning his gaze away. "I see", he muttered. "And then what?"
"Well, he had this crystal that could be used for scrying", the servant explained. "He used it and spoke to you in your dream."
The king suddenly frowned. Wait a minute. It hadn't been the sorcerer's old and creaky voice that he'd heard in his sleep. It had been Merlin's.
"No", he said slowly, looking up at his servant. "I heard your voice. I'm sure of it."
For a moment, confusion took over Merlin's features, then a hint of something else - panic?
"Well I wasn't the one speaking", he said. "Maybe you just sensed my presence or something, since I was present when he spoke to you?"
Arthur stared at him, squinting suspiciously. Something was wrong here, but then again, Merlin's story was the only thing that made sense to him.
"Yes, you're probably right."
The black-haired man's shoulders relaxed. "Well, he took my horse and rode to Camlann, and I was left behind to his shack, rolling my thumbs", he stated, looking slightly spiteful.
"Well, you invested your absence well", Arthur scoffed. "We won because of that sorcerer."
Merlin eyed at him for a moment, before nodding. "After he returned with my horse, I rode back to Camelot. I even made a friend along the way."
Arthur looked at him, curious. "Did you now?"
"Oh yes, her name's Lilith. She's, uhh…" Merlin seemed to search for the right adjective. "An interesting one, for sure."
The king nodded with a small smile. "Maybe I'll get to meet her."
Merlin hesitated. "Maybe."
For a moment they were silent, but Arthur knew that his friend still wanted to say something. He started hesitantly, avoiding to look his king in the eye.
"So… you're not angry with me that I associated with a sorcerer?"
He yawned, stretching his back. "Well, Merlin, even though sorcerers are thought to be evil, I doubt your actions were dishonest."
The servant looked down, nodding.
"And you know, I don't believe the evil is in the magic, per se, but rather in the fact that the power it brings corrupts the wielder's mind", Arthur spoke, sinking to his own thoughts.
It took Merlin a while to answer. "I suppose you're right. Well, then, if that was all…"
"Yes", the king nodded. "Have a good night's rest."
Arthur watched suspiciously as his servant stood up.
"Are you alright, though?" he asked, squinting at the servant. He always knew when something wasn't right with Merlin.
"Oh, it's just.." he looked troubled. "I just wish I didn't have to leave you like that. I wish I could have been there with you."
Arthur leaned forwards. "Look, you probably won us the battle by doing what you did", he said quietly. "And for that I am thankful."
He watched, satisfied, as Merlin's expression widened to a quick smile. That's more like it.
"No problem", the servant answered, walking up to the door.
"Oh, and Merlin", the king raised his voice. "I wasn't wrong."
For a moment the servant looked confused, but then his eyes glimmered with realisation. Arthur was talking about the night before the battle - the only time when Merlin had refused to accompany him. The king had been disturbed by the fact that his servant, who he thought was braver than any knight he knew, was leaving him at a time like that? He had thought that Merlin was being rational for once, that he just didn't want to die - but the thought had still hurt him. Arthur had thought he'd been wrong about Merlin and his unwavering loyalty, but later he had, of course, found out the true intentions behind his actions.
Merlin nodded at him, clearly moved. "Good night, sire."

fireicewriter42: You have no idea how good it is to hear those words :3 I'm relieved that you liked it and hopefully I won't disappoint you with the future chapters.

rach2322: I'm glad you liked it! I'm not quite sure what "crazy Camelot" means, but awesome knightness is definitely coming ;D

Nettle29: Aw, glad you think so :3

Taz: Oh my god. That has got to be the most beautiful review I have ever gotten and you have no idea how good I feel about your words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

But yeah, that's the second chapter for you!

Now that all that's cleared up, I think I can begin writing the actual story I want to tell. The next chapter will have a less angsty atmosphere, I promise :D

The quote at the beginning is from Sleeping At Last's song called Saturn, and the song that the camelotians were singing was Castle on a cloud, from Les Misérables :D I know it's not actually Merlin's era-song, but it just seemed fitting :^) I hope no one minds!

I always love to hear your opinions, so no need to be shy with reviewing :3 See you soon!