"Moms! Moms!" Henry bellows in sheer panic through our oversized home, that Regina insisted we purchase for our ever growing family.
Regina and I exchange fearful glances before we set down the food we were preparing to cook for dinner and both run toward our back door. Our eight year old, Henry, is carrying Sutton awkwardly and stumbling through the door with Harper hot on his heels.
"Moms!"
"Ssshhh, Henry what's wrong? Your brother is sleeping upstairs," Regina gently states while I pull Sutton from his arms.
"She fell off her bike," he nervously explains while he watches me through concerned eyes where I might be bringing his little sister. "Her knee! Be careful her knee!"
Harper runs to my side, never wanting to leave her sister too far behind. Regina bends down and brushes Henry's messy, sweaty locks to one side and smiles with so much love in her eyes.
"I'm so proud of you my little prince," she coos, creating a pink tinge to graces his cheeks, because he somehow is too old to be called her 'little prince' anymore. "You took care of your little sister and I promise she will never forget it. That's the type of person I want you to be," she gently presses her lips to his forehead and escorts him into the kitchen where I have Sutton sitting on top of the counter.
Our five year old is gripping her knee and whipping her braided pigtails from side to side as she cries out in pain. I'm slowly prying her fingers away to inspect the damage while Regina retrieves the first aid kit.
"Sutton, sweetie, let me look," I softly whisper but she continues to frantically shake her head.
"Don't hurt her mommy," Harper cries out in fear for her sister's wellbeing.
"Oh baby girl," Regina coos and gently cups Harper's chin, forcing her glossy hazel eyes to meet big brown ones. "We won't hurt your sister, we promise."
"Okay," she sniffles and peers up at her tearful sister. "Let momma help you Sutton."
Sutton slams her eyes closed, but slowly releases her knee granting Regina and I the permission to clean up her scraped wound.
"Is it bad? Do I have to go to the hospital?"
"Are you going to have to cut off her leg?" Henry inquires completely serious.
"Yes Henry, momma's going to chop it off right here on our kitchen table," I tease earning myself a playful smack from my wife.
"Don't put those things into our children's heads," she scolds, but there's a faint smirk ghosting over her lips that instantly draws me in closer to steal a quick peck because I can never seem to get enough of those succulent red lips. She flashes me a shy smile before she turns her attention back toward our daughter. "I'm just cleaning the scrape and then I'm going to put a bandaid on and you'll be as good as new."
"Which one you want?" I question as I dig through the kit and pull out a few options. "We have Ariel, Batman, Mickey Mouse or...a plain yucky brown one," I tease.
Sutton sniffles, her bright green eyes finally fluttering open to meet mine. "Batman," she whispers and I nod, knowing already this would be her choice. I slowly peel open the bandage and wait for Regina's signal for me to place Batman into position.
Regina kisses Sutton's forehead and I mimic her gesture as Harper tugs on Regina's shirt. "Momma, can I have Ariel for my knee?" My wife smiles a mile wide before she bends down and places the princess bandaid across Harper's knee so she matches her sister.
I lift Sutton off the counter and wipe away the remainder of her tears. "You're all better, ready to go play some more?"
"No, I hate bikes," she spits and pouts out her bottom lip.
"That's why I don't ride bikes," Harper copies her twin's pose and scowls in return.
"Sutton, you have to keep riding, you can't let one scraped knee stop you," Regina softly explains with warm encouraging eyes.
"And as for you baby girl," I turn my attention toward Harper and point my finger at her. "You will learn how to ride a bike, you can't go through life not knowing how to ride."
"Your it!" Henry screams and slaps Sutton's arm, completely distracting her from her worries.
"Not fair!" She cries out and takes off running after her brother, with Harper following close behind.
"Outside," Regina demands, "Let's not wake your brother."
The children happily obey Regina's request, running recklessly outside with all their fears left behind. I smirk as I watch Regina clean up the mess we made and I'm quick to interrupt her. I grip her hips and spin her around, pinning her between the counter and myself. I press my body firmly against hers and capture those inviting lips into a passionate kiss.
Regina laughs against my mouth while her hands grip my face, pulling me in even closer to claim my mouth. Her warm tongue slips into my mouth and sweeps ever so delicately against mine, creating a guttural moan to stir within my chest.
"We make a pretty good team," I moan into the kiss inspiring her head to just nod along, never wanting to break apart our kiss.
XXXXXXXXX
"What the hell is taking them so long?" I grunt while my feet continue to pace across the small hospital section, closed off by only a curtain.
"Hospitals always take this long," Regina answers with extra snip in her tone, clearly insinuating that we could have been finished by now if we would have went to Fiona's office instead.
I bite down on the inside of my lip, my eyes drifting toward Regina who is sitting elegantly in the corner with Noah upon her lap. The uncomfortable tension is so evident in her frame by the way she's clinging to our son like he's her life line to keep her from falling apart. My heart aches to feel her comfort once again, my fingers tingle to hold her close and relieve our worries like we once did as a couple.
"Sutton Swan-Mills?" A young male nurse questions as he makes his appearance around the curtain. He must be in his early twenties and quite handsome with his jet black hair and bright blue eyes, instantly drawing out a blush across our daughter's cheeks.
Sutton straightens her posture and attempts to pretend that she isn't in any pain at all. "Yes," she softly replies while she fights against the smile spreading wide across her lips.
"Hi, I'm Derek and I was wondering if you would accompany me for a ride this evening?" The nurse playfully inquires while pulling up a wheelchair next to her hospital bed, generating a deeper shade of pink against her pale cheeks.
"Uh, sure...why not," she replies with a shy shoulder shrug.
"Someone finally rendering that big mouth of yours speechless, huh Sut?" Henry teases earning himself a rough punch to his bicep from his younger sister. "Ow, dude," he mindlessly rubs his upper arm while the nurse helps Sutton into her wheelchair.
"Knock it off you two," I groan.
The nurse Derek, chuckles to himself before he turns his attention toward Regina and I. "We will be back in about twenty minutes," he informs us and then wheels Sutton away with barely a goodbye from my ex and I.
"Henry, do you always have to tease your sister like that?" Regina scolds the moment our family is left alone in our private curtain space.
"I was just joking."
"You see that she's in pain, you couldn't just let that one go?" Regina continues to reprimand our son, inspiring an involuntary groan to stir in my throat because I know our oldest will proceed to argue with her.
Henry has always been strong willed, just like Sutton. As lovable as our son can be, he's just as defiant with a smart tongue. He reminds me so much of Regina with his stubborn attitude, it drives me absolutely mad sometimes. He's more Regina's son than Neal and I combined.
"You knew this game was important for her, you couldn't just leave your girlfriend behind," he spits in pure disgust as he leans against the wall, his eyes floating toward the ceiling because he knows damn well he will be in trouble for that remark.
"Henry, Fiona is not-"
"This isn't the time nor place for this discussion," I quickly intervene, folding my arms across my chest to keep my erratic heartbeat in control. I hate these conversations more than anything in this world.
"No Emma," Regina quickly stands tall, forcing Noah off her lap and stalking toward me with fire burning in her eyes. "Now is the time." The brunette assertively steps closer toward Henry until she is standing directly in front of him, trapping him against the wall. "Listen to me Henry, I understand that this is hard for you and your siblings, but I will not allow you to disrespect me. Fiona is not my girlfriend," at that statement I have to physically strain myself not to roll my eyes because I know. She may not be the girlfriend, but we all know she keeps my wife's bed warm at night when Regina's lonely. "She's a colleague, but if your mother and I decide to date other people you will not be disrespectful, do I make myself clear?"
Henry's eyes stay glued to the ceiling, refusing to meet his mother's stern gaze. His pointed chin wobbles recklessly and I know those tears are lingering awfully close. He firmly presses his lips together to fight back his emotions and finally meets his mother's eyes.
"No."
"Excuse me?"
My eyes dart around the room to find Harper's eyes wide in fear and Noah's eyes flicking back and forth between his mother and brother with great curiosity.
"I said no. No, you don't make yourself clear. I will not respect Fiona. I hate her and I know mom, I know," he growls and stands a little taller. "I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not going to pretend that her presence doesn't hurt mom."
"Henry-" I breathe out, slightly embarrassed of what my son might spill about our home life.
"No," he shakes his head and glares at Regina with nothing but hate pulsating in his eyes.
"Henry, you are still a child. You are still our child and as much as our decision not to be together effects you, it's still none of your business," Regina strictly declares, her nose pushing further into our son's personal space.
"It is my business, because you aren't there. You're never there, you never were. You never saw what I saw-"
"Henry, stop!" I coldly command, instantly snapping my son's mouth shut and causing everyone to jump slightly in the room. I have never been the strict disciplinarian, that was always Regina's expertise, but when I raise my voice my children know I mean business. "Enough. We are not doing this right now. Henry take your siblings down to the cafeteria, cool off."
"But Mom-"
"No buts, move," I demand inspiring Harper to jump to her feet. She takes Noah's hand in hers and escorts him out from behind the curtain, Henry stomping his feet closely behind.
Regina runs a quivering hand through her hair and pulls out her hair tie in the process. She shakes out those free tresses and groans out all her frustrations toward our son. My ex grips the back of her neck and stares aimlessly at the ceiling and I know she's fighting back tears, but I can't find the strength to soothe her worries. That's just not who we are anymore. I'm not even sure if I know that woman that stands before me today.
So, Regina paces in thick silence while I nervously pick at the hem of my shirt, avoiding her eyes like the plague. The awkward tension is palpable and growing rapidly with each second the ticks against the clock. I've never heard silence this loud before and I beg for our daughter to return from her X-rays.
Regina is the first to speak up through the deafening silence. "I'm tired of Henry's constant back talking."
"Yeah well...he's hurting."
"He seems to believe this divorce is all my fault," she insinuates, demanding my full attention and forcing my eyes to finally meet hers.
"Is it not?" I challenge, one eyebrow slowly crawling high against my forehead.
"Oh don't start Emma," she exasperates and shakes her head furiously. "You're the one-"
"Alright, were back!" Derek cheerfully interjects, pushing Sutton through the curtain in her wheelchair. "The Doctor should be in any moment. How about I help you onto the table Sutton?" He politely offers creating another blush to break against my daughter's cheeks while she shyly nods.
"Thank you Derek," Regina kindly states while the nurse helps Sutton onto the table.
"No problem, good luck Sutton," he smiles brightly showing off all his white pearly teeth before disappearing behind the curtain once again.
"You guys are fighting again," our daughter deadpans with the infamous Mills' eye roll and reaches for her sore ankle once more.
"No sweetie, we're fine," Regina assures her and moves to comfort our spunky teen.
"Yeah, right. Whatever, where is the rest of the family?"
"They went down to the cafeteria for something to eat," I explain and shove my hands into my front pockets feeling the tension between Regina and I slowly suffocating my limbs.
Regina and I never fought in front of our children, not once during our sixteen years of marriage. We always made it a point to hide our problems and keep up a happy home until one night everything came crashing down around us. I'm fairly confident the night Regina and I called it quits, our children were outside our door listening to every word. That night haunts all of us and replays like a broken record every night before I go to bed.
"Sutton Swan-Mills?" A cool voice booms sternly into the room as the curtain whips open. "Doctor Mills."
"Good evening Doctor Belfrey," Regina instantly greets her former mentor and I scoff under my breath from the improper name. She's still Swan-Mills.
My eyes flick toward the older woman and I must say, Doctor Belfrey did not age well. Puffy bags are drooping below her tired raccoon eyes with deep lines etched into her pale face. Her hair is almost all grey now and in dire need of a style and I can't help but think this is in Regina's near future if she doesn't slow down at work.
"Well my my my, where has time gone?" The older woman questions as her eyes take in our daughter. "You look just like your mother," she comments and flashes a smile in my direction.
"I get that a lot," Sutton grumbles and rolls her big green eyes.
"And your other mother's personality I see," she mocks before she turns her attention toward her clipboard. "Well I reviewed your X-ray and luckily it's just a bad sprain."
"Oh good. When can I play volleyball again?"
"Slow down, I believe your mother will agree when I say at least four weeks," Belfrey firmly instructs with her beady eyes narrowed pointedly.
"What? Mom, please no. State is in two weeks. I didn't just win that game for nothing!" Our daughter hastily complains.
"I'm sorry sweetie," Regina softly coos as she delicately runs her fingers across our daughter's forehead. "You don't want to mess up that ankle so you can't play ever again, do you? You have three more years of high school to play."
"Sutton it's for the best," I agree to stay on the same page as parents and appear as a united front, even though that's hardly the case.
"This is so unfair," she gripes and folds her arms across her chest. "I got my team to state, I deserve to play!"
"Life is unfair," I spit without truly processing my words. My eyes suddenly flick toward Regina who is watching me closely. I shake my head and hastily turn my attention toward Belfrey. "So crutches for the time being?"
Belfrey explains what I need to do while Regina comforts our daughter, already knowing what needs to be done. Soon we gather our stuff and our children, walking slowly to the car in silence so Sutton can adjust to the crutches.
I unlock my van and notice the children are awkward lingering between mine and Regina's SUV. I spin around on my heels and gesture for the kids to climb inside.
"Uh...it's Friday night," Noah whispers mostly to himself. I flinch from his words, realizing I was so caught up in everything I completely forgot it's not my night.
"Momma?" Sutton softly whispers and I know already she's about to ask something big, because the kids haven't called Regina 'momma' since they were very little, unless their temperatures are very high. "Can I go home with mom tonight? I just want to be in my own bed."
Whether Regina's heart is cracking painfully into thousands of little pieces, she does one hell of a job masking her emotions. She inhales sharply and musters up her fakest smile before she nods curtly. Sutton's eyes quickly flick toward her sister, who is nervously swaying beside her.
"Can I stay with Sutton?" Harper weakly requests while she fiddles with her zipper on her jacket.
"Of course baby girl," Regina smiles through her glossy eyes so I busy myself because I could never stand to see that woman cry.
I hold out my hand and help my daughter into the van with Harper on the other side to help with her crutches. My heart hammers in my chest because I know what's to come and I'm fairly confident Regina does as well.
"Yeah...ummm..." Henry begins awkwardly.
"You can all stay home tonight, it's fine," Regina agrees, but I know in her heart it's not fine. I know she's dying on the inside and she would give anything to take care of Sutton tonight like she always does when our babies are sick or hurting.
"Hey mom?" Sutton calls out to Regina as Noah climbs into the back row and Henry jumps into the front seat. Regina hums softly, probably too terrified to use her voice out of fear from her emotions bubbling over. "Can you maybe come by the house tonight?"
My face falls as I lay Sutton's crutches down on the floor of the vehicle. A cold shiver runs down my spine as sheer panic explodes through my mind.
"Oh um..." Regina trails off so I take a chance and peek over my shoulder to gauge her reaction. Those damn alluring eyes trap me in that same spell I fell for all those years ago and my head nods in agreement without my proper consent. My eyes flutter close as I hear Regina whisper, "sure sweetie."
"Great," my daughter breathes out all her apprehension about her request and slumps back into her seat. "Thanks, moms."
My lips press together in a tight lipped smile as Regina and I nod politely and I close the back door. I jiggle my car key in my hand nervously and attempt to breathe through my anxiety of having Regina in our home again after nine long months. Of course she stops by to pick up or drop off the kids, but she only lingers in the foyer, never stepping foot across the entryway and always ringing the doorbell. Ringing a doorbell to a home in which she purchased, a home she choose for our family to grow in. A home she swore was our forever home.
"So...I'll...see you at...the house," I stammer as too many emotions swarm through my tired brain.
"Of course," she smiles politely and nods curtly before stepping backwards toward her car. I breathe out an awful, uncomfortable smile and shuffle backwards as well until I reach the driver's side of the van.
I softly close the door behind me and start my engine, my head hanging low as I try to breathe through my anguish.
"You okay ma?" Henry softly whispers, his head hanging just as low to meet my eyes.
"Yup," I lie to my son's face and pull out of our parking spot, ready to get this night over with.
XXXXXXXXX
We enter the home we once shared for the first time together in nine months. Regina was the one that found this place after we discussed having more children when Henry was born. We knew we wanted three children, but Harper and Sutton being twins really threw us for a loop, but like the love sick puppy I was for Regina, I wanted more babies with the woman.
At first, I hardly noticed Regina's long hours because I myself was busy. I had a newborn constantly in my arms while chasing around twin girls that Henry constantly insisted on riling up just to annoy them. As Noah grew and the three older ones where in school, I noticed just how lonely my life had become. Not in every aspect, because I still had Belle, Ruby and Ivy as friends, but the attention I craved was from my wife.
That's when I noticed her extended work hours and the added day because her practice was just growing so popular. Ivy and Regina constantly held benefits for children in need and soon their patient list was booming. Everyone wanted to bring their children to Regina and Ivy and neither pediatrician wanted to push their patients off on other doctors when they specifically came to see them.
Soon, their office hours were from nine in the morning until five thirty at night, which would be fine, if Regina came home after that. The two doctors would stay late, filling out proper forms from their busy days, ordering supplies and preparing for the next hectic day. Regina even opened her office on Saturday's which just meant less time for me, because when she was available, all that free time was devoted toward our children, which I can't complain about.
"Uh, you can help Sutton upstairs if you'd like," I timidly offer while all of us remove our shoes in the entry way.
"Sure," she nervously agrees and I watch as her mind works on autopilot to place her white, comfortable, doctor shoes where she always set them down when she entered our home for fifteen years.
I swallow thickly and quickly avert my eyes so I don't drown in the longing for my life I so desperately want back. I clear my throat and find something to distract myself with.
"Noah, why don't you head on up and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a few minutes," I suggest while all my children watch me like I'm some sort of animal at an exhibit.
"Okay mom," he mumbles and climbs the stairs two at a time, most likely wanting to remove himself from this awful situation we have found ourselves in.
Not one person says anything before my kids all climb the stairs, Regina and Harper helping Sutton every step of the way. Luckily my phone begins to ring to distract me from the torture climbing my stairs right now. I slip my phone from my back pocket and answer without checking the caller as I make my way toward the laundry room to busy myself.
"Hello."
"Emma dear," Cora gushes into the phone and instantly I suck in a cold, icy breath. "How are you?"
"Uh...I'm..." I glance over my shoulder at the bottom of my staircase and sigh heavily. "I'm alright."
"You don't sound alright. How was Sutton's game?" Just the corner of my mouth deepens from this wonderful woman and her constant attention she proves for my children.
"Well, she killed it," I confess and begin loading the washing machine. "She was fantastic, she served six times in a row, untouched, but then game point it was back and forth. She spiked the ball and won the game, but she landed on her ankle wrong and we ended up in the emergency room tonight to make sure nothing was broken."
"Oh my goodness, please tell me my little girl is alright," Cora gasps and I cannot help the smile this woman brings to my face.
"Yes, she's alright," I pour the laundry detergent in and softly close the lid. I spin around on my heels and lean against the rumbling machine. "Just a sprain, she should be just fine."
"Well that's wonderful to hear my dear. Listen Emma, I don't think we will be able to make Christmas this year."
"What? Why?"
"Well beside the fact that Henry and I are just old now, but my lovely husband hasn't been doing so well lately," she sadly responds causing my back to stiffen out of fear.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing, nothing to worry about. I just don't think it's wise for us to travel like we used to."
"Well maybe we can come there," I suggest and fold my arms across my chest to keep away the ache in my heart from missing the older couple. "It's been a long time..."
"Too long my dear, Noah was four the last time you came to Sicily," she sternly accuses and there goes the last piece holding my heart together. I deflate out of shame and disgust.
What happened to my life?
"Really? He was four? Ugh, that's terrible," I groan and squeeze my eyes shut to block out reality, only focusing on her warm soothing voice.
"I bet my boy doesn't even speak Italian? And what about the girls, do they still remember?"
I groan and shake my head. "Truthfully? I have no clue."
"Emma!"
"I'm sorry, life sort of...got in the way," I weakly defend feeling like a scolded child all over again. "But now I think more than ever the kids and I should come visit."
"I think you should as well my dear."
"Sorry for interrupting," Regina's timid voice startles my eyes wide open, causing me to jump against the machine. "Sorry," she apologizes again when my eyes meet hers. "Did you need any help with the laundry?" She shyly questions as her eyes drift to the pile behind me.
"Is that my daughter?" Cora interferes, her voice becoming awfully serious.
"Yes," I reply into the phone and beg my eyes to peel away from my ex lingering in the doorway, but I can't find the strength.
"Tell her that I have been trying to get ahold of her," Cora coldly remarks.
"Your mother said she's been trying to get ahold of you."
"I know," she bows her head in shame and shakes all those raven tresses that my fingers itch to run through and my nose craves to inhale the warm familiar scent. "I've been busy."
"She's busy," I deadpan producing a sorrowful sigh from my ex.
"I don't give a damn, I am her mother!" Cora screams into the phone, loud enough I have to pull the device away from my ear and there's no doubt in my mind Regina heard her infuriated mother.
Regina leans into the phone, her eyes casted down toward the floor. "I'll call you tomorrow morning mother."
"You better young lady!"
"Mother I'm forty-four years old," she lazily replies.
"I don't care if you're eighty-four!"
"Alright, alright, I will call you tomorrow."
"Good. Emma?"
"Yeah, I'm here," I mumble into the phone and place the device against my ear again.
"I'll speak with you soon. Have a nice evening," she taunts, knowing damn well my night will be filled with horrendous awkward silences, uncomfortable longing looks and confused feelings.
"I'll speak with you soon, ma. I love you." She expresses the same loving goodbyes before I hang up my phone and shove it into my back pocket.
"I didn't mean to intrude, I helped Sutton into bed and then came back down because I just..." she stops dead in her tracks and nervously tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, the most endearing gesture ever.
I know. I know all too well what she's thinking. She believes she's not welcome in this house anymore and that her presence is a nuisance in my eyes. I swallow down that sick feeling of uncertainty and fake my best smile.
"It's fine," I wave off the insinuation and clutch nervously onto the edge of the shaking washing machine.
"Would you like some help?" She nods toward the pile again and just like that my body shudders from her close proximity.
"Oh...no, it's fine. I got it."
"I don't mind-"
"No it's fine Regina," I quickly reject the offer, reminding myself we were just about to argue not even an hour ago in the hospital before we were interrupted.
"Alright, maybe I should go," she implies and my heart plummets.
I hate so much how indecisive my heart and mind are. As much as I want her gone and out of my life, I find myself constantly drawn to her. Always pleading in my mind for her to stay and never leave me again while begging that she just leaves my mind for good.
"Okay," I mutter and push off the washing machine to walk her to the door.
"Emma," she quickly spins around on her heels, almost bumping into me, but I'm quick to take a step back. There's a look of dread in her eyes and I know she's either going to start a fight or stall for whatever reason. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For allowing me to come over tonight," she kindly replies with a hint of hope glistening in her eyes.
"Well it was your night," I mumble and watch as her face falls inspiring my head to cock to the side in confusion.
"Right." My ex lingers in the doorway not once making an attempt to move, but I can't be this close and not have her in my arms.
"I'll walk you to the door," I offer and brush passed her, her lavender familiar scent wafting passed me and melting my heart just like the first week we met.
We walk in dead silence, our feet padding across the hardwood floors. Hardwood floors that Regina remodeled a few years ago, because the previous flooring was scuffed and painted with memories from our children growing up. Deep indents, scratches and stains all things that make up life are now gone from our sight.
I watch carefully as Regina bends down and sits at the bottom of the staircase just as she always did to tie her work shoes every morning. I have to bite down on my bottom lip to stop any tears from forming. I remember so vividly how I would stand in this very position watching her tie her shoes each morning while I waited with her coffee in my hand and the children would be putting on their shoes as well before school. I would hand her the thermos, kiss her goodbye and watch them all leave together for their day.
When did I stop making her coffee in the morning?
"Emma," she softly whispers tearing my mind away from the past.
"Hmm?"
"Will you bring the children over tomorrow? If they are up for it?" She nervously questions as she gazes into my eyes.
"Yeah, of course. They will come, all four," I mindlessly reply, too overwhelmed by my current emotions crashing into my body.
"Okay, have a nice night."
"You too," I mutter and softly close the door behind my ex.