I feel a little regretful of my last posting; I was so riled up I didn't even proof read, nor did I take into account that other people are actually going to read my rant - I guess I was a little selfish, so here is a much better version of "if Only" that I'm doing seriously, not just throwing it out (something I said last time I hate, but then did) without being a self-absorbed, sympathy hunting annoyance that would irritate me if I was reading. I hope this is better, and I have some sincere thank-you messages at the end of this.
If Only; Improved
The waves moved slowly across the sand like the minimal clouds across the sky, taking tiny rocks and granules with them in their backwash before relaying them further down the beach. Kakashi sat quietly, legs spread and a brunette and tan-skinned man sitting between them. Said man's hair, normally in a pony-tail high on his head, was down around his shoulders covering his neck from the heated glare of the sun, and providing a soft pillow for Kakashi to rest his pointed chin on. The loose tendrils of Iruka's hair were holding his un-masked face in a relaxed embrace similar to the one Iruka's hand had on his knees, the other painting in the hot sand. They both watched as the water changed the beach around them; shaped it in its own visions.
The pale and long hands of Kakashi's ran up a tanned chest, rubbing firmly up and down in the summer's sun; enjoying the feel of the skin under his fingers and the muscles dancing under dark skin with ticklish nerves. He curled his fingers around prominent hips; arms crossing over the smaller chest of the man under his chin to pulled Iruka into him.
A chocolate laugh erupted around the empty beach as the teacher was pulled to a pale chest, pressed close, and then a neck coated with brown hair was nuzzled by the larger who acted as his chair. Kakashi's name was called out as he rolled the smaller onto the sand, said smaller kicking and laughing as though it would make a difference. He caught both roaming hands in his own golden ones; his syrupy skin glistening as he escaped from his lover and eloped with the sudden breeze into the centre of the beach, edging towards the blue-tinted ocean.
They fought like children, running from one another like fools and leaving squashed and spread footprints on the milky sand, some large and others modest.
He caught Iruka near the warming sea, throwing them both into the foamy water and capturing moist lips in his; allowed to begin playing with tongue and with teeth as a prize. His eyes closed in bliss as he sampled and consumed the many tastes Iruka offered to him so willingly; as he failed to withhold a moan from the return of his heated and passionate lip-lock.
His eyes fluttered open, mismatched in red and blue unlike his loves dark, glossy and hot coffee orbs. He regarded the empty, cold side of the bed next to him with tired eyes and resisted the sudden urge to call out in frustration - then to sob into his pillow. His hand unconsciously travelled the pillow, heatless, and down to the centre of his mattress, icy from the lack of a body that should be there. Going under the haphazard covers, he caressed the mattress where a tanned chest should be- - where the bronze body should be arching and humming with delight under his callous fingers. He continued through the dim morning, like there was a person there, like he was caressing his lover.
If only.
I can only offer my greatest appreciation towards JaketheDog33, tazicat12 and CallMeButLove, who have sent me the greatest reviews I've ever received. I hold respect for all of you, and have written a message for each of you below;
To JaketheDog33 ((fantastic adventure time screen name by the way)), thank-you for actually going over to my fiction press; it made me feel incredibly proud and it restored my faith (How tacky) in the Fanfiction reader, because you are clearly a very genuine, concerned and kind person and are not anything like my current view on the Yaoi-reader (presuming that's what you are), at all. I wish you luck if you ever post, and I wish you luck in general as a reader of fanfiction; I hope we can collaborate or talk, or something.
To tazicat12, as you can probably tell I've already taken your advice into account; I've stolen a tiny bit of your recommendations in your PM, such as the use and positioning of words. I really appreciate you spending you time to rewrite my fail at a drabble. It was something no one has done for me, and it was extremely useful. You were very through in your comments, which is far better than any reviews I've gotten which are simply "you've don't his wrong" or "nice story I love this character" without advice for help. I've already sent you a PM, so I don't want to repeat myself anymore.
To CallMeButLove, I'm very honoured you've read this even if you don't like slash- - it made me feel humbled, if anything, and you didn't vent your feelings for your dislike for this pairing or anything; it was a gentle, professional comment that this website seems to lack sometimes. You talked about my writing, not my views, and I appreciate that more than anything, because I'm a writer more than a KakaIru fan (mostly, depending on the day!).
I have to say, I've never read such a poetic review; the mentions of using a thesaurus until it's worn through was a fantastic image and very powerful motivation, and I can tell just from you review you must be a fantastic author. I'm going to read your stories when I have time; you're in my bookmarks!
Much respect and gratitude,
Vay.