"WHAT?! Don't be stupid, Hatake."
Kakashi sighed as he read the paper Shizune was holding up, shifting his eyes back over to Tsunade to see that she was clearly angry. He had tested out a few theories that had been rolling around his mind for a while, waited for a day when Sakura went in for a double shift at the hospital, and then run to the Hokage office without a second thought. No one was supposed to know about his condition outside of a handful of people, so naturally he had come in through the window instead of using the main door.
"With all due respect, I'm not being stupid. It's been more than two months and my hearing has shown no signs of coming back or improving. There's no telling how long it will take for it to fix itself, or if it ever will, and I don't want to bother Sakura any longer than I already have. At this point, it would be more beneficial for me to start trying to learn how to live on my own without my hearing than it would to be watched over all the time until it returns."
Tsunade opened her mouth as if she was about to yell at him before stopping herself. A frown tugged on her lips as she turned to Shizune, relaying a message for her to show him. Kakashi was eternally grateful for this; Tsunade had horrible handwriting and he may have never been able to understand what she was trying to communicate if she'd been the one writing the messages.
"Sakura volunteered to let you stay with her as long as it was necessary, even if it took years. Her words, not mine."
Kakashi frowned at that. He knew that in all likeliness, Sakura was probably feeling guilty for asking to bring him along with her on the mission that had caused everything. It'd had a high probability of just being another genjutsu, and even without the sharingan he was one of the best in the village at dispelling them along with Sakura, which was why she had specifically requested him. She'd most likely offered such a long amount of time because she felt responsible for his current condition, even though a small voice in the back of his mind wanted it to be for other reasons.
His frown deepened at that last train of thought, and he quickly reminded himself of why he was here to begin with.
"There are... other reasons that I do not want to go into. Sakura is a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. I'm aware that a lot of her friends are married now, and some are even trying for children. I don't want her to be unable to find someone because there's an old man at her apartment all the time. Surely you understand and want the same for her?"
Tsunade and Shizune shared a knowing look, and Kakashi could have sworn that they smiled at each other meaningfully before beginning to discuss something.
"How will you take care of yourself?"
"I tested out a few theories recently and discovered that my shadow clone is still able to hear things," Kakashi started, knowing that he had captured their attention by the way Tsunade's eyebrow quirked upwards and Shizune's eyes widened ever so slightly. "While I am at home and awake, I'll have one of my ninken out to alert me of anything that may require my clone's hearing. I will only keep my clone out while I sleep to save on chakra, unless I need him to run errands or go out and get food. In the meantime, I'll start teaching myself sign language."
Kakashi watched as Tsunade frowned, a thoughtful expression taking over her features. He knew that his plan was sound and that they would be unable to argue against it, no matter how much they wanted to have a medic with him at all times. When he saw Tsunade sigh and start relaying information to Shizune, he knew he had won.
Or at least he thought he had, until he realized that Shizune was writing down a lot more than he expected. He was surprised when she handed the paper over to him to read, but quickly understood when he realized that it was completely covered in small writing.
"Sakura will be checking up on you every day, and will be allowed to stay for as long as she wants. If you ask her to leave, she is allowed to deny the request. She will be checking your chakra levels to make sure you're not overusing your clone, and if you start running low enough to be considered risky, you will return to her apartment. If you argue with her because you think she is staying over for too long, you will also end up back at her apartment. This time, your stay there will last until she deems you fit to live alone again, even if that day never comes."
Kakashi felt his mouth gape open as he stared at the words and read them over twice. The fact that arguing over her staying longer than necessary would cause him to lose his freedom seemed especially superfluous. He opened his mouth to ask about why there were so many conditions, but as he looked up he saw that Tsunade had her finger pointed to the paper and was circling it as if telling him to turn it over. He did just that and let out an exasperated sigh at the words written on the back of the paper.
"Because I said so."
There was nothing he could really say to argue that against his Hokage, so Kakashi just nodded his head and muttered that he understood and accepted the conditions. He handed the paper back to Shizune before walking toward the window, ignoring the way that both of the women seemed to be smirking to themselves. Kakashi opened the thick window pane and took a moment to feel the breeze on the bits of his face that were exposed before jumping and setting out across the rooftops.
He would have to start packing his stuff the moment he returned to Sakura's apartment so that he could be ready to leave after she came home for the night. He knew that she would be disappointed and would probably ask him to stay at least one more night, but if he wanted to keep their relationship from warping any more than it already had, even one more night was dangerous. He didn't want to leave her at all, which was exactly why he had to do it sooner rather than later.
Kakashi couldn't help but wonder exactly how strong Sakura actually was without enhancing her strength with chakra, just as he'd been doing all week. The back of his neck still ached from when she'd smacked him upside the back of his head after he'd revealed that he was leaving her apartment. He'd barely had enough time to stop her from hitting him again before he tried to calmly explain why he'd made the deal with Tsunade.
At first she had been hurt, far more than he'd expected, but had quickly tried to cover it up with understanding when he'd explained that he needed some semblance of a normal life. He couldn't rely on her forever, and had to start accepting the fact that maybe his hearing wouldn't return. She'd looked like she was about to say something, but instead ducked her head and said that she understood.
It'd been a week since Kakashi had returned to his apartment, and he found himself missing Sakura more than he thought he would. He threw himself into learning sign language and reading the books he'd started at her place, but that didn't stop him from missing her presence any time he wasn't keeping his mind focused on something else. When he woke up, the first thing he thought of was how he missed waking up surrounded by her scent. When he ate meals alone, he would find himself making enough tea for both of them without noticing until it was too late. Then there were moments like these, where he'd take a break from studying and reading to watch the streets of Konoha from his living room window. He knew that subconsciously he was always looking out for a dash of pink, always searching for her, and was always disappointed when the pink turned out to be some child's clothing or something else that was distinctly not Sakura.
At this point, he knew that there was no point in denying his feelings for Sakura. He'd come to accept them for what they were, but if anyone could quash their own emotions for the sake of someone else's happiness, it was him. He had decided that he would never let her know how he felt, would never allow himself to even give the feelings a proper name, because he would never let himself ruin their newly strengthened friendship. He would watch from the sidelines as she moved on with her life, and he knew that she would blossom once she had let him go, just as she had when she'd accepted Tsunade as her teacher in his place. Her life was meant to be spent separately from him, and he would never do anything to jeopardize her happiness.
Suddenly, he noticed a flash of pink on the street below him and felt his eyes shift to look at it immediately. It was a woman who looked to be about his age with mousey brown hair and dark green eyes, holding a light pink purse that was almost an exact replica of the color of Sakura's hair. He almost looked away, but then his eyes caught the man she was clinging onto desperately, and he felt something inside of him stir as he recognized him as one of Sakura's exes.
There was a period of time after the war where Sakura had tried dating, before deciding that she was too busy at the hospital and with missions; he knew that she had temporarily given up on finding someone, but he couldn't blame her.
The first guy had been a notorious playboy in the civilian district and when Sakura had found out, she'd nearly hospitalized the guy. Luckily for her, she'd found him outside of Kakashi's apartment, and he'd arrived just in time to keep her from shattering every bone in the man's body.
The second guy, however, had broken her. It had taken Kakashi and all of her friends months to get her to laugh again, and he knew that the guy standing below him on the street right now had been the reason. Kakashi glared at the wedding band on the man's left hand before shifting his eyes to the inky black hair covering the back of his head. His fingers tightened their grip on the pebble he'd been playing with idly as he remembered the night Sakura had found out that Akahito was married.
The streets were silent as the rain poured down, basking everything in an eerie glow. Kakashi wandered through the resturant and bar district, his feet slapping the pavement with a wet slap every with every step he took. The bars had yet to close down, and the sounds of roudy ninja could be heard from almost a mile away.
Kakashi rounded the corner, his eyes catching sight of a pink blob in the middle of the road. He was confused at first but as he stepped closer, he realized that the pink blob was a human. Not just any human, either, but Sakura. Suddenly, his feet had carried him to where she crouched on the ground in a puddle, her arms covering the back of her head as if it would protect her from the rain. He placed his hand on her shoulder, his frown deepening when he realized how cold she was. She didn't respond to his touch and instead stayed where she was, silent and shivering.
"Sakura?"
Her head whipped around abruptly, the movement appearing too fast for her to handle at the moment as she started to fall backward into the puddle she had taken residence in. With a swift motion, he grabbed her and pulled her back to her previous position, his frown deepening as he finally smelled the alcohol. He took in her dilated pupils, the flush on her cheeks and the way she seemed barely coherent, and realized belatedly that she was drunk. Sakura never got drunk. Tsunade had taught her better, had taught her to metabolize the alcohol in her body before it had a chance to affect her, yet here she was crouched in a puddle at night in the middle of a rain storm, more drunk than he had ever seen her before.
"Sakura, what are you doing?" Kakashi asked cautiously as he kept her steady even as she threatened to tip backward again.
"Mmm, Kakashi? Why are you here?" Sakura asked, a frown on her lips as she gazed upward, not really looking at him, but instead in his direction.
Kakashi thought about his options, and ruled out asking her more questions about what she was doing. If there was anything he had learned over the years, it was that you should never ask a drunk person too many questions if you actually wanted a proper answer.
"I'm here to take you home," He replied. It was apparently the wrong thing to say though, because suddenly Sakura burst into tears and lowered her head again as if trying to hide from the world. He ran through his options again before finally deciding that he had no choice but to take her back to his place. He couldn't leave her in the middle of the street drunk in the rain, and he told her as much.
"Kakashi I can't do thaaaat," Sakura whined, pouting her lips childishly. "I have a boooyfriend."
"You're only going to sleep," Kakashi replied, grabbing her by the arms and pulling her up to stand on her feet. He noticed that she seemed confused, as if she hadn't quite registered the fact that she was standing.
Without saying another word, Kakashi wrapped her small arm around his waist and began leading her in the direction of his apartment. If she had burst into tears at the thought of going home, then there was probably something there that she didn't want to deal with. She was drunk enough that she would likely just pass out for the night, so he didn't think much on his decision as he slowly led her away from the bar district.
When they reached his apartment, Kakashi threw the door open and took Sakura to the living room, letting her sit on the couch as he went to get her some aspirin and water. He handed the water to her and urged her to take the medicine before taking her shoes and coat off. Her boots were placed by the entrance with his, and he hung her coat to dry behind the front door. Kakashi returned to the living room, only to see her curled into a ball on his couch crying harder than she had been earlier.
He hesitated. They had never really been that close before, but after the war they'd become something akin to friends, especially since he'd stopped her from beating up some civilian in front of his apartment. He watched for a few moments as she hugged a couch pillow and sobbed before he sighed and sat down beside her, lifting one arm as if to let her know that if she wanted to she could cry on his shoulder. She flung herself at him without a second thought at a speed that should have been impossible for someone as inebriated as she was.
Kakashi didn't know how long they stayed there, with her crying on his chest and him just holding her and occasionally rubbing small circles on her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. After a while, she started lurching uncomfortably as if she was going to throw up, and he managed to quickly run them into his bathroom and had her head above the bowl of his toilet while holding her hair back just in time to escape the potential disaster.
After she had gotten rid of everything in her stomach, she collapsed onto the cold tile of his floor and started shaking as her sobs returned, much less violent this time. Kakashi stayed by her side, rubbing her back gently and letting her cry until she felt better.
"I lied earlier. I'm sorry," Sakura whispered, her throat hoarse as she choked out her words.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't have a boyfriend. Not anymore," Sakura replied, hanging her head low.
Kakashi frowned as he thought back to earlier that day, when he had seen Sakura with a man he'd come to know as Akahito walking the streets below his apartment together. Sakura had seemed so happy, walking with the black haired man with their fingers linked together tightly. Her smile had been so bright, so full of life as if she had never been happier.
"Thank you, Kakashi," Sakura said quietly, causing Kakashi's eyes to glance down at the woman in front of him again. Her eyes that had been so cheerful just hours ago were now filled with nothing but sadness, as if a piece of her had broken. She offered him a small, weary smile, and he found the sharp contrast to her earlier smile so jarring that the breath left his lungs. He reached forward without really thinking about it, smoothing down her hair and feeling his chest tighten at the way her already shaky smile trembled around the edges as tears began streaming down her cheeks again. It was then that Kakashi vowed to watch over her, the way he should have watched over her when she was still his student. He may have ignored her back then in favor of his two male students, but he would make up for it now by making sure no one else could hurt her this badly ever again.
Kakashi's attention was snatched away from his memories when he felt the pebble he'd been clutching leave his fingers. He blinked with surprise for a moment before looking down to the street, realizing that he had thrown the pebble at the back of Akahito's head with the precision of an elite ninja. He watched as the man held the back of his head and looked around angrily for the person who had thrown something at him. For a moment, Kakashi debated hiding behind his wall or looking away to feign innocence, but then he remembered the broken smile Sakura had worn that night. He remembered the months it had taken to get her to laugh again, remembered how she had been an empty shell of herself for so long after she'd discovered that he was married, and he felt his blood heat up as he instead stared directly at where Akahito stood.
When Sakura's ex finally looked up to where Kakashi stood, his face visibly paled. Kakashi felt a small tinge of pride at this, glad for once that his reputation made him well known even among the civilians. With a small smirk of his lips underneath his mask, he lifted a hand and waved at the man who was staring at him as if caught under a genjutsu. Kakashi was unable to fight the chuckle that rose in his chest at the way the man immediately turned around and walked away briskly. The woman who had been clinging to Akahito glanced up at Kakashi, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion before scurrying off to follow her companion.
Kakashi knew that his satisfaction was, at the very best, petty. He also knew that making a civilian run off in fear wasn't exactly something to be proud of, but that didn't stop the upward tilt of his lips. He would tell himself that it was for Sakura's sake, to make sure Akahito never approached her again, but deep down he knew that he just wanted to get revenge of some sort, no matter how small, on the man who had hurt the woman he'd come to care for so much.
Another month managed to pass uneventfully, with his hearing still showing no hint of returning. Kakashi had picked up sign language a lot faster than expected and was as close to fluent as he was going to get without anyone else to practice with. He'd finished reading both of the series of books he'd started at Sakura's apartment for the second time just a few days ago, and even though he'd begun training with his ninken every day for hours as well, he was still so unbelievably bored.
At first, Kakashi had been glad to be back in his apartment finally. He'd found that he could breathe a lot easier when he was surrounded by his own familiar smells, since it was easier to pretend that he wasn't affected by Sakura when he didn't have to pretend all the time.
Recently though, his feelings had started showing sometimes against his will. He often found himself watching her for just a moment too long, letting his touches linger any time they made any kind of contact, and saying the most ridiculous things that he could think of during their movies to make her laugh. He loved those moments, where her face was illuminated by the television screen as her entire body emanated the joy he had fought so hard to see again. Her smile would appear to be endless as her eyes shined with bliss, and more often than not he would find himself smiling back contentedly. Her happiness had become so important to him ever since that one night over a year ago. Sometimes it felt like seeing her smile had become something he needed to survive.
Kakashi sighed, breaking from his thoughts as he summoned his clone to keep an eye on the apartment before heading off to his small bathroom, deciding that he'd waited long enough in the day to get a shower.
Once inside the bathroom, he turned the water on and opened a new bottle of shampoo while he waited for the water to heat. Moments later he stepped inside and stood under the hot spray, letting his thoughts drift away as he scrubbed the new smell into his scalp. He felt the world melt away as the hot spray on the back of his neck soothed his body, his earlier thoughts drifting away into nothingness.
Once the water began to run cold, Kakashi turned off the spray and stepped onto the soft bath mat that had been in the apartment as long as he had lived there. He took one of his towels and dried his body off lazily before wrapping it around his hips, staring into the mirror above the sink as he debated whether or not he should shave. His stubble had grown out enough to become scratchy, but not long enough that it would poke through his mask. He shrugged to himself as he decided there was really no need to shave and grabbed a second towel, drying off his hair and face as he stepped out of the bathroom.
He was about to throw the towel resting against the lower half of his face into the hamper when he heard a small squeak from somewhere to his right. He froze in his tracks and glanced to the side, only to see Sakura standing by the entrance to his kitchen staring at him with wide eyes. One hand was by her side holding a bag with what looked like carry out food while the other was raised to her face in an attempt to cover her lips which were gaping open slightly. He didn't pay attention to the blush rushing over her cheeks or the way her eyes lingered on his body too long to be considered innocent. His eyes were instead focused on the kitchen, where his clone stood with his back to the stove, apparently so busy preparing tea for her that he hadn't bothered to disappear and warn him of her presence.
"I'll... be back in a moment," Kakashi said, keeping his voice as calm as he possibly could despite his heart fluttering wildly in his chest as he shuffled to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. If he had reacted even a second slower to her, or if she hadn't made a sound at all, he would have dropped the towel from his face and she would have finally seen everything he'd been hiding for so long. At least, he would tell himself that was the reason for his heartbeat speeding up this much. It most definitely wasn't the way her eyes had devoured him, it wasn't the way she had licked her lips unconsciously as if her mouth had gone dry, and it absolutely was not the way her eyes had darted up to lock into his with a mixture of surprise and excitement.
Kakashi did everything he could to calm down as he finished drying himself off. He forced any thoughts of Sakura's expressions out of his mind while he found some clothing to wear, taking almost no time at all to throw the long sleeved shirt on over his sleeveless shirt with the attached mask along with a random pair of underwear and a pair of sweatpants. He decided to forego socks before taking a deep breath and opening his bedroom door, peering out cautiously. Sakura was nowhere to be seen and he found himself breathing a sigh of relief before the sound of her laughter caught his ear from his living area.
Kakashi let his feet guide him to the living area where Sakura was sitting on his hardwood floor, back pressed against his couch. She was smiling gently as she drank some of the tea his clone had prepared, listening intently to some story his other self was telling her about when he'd first met his ninken. Her eyes shifted over to him in surprise when his clone suddenly popped and disappeared, but it only took her a moment to recover before her smile was directed at him once more.
"Took you long enough," Sakura said, a playful lilt to her voice as she eyed him up and down almost too quickly for him to notice.
"I couldn't find anything that matched," Kakashi replied easily as he glanced down at his clothing with fake disdain. Sakura let out a small giggle as she nodded, pretending that she understood how difficult it must have been for him despite the fact that they both knew that all of his clothing basically looked exactly the same. Kakashi smiled at her just a moment too long before heading into the small kitchen to prepare the tea they would be drinking after the movie.
"How long did you have your clone out today?" Sakura asked as she walked into the kitchen, leaning herself against the counter as she sipped from her cup.
"Between sleeping, running errands, and watching the place while I showered... Probably about six hours," Kakashi replied, shrugging his shoulders at the disapproving look he knew she would shoot him. He made sure to remain still as he felt her hand slip under his shirt, her chakra easing into him as she checked his own chakra levels. He knew that he was starting to run a little bit low after an entire month of using a shadow clone every day for hours at a time, but there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it if he wanted to keep even a small shred of freedom.
"You're doing well considering the amount of strain your body must be under constantly, but you really need at least one full nights sleep without a clone to recover your chakra levels," Sakura murmured, her eyebrows knit together in thought. "I know you're not going to come back to my apartment for just one night, and there's no way you would be able to sleep comfortably without having someone else around... So I guess that means I'll be staying here tonight."
Kakashi felt his eyes widen just enough to be noticeable as he turned to watch Sakura. She pulled her hand out from under his shirt and took a sip of tea with a small smile tugging at the edge of her lips.
"That isn't really necessary, is it?"
"No, it's definitely necessary," Sakura replied easily with a small shrug of her shoulders. "Your chakra levels are a lot lower than you probably realize, and I'm not sure how many nights you'll be able to last with your clone out before you're unable to make one. I only have to be at the hospital tomorrow for a meeting in the evening, so I'll be able to stay here until you wake up. You could probably last a few more days, but I'm working mornings every day for the next week. This is the only option, unless you would rather have Tsunade or Shizune sleep over instead."
Kakashi felt his lips automatically curl into a look of disgust as he tried to imagine how horrible it would be for either of them to sleep in his apartment instead. If Tsunade stayed over the place would undoubtedly reek of sake, and he would probably lose a few pieces of furniture when she'd inevitably get angry at him for not being able to hear her or read her handwriting. If Shizune stayed over she would probably only rest after reorganizing and cleaning the entire apartment, which meant that he would never know where any of his stuff was again. Sakura was definitely the most comfortable option, especially considering that they could actually talk to each other, but she was also the most dangerous.
"Now that it's been decided that I'm staying tonight, I'll go pick out a movie to watch after we eat," Sakura grinned triumphantly before placing her tea cup on the counter and turning on her heel. Kakashi watched the way her hips seemed to sway intentionally before shaking his head and resuming his task of measuring out the tea they would need later, rinsing out her cup as well while he was at it. He briefly thought about telling her that he would almost rather have Tsunade or Shizune stay over instead, but knew that saying it would draw too much suspicion. He would just have to deal with it for one night.
"You have a lot of new books," Sakura mused as she stood at his bookshelf, her body bent over to read the titles better. Kakashi kept his eyes firmly planted on anything but her hips as he walked back into the living area, placing two pair of chopsticks on the coffee table before sitting down on the floor. "Wait, what is this?! Why do you have these?"
Kakashi glanced up to see Sakura holding one of the books from the series he'd started at her place. He chuckled at her astonished expression, taking note of the light blush that had started flushing over her cheeks. "I wanted to know how it ended. Don't worry, I didn't steal your copies. I had my clone buy the entire series after I left your apartment."
"But there are no boobs!" Sakura squeaked, the embarrassment she obviously felt causing the blush to spread all the way to her ears.
"I can appreciate good literature even if there are no boobs, Sakura," Kakashi smirked, watching her face with feigned disinterest to hide how much he was enjoying her reactions. "A romance between men can be just as interesting to read as a romance between a man and a woman, and the actual story is rather fascinating. Palm readings, tea leaves, tarot cards; it's all very compelling."
Sakura eyed Kakashi suspiciously for a long moment before sighing, seeming to give up on understanding him as she ran a hand through her hair. She turned her back to him once again as she placed the book back where she had gotten it from. She was pretending to be unaffected, but the redness of her ears and slight tremor in her hands was more than enough to give her away.
Kakashi smiled, unable to stop himself from teasing her just a little bit more. "My favorite character is probably the siren, Jonghyun. What about you Sakura? Who's your favorite?"
Kakashi watched as Sakura's shoulders visibly tensed. Her hand stopped moving just long enough for him to know that she'd heard his question, but she didn't reply. Her hand resumed its path as she scanned the titles of the DVDs on the shelf above the books, her body no longer bent over slightly to show off her shapely backside, which Kakashi was both relieved and annoyed at.
"Taemin," Sakura replied shortly as she spun around to face him, the tone of her voice effectively ending the conversation. Kakashi chuckled to himself as he watched her insert a DVD into the player and grab the remote before sitting beside him on the floor. She didn't start the DVD yet; it had become tradition for them to eat their food first before trying to play out their own dialogue after one incident where he'd made her laugh and she'd almost choked on a noodle.
Sakura grabbed one of the containers from the bag and handed it to Kakashi before digging out her own food and moving the bag out of the way so they had more room on the table. Kakashi smiled as he realized that she had gotten him one of his favorite dishes - salt-broiled saury with rice - but his smile quickly dissipated once he realized that she'd gotten the same thing for herself. She had always made a point of pretending to gag any time he'd eaten it in front of her in the past.
Kakashi quietly ate his saury while he watched Sakura out of the corner of his eyes to judge her reaction to the food she'd hated for as many years as he'd known her. She seemed unaffected as she chewed her food easily, quirking an eyebrow in his direction as she noticed him staring. Kakashi looked pointedly at the meal she was currently eating, knowing that she would understand what he was thinking.
"My taste buds have just been strange recently, and this meal is honestly a lot healthier than anything I usually eat so I figured I would give it a try," Sakura said, shrugging her shoulders as if there was nothing suspicious about that at all.
They ate the rest of their meal in silence as Kakashi wondered once again if maybe she really had been hit with the same jutsu that had caused him to lose his hearing. If she had lost her sense of smell like he'd suspected before, it would affect her sense of taste as well. It would explain why she hadn't been able to smell the spicy food or taste it until the spice had started burning, and it would explain why she all of a sudden could handle the smell and taste of the salt-broiled saury she always hated so much. She had denied being hit with the jutsu, but something wasn't adding up.
Once they had finished eating, Sakura started cleaning up their trash while Kakashi walked into the kitchen to make the pot of tea he'd begun preparing earlier for them to drink during the movie - another tradition that had developed in the last month. It unnerved him that even after going through the effort to leave her apartment, they still managed to fall into their routines so easily. It was almost worse, he thought, to have her so comfortable in his apartment.
His apartment had never felt like home before, but had started to recently when traces of her had started showing up all over. The dishes and cups that she'd brought over so she would have something to use, the dust that was no longer collected on top of his DVD collection, her smell that lingered long after she had disappeared and had begun to mix into his scent easily. All of these things stirred something within him that made him feel as if she belonged there with him, as if she should be his. He knew that it was ridiculous because she was so much younger and his former student, and everything else that he kept reminding himself of, but he couldn't stop the feeling that rose in his chest every time she smiled for him. It was getting harder and harder to stop his feelings from taking over, and he knew that he had to find a way to convince Tsunade that he could live on his own without daily visits from Sakura before he said or did something that showed the feelings bubbling beneath the surface before it was too late.
Kakashi finished pouring the hot water into their tea pot and returned to the living area, pot of tea in one hand and two cups stacked in the other. He plopped down onto his usual spot on the floor and waited for Sakura to finish up in the bathroom. His eyes drifted to the ceiling as he leaned back on both of his arms, letting his thoughts wander until he felt the familiar vibration of Sakuras footsteps through his fingertips. Kakashi turned his head to offer her a smile, not failing to notice the way she paused at the end of the hallway. Her eyebrows were knit together, her teeth nibbling on her lower lip in what seemed to be nervousness. Kakashi had a brief moment to wonder why she seemed to be hesitating before she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, obviously having come to a decision about something.
Sakura strode over to where he sat and settled down beside him close enough that her arm brushed against his when she reached out to grab one of the cups. Kakashi frowned as he watched her pour herself some tea, catching the way her fingers shook.
When Sakura leaned back against the couch with her cup of tea resting in her hands, her arm brushed against his once again. Only this time, she didn't move away. Kakashi felt his frown deepen, taking in the way her body had yet to relax and the way her pupils were slightly more dilated than normal. She was afraid of something.
Kakashi scooted to the side a little bit so that their arms were no longer touching, watching the way Sakuras eyes widened slightly before glancing over at him. They locked eyes, and Kakashi watched as the hurt flashed across her features so quickly he thought he may have imagined it.
Sakura observed him for a moment longer before letting a nervous smile play across her lips so suddenly that it caught Kakashi off guard. Before he knew what was happening (it was because she was fast, not because he was too busy trying not to stare at her lips) she had reached over and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him back to his original spot on the floor.
"Don't make my efforts go to waste," Sakura whispered, a slight tremble to her voice. Kakashi stared at her, his mouth gaping open slightly as his mind whipped through so many questions that it made his head hurt. Before he had a chance to ask any of them though, Sakura had picked up the remote and hit play after making sure the volume was all the way down. "When was the last time you saw this movie?"
"Never."
"Hmm, it says it's about rival factions. Lots of fighting and blood and stuff," Sakura murmured as she studied the DVD box in her hands, flipping it over to the cover. "Let's just kind of go with it without giving more of a back story and see what happens."
Kakashi nodded his head in agreement before grabbing his cup of tea, leaning back against the sofa as the opening scene played out. The questions still running through his mind were quickly drowned out by the images flashing in front of him.
The opening scene began to play out with the female lead running through a bamboo forest. She was covered in blood and had at least twenty people following her, flying through the trees as if she was using chakra until she suddenly stopped when she realized that she was surrounded on all sides.
Sakura took up her voice, screaming as the actress picked up a piece of fallen bamboo from the forest floor and charged at the men in front of her. They lunged with their swords and she managed to avoid every attack, sweeping the bamboo stalk with precision to knock them back. After half of the men had been thoroughly beaten, the rest of them retreated to the edge of the forest where a man, presumably the leader based on the smug look on his face, had been overlooking the battle. After a moment the group of men escaped, leaving the woman alone in the middle of the bamboo forest, exhausted.
The rest of the movie progressed as the female lead joined up with her own group of fighters, leading them into more bloody battles where more often than not she found herself fighting against the male lead. Kakashi noticed a romance brewing between them but tried his hardest to keep the story funny to avoid any potential awkwardness. He was already acutely aware of the place on his shoulder which Sakura still hadn't moved away from.
The movie began nearing it's end, and the two leads found themselves sneaking out of their respective compounds in the middle of the night to meet each other. Kakashi assumed that they were going to be trying to make some kind of peace treaty, but also knew that his character had other ideas based on the dagger he made a point of sharpening before leaving.
The female lead arrived at the clearing in the bamboo forest first, her body still as she cautiously looked around. Then the male lead snuck up behind her and shoved the dagger against her throat, his hand shaking as he kept it from pressing deeply. She didn't react at all and instead smiled when she noticed his hesitation.
"I know how you feel about me," Sakura whispered as her character spoke. Kakashi felt his breath catch in his throat at the words she chose to say. He knew that she was just playing as her character right now, but the tone in her voice pierced him in a way that he hadn't expected. He kept his eyes focused on the TV until the camera panned to his character.
"What are you talking about?"
"We could be great together, if only you would let us."
Kakashi felt his body tense as he watched the screen, his heart beating just a little bit faster when he realized what was about to play out. His character pulled the dagger from the female leads throat and turned her around slowly. He let the blade fall to the ground, reaching up to caress her cheek as he watched her closely. Then he was leaning forward, his fingers tangling into the back of her hair as they kissed.
He tried to watch the screen, he really did, but his shoulder was burning where it was touching Sakura's. Kakashi took a deep breath and shifted his gaze to the side, instantly finding his eyes captured by Sakura's as she stared at him. There was a warm smile playing on her lips despite the hesitation in her eyes, covering up an underlying emotion that he had never seen there before.
No, he had seen it before, he had just never acknowledged it. He'd seen it when their hands had rested together on Pakkun on their first movie night, and when he'd walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel earlier that day. He'd seen it plenty of times over the last month - the first time he made her tea without her having to ask, the one time he'd offered to give her a back massage after she'd worked a full 24 hours at the hospital, when she had walked into the apartment to see him laying on the floor asleep with a book on sign language resting on his chest. Each time, there had been a softness in her gaze that anyone else would have mistaken for romantic affection, but he had decided that it was just affection for her former teacher turned friend. Until this moment, he'd been completely sure it was just the type of affection one would show for a lonely old man, not too far off from pity. Now, he found himself questioning his decision, wondering if maybe, just maybe, there really had been another type of affection hidden in her gaze.
Maybe it was the fact that the room had grown darker as the sun set. Maybe it was the way her face was illuminated by the screen, or the scene playing out in the movie right then, or maybe it was his feelings bubbling up and screaming to be noticed. Whatever the reason, Kakashi lifted his arm from it's place on his lap, his hand rising to cup Sakura's cheek gently. He watched the way she inhaled sharply, the way her eyes fluttered closed for just a second, and leaned himself forward to press their foreheads together. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to gaze into her eyes as their lips connected, wanted to make her know every feeling that had been coursing through him for months. He wanted to convey this feeling that only continued to get stronger every time they were together; he wanted to make her his.
The weight of his desires hit him like a train, causing him to finally realize exactly what he'd been about to do. He had let himself get caught up in his feelings and assume impossible things, even though he knew very well that Sakura would never look at him romantically. With concentrated effort he pulled away and stood, walking over to the hallway toward the bathroom. He needed to get away from her before he did anything to mess things up permanently.
"You can sleep in my room tonight. I'll sleep in the living area on the floor," Kakashi spoke, keeping his voice calm as he turned to face Sakura who was still sitting on the floor, her eyes wide and seemingly stunned. He offered her as much of a smile as he could muster before telling her good night and walking into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and locking it.
Kakashi slid to the floor, leaning against the door and covering his face with his hands as he tried to steady his breathing and calm his heart. He was suddenly glad that he'd forgone socks today as he felt Sakura move around his apartment through the vibrations reaching his feet through the ceramic tile. She was upset with him, if her heavy steps were any indication. He knew that he had screwed up, but he just hoped that she would notice the fact that he'd stopped himself and appreciate that.
Sakura moved through his apartment for a while before finally heading toward the hallway. Kakashi felt his breathing slow as she paused outside of the bathroom door for a long moment before finally moving toward his bedroom. She let the door to his room shut harder than necessary, and he knew that it was her way of letting him know that she was gone without having to talk to him. He waited a while longer until he heard her begin to snore before getting ready to sleep. He used the bathroom for its intended purpose and washed his hands, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror above the sink. He would hate the man he saw looking back at him right now.
Doing his best to keep quiet, Kakashi opened the bathroom door slowly and moved into the hallway. He shut the light off behind him before heading into the living area, frowning when he realized that Sakura had moved the coffee table to the side of the room to make space for him and had laid out one of the blankets from his closet along with a couch pillow in the newly open area. Kakashi wondered for a moment if maybe she wasn't that angry after all before quickly shaking that thought away, knowing that if anything she was probably too surprised to be angry yet.
With a heavy sigh, Kakashi went about getting ready to try and sleep even though he knew it would be almost impossible with the state his mind was in. The couch pillow smelled too much like her and he could hear her light snores coming from his bedroom through the door. She was there, in the same apartment, in his bed, and he had to force himself to do nothing about it.
Kakashi rolled onto his side and glared at the open DVD case on the table, trying to keep his mind focused on the piece of plastic to keep from thinking about other things. It didn't help. All he could think about was how much he wanted to go back there and pull her into his arms. He wanted to kiss her and make sure she knew how much he wanted her, how much he craved her. He wanted to run his fingers along her sides until she shuddered beneath him, whisper rough promises against her ears before moving to caress her neck with his tongue. He wanted to taste every inch of her, to envelop her, to tangle their limbs together and fill her until she moaned his name. He wanted to make her scream underneath him, make her lose herself from the feeling of him thru-
There was no way he was going to be able to sleep like this.
With a groan, Kakashi threw the blanket off of himself and strode into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of alcohol that he'd been saving for a special occasion. He wasn't sure, but he kind of assumed that preventing himself from going into his bedroom and ruining everything would be considered a special occasion.
He went through the booze quickly, not even bothering with a cup as he downed it straight from the bottle. It had been years since he'd had to drink in order to sleep, and he knew that he would regret it in the morning. He also knew that if he didn't sleep tonight, Sakura would find out because of his low chakra levels and would force herself into his apartment again, insisting as his medic that he needed to recover, and he didn't know if he would be able to handle another night like this.
Kakashi was only able to relax enough to forget his thoughts once the bottle was almost halfway gone. It was becoming increasingly impossible to focus on any one thought for too long and before he knew it he had tilted over and let his head land on the pillow. Sakura's scent surrounded him once again, the way it had when he had stayed at her apartment, and he found himself smiling as he drifted off to sleep.
"Kakashi, wake up. You need to eat something."
Kakashi tried to muster up the energy for an intelligent reply, he really did, but the only thing that escaped his vocal chords was a muffled groan. A frown tugged at the edges of his lips as Sakura let out an exaggerated groan of annoyance from what sounded like the other side of a door.
The last thing Kakashi remembered was falling asleep on the floor in the living area after having probably a little bit too much to drink, no it was definitely too much to drink... Wait, why was Sakura talking to him through a door? Why did the couch pillow feel different, and why did it smell vaguely like feet?
It took him a few moments to open his eyes wearily, finding himself confused about why he was on the bathroom floor until he remembered waking up in the middle of the night to vomit. His mask was pooled around his neck thankfully and he was suddenly grateful for the fact that he'd somehow remembered to lock the door last night before choosing to sleep on the bath mat. If Sakura was going to see his face one day, he didn't want it to be while he was passed out from drinking with drool and who knew what else running down his chin.
"Kakashi, if you don't wake up now, I'm going to open every blind and turn on every light in your apartment and then drag you into the brightest spot I can find."
This time, it only took Kakashi a few seconds to comprehend the threat being yelled at him from the hallway. He grunted a sound of acknowledgement before starting to slowly pull himself up from the floor, using the toilet seat as leverage on the way up.
Kakashi finished up in the bathroom after brushing his teeth twice and slowly ambled his way into the hallway, pulling his mask up as he tried to remember why he had drank so much the night before. He knew that he'd had trouble sleeping, and knew that it had something to do with Sakura, but why? It shouldn't have been her presence in the other room, because he was used to that from when he was staying at her apartment. The pillow had smelled enough like her to be distracting, but her scent was everywhere and unlikely to affect him so much that he needed to drink, unless something had happened to make him hyper aware of her presence.
As he made his way to the end of the hallway, he took a weary glance up into the kitchen, only to see Sakura standing there smiling at him warmly. He frowned as he felt the memories begin to slowly trickle in, and then he was hit with an image that made him stumble into the wall beside him. Right. He had almost tried to kiss her. A heavy weight settled on his chest, making it hard to breathe even as he stood leaning against the wall. He knew he was probably staring at Sakura as if she'd sprouted another head.
"Are you alright?" Sakura asked as her features morphed into an expression of genuine concern. Kakashi watched her for a moment, horrified at what he had almost done, and had to bite back the urge to run back into the bathroom and vomit again. He had almost ruined their friendship, and yet here she was being nice to him the next day as if nothing had happened. She had even cleaned up the mess he'd left in the living room the night before and had made the living area as dark as possible for him. She was always so kind to him, and he had almost betrayed her trust.
"I'm fine," Kakashi mumbled, rubbing at his throat as he realized how hard it was to speak. He shuffled into the living area and sat down on the floor, leaning his arms on the coffee table and resting his head on them. He was almost grateful for the hangover because it kept him from thinking too much about the night before.
"Here, you'll be needing this. There's more in the fridge if you feel up to it later."
Kakashi looked up to see a cup of ginger tea on the table next to what looked like an aspirin and a bowl of miso soup. He wondered where she'd gotten the ingredients for miso soup, but decided he really didn't care that much as he downed the aspirin and took a small sip of tea. Kakashi nursed the ginger tea while Sakura moved around his kitchen for a bit before disappearing down the hallway without a word. He ignored the curiosity niggling the back of his mind and instead focused on trying to keep his tea down.
By the time Kakashi felt well enough to have some of the miso soup, Sakura had reappeared from the hallway. Her hair was wet from a shower and she was wearing new clothes, making him realize belatedly that she must have left the apartment earlier to get the ingredients for the soup and also get a change of clothes from her place. He couldn't imagine why she would get a change of clothes if she was planning on leaving when he woke up, which meant that she was planning on staying with him until she had to leave for her meeting.
He was confused. By all accounts Sakura should have been trying to get away from him as fast as possible considering what he'd almost done, but instead she was comfortable around him as if nothing had happened. Maybe he hadn't almost ruined everything and had instead dreamt it up. Considering how much he'd had to drink the night before, he supposed it wouldn't be impossible.
"I thought you smelled different yesterday. I didn't expect that you'd changed your shampoo," Sakura hummed, her voice low as she picked up a book from Kakashi's collection and flopped onto the couch. She propped herself up on one arm and offered him a small smile before cracking the book open in one of the few spaces of light in the room.
Kakashi knew he should have thought about her statement more, but the throbbing in his head hadn't subsided enough for deep thoughts just yet. He would think about it later. Possibly. Even the thought of thinking later hurt, so he decided to stop and just focus on keeping his soup down.
He spent most of the day drifting in and out of sleep, occasionally attempting to read a book until it started hurting his head too much. Sakura was quiet for the most part, spending her day on the couch beside him, reading and humming softly to herself. She occasionally stopped to ask him how he was doing, but for the most part she spent her time peacefully reading and making sure he stayed hydrated.
Eventually, night fell and Sakura left for her meeting, leaving the apartment somehow even more quiet than it had been all day. Kakashi knew he should be grateful for the silence, given how much his head was still pounding in his skull, but he found it almost impossible to relax. His body was wound far too tight with the tension he'd been feeling all day.
With a sigh, he forced himself to focus just long enough to summon Bull before he headed to bed. He knew that he should summon a shadow clone, but he didn't know if he would be able to handle the information he would receive all at once when it disappeared, and he trusted Bull to protect him and get his attention if it was needed.
As he fell into bed, Sakura's smell surrounded fully once again. He fell asleep almost immediately.
The moon emitted a soft glow over the field of wild flowers, making everything before him sparkle.
Kakashi sat with his back pressed against a tree, humming softly as a wind blew across his face. He didn't know the song he was humming, but he recognized it from somewhere still.
There was a burst of soft laughter from his left. Kakashi glanced over, only to see Sakura now sitting beside him. She smiled at him and tilted her head to the side, humming the same song as him even though her mouth never moved once.
"Kakashi," She giggled, running her hand through his hair. Her fingers were so gentle, her touch so light.
Her head hit his lap softly, eyes gazing up at him with a tender expression of contentment. Kakashi watched her, feeling the smile pull at his lips and realizing that there was no tug of his mask. He reached down and cupped her cheek, his expression softening at the way her eyes fluttered closed. The smile remained on her lips as she shifted until she was sitting beside him again, her forehead resting against his gently.
"Kakashi," She whispered as she leaned forward, nuzzling their noses together. Kakashi felt his breath catch as he watched the beautiful woman in front of him, her hair glowing softly in the moonlight.
She whispered his name again, but this time her voice sounded distorted, as if she wasn't truly a part of this world. Kakashi felt his heart drop as he watched her fade away with a sudden gust of wind, leaving the beautiful field of flowers seeming barren and cold.
He lifted his hands to his face and shut his eyes, his mind and heart screaming for her to return to him.
"Kakashi, wake up."
Kakashi felt a pull on his consciousness as he was tugged from his dream, only to find Sakura standing above him. It took him longer than he wanted to admit to realize that he had been dreaming and that the woman in front of him was real. The clock on the wall read 3 o'clock and from the darkness through the window, he could only guess that it was the middle of the night. With a groan he let his eyes slide closed again, burying the lower half of his face further into the blankets.
"I came to check up on you," Sakura said quietly, the concern etched into her voice as she undoubtedly studied him.
"I'm alright Sakura. You didn't need to come by again."
"I'd still like to check your chakra levels," She started, pausing as she clearly hesitated on what to say next. "I'll be in the kitchen making tea. Come find me in the living room when you've woken up more."
Kakashi slid his eyes open to watch as Sakura walked into the hallway, shutting the door behind her. His head still hurt from his hangover the day before, but it wasn't nearly as bad and he found himself able to think again.
Something was off with Sakura, and it wasn't just the way she was behaving and hesitating over her words. It felt like her appearance was off, but that didn't seem quite right. She looked the same as she had the entire day when she'd been reading, the only difference being that she was now wearing her doctor's jacket, but there was something fundamentally different about her that he couldn't quite place.
After letting himself wake up a little bit more, Kakashi grabbed the shirt he'd been wearing the day before and threw it over his head. The mask slipped into place as he left the bedroom and made his way to the living area, taking his usual place on the floor while he waited.
"I made some hojicha so you can go back to sleep after I leave," Sakura smiled as she walked into the living area with two cups of tea.
"Do you have an extra early shift today or something?" Kakashi asked, taking the cup of tea she handed to him with what he hoped was a grateful smile. He watched her closely as she sat down on the couch cushion as far away from him as possible, noting the way she kept her arms close to her sides and had yet to relax.
"No, I still have a few hours before I have to go in. A few of us from the meeting went to a bar afterward and I apparently fell asleep at the table," Sakura offered with a laugh, but her eyes didn't reflect the humor she attempted to show.
That was when Kakashi finally noticed it: Sakura's smell had changed. Instead of her smell that he could now recognize from a crowd of bodies almost as well as his own, she smelled like booze and sweat and men. Normally, that wouldn't be so strange if she had gone to a bar, but she was acting weird and there was one person's smell on her that was more prominent than the rest. It was that last detail that stood out, and he tried to pin that smell to the face of anyone he knew and came up blank. The smell was definitely masculine and Kakashi felt his jaw clench as the worst possible scenario played through his mind.
"Sakura," Kakashi began, his voice lowering dangerously as he took in the way she seemed to react nervously. "Did anyone try to hurt you?"
"What?" She asked, obviously stunned.
"I can smell the bar on you, but there's one person's smell that stands out, and I'm pretty sure it's a man's smell. Were they trying to hurt you?"
Sakura seemed surprised for a long moment before smiling at him, trying to wave it off as she took another sip of tea. "No one tried to hurt me, Kakashi. You know there aren't very many people who could even try without having their bones broken, anyway."
"So you let him touch you," Kakashi said, his voice quiet, not bothering to make it a question as he watched Sakura nervously twist her fingers together. He was still half asleep, and the thought of someone laying their hands all over Sakura was too much for him, especially after the dream he'd just had where she'd been smiling so gently for him. "Who is it? I don't recognize the smell at all."
"You wouldn't," Sakura scoffed, pausing for a moment as she took another sip of tea before placing the cup on the coffee table. "He's from the hospital, and I didn't let him touch me. He... he hugged me after confessing to me. It took me by surprise. He was drunk, and I couldn't exactly hurt a colleague."
Kakashi felt his mind start spinning slowly as he digested the new information. Sakura had been hugged without permission by a guy she didn't like, and she hadn't beat him up for it? He had seen her punch men for lesser offences, and yet she hadn't hurt this man at all? Why? Unless-
"Do you like him?"
The words were out of his mouth before he realized what he was asking. He knew that the question had basically been spat from his lips since it had hurt him just to ask it, but he didn't have it in him to make the thought hurt any less. Decades of life and death situations, of losing everyone close to him one by one, years of torture and hardship, and this was what finally made him lose control of his words? It was no wonder he had avoided developing real feelings for anyone until now.
Sakura gaped at him in silence for a moment that stretched on for what seemed like hours. Eventually her shocked expression transformed into stubborn anger, her jaw snapping closed as her eyes flared to life.
"Why do you want to know?"
Kakashi paused before waving his hand as if trying to brush the question away. When Sakura refused to relent by keeping her eyes focused on his, angry and threatening to burn him alive, he finally gave in and decided to give her a partial truth, hoping that she wouldn't seen the rest of it.
"Considering your track record with men, it would probably be better for you if you didn't like him. The last two men you were with both betrayed you, and before that you only ever liked Sasuke and we both know how that turned out."
"I'm not a child anymore, Kakashi. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to hang around protecting me from any man that might hurt me in the future," Sakura replied, her lips tight with anger.
"Well then maybe you should pick the men you devote yourself to better," Kakashi hissed, feeling the frustration rise in him as he slammed his tea cup down on the table hard enough to feel it crack beneath his fingers. He paid it no mind as the tea slowly began to seep out of the ceramic onto the wooden table, finding that his anger felt a lot like the tea at this moment. It was heated and slowly bleeding through the cracks until it would inevitably ruin the solid foundation beneath him. Sakura was his table, the one thing to always hold him up when nothing else was there, but just like the table would become ruined by the tea, his anger was going to ruin their friendship if he wasn't stopped.
"I have picked better this time!" Sakura yelled, her hands balling into fists so tightly in his couch that he saw the cushion begin to rip at the seams out of the corner of his eyes, but Kakashi paid it no mind. He couldn't care less right now.
"Oh, so this guy is worth your time? Because I have never met a man who wears that much cologne who wasn't an asshole."
"I'm not talking about him!" Sakura screamed, her frustration tearing through her as her fist ripped through the cushion to punch at the wooden frame beneath her.
"Are you sure?" Kakashi sneered, his eyes narrowing as he felt the anger seep into his skin, threatening to overtake him. "This guy you've picked then, are you sure he's not an asshole? Are you certain he doesn't have other women like Settan did, that he's not secretly married like Akahito?"
Kakashi watched as understanding flashed across Sakura's face. She glared at him stubbornly for a long moment before letting out a sigh, her anger slowly dissipating as her body relaxed. He studied her intently as she stood up from her place on the couch and walked into the kitchen without a word, only to come back into the living area with a towel. Without looking at him, she lifted his cracked mug and cleaned up the coffee table just in time to catch the tea before it spilled onto his floor. Kakashi did nothing but sit back and watch as she cleaned up the tea, feeling as if she was soaking up his anger along with it. He watched her with bated breath, feeling himself finally begin to calm down as he noticed the soft expression on her face despite what had just happened. She took the mug and towel into the kitchen before returning to the living area, leaning her back against the wall to gaze at him cautiously with her arms folded across her chest.
"Look, Kakashi... I know that it must have been hard for you to watch me chase after Sasuke for all those years despite everything that he tried to do. I know that you were happier than anyone else when we didn't continue dating after the war, because you were the one who was always there to see the worst of it. You were also the one who found me stumbling drunk in the streets after I found out about Akahito's wife, and you were the one who held me hostage so I wouldn't go out and break every bone in Settan's body when his other women came to warn me. If it weren't for you, I would be a mess."
Kakashi frowned as Sakuras words sank into his mind. He felt himself start to relax as he leaned back against the couch, gazing up at Sakura with a quiet focus as he tried to figure out the tone to her voice. He could tell that she was trying to keep her voice even, but something else was there beneath the careful surface and it was throwing him off.
"I just don't want you to get hurt again," He murmured, lowering his head and closing his eyes. He had promised to do everything he possibly could to keep her from getting hurt, yet he had been the one to hurt her this time. He didn't know if he would be able to forgive himself.
He missed the easy smile she shot in his direction, missed the way her gaze had softened as she watched him. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to face her quite yet.
"I promise you Kakashi, the guy I love right now is a good person. I've loved him for years, but I only recently came to realize that it was a romantic attraction. He's always been good to me, and he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me."
"What about unintentionally?"
Sakura smiled sadly at that as Kakashi looked up, letting his gaze become caught in hers for few seconds before she laughed lightly and turned her eyes to look out of the window. The sun was starting to rise, casting a soft light over Sakura and Kakashi found himself thinking that she had never been more beautiful to him than she was in this very moment. She had dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep and her hair was an unkempt mess that had started falling out of her ponytail a long time ago. Her clothes were in desperate need of ironing and she had spilled tea on her white doctors coat at some point during their heated exchange that she had never bothered cleaning up. But still, she was beautiful.
"He's a ninja, so sometimes he hurts me when he comes home with injuries and tries to play it off like they aren't important, because he doesn't realize how much he means to me or how much it would destroy me if I lost him," Sakura said, her voice quiet as she glanced at Kakashi for a moment before turning her eyes up to the ceiling. "He's saved me more times than I can count, has stood up for me when I wouldn't even stand up for myself, and he's one of the only people in my life who never really left."
Her sad smile became warmer as she seemed to think about this man, whoever he was, and Kakashi felt his heart squeeze painfully as he watched her. He knew that he should be happy for her if she had found someone who treated her so well and made her smile that like, but it was hard to ignore the whispers in the back of his mind telling him that it should be him instead.
"The worst part is," Sakura whispered so quietly that Kakashi wasn't sure if she had spoken or not. When he looked up, her eyes were closed tightly and a slow stream of tears had started to fall down her cheeks. "I know that he loves me too. I can see it in the way he looks at me and in the way he treats me. He goes out of his way to try and make me laugh and becomes enraged at the thought of someone else hurting me. He listens to my requests no matter how ridiculous they are, even if he acts like it's an inconvenience. He does everything he can to make me happy, sometimes I think without even realizing it, but I also know that he'll never tell me how he feels. He tells himself that it's out of respect for me, that he doesn't want to burden me, but in reality he's just scared because he doesn't think I could ever love him back. He doesn't think he deserves my love, and that honestly hurts me more than anything else."
This was it. Sakura had finally found someone to keep by her side who actually deserved her, if her words to be trusted. A part of Kakashi wanted to hold onto the hope that she was lying, or at the very least exaggerating, but he knew from the smile on her lips that she was telling the truth exactly as it was. She loved this man, and he apparently loved her back.
Kakashi forced himself to look away, staring at his hands that had started twisting together painfully in his lap. He knew that he needed to be happy for her, and in a way he was happy for her, but he couldn't bring himself to feel the joy that he should have. Still, he had promised himself that he would never let his own feelings get in the way her her future, and he would keep that promise for her sake.
"I hope that you can find a way to get through to him," Kakashi murmured, hating the way he choked on his own words.
For a long time, Sakura remained silent. He wanted to look up to see why she wasn't speaking, but he wasn't sure that he would be able to keep his expression completely under control. Kakashi realized belatedly that he'd started picking at one of his hang nails when it started to bleed.
"Hey Kakashi, can I do something?"
Kakashi kept his eyes planted firmly on his hands and nodded his head, holding his breath as he felt her step closer to him. She stood in front of him for a long moment, and then suddenly he was crashing against the wall so hard that his pictures fell. His hands automatically came up to hover over his cheek where she had punched him. He looked up finally, stunned and about to ask her what that was for, but she was staring at him with a shaky smile plastered onto her lips and he was left speechless.
"Did that finally get through to you, Kakashi?" Sakura asked, a small tinge of fear slipping into her otherwise determined voice. She stared at him for a moment longer before turning on her heels and heading to the front door. As she started pulling her shoes on, she shouted something about being back tomorrow to check on him before leaving the apartment and slamming the door shut behind her so hard that he saw the door frame start to crack.
Hours could have passed before Kakashi was able to stand up from his place on the floor and he wouldn't have noticed. Eventually he managed to crawl back into bed, her lingering scent surrounding him like a warm blanket as he stared at the ceiling.
His mind was racing as he replayed every scene from the last three months. Every smile she had given, every touch that had lingered just a moment too long, every playful joke that had sounded just a little bit like she was trying to flirt. Every moment had seemed accidental, but when he added everything together, it almost seemed like there was actually some intention there. It was almost as if she really had been referring to him, and the realization hit him hard as he remembered how she had described the man she loved and realized that he wasn't very far off. In fact, there was nothing that she'd said that couldn't apply to him.
Kakashi thought about the way she had leaned her face into his palm the night before. He thought about the way her eyes had fluttered, the way her breathing had all but stopped when he'd pressed their foreheads together. He remembered the way her eyes had stared hungrily at his body just after he'd showered, at the way her eyes had glittered mischievously when she'd joked about wearing less in her apartment. There were so many moments playing through his mind that he felt his head spin.
For the first time since he'd discovered his own feelings for her, Kakashi let himself wonder what he would do if Sakura actually returned his feelings.