Noah was not an outdoors person. He hated the heat, the cold, and everything that came with being outside. The wind, the leaves, the pollen in the spring. Bad news for him, Canada had both. His parents had asked him to go biking with him, because he'd been spending too much time working on his studying. He needed to keep his straight A average if he wanted to get into a good art school that also had a great academic life. His parents had worried about him being in his room all day and all night, and he knew they felt that. He decided to go, just to appease them, but he wasn't having a great time. He was way behind his parents, and there was a point where he couldn't see them anymore, but they stopped and slowed down for him.

"You were really far behind us, weren't you?" His mother called out as they took a water break. Noah laughed nervously and nodded. They were in a mountainous part of the park now, and for Noah, not having much upper body strength, it was hard going uphill. Noah's mother had brown hair with a hunting of gray, and a gorgeous figure that'd make you take a second to reel it all in when she told you she's had 8 kids, all multiples. She was wrinkling a bit near her cheekbones and wore her hair in a messy ponytail. His parents took their water bottles and put it back on the bike as their parents accelerated higher and higher up the mountain.

Noah felt something funny on the ground. It had started shaking, but maybe, he thought, it was because they were getting higher up and he was out of shape. But then he felt the mountain start to crackle, and then immediately realized what was happening - it was an earthquake. His parents were way ahead of him, and it would be dangerous to run up to them when he was safer staying put, but he wanted to be with them, to make sure they would be okay. He quickly got off the bike, falling off in the process, and crouched on the floor, trying not to fall even further. He heard a scream come over from a few feet away, and he suddenly saw his parents spiraling down, holding down to the edge and screaming as they fell. They were trying to get to him.

"Mom!" Noah screamed as he saw them. He tried to get up, but he couldn't, his ankle hurt too bad. He looked over to it and could see it bleeding from cutting it, and he had it twisted. He was on the ground sitting flat on his stomach and his face had gotten some scratches from falling on the ground. He reached over to his phone in his back pocket and called 911, and they answered within a few rings.

"There's nothing you can do, Noah." The operator said eerily. His heart started to pound. "You killed them, Noah." His parents suddenly were right near him, their faces covered in blood and weak in the body.

"This is your fault, Noah." His father said, his eyes dead set on him, blood falling out of his mouth. Noah was started to get panicky, his heart beating abnormally fast. He still couldn't get up from the floor. "Maybe if you hadn't shut us out—"

Noah jumped out of his bed, sweating and panting. He looked over at his clock: 3:31 am. It was just a dream, he thought.

He looked down at his bed as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair while catching his breath. He couldn't believe that it's been four years since they died. He still remembers that day so clearly.

The earthquake killed your parents, not you. Then why didn't he die with them? That's what the therapist said when Joshua put him and Nicole into therapy a few months after. Nicole did better in therapy than Noah did; they at first did therapy together because Joshua knew they would talk more if they were with each other, but when Nicole was progressing better than Noah, he went from going once a week with Nicole to going once with her and once alone. Nicole and Noah had done nothing but exist, and even that was hard to maintain, as they barely slept, barely ate, barely took care of themselves because they were too sad. Noah took it the hardest, but Nicole hadn't been there on the day of the accident and she hated that. She hated that Noah was there and she wasn't, even though he got hurt, too. On really bad days, part of him wished he could have died with them.

Noah tried going back to sleep, but it was no use - he was awake, might as well stay awake.

As Noah pulled up to the driveway of the local library, he felt a pit in his stomach. He still wasn't fully recovered from that nightmare, it felt too real, and now his memory of the accident was going to be plagued with his near-death father telling him he caused this accident, that the universe somehow made this happen as revenge. He pulled the key out of the ignition and walked into the doors, waving over at the librarian as he went to the back, wiping his eyes. At that moment, he wasn't sure what he regretted more - not trying to go back to sleep, or not stopping for coffee.

"Good morning, Noah." She said to him. Mildred became a volunteer for the library when she realized retiring and waiting to die was getting boring. She had long hair that she dyes a different color every time a color fades. She explained to Noah that life is too short to not try all the colors. Right now it was pink, and she says next she'll do blue.

"Hi, Mildred." She smiled over at him as she went back to her work, and he put his coat on the coat hanger before heading over to the youth section. Noah worked all over the library, but he liked working in the youth section during school hours because nobody was ever here to make a mess. If someone did make a mess, the moms were so nice that they would stop them and tell him she'll do it. He also enjoyed children, but he wouldn't let anyone know that.

Noah remembered coming to this library when he was young. His mom was just starting to get big with her children's books, and she would come and read them during circle time. They'd get a sneak peek before it was to be published. Of course, the library got copies to be checked out, and the book had a hold line for weeks. The kids at the circle time had no idea the woman reading this book was the author, but they still loved it anyway. Noah and Nicole had read the books she wrote a million times over and over before the final copy was complete, so they sat in another part of the room while she read.

As Noah was re-organizing some books that someone left on the floor, he looked up and saw someone waiting for him. It was a girl, around his age, who looked excited to be watching him pick up books.

"Are you Noah? I'm sorry, I don't mean to disturb you," the girl said. She was holding a handcart full of DVDs and books, and she had red hair, white skin, and green eyes. She looked about his age, maybe just a year younger.

"Yes." He said softly, shelving books as she followed him. He expected her to just ask a question about where a book was.

"I just wanted to say I really enjoyed watching you on Total Drama." She said to him, smiling. "And I think you and Emma would have made a really cute couple. I totally shipped you guys!" Noah silently nodded, rolling his eyes in his head, but she didn't deserve for him to be upset at her when she doesn't know the truth.

"Thanks. I wish it could have worked out." He lied.

"Anyway, I don't want to disturb you from your work, so I'm going to go. But, thanks for taking the time to chat with me!" Noah smiled as she shook his hand, and they both went the opposite direction. As soon as he felt her farther away, he leaned onto the bookshelf, sighing as he took a break for a few seconds. He allowed himself to sit there, and then he got back up, ready to work again.

As he drove home, he decided to call Nicole, as he hadn't talked to her in a few days. It's been two weeks since he dropped her off at school, and he missed her. He dialed her on the Bluetooth so he didn't have to hold the phone to his cheek, and after a few rings, she answered.

"Hello?" She sounded tired.

"Hey, hadn't heard from you in a few days, figured I'd call."

"Oh, yeah. What's up?" Something sounded off with her. He took a pause as he started to ask her what's wrong.

"Are you okay?" She paused.

"Honestly, I had a nightmare last night and-"

"Barely slept." They both said it at the same time. She paused as she processed what just happened here.

"Was it about the accident?" He asked cautiously.

"Yeah, actually. What happened in yours?"

"I called 911 and the operator told me I killed them, then dad looked at me and said that I killed them because I shut them out too much."

"In mine, you died with them." Noah took a pause and focused on the road. "Noah?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm driving. That's… oh." Noah really thought about what she said - in his dream, he heard his father blame him for their accident. In her dream, she was perfectly over the fact that they died and she couldn't prevent it, but the one thing she feared most was losing Noah. Nothing has changed.

"Yeah." There was some silence for another few seconds. "You know, their forty-year wedding anniversary is coming up. Maybe we can celebrate with our brothers, get everyone together. Do something in their honor, you know?" Noah couldn't handle talking about them anymore. It made him too sad, and he was already having a shitty day as it was.

"Oh, I'm home, I gotta go." It was partially true, he had gotten to the circle of their neighborhood. Nicole knew he was avoiding the subject. She was disappointed he couldn't express his feelings like she could, but she probably would have been as messed up as him if she were there, too. Or maybe Noah is just broken inside beyond repair.

"Noah, you can't just push back your feelings."

"It's been working for four years." Noah mumbled. He didn't mean to say that out loud, but they both knew it was true. He wondered if Nicole could hear him, and if she did, she did a good job of ignoring it. They both paused.

"There's going to be a point where-" As Nicole went on, Noah parked in front of his driveway and turned the car off, hanging up the phone in the process and throwing it on the next seat. He felt his breath start to go away, and he leaned his forehead on the steering wheel as he clenched his fists, trying to control his breathing and suppress the tears that were coming. Noah had gotten uncomfortably good at preventing anxiety attacks, but because of that, he did break down every now and then. After a few minutes of this, he started to feel well enough to go inside. Joshua and Bethany had seen him in this state, but he vowed to never let the kids see him like this. The kids knew about Noah's parents dying, but when it happened they were so young that they barely have any recollection of them. Noah thought that it was easy for them to mourn. They wouldn't remember them. He sometimes wishes he could forget them, too. Maybe his pain wouldn't be so unbearable. He could be normal for once.

He sat up and grabbed his phone and lunch bag from the front seat and fumbled with his keys to unlock the front door as he walked out of the car, and saw Spencer and Hannah in the living room working on their homework. They saw he was here and immediately looked up, looking over to the babysitter in the other room. He forgot that Joshua and Bethany were coming home late tonight.

"Candice! Noah's here!" Hannah said out loud. His niece, Hannah, is about 6 years old. She had long blonde hair that was just like Bethany's, and green eyes like Joshua with a round face. She loved dressing in pastels and wore dresses with long sleeves underneath as Nicole did.

Candice came out of the kitchen wearing Bethany's apron, she was just finishing up their dinner. She had hazelnut skin and her black hair was in a ponytail. She had brown eyes and freckles around her nose, which the kids loved. They thought it made her unique. Her body was an hourglass figure and she was wearing blue jeans with a pink shirt that had a pocket on the top right of the shirt.

Candice started babysitting them about a year ago. Bethany had found her on a babysitting website. She had two other jobs, all while being in college full-time. She usually went straight to another job right after she babysat Spencer and Hannah.

"Hey, Noah. I have mac and cheese on the stove, it's almost ready." She walked up to him and handed him Bethany's apron, pink and white with ribbons. Hannah had made it for her for Mother's Day two years ago. Noah was relieved she was making them something he could actually finish making; Candice was in culinary school and loved testing out new foods on them, and sometimes he'd come home right when she had to leave and he'd burn her creations. "You look tired. What time did you go to bed?"

"About 10 I think." He wasn't wrong, but he also didn't mention he woke up at 3:30 am.

"Must have been a hard shift at the library today. Spencer is still working on his math, don't let him fool you into thinking he's done. I gotta go, one more late shift and I'm put on probation. Good seeing you, Noah." She smiled over to him as she grabbed her coat and keys. Candice

"Thanks, Candice." She waved to him as she left the house and drove away. Noah walked into the kitchen to drain the mac and cheese, and started stirring the cheese into it and put it into three bowls for them, grabbing juice for the kids in the process as he put it on the table.

"Hannah, Spencer, dinner!" The two kids came racing towards Noah, sitting down and ready to eat their food. Spencer sat to the right of Noah. Spencer is 8 and looks just like Joshua, bulging green eyes with brown hair that reached underneath his ears and swept to the right side of his face. He was a late bloomer and hadn't started losing any of his teeth yet, and he dressed in a lot of blue and red like Noah did. He was going through a phase, Joshua would tell him when Noah asked why he was dressed like him. Hannah and Spencer were really young when Nicole and Noah came to live with them, but they used to babysit them all the time when Bethany and Joshua were dealing with the legalities of becoming Nicole and Noah's guardians. They took a bite and looked over to Noah, making a face.

"This isn't how Candice makes the cheese." Hannah said. Usually, she wouldn't use the cheese the boxed Mac and cheese would recommend, she would make her own cheese, but Noah was not talented enough to do that.

"Yeah, well, I'm no Candice when it comes to being in the kitchen." Noah shrugged. The kids ignored it and they all started eating their food. "So, how was Candice today?" He needed to think about something other than his conversation with Nicole.

"She was so much fun. She let us watch your show!" Hannah exclaimed. Great, Noah thought.

"Are you going on another show, uncle Noah?" Spencer asked. The truth is, they missed him when he left to film shows, but they loved seeing him on their TV screen. It was especially fun for them to see Noah on the screen and Noah next to them simultaneously, because they can ask him what happened in that scene as if it's not going on in front of them.

"Can I meet that pretty girl who kissed you?" Hannah asked.

"Are you going to marry her?" Spencer asked. Noah started to get frustrated, but he took a breath. He didn't want to get angry with them. It wasn't their fault.

"Emma and I aren't together anymore… we broke up."

"Broke up?" Hannah asked.

"Yeah… it means we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I couldn't tell you because I had to keep it a secret from everyone until the show started."

"Even from us, Uncle Noah?" Hannah asked, her lip pouting. Noah stroked her hair.

"Yep, I'm sorry." The kids looked down at their food, and as they took another bite, their parents walked in and they came running towards them.

"Mommy! Did you know Uncle Noah isn't with his girlfriend anymore? They broke up!" Hannah said as she hugged her knees, Bethany putting her grocery bag on the floor.

"Yes, Hannah, I know, sweetie. Sometimes things just don't work out, you know?" She said to her. Hannah let go of her knees and let her come into the kitchen, where they all met up. Noah was still at the table finishing his dinner.

"How long have you been home?" Joshua asked while putting his bag and coat down.

"Just a few minutes." He said, covering his mouth as he chewed his food.

"Okay." Joshua looked over at Noah. "Hey, you know what I saw on my way home? There's an art contest going on for young adults 18 to 24. You should think about entering." Noah glanced over at Joshua, then back down at his food. Noah knew Joshua had meant well, but Noah hasn't drawn or painted since his parents died. Every time he tried, he got too sad and ended up destroying whatever he started. Joshua just hated seeing him throw away his love of art, he didn't understand. Instead of getting into an argument, he decided to go along with it.

"Maybe. I'm pretty busy at the library." Joshua frowned, but didn't let Noah see. Too late, Noah saw it.

"Well, I'll text you the info if I find it." Noah nodded as he took another bite of his food, and then Joshua walked away. Noah went to put his bowl in the sink and walked away to his room, seeing a text from Nicole in the process.

Nicole

Did the connection go out?

Noah looked down at the text and started typing.

Noah

Sorry, got home and had to take over for Candice.

He waited a few more minutes for Nicole to respond as he changed out of his work clothes.

Nicole

Ah. Well. Gotta go. Why did I choose a class that starts at 6pm?

He put his phone on the charger as he closed the door and looked around at his room. It felt empty without Nicole here. Around his room, he had photos of him and his family. He took down the photos of his parents year ago. It made him feel like their ghosts were latching onto the portraits watching him like in Harry Potter.

He was exhausted, even though it was 6pm. He figured it was best to go to sleep, so he turned off the light, got underneath the covers and closed his eyes. Tomorrow was another day. Another day to dread.

A/N: Thanks sooo much for the love the first chapter! We really appreciate it! Don't forget to review, and for all of our new viewers - welcome!

If you came here from the latest TDArts chapter, don't forget about our secret codeword in the reviews. ;)

~Sami