FELICIANO VARGAS VARIABLE by DOCTOR SOPHIA ROSE JACKSON.

Obsessed with someone named 'Doitsu'. Unable to find who this man is supposed to be, but the Variable has never stopped talking about him. From his words, I've gathered that he's an abusive lover of some sort.

Unable to stop saying 'Ne' or 'Ve'. I'm unable to conclude what either of these words mean.

Talks about pasta or other Italian food often.

Seems to be a toddler stuck in the body of a grown man; over emotional, sleeps twenty hours a day, and eternally clueless.

Vargas Variable Analysis: Not exactly dangerous, but highly irritating and could bring danger to himself and others with his sheer uselessness. For some strange reason that I'm unable to find a conclusion to, his eyes never open but he can still see. Highly indecent and seems to have the endurance of cotton wool.

Feliciano sat at the table, humming to himself as he waited for his Variable to enter. Something in the very corner of his mind bothered him, but Feliciano had never been one to worry, and promptly ignored it. The doctor had gone on talking for so long; he had tuned her out for a bit of it. She hadn't said anything questionable, had she?

A minute or two passed, and then the door opposite Feliciano slid open. A man was thrown into the room and the door closed with a loud slam as soon as his feet touched the floor. Feliciano stood up and was just about to ask if the man was alright when he saw his face.

The man staring back at him was a near identical replica of him; his skin the same color, his hair parted the same—the only difference was the other man's eyes were closed. His Variable straightened up and walked over to the empty seat. Feliciano continued to observe the other man's face, amazed at seeing himself in person. The Variable's eyes remained closed; after a few minutes, Feliciano realized that he still hadn't introduced himself.

"Hello! I'm Feliciano Vargas," he said.

"Hello! I'm Feliciano Vargas, ve~! You can call me Feli! It's cute, ne? I'm so happy to be your friend!" His Variable replied, waving.

"It's nice to meet you too!" Feliciano said, offering his hand for a handshake. As soon as he moved, the other Feliciano burst into tears.

"DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE! I SURRENDER! DON'T HURT ME! HELP! DOITSU, HELP ME!"

Feliciano jerked his hand back. "Uh, sorry. Are you okay?"

Feli ignored him and continued sobbing and screaming for mercy, flailing around in his seat. Feliciano gaped at the man, utterly bewildered.

"I won't hurt you, I promise! I just wanted to shake your hand," he said trying to pacify the crying man. Feli stopped crying in an almost inhuman speed; his expression switching from miserable to incredibly cheerful within the matter of seconds.

"Ve~ Sorry, Feliciano. You're nice! We should go eat pizza together!" Feli said cheerfully, his eyes still shut. "Or maybe spaghetti bolognese, or risotto, or ravioli, or maybe Matteo Renzi!"

Feliciano blinked. "What?"

"Ooh~ Then, let'sa eat-a some nice gelato! I like the apple kind! Then, let's go to Ve~nice and ride the gondolas! That's Amore~ Ah~ I wonder where Doitsu is doing right now?" Feli said, moving his hands around as he spoke. Feliciano couldn't tell if this was really his Variable, or if it was simply a man that the doctor had paid to make fun of Italians. He had an even less idea of who 'Doitsu' was. Before Feliciano had a chance to say anything else, Feli fell face forward onto the desk with a loud thud and stopped moving.

Feliciano made his way to Feli, panicking slightly. Did Feli have a heart attack? Was he dead? The other man didn't seem to be breathing; Feliciano reached out to check his pulse, wondering if he needed to contact the paramedics. However, as soon as his fingers brushed his wrist, Feli sat back up, looking as if nothing had happened.

"A-are you alright?" Feliciano asked, taken aback.

"Ve~ I was just taking a nice siesta! You should strip and join me, ve~"

"Uh, no thank you," Feliciano said, drawing back his hand yet again and wondering how much longer he had to be in a room with Feli. "You can still take a siesta by yourself though, I guess."

Feli gave him a wide smile and then climbed onto the table, "It's so nice to stretch on a cold surface~" he remarked, ignoring the wide-eyed stare of Feliciano. "I was telling Doitsu that, and then he hit me really hard on the face! He loves me so much, ve~"

"Are you crazy?" Feliciano asked, genuinely concerned about Feli's mental state. Between Feli's mindblowingly stupid words and his even odder habits, Feliciano was starting to regret agreeing to the experiment. Feli gave him a serene smile as he sat down on the table.

"Doitsu is so amazing, ne? He always yells at me, but he does it with love! I love his German wurst, ve~ It's almost as yummy as pasta~" he giggled, starting to unbutton his shirt. Feliciano, while usually not sensitive about naked bodies or stripping, felt like this was a good time to intervene as the Variable was currently exposing what was technically also Feliciano's body.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Ve~ Sleeping naked is the best~"

"Eh? Not here!" Feliciano protested, frantically trying to stop Feli. He was never good under pressure, and Feli simply ignored him and continued stripping.

"Ve~, come on, Feliciano. Let's strip down and hug and eat pasta together~ Fun, ne?" Feli giggled, now sitting in his underwear. "Ve~, work is so boring~ There's no fun in being tired, ve~"

"What does that even mean?!" Feliciano asked, looking for some sort of clarity, "Why do you keep saying 've'? Please, Feli, stop stripping!"

Feli laid down, keeping what little clothing he had on and giggling quietly to himself. Feliciano's eyes were stinging with furious tears of desperation, but he wiped them away, still sniffling quietly. Seeing his Variable was like meeting an exaggerated version of himself; yes, Feliciano was quick to tears and emotional, but he was nothing like Feli. He was Italian, but it wasn't the only part of his personality. Was this really what some people would call a human? It seemed more like mockery of his person than anything.

Trying to catch his breath in the lull of Feli's periods of insanity, Feliciano inhaled and exhaled, relieved that now he could have some peace…

"GERMANY! GERMANY! IS A REALLY, REALLY ~NICE~ PLACE~" Feli sang, his voice screechy. Feliciano let out a cry of suprise at his sudden outburst; his Variable kept singing. "EVEN THOUGH I'M YOU'RE PRISONER YOU GIVE ME FOOO—"

"STOP! STOP SINGING!" Feliciano cried, running for the door that he had come in from. "Miss Doctor, let me out! I don't want to be stuck in a room with this weird, brainless version of me!"

Feli kept singing louder, still shut-eyed and oblivious anything else as Feliciano desperately tried to unlock the door.

…

"That went exactly like I thought it would."

Dr. Jackson looked up from the video screen at the voice and lowered the volume of her headpiece; from it, she could only hear bad singing and Feliciano's pleading. "Sorry, come again?"

Dr. Acosta grinned and took the seat next to her.

"I mean, I figured that the Control would react negatively to the Variable. Although, it does appear that both of the Felicianos seem to be sensitive," he mused, glancing over to her screen.

"Yes, but the Control is miles better than the Variable. His reactions were reasonable, while the Variable had severe, unexplainable mood swings. I've recorded the video and audio footage already, and Flint is writing up the rough report. Do you know who's going to collect the Variable?"

"I'm on it," Dr. Acosta said.

"Thank you. I'll wait until you're done and let Mr. Vargas out. We wouldn't want the Variable to escape; especially now that we've seen what a civilian's reaction to him would be." Dr. Jackson said, getting up from her chair and grabbing her clipboard. "I think you should be quick about it. Mr. Vargas seems to be mighty upset about still being with his Variable."

…

Feliciano was still yelling for a savior, or maybe a lockpick, when the door behind him opened with a metallic whoosh. A tall man with tanned skin and blond hair rushed into the room toward Feli. Feli, unaware what was going on, let out a cry of fright and sat up on the table, only to be pinned down by the scientist. Feli struggled for a few seconds; there was a small beeping sound and he stopped moving. The scientist sighed and muttered to himself before picking the unconscious, nearly-naked Feli up .

"Vargas, you'll have to wait a minute. Dr. Jackson will be here to get you out. Don't pick up the Variable's clothes."

With that, the man left, Feli still in his arms.

...

True to the blond scientist's word, Dr. Jackson unlocked Feliciano's door a few seconds after Feli had left.

"Are you alright?" she asked as Feliciano stepped out into the blissfully Variable-free room. Feliciano shook his head, his heart still racing.

"That wasn't...Wasn't fun," he said, stammering slightly. Dr. Jackson gave him a sympathetic look, but was unable to empathize.

"Well, I'm sorry. This is the only time you'll have to come here. Now, Mr. Vargas, could you sign these documents before you go? Legally, we need your signature on these to use the video footage and to pay you for coming in today."

"Ah...A form for secrecy?"

"Yes, well as this is a classified government project that's yet to the released to the public eye, you're going to have to agree to not speak a word of this to anybody. Only until the information is publicly available, of course," Dr. Jackson said patiently.

Feliciano stared at the paper in his hands. "But what would happen if I accidentally said something to someone?"

"Well, then, as the print says, you'd either be put in jail or fined a bail of a couple hundred thousand to a few millions," Dr Jackson replied, her tone pleasant but her words less than so. "Really, it's not so hard to keep a secret, Mr. Vargas. I hope you understand?"

Feliciano nodded, at a loss for words.

"Excellent. I'll give you a few more minutes to read through all the documents. Thank you again for coming in today."

...

"So, who's next?" Dr. Acosta asked Dr. Jackson. The dark-skinned woman's brows furrowed as she read over the list.

"The next appointment is for a man named Toris Laurinaitis. Is his Variable ready?"

"I'll check on him right away, Dr. Jackson."

"Perfect."

Hey guys, Bubble here! I hoped you enjoyed reading through this chapter. Are there any Feliciano Archetypes that I missed? (If I had a dollar for every tilde I used in this chapter…)

Feel free to shoot me any characters you want to see in the near future. ;)

As always, reviews are welcome!