Because she made me uu;;... I luff Shana!
Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly ( Chapter II )
If you stood close enough to her as she waited for a cab to stop for her, you could smell a faint hint of jasmine. It was fresh on her, delightfully so, but could never replace the effect created by her previous scent of sugared almond, lime, pear and mahogany.
It had been a month since she and Van had parted ways, and after a few days of trashing her apartment followed by several apple martinis, she didn't hate him anymore. She was mad at him still, but no, she didn't hate him. There was still a tiny part of her living out their fantasy in her heart, but realistically, she would probably never take him back.
She pulled on a pair of white leather gloves, her sunglasses reflecting the sun as it beamed down from the blue grey sky onto the white crisp snow. The holidays were coming soon, another reason to emphasize the fact that she was alone. When those bells started to jingle and the apple cider used to waft in clouds of cinnamon, the only other thing to really do was to cuddle with somebody. Her throat was dry and strained, as if she had just smoked too many cigarettes, but that was weird. She hadn't had one in about a month now.
It wasn't as if she had had no opportunities to go out with anyone. On the contrary, several prospects had arisen. But despite Van's overflowing arrogance at the end of their relationship, he had been wonderful during the time they spent together. The men interested in her were not articulately handsome, intoxicatingly charming, or…
Van. They weren't Van.
Hitomi swallowed a lump in her throat and shakily pulled out a foil tab of gum from her purse. Pushing it out and cracking the white sweet piece between her teeth, she allowed the mint to rush over her tongue as she stared at the sky, stressed.
"I don't think I'm capable of selling a ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves," a male voice came up beside her, "But I do believe I could make her smile." Looking over, dark blues eyes glanced back at her, shaded only by a few blades of blonde hair.
She smiled despite herself, though the expression changed into a slightly wary one after a few seconds.
"I've seen you around the Fanel building, do you work there?" he added casually, putting his hands in his pockets. "I work on the 34th floor but I don't believe I've ever seen you around."
The words crazy stalking liar chimed cautiously in Hitomi's head.
"My dad works there," Hitomi offered hesitantly, flicking her eyes up and down his form. They were an odd pair, her in her heels, oversized sunglasses and trench coat, him in his beaten up slacks and vintage bomber jacket.
"That would explain it," he smiled, swaying his head to the side suddenly to get the hair out of his eyes. She was temped to say 'you're in need of a shave', but decided against it and kept her eyes on the street. "So," he said after a few moments of awkward silence, attempting a laugh. "Do you have time for a coffee or anything?"
She shot him a look. Then smiled politely, out of guilt.
"I know it sounds really sketchy," he laughed awkwardly again, "But that's not what I mean. You just seem like a cool person."
"A cool person?" she echoed faintly, the polite smile frozen on her lips. What was he, sixteen? Who used that kind of line anymore?
"Uh, never mind," he finally said, his face flushing a faint pink as he rubbed the back of his neck and began to turn away. Snapping the gum with her tongue she sighed a little and spoke before she could convince herself otherwise.
"Well, I have been craving a latte." He turned around and she took her sunglasses off. "I've been quitting cigarettes, so it's my anti-drug so to speak."
"That's good that you're quitting," the man nodded approvingly, "Cigarettes are disgusting." Hitomi's expression didn't change. Frankly, she didn't care what he thought about cigarettes. Even if he thought cigarettes were more repulsive then a Chihuahua dressed head to toe in neon orange vinyl, she would still want one. She had been wanting one all month.
"What's your name, by the way?" she asked with as much decorum she could muster. For some strange reason, he had so much potential in her mind, yet his comments were a bit… irritating. His flat shoes were silent against the grey cement, her heels clicking sharply as they began to walk south.
"Oh, my bad," he laughed, swishing his hair out of his face again. "Allen. You?"
"Hitomi," she replied, removing her gloves idly and popping out another piece of gum.
A month later, during the holiday season.
"You bitch," Hitomi whined, nursing a large vanilla soy latte as she curled up into a velvet armchair. She ran her long nails over the inky purple color, wafts of steam from the coffee kissing her jaw line. The smell of fresh brewed coffee weaved through the air as powdery snow shook down from the sky, the cold misting the shop windows.
"I'm sorry if I'm unnaturally pasty and want to get a tan," Yukari replied, taking a brisk gulp of her macchiato. The redhead sighed sympathetically after the brunette drifted off into space and set her cup down with a quiet thud.
"Everyone's leaving for the holidays," Hitomi murmured. "Except for Allen, Van, and Eries."
"And Eries is always busy," Yukari added in, completely Hitomi's thoughts. "Look, I'm sorry honey but Amano really wanted to go… You can come if you like?"
"Hitomi Kanzaki, starring in the latest motion feature as… The third wheel! Give a round of applause."
A sugar packet was thrown at Hitomi's head.
"You can have some quality Allen time?" Yukari teased, however Hitomi didn't blink. For a moment, the clouds covered the yellow sunshine pouring through the window, and her aristocratic profile was shaded an ashen grey. Long black lashes hooded the verdant eyes and as the depths of her latte swam beneath her lips, she painted the picture of a very lonely girl.
"Ughhhhhh…" Hitomi groaned, breaking out of her reverie and take a long sip of her drink. "I think I'm going to need something stronger then this," she flicked the rim of her mug.
"Alcoholic," Yukari teased, at which Hitomi smiled winningly.
"Admit it, you'd give anything right now to go to that cute new bar downtown and to have a cosmopolitan."
"And you an apple martini," Yukari sighed, inspecting her manicured nails.
"Don't leave me," Hitomi whined, fiddling with a lump in her mascara and wiping it onto her napkin. "Stay here where it's nice and cold, who needs a tan anyways? And don't you remember all those commercials, about how those drinks served in the tropics usually had like, disease in them or something?"
"I promised Amano honey, I'm sorry."
Hitomi rolled her eyes articulately and took a last sip of her drink.
"Whatever, just buy me a good present," she accepted defeat, tugging on the strand of beads around her neck. Looking over at her friend sitting across from her, she saw the unease in the redhead's eyes. Suddenly, she felt childish. She should be happy for her friend, though it wasn't like her friend would feel guilty while she was off basking in the sand. But for the moment, Hitomi wasn't helping anything, and letting go of the necklace clenched between her fingers she smiled gracefully. "Have fun okay, honey?"
"I will," Yukari laughed, relaxing and leaning back into her seat.
'Jingle Bell Rock' played softly in the background of her humble flat, the walls modestly brick, the cushions colorful silk, the lamps white rice paper. Ivory wax candles that were wide in breadth planted themselves on small glass plates as artistic photography hung in mahogany frames. A small, almost pathetic tree slumped in the corner, weighed down by tinsel and small gold stars.
She had just finished a bath, and was now radiating in a cloud of Hawaiian ginger flowers. Soft, white terry wrapped itself around her body, and lounging across a deep turquoise pillow she grabbed a cigarette and her lighter.
As the end of her cancer stick lit up in silent red agony, she tilted her head back and allowed a chaotic plume of smoke to rush out from her lips. Her little quitting escapade would have to go on hold for the holiday season. Allen would be coming over shortly—
There was a knock on the door. Speak of the devil.
Without thinking, Hitomi picked up the aerosol can of "Spring Breeze" off of her coffee table to cover the heavy smell of tobacco. However, after a moment's pause, she set it down and buried the cigarette onto a small dish she used as her ashtray. No need to justify to Allen. She was an adult.
Tightening the sash of her robe she walked into her bedroom in her bare feet.
"It's open, lock the door behind you," she called out, shutting the door to her room and changing into boxers and a t-shirt.
"I brought you a mix CD," came Allen's familiar even voice, sitting himself down on her couch.
"Thanks," Hitomi replied, coming into her living room to find Allen flipping channels and hugging one of her pillows. "Do you want anything to drink or eat?"
"No I'm fine," he replied, his clear blue eyes fixed onto the television.
"What are you watching?" Hitomi quirked an amused eyebrow, some odd foreign show with singing cockroach puppets making it's appearance.
"I don't know," he shrugged, past Hitomi's regular channels and getting into the channels with nothing but static on them. Five minutes passed by as Allen continued his channel flipping, and rocking back on her heels Hitomi put a hand on her hip.
"You're being boring."
"What?" he looked up, surprised. "How am I being boring? You're boring."
Mentally, she rolled her eyes.
"Have you been smoking?" he suddenly asked, his face screwing up as he sniffed the air.
"Mmhmm," she replied serenely, grabbing the very same lighter she had used before and lighting up one of the candles. "It's the holidays, rules don't count."
"Yes they do," he said sternly, no amusement in his eyes. "Ugh, I hate you."
Hitomi lit another candle.
"Oh, wow," she scoffed back sarcastically. "How will I ever live," she replied in a monotonous tone.
"What? Ugh," Allen didn't know what to say, throwing the pillow off his lap. "You're such a—God dammit Hitomi."
"What's been done is done," she shrugged, looking up at the ceiling briefly before sauntering into her bedroom. Her bed was a spacious double, not as luxurious as a queen but to her surprise, most of her friends still only had single beds. Stretching out onto the dark eight hundred thread count sheets, courtesy of a certain raven-haired man who would never be mentioned again, she buried her face into her pillow only to feel the bed shift under new weight.
"Allen, what the hell. Go away and go watch TV on the couch."
"But I'm tired, and your bed's more comfortable then the couch."
"Too bad, idiot," she cracked open one eye irritably, "My bed, get out. Besides, you seemed to be content with being rude and watching TV and ignoring me."
"I'll hardly take up any room," Allen protested, crawling over to the far side and squishing himself on the edge.
"My gods," Hitomi muttered to herself, wondering what the benefit of having him over was. Allen, not the complete idiot, sensed Hitomi's annoyance.
"Yeah whatever, I know when I'm not wanted," he drawled, swinging the bangs out of his eyes and shutting his blue gaze. The drowsy effect of being in her bed began to take hold of her, and throwing her arms over her head and rolling onto her stomach, she shut her eyes as well. But she couldn't fall asleep, not with the blonde in the bed. Concentrating on his breathing, she noted that it was loud and steady, indicating he was probably asleep.
Curiouser, and curiouser, however; wheneverthe breathswould break up, showing that he had probably woken up for a few moments, he inched closer and closer. After probably ten minutes of Hitomi tensing up and listing off reasons why Allen was annoying her more often recently, she felt his arm drape over hers. Her droopy eyelids snappedopen like rolling blinds on a crisp morning.
But she made no protest. Notyet, at least.
A few minutes passed, and he had his arm around her torso, occasionally burying his unshaven face into her smooth neck.
"Um, Allen, what are you doing?" Hitomi asked finally after a few more moments of him smushing himself against her.
"Snuggling," he replied dazedly, "Mmm… You smell nice."
"Don't I smell like cigarettes?" she replied flatly, and he made a noise of protest.
"You smell like flowers."
She wanted to slap herself on the forehead. How original. It was odd, though. Despite the wariness she felt when she met Allen, he had actually grown on her. He was charming, not too arrogant, and earthy. Attractive, and handsome in that offbeat rocker kind of way, he had an appeal that some girls just couldn't resist.
But that appeal was wearing away fast for Hitomi. He had shown unusual amounts of pride when she had quit cigarettes, and although it was sweet; telling someone how proud you were of them over and over began to sound belittling.
Also, he didn't shave, but couldn't grow a beard, so sporadic areas of stubble would appear on his face. He didn't smell nice, like the outdoors—
Never mind. The point was, he didn't smell nice. He really needed to get some new clothes, and he needed a bloody haircut. Supposedly, he was a very good kisser according to gossip from the girls at the Fanel building, but how could someone kiss well when their breath smelt so dead?
"I hate men," Hitomi declared, as if to emphasize a certain point.
"I'm sorry, 'Tomi," Allen mumbled, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek.
"Um," she muttered a silent 'ew', "Thanks." She drummed her nails in a silent beat against her sheets before propping herself up on her elbows. "For the sake of the gods Allen, get off my bed."
"It's so big, I'm not in your way," Allen argued, settling deeper beneath the comforters. On her last thread, her eyes widened considerably when a hand was placed first around her waist before dropping down to her ass. He felt her tense up. "Sorry, that's your butt isn't it."
"Yes." Yes, she was feeling a little hostile.
"It's very nice," he offered, using his nonchalantly charming tone. "Do you work out?"
"No," a vice grip landed on his wrist. "I don't." The offending limb was thrown off. The shrill ring of the telephone interrupted the odd atmosphere, and sitting up and throwing her comforter onto the floor she ran and grabbed the phone.
"Hello?"
There was a silence.
"Hello?" repeated, sounding very impatient.
"Hi."
Cold gripped her senses and suddenly she was very still.
She didn't say anything; she didn't have to.
"You know it's the annual Christmas party tomorrow," Van spoke into the phone, as if that explained everything. Closing her eyes, and taking a deep breath, she coiled the phone cord around her wrist tightly.
"Yes. So?"
Taking a sip of his black coffee, Van rubbed his head. Dark eyes stared out through the windows into the depths of the city, contemplating his next choice words.
"Never mind."
"Just spit it out Van," Hitomi snapped exasperatedly. "You called, don't waste my time. We're not in high school," she added, referring to the fact that he was beating around the bush just because they were no longer dating.
"A lot of the guests suddenly can't make it, and that's bad publicity. So I'm rounding up as many people as I can to come."
"So, you can afford my absence," she replied mechanically. "One extra guest won't make a difference."
"Numbers add up Hitomi," Van shot into the phone, loosening his tie and taking another gulp of his coffee. "Come on."
"You're not very good at charming people, are you," she rolled her eyes. "Look, I hardly know anyone there, and I don't have a dress formal enough."
"You've never been one to be bad at socializing, and I'll get the company to buy you a dress." He was wise to not say that he would buy her a dress.
"Even if it's Oscar de la Renta?" she asked, naming a high end designer that was ridiculously expensive but gorgeous.
"Yeah whatever, just don't buy a dress made of gold or something."
"Aw, then I guess I can't come," she replied sarcastically. "I've been working out all this time so I could actually support all that metal."
"Nice try," Van said, his tone void of humor, or even sarcasm. "It starts at seven, I'll have a company credit card delivered to you by tonight so you can pick up a dress tomorrow."
"Can I get my hair and nails done as well?" It wasn't really a question.
"You're such a pain in the ass," he snapped, "Fine. Bye."
She should have felt triumphant. But hearing his voice again only made things worse. And his last comment hadn't felt like it had been out of exasperation; it felt like he had actually meant it. She had unfortunately forgotten how good he was at hurting somebody's feelings—a lesson that she, out of all people, should have memorized well. However, there was one benefit at the hurt, stinging sensation he had just caused in her chest.
Hitomi Kanzaki was going to look bloody fantastic tomorrow if it killed her.
"Who was that?" Allen ambled out of her bedroom, stretching his arm.
"Dad, he wants me to pick something up, guess you'll have to go," Hitomi lied pertly, picking up his shoes and opening the door.
"What?" Allen managed to say before she threw his shoes out onto the ancient carpeting of the hallway and pushed him out. Locking the door and dusting off her hands, she suddenly felt much better. The holidays had a lot more potential suddenly.
Smoking was like shopping. The longer you went without, the worse a girl got. But once you had that first puff, or in this case, that first whiff of pale chiffon, it was like pure ecstasy.
Okay, so maybe smoking wasn't exactly like shopping. What with the minor side notes of cancer and such.
But still. A girl could paint a picture.
A/N: Haha, didn't take long to update, no time at all ;; But yeah, my writing is crappy now so it's all goooood. Erm, any rushiness regarding this chapter is due to the fact that if I didn't, I'd never write lol. I get very impatient.
Again, Nobody Said It Was Easy; STILL practically done, but those two trasitional bits I have to write are so hard.
If anyone wants to bounce ideas seriously, you can add me on MSN (check my profile). You COULD add me on AIM but that sort of annoys me, but if you think you're just that awesome, go ahead :P
...as for the sketchy ending, I was SUPPOSED to write a whole big Hitomi entering the store etc scene, but I was lazy, so I just left it at that so I could jump to her leaving or something in the next chapter.
REVIEW please :) smiles winningly It keeps that update gap from lasting 5 years instead of 1 XD guilty Sorry! Oh well, many other more talented writers around anywhoo to keep you going.
I adore you guys, to absolute tiny little bits:D