WARNING! THis chapter contains mild religious and political humor.
Long ago, there were only two beings living in the universe: Aiden and Evan. They ruled together for quintillions of years, far before the beginning began to begin.
Aiden was a very polite individual. He loved to talk about his hobbies to nobody in particular, as there were only two living beings in the universe, and Evan was uninterested in most everything that Aiden had to say. There isn't much to say about Aiden.
Evan, however, was not as nice as his brother. He would occasionally tease him, and, when the first planets started to form, he would occasionally blow one of Aiden's planets up just for fun. Basically, he was a giant prick, and very lazy, too.
One day (If days were even valid back then), in 666 billion B.C.E, Evan took two of Aiden's planets (Planet America and Planet Trump to be specific) and smashed them together. He expected them to be destroyed, as usual, but this time, but this time, things ended differently. He watched in awe as the two planets fused together to create something entirely different. It was a giant, hairy, ear-shaped being that smelled of sulphur and dead fish. Aiden was amazed at this curious invention, despite the rancid smell.
Evan, however, was disgusted. He grabbed the ear-shaped being, which Aiden had dubbed "Slup", and and tore it apart. Dark matter flew in all directions, and that dark matter clumped together to form more planets and stars. They greeted the two with shining lights and shimmering glows, but the two did not accept their greeting.
Aiden was angry at Evan for destroying Slup. He roared a mighty roar that could be heard all the way from the other side of time, and smashed two of Evan's planets, Arm and leg, together out of spite. What became of those planets was truly phenomenal. Out of the wreck arose a human-like figure— something that had never been seen before. It was normal shaped— eyes, ears, torso and all— except for one aspect. It had five arms on each side of its magnificent torso, and three legs on each side of its waist. It was as if something had sparked inside of the universe, a spark that symbolized a flicker of hope.
The new creature snapped its fingers on all of its hands and its toes on all of its feet. And with that snap, Aiden and Evan immediately exploded into clouds of dark matter. That dark matter proceeded to create the largest galaxy in the universe— the spiraling mass of dust, stars and emptiness that we call "Legónstra". Some say it only exists in fairy tales.
This new ruler of the universe declared himself "Lord of the Limbs" shortly after. He conjured up something special, something we all know of today, out of the rare light matter that he summoned from the stars. That something is called life. The beginning had officially begun.