A/N I thought I would get these first few chapters up pretty quickly, but the next chapter will probably not be up until late this week or next.
Chapter 2: Patronuses
Breakfast the next morning was subdued. Everyone was there, waiting for Dumbledore to speak and expecting an owl from home with worry written all over it. Several students were finishing letters to their parents to send back. Two more students were to leave for home that day. There was worry and anticipation in the room, but relief as well. Hogwarts was still safe, and no ones' immediate family had been attacked.
James and Sirius were tearing through their Daily Prophet for details of the attack, just as many other students were tearing through theirs. There was no good news to report. It was an older couple, normally unattached to politics who had died. They had invited muggle relatives over for a short, carefree weekend visit, but instead the auror department had removed four bodies from the house that morning.
"Disgusting" Sirius hissed under his breath. "For having family over? How did they even know? Why would they give a damn about somebody's private life?" Everyone in Sirius's vicinity knew the answer; Sirius knew it better than most, blood purity, mingling with lesser beings. No one answered him.
Across the table Peter was writing furiously to his mother, his forehead creased with worry. He sealed the letter twenty minutes before the first classes of the day were to start, and just as Dumbledore finally rose to his feet.
"Good morning students, and what a morning it is." For a brief moment Dumbledore's eyes wandered to the ceiling where blue skies and a rare winter sun glinted off to one side. "I, as well as many of you, have been shaken by recent events. Let me assure you that within Hogwarts bounds you are quite safe, and with this let me also remind you that that protection extends only to the ends of our grounds. It would be wise not to venture further out." The marauders waited for the man's eyes to creep past their table before they looked up again.
"And therefore, I am most sorry to inform you that myself, and several other staff members here, believe it is within everyone's best interest to cancel the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend." There was general moaning across the hall. James looked to his left, Sirius was grumbling and leaning back in his chair, surely, like himself, planning their next, non-school-sponsored trip to Hogsmeade. Peter and Remus may not have even heard the news as Peter was trying to tie the note to his mother's grey owl and Remus was checking over a Potions essay. Across from him, Lily may have been the only person in the room smiling.
"Wonderful."
James looked at her, baffled and a little hurt. "Lily! We had a date! We had a date scheduled for that outing!"
Lily looked at him apologetically. "I know, I just. This will give me more of chance to keep up with NEWT work and it'll also give Remus a chance to teach me how to do the patronus charm." She looked to her right to Remus. James shot him an annoyed look.
"I guess that will work, it's not like I'm doing anything else now." Remus answered not looking up and putting a final touch on his essay.
James turned to gape at Lily. "Really? You'd rather spend the day studying than eating a meal with me at Puddyfoots?"
Lily shrugged. "It's not like we have a choice. It's not like we're going to sneak out to go there." She said matter-of-factly then gave James a meaningful we-are-not-sneaking-out look before rising from the table.
"Wait, when did Remus agree to teach you to make a patronus, and not us?" Sirius asked letting the front two legs of his chair fall back to the ground.
Remus gathered up his things for class. "Last night Padfoot, you were there." he reminded.
"How do you remember that, you were sloshed?"
"I wasn't, and anyway I have very good memory when I'm not at 100%" Remus said pointedly while standing up and gathering his things. He and Lily left the great hall heading for class and leaving James, Sirius, and Peter alone to think about their impending weekend and how they would be seemingly trapped on school grounds.
Time, as it always did, flickered on without care for the petty atrocities happening among the living, and the students carried on for there were classes to attend, notes to take, homework to finish, meals to eat, and late night detentions to serve. James and Sirius, not unusually, were expected in separate ones. They took their two-way mirrors, tucked away in their pockets, and as James scrubbed the floors of the potions classroom on his hands and knees and Sirius de-bugged the closets on the first floor they chatted.
The task favored James and he finished early heading back to the tower and when Sirius finally finished he stowed his mirror and headed back himself.
The hallways were quiet that evening but not deserted. Mixed house couples were sneaking off to slide behind tapestries, late night studiers were stumbling back from the library hidden behind the bindings of books. Sirius smiled at passing girls and got a few interested smiles in return, but nothing came of it. He was splotched in insect juice, smelled of acid stinkbugs, and was altogether not at his most attractive.
He whistled as he rounded the corner to at the top of the marble staircase, light hearted about his night of freedom, but was thrown off as he ran headfirst into a thin framed, black-headed student. The boy's books went flying out of his arms and he immediately dove for them. Their covers, Sirius noted, were dark and printed with skulls and cauldrons.
"Regulus?" Sirius said surprised, as the boy restacked the books and stood back up, staggering under their weight. The boy tried to hold a confident pose under his older brother's stare.
"Hello Sirius- Oh god what is that?" He asked backing up suddenly and waving his hand in the air as if something reeked. It did.
"Stink-bug I believe. Isn't it lovely? The fresh sent of a detention well spent, don't you think?" He replied, wafting the scent toward his brother.
"It's gross, go change." Regulus said pulling the collar of his shirt up over his nose.
"I was just heading there, but I thought I might knock your enlightening literature out of your arms first." Sirius said stepping forward and pulling the top book off Regulus's stack. "Insipid Poisons and How to Brew Them" Sirius read the title. "Did you get this from the restricted section?"
"No." Regulus replied a little too quickly. Sirius raised an eyebrow. Regulus let his shirt fall from his face. "Why should that even matter?" he coughed at the scent of bugs hitting his nose again.
"Listen, I don't mean to ditch, but can I please have that back, I have a thing to get to." Regulus said reaching out for the book.
"A Death Eater meeting?" Sirius asked holding the book out of his brother's reach. He was delighted to find he still had a few inches on the smaller boy. Sirius considered flipping through the book to see what his brother was up to, but the cover reminded him of home, and honestly, it was making him a bit sick. He handed the book back to his brother holding onto just the corner as if it were covered in the nasty bug stink instead of himself. Regulus took the book lightly from his brother and set it upon the stack, but he didn't scamper off.
"Hey Sirius?" Regulus began, sounding solemn suddenly.
"Yes, dear brother." Sirius replied sarcastically, trying not to sound intrigued.
"I was just wondering if you still had the family tree broach? You wore it when you stormed out of the house." Regulus looked nervous. He and Sirius didn't speak much, and certainly not about the day Sirius had left.
Sirius scoffed, he had hoped his brother was about to ask him about something important. No, instead he was just interested in a family heirloom; worried his older brother would mock him for asking for it.
"What would you want with that?" Sirius grumbled, not sure he hadn't chucked the broach out of the Potter's third floor window.
"I could use it for a meeting." Regulus said, not saying what meeting it was for.
"What, so you can prove you're from the Noble and Most Asshole Family Black?" Sirius bit. Regulus shrugged. Guilty, Sirius decided. He briefly considered explaining to Regulus again just what he was getting into, but it wouldn't work, it never did. Instead Sirius glared up at the expansive ceiling. "I'll look." he agreed, walking past his brother, making certain to hit him hard in the shoulder as he passed.
A broach, his brother wanted a broach so he could prove he was a Black to his Death Eater friends. This bothered Sirius much more than he thought it would.
He reached the Gryffindor common room in a huff. There Peter and Remus were entrenched in a game of Wizard's Chess. James had pulled out his notebook where he kept his best schemes and was pouring over it thoughtfully. "Sirius take over for me?" Remus asked getting to his feet and looking over to the women's dorms.
"Date?"
"I've got Prefect duty," He explained. Sirius looked behind him. Lily was just coming down the stairs, her hair pulled back in a no-nonsense bun, and her head-girl badge pinned threateningly onto her robes.
"Sure." Sirius agreed dryly, while Remus smiled jovially at Lily and followed her out to the hall. He could hear Lily dive into an explanation of a book she had just finished and couldn't help but laugh at the pair. He turned back to James and Peter and noticed with surprise that James was also watching the pair, but not with amusement.
"What's got you so pissy?" Sirius asked sitting in Remus's abandoned spot at James's feet.
"Nothing. You?"
"Reg."
"Prick." They finished together. Despite everything, James was still the only person allowed to call Regulus that particular name. To everyone's surprise Sirius had hexed off a Ravenclaw's eyebrows the previous year after she called Regulus a good-for-nothing nutter. His reasoning was hard to explain, especially to James, but he'd been raised with the idiot, and up until five minutes ago he thought there might still be hope to win him over to their side. "What are you planning?" Sirius asked James, trying to distract himself from his brother's request.
"Date with Lily." Peter answered for him, making a move on the board. Sirius smirked and James kicked Peter lightly in the side.
"I want to do something special for her. I'm also trying to figure out an army." James said tilting his notebook to the side so he could better see his war plans scrawled sideways across the paper.
"We'll figure something out James, just give it time." Sirius replied scrunching his face and countering Peter's move. "Let's just enjoy being seventh-years first."
James shrugged half-heartedly then began sniffing the air. "What is that?" He asked making a face.
"Bug juice, mate."
"Gross!" James' face matched his words, and instead of leaving to shower Sirius pulled his robe off over his head, leaving himself standing in just his boxers and a t-shirt, before beginning to try and smother James with the garb. The other marauder retaliated by kicking, and soon Sirius and James were on the floor swearing and wrestling until the chess game was knocked over and forgotten, as well as the broach, and the war.
Besides the occasional profit article, or side conversation in the hallway the week passed without news about the Hogsmeade attack, but the week wasn't completely uneventful. To Lily's derision James and Sirius managed to stick all of Severus's books to the ceiling of the potions classroom. Remus found several more books to help prepare them for NEWTs, and Peter managed to survive one meal with Jeanie before she inevitably found conversation with a Hufflepuff more enlightening.
Peter sulked back to their section of the dinner table Friday night with a disappointed, drooping face. He plopped himself into an open seat next to Sirius and pulled the whole serving bowl of mashed potatoes onto his plate.
"Lost her already then?" Sirius asked consolingly. Peter nodded and used the serving spoon to bring a large portion of potatoes to his mouth. "She doesn't know what she's missing mate." Sirius tried to encourage. "Just think she's over there now, with some Hufflepuff kid, probably getting her ears talked off about ink. . or something."
"Probably the proper method to clean silverware." Remus tried.
"Cleaning. . . Only thing Hufflepuffs get jobs in anyway." Sirius agreed.
"Their first date's probably going to be homework." James added. "Which isn't a real date." he added as an aside to Remus. "Look at it this way, she's probably going to be miserable with him." Peter was the one who looked miserable though. No one pointed out that Jeanie was leaning halfway across the Hufflepuff table, very much interested in quidditch captain Gregory Aldricks's chiseled jaw.
"I don't want her to be miserable." Peter replied through a mouthful of potatoes. Sirius sighed.
"That's no way to be, you should want her to be at least as miserable as you."
"That's because you're terrible person Padfoot." Remus pointed out. Sirius faked offense and pressed his hand against his heart.
"Moony you destroy me."
"Someone has to." He said leaning over to fish a book out of his bag. Sirius turned back to Peter.
"Look Wormy. We have all weekend to do something fun. Dealer's choice, what do you wanna do?" Peter looked into his dinner.
"Eat."
James and Sirius rolled their eyes.
"No, something actually fun, not something girls do." Sirius explained taking the bowl of potatoes off Peter's plate and setting it in front of a group of staring sixth-year girls who made their disgust obvious.
"We could sneak off somewhere." Sirius said conspiratorially.
"We're not supposed to." Peter reminded, and to this both James and Sirius threw their hands in the air.
"There are laws higher than shouldn't!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Like cheering up a bloke, who just lost his girl to an idiot." James reminded "At least go to the pitch with us tomorrow." He added after a pause.
"Yeah, James and I were gonna practice faking. You can ride his Nimbus around the pitch." Sirius encouraged. Peter shrugged. "We're not letting you mope, so we'll see you down at the pitch at nine tomorrow." James elbowed Sirius. "Ten, ouch, noon, we'll see you at noon. Prongs and I are going on a bender tonight because he doesn't have duty this weekend so we're gonna need to sleep that off, so noon." Sirius explained.
"Moony you coming?" James asked. Remus mumbled something from behind a book on ancient Runes.
"Moony we can't hear you when you've glued yourself into the binding of a book." Sirius said in a way that reminded James of his mother. Sirius reached across the table and lowered the book out of Remus face.
"I'm teaching Lils how to do a patronus tomorrow." He said closing his book and rubbing his bloodshot eyes. James squinted at his use of Lily's nickname, but didn't say anything.
"You're letting these NEWTs kill you mate, you should go play quidditch with us." Sirius insisted.
"I promised her."
"Fair enough, why don't we play quidditch and then you can teach all of us the patronus-thingy afterward?" James bargained. Remus's eyes bounced between his friends.
"Lily actually wants to learn how to do this. I don't want her to be all messed up because you lot are acting like. . . .you lot."
"We won't act like ourselves, we'll act like yourselves." Sirius explained.
"Positively Prefect-like." James beamed.
"Knowing the patronus charm for the NEWTs wouldn't hurt." Peter stated uncertainly.
"You can come if you'll take it seriously." Remus conceded.
"So you'll come play quidditch?" James said.
Remus squinted at him "I don't think I agreed to do that."
"We're meeting at noon, we can do your thing at like-"
"Three –ish. Three work for you Prongs?"
"Works for me. Three it is." James and Sirius smiled at Remus, rather happy with themselves. Remus forked his last bite of desert grumpily and opened his book back up.
Lily was just beginning to get annoyed when not only Remus, but James, Sirius, and Peter tromped into the charms classroom twenty minutes late. They were sniffling, red from the cold, sweaty, dirty and carrying brooms. "Really?" She grumbled as James and Sirius laughed and started peeling off layers of winter clothing leaving them strewn on the classroom floor. Remus sat down before taking off his ratty hat and gloves a light smile dancing on his face.
"Sorry about that, it was a close game and someone had to win legitimately or we'd have to hear about it for the next week." Remus apologized nodding accusingly at James and Sirius who were mock shoving each other while trying to take off mud-caked boots.
"So Patronuses." Remus tried to jump in, pulling his coat off and standing back up. He rubbed his hands together and turned slowly, evaluating the space they were in; the usual charms classroom, with the raised seating around the edges. He decided, arbitrarily on the side of the room closest to the door and had them line up.
"This is a charm, used mainly for the defense against dementors." Remus began.
"We know what it is Professor Moony, just get on with it." Sirius reminded motioning for Remus to hurry up.
Remus coughed and jumped ahead. "Okay, so it's mostly a positive force of good, that-" Sirius motioned again, and Remus glowered at him. "So you'll need two things. One, the incantation and the right wand movements, obviously, but you'll also need the positive force, the good energy." James and Sirius snorted in disbelief.
"We just have to have a happy thought?" James asked.
"Like Stephanie Wilson?" Sirius winked, leaning on James shoulder as they continued to chortle.
"Like a really good one or you're gonna get kissed by a dementor, and no one wants that." Remus replied annoyed, then smoothly turned to the front of the class.
He breathed in then bellowed "Expecto patronum!" James and Sirius's smirks dropped as a large wolf stormed from the tip of Remus's wand and skittered to a stop. With a nudge from Remus's wand it began to scamper around the classroom.
Remus's concentration was fully on holding the charm steady but as the wolf dashed around stopping to sniff Sirius Remus noticed how white his friend's face had become and before he could stop it the patronus flickered away in a puff of worry. There was a short moment of pause before Lily "wowed", and the marauders were drawn back into the charms room and away from thoughts of full moons.
Sirius and James stood straighter in their short line up. "A happy thought." Remus reiterated a little nervously. "And 'expecto patronum'".
Everyone mumbled it with him a few times and practiced the wand movements. Remus listened in on each person's repeat correcting Peter's "patronus" with "patronum", then told them once again to find a truly, unquestionably happy thought to fully concentrate on, then let them give it a try. Within three tries they had each produced a puff of smoke and James had gone so far as to have something that resembled an animal. After some more concentration and attempts with different happy thoughts James stopped them.
"We need to practice this with an actual dementor though? Right? Doing this now is all well and good, but you can't do this with a dementor actually breathing down your neck, can you?" Remus had to admit he had never tried it in such a dire situation. He shrugged.
"Where would we get a dementor?" Peter queried.
"Dunno. I'm just saying." James said spinning his wand between his fingers nonchalantly.
"You make a good point, but maybe you should actually get a patronus before you worry about facing down dementors?" Remus reminded then tried to turn back to their practice.
Sirius had just gotten an almost dog-like creature by the time they broke for dinner.
Afterward, Sirius, James and Peter elected to head back to the dorms to shower instead of continuing on with patronus lessons. James, at least, suspected he could have the charm down by the following weekend if he tried. Sirius just wanted to get the mud out of his ears, and Peter looked ready to fall asleep where he stood. Lily and Remus waved the three away as they continued back to the charms classroom.
"What do you think your patronus is going to be?" Remus asked glancing to Lily as they trudged up a flight of stairs.
She shrugged, "Yours was a wolf?" She asked, and Remus immediately regretted asking the question. He should have guessed it would lead back to his.
"Yeah, a wolf." He mumbled trying to find something else to say. "Did you hear about the French Minister denying asylum to those three half-blood families?" Remus asked suddenly. Lily shook her head. "Oh" Remus mumbled, they had gotten to the door of the charms classroom. He held the door open for Lily as they crossed into the room. "So you want to try it a few more times?" He asked.
Lily nodded with a smile, "I think I just need to find a really happy thought." She said, and she appeared to be thinking. Her head was tilted slightly to the side as if something was coming to her. "What was James's patronus again?" She asked. Remus didn't need to think hard about the answer, despite James's patronus never being full formed.
"A stag." He replied.
Lily smiled a little then prepared herself to repeat the incantation. "Expecto patronum" she said clearly, and this time the puff of smoke from her wand almost took a form; four legs and smooth brown-tinged skin. Remus smiled brightly at the sight of it. The head girl tried to keep the form, but in her surprise at it having a form she became distracted and it fizzled quickly. "Wow!" She smiled delightedly. "That was-"
"It was a doe." Remus laughed. "You made a doe." He repeated looking at her a little oddly now. Lily was still staring eagerly at the place where the creature had just been.
"Wow." She whispered, as she moved to try it again, but she stopped when Remus's smiled faltered and he suddenly looked at her rather intently.
"You really like James don't you? You like him- for like the long haul?" Remus asked. He didn't blink and his stare didn't waver. Lily suddenly felt a pressing weight on her chest. She wasn't sure about Remus. There had always been something about him, but he had never made a move, and she had never wanted to, and then she fell for James. Fell hard. Eventually she nodded.
"Yes. I think I am." She whispered.
Something seemed to be halting behind Remus's eyes and Lily stumbled to fix whatever was going on. "I know. I know we-" She wasn't sure what to say to comfort him. "I know we have a history. We are both prefects, and you always seemed nicer than, well. . . and I know we've been studying together a lot this semester. It's just, we're good friends. Not . . " Remus didn't seem to be reacting to her words. He seemed lost in his own thoughts and just as she began to worry that he would do something completely out of character, he did.
"Lily I'm a werewolf." Remus told her in one breath, completely cutting off her rambling.
Lily's hands shot to her mouth and she involuntarily took a step back. Her brain was at war with itself. Severus's words, and pictures from Defense Against the Dark Arts, all juxtaposed against the boy who stood in front of her, one hand reaching out placating, pleading with her to stay calm, to stay put. He pulled out his wand and locked the door to the charms room nervously. Lily twitched at the sound of the lock clicking and Remus immediately sound proofed the room. A spell he could do without words.
When he finished the spell he looked at her with panic written on every line of his face. "That's why, that's what's. . " Remus tried to explain, but no words seemed right. "The necklace. We'll that's really James' story. . . Gah! I should have waited." Remus took panicked breaths and stepped away. "Dammit. I'm so sorry. I should have waited for Peter and James and Sirius before I told you. Lily. I'm so sorry." He stuttered.
Lily tried to shake out her hands, shake the confusion out of her head. She tried to run the last couple of sentences out of her head. Impossible. Her heart was beating as fast as her mind was reeling. Werewolf. There was nothing wolf-like about Remus Lupin. Not a sneer, not a curse, barely a word out of place, nothing but his name. "I'm so sorry." He repeated. She wanted to yell at him to shut up, wanted to call him a liar. She wanted to be mad at him for telling her this now, or for not saying something sooner, not saying something before she had the chance to get to know him. Before she cared about him so much.
Remus had slowly backed up to stand next to his pile of clothes draped over a chair. He looked more nervous than she had ever seen him in her life. Werewolf. Her brain reminded her. After several moments of breathing and shaking her head she managed to squeak out. "Not a prank." Remus shook his head sadly. "No, no, not a prank." Lily internalized, not sure if she was relieved or not. Her brain considered running from the room, but her legs didn't seem ready to comply. Nothing coherent came to her for several minutes.
To Remus it felt like hours. He shouldn't have told her, not here, not now. But he felt that if he hadn't spat it out at that second it would have never come out. He and the marauders would have gone to their graves, Lily's next to James's, keeping his secret from her. Now he had to comfort himself with the fact that she hadn't run.
When she still didn't speak he felt like he needed to get the most important information off his chest. "Lily this is a huge secret. You can't tell anyone." Once again she shook her head, looking as if she were trying to keep tears from forming in her eyes. He didn't know what the headshake meant. "You don't ever have to talk to me again after today. You can forget I exist. I'll leave you alone, whatever, I don't care." He pleaded. Lily's hand went back to her mouth. "I won't even sit with the guys, you can, you can have them." He choked out, trying not to think about the consequences of that promise, but he would give the world for her not to tell. He had five months left until graduation, something no werewolf had yet achieved and he would fight for it. But still the sound of this bargain rang hollow in his chest. "Lily please, don't tell."
Slowly she dropped her hands. She took in a deep, shuddering breath. Tears were now openly falling down her cheeks. "Lily?"
"Won't tell." She hiccupped through a sob looking directly at Remus for the first time since he had spat out the truth. Bright green eyes meeting grey, but the broken sincerity in his was like a punch to the gut. "Promise." She added as another stream of tears trickled down her cheeks and she had to look away.
She was sad for him. After everything she had felt she realized beneath it all she was hopelessly sad, and she didn't know what to do about it. Suddenly his poverty, ripped clothes, the patronus, his self-deprecating humor, maybe even his days in the hospital wing made sense, and it hurt. More than the anger at him for not telling her, or the fear, or the nerves, she was sad.
"Why?" She finally whispered.
Remus stood his ground on the far side of the room. She still hadn't fled. Carefully he started, "It was a werewolf, I don't know who. They were probably unlucky, just like me. I was young, and it just happened."
"No." Lily tried to explain what she was really asking. "Why you?"
Remus didn't know how to respond. What did she mean? Remus couldn't think of what to do. She was crying so much. Should he reach out, hug her? James would hug her, of course he couldn't do that, especially now. He flustered next to his discarded winter clothes.
Lily looked around the room nervously for several seconds, pictures of claws, matted fur, screaming faces, and blood flashed across her memory until she couldn't stand to be in the charms room any longer. "I need to, um. I have to. . .go." She said turning and making sure she had everything she needed in her schoolbag before rushing out the door, Remus unlocking it with a flick of his wrist. Then he was left standing stunned as she raced back up to the common room.
She wasn't sure where she was going until she was standing, shivering in front of a clean and fresh smelling James Potter. He sat in his favorite chair in the back "plotting" corner of the common room.
"Lils?" He jerked, looking up at her from his quidditch strategy book where he was scratching notes. He stood quickly and rested his warm hands on her shaking forearms.
"Remus." She whispered, feeling tears burning in her eyes again, she sniffled. She was never a graceful crier. She looked James seriously in the eyes, and he guessed what had happened. The marauders had talked about it but Remus had jumped in without them. He internally cursed his friend. This was unexpected; it wasn't how this was supposed to go.
James sat back down on the large chair and pulled Lily into his lap. She curled into him, not saying a word. He wrapped his arms around her, kissed her warm hair and waited as she cried. "It's okay, I promise it's okay. It's still just Remus." He reminded her softly in her ear.
Lily's crying slowed and Sirius stumbled down the stairs still drying his hair on an ex-girlfriend's fluffy pink towel. He caught James's eye and his friend jerked his head to the door. Sirius mouthed "PMS?" James rolled his eyes and jerked his head to the door again. Sirius raised his eyebrows and James made his best werewolf face impression and jerked his head toward the door again. Sirius's eyes got wide and he looked at Lily then the door as if expecting to see Remus standing there in full werewolf form. Instead two giggling second years slipped through the portrait hole and scrambled for an empty couch in the corner. Sirius ruffled his hair and wandered back up to the dorm room. In a minute he was clambering back down the stairs pulling on shoes. "Pete's in the shower, send him after me when he's out, yeah?" Sirius asked as he wandered to the door. James nodded and ran his hand through Lily's red hair comfortingly.
"I promise it's going to be okay." James reminded again. Lily nodded into his shirt. She was breathing steadily again. She had cried herself out.
"Merlin." She said pushing herself away from his chest and staring at the tearstains darkening his grey Mooning the Centaurs band t-shirt. "He's okay?" She asked shutting her eyes from the post-crying headache she could feel coming on.
James nodded. "He's fine, he's just a little… off on the full moons."
Lily nodded slowly.
"How did you not tell me this earlier?" She asked, but before James could come up with something Lily answered herself. "I know. It's a secret." She said letting out a breath and opening her eyes to look at James. "You were going to tell me on my birthday?" She realized reaching up for the deer necklace around her neck and thinking about their nicknames.
"Yeah." James said briefly glancing at Lily's fingers wrapping around the silver chain and following their path down to the charm dangling from the end.
"What's with the deer then?" She asked.
James sat up straighter, bringing Lily with him. They readjusted as James glanced around for possible eavesdroppers. "We figured something out fifth year" he started, "that's prongs" he pointed to her necklace. He continued with the story glancing around as he went on to tell her of the marauder's greatest achievement yet.
Remus wasn't in the Charms classroom, and his discarded winter clothes had similarly disappeared, but James would have seen him if he had come into the common room, Sirius thought to himself. So where would he be?
He grumbled internally as he headed toward the library, the other boy's home-away-from-home. The idiot had told Lily without them! Sirius wondered what else he had told her, if anything. If "werewolf" was his opening act it didn't seem like there would have been much time afterward to break the news about the map or the invisibility cloak. He hoped Peter would be smart enough to grab the map before looking for them, because if Sirius had his way he was dragging Remus to the kitchen for chocolate cake, and Peter would be scouring the castle for hours looking for them.
The library was quiet and almost empty when he arrived. Nervous fifth-years hovered around tables and whispered about OWLS, but other students were in their common rooms enjoying their Saturday night. The librarian, an old man already in his striped pajamas, was snoring behind the desk.
Sirius didn't find Remus at his usual table, but did find a pile of his winter clothes. He picked up the boys faded Gryffindor hat that must have been second hand when he got it. He sighed and set it atop the pile, thinking.
"What are you doing here?" A voice mumbled from behind. Remus could sneak up on the best of them.
"Looking for you actually, need advice about a love potion, or a boiling, flesh-eating potion. I have uses for either." Sirius quipped.
"Shouldn't use love potions, and I don't want to know who the other potion might be for." Remus stated plainly setting a large stack of books down on the table. Sirius read some of the titles; "Dark Creatures of Europe", "Registered Werewolves of London", "Species of the Department of Magical Beings", "Species of the Department of Beasts", "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."
Sirius whistled "Just a bit of light reading you got there?"
Remus avoided eye contact and made as if he were headed back toward the stacks before Sirius could grab him and wheel him back around. "chat time." Sirius stated. He picked up the top book on the stack and opened it to a random page. Dust puffed out in a grey plume and Sirius tried to blow it away from his face, but ended up coughing and sending more dust into the air.
Remus stared, but didn't walk away, suspecting he would just be dragged back.
"What are you looking for anyway?" Sirius asked replacing the book.
"We found one once." Remus sighed motioning to the pile.
"One what?"
Remus stared for a second then explained. "A book that didn't" he paused, flustered, "make me sound terrible." He finished weakly. "I can't remember which one it was."
Sirius knitted his eyebrows, "Of Wizards and . . something" he stated. "Yeah, James and I stole it from the restricted section, apparently someone had issues with people thinking werewolves could also be normal wizards." Sirius grumbled.
Remus threw his hands in the air defeated. "great."
"nah it's fine, we never returned it, we've been keeping it under James's bed for years." Sirius explained nonchalantly. Remus looked at him like he had grown a second head.
"We read that in third year."
"And parts of it every year since." Sirius said. "We pull it out when you're passed out in the infirmary." Remus continued to stare. "It's ironic!" Sirius tried joking.
"Well, then, can we give it to Lily, or let her read it or something?" Remus asked motioning to the pile of books. "These are rubbish and she's never gonna believe me, and-"
"You don't want to lose her?"
"No, I don't. I don't want to lose you guys either." Remus continued. Sirius looked surprised. "James would pick her." Remus explained.
Sirius looked horrified but thankfully an out of breath voice managed to chime in from between the stacks. "James might." it said "but I never would." Peter ruffled beads of water out of his hair and held the map up to show them how he had found them. Remus almost smiled at his oldest friend, standing nervously in between the ends of the stacks. Peter didn't do heartfelt well.
"James wouldn't have to pick." Sirius decided. "He'd find a way to choose both, but something tells me he won't have to."
Remus reached out and touched the worn binding of the top book. Who knew how many Hogwarts students had opened that book to the pages on werewolves, where teeth and myths about silver and constant bloodlust were woven? How many students at Hogwarts would accept him as he was?
"She was okay then?" Remus asked, assuming now, that Sirius had seen Lily at some point.
"She seemed okay when I left." Peter explained. "She was." He motioned to his neck. "Playin' with her necklace. Almost smilin' I'd say. I think he was explaining things better."
"See Moony, nothing to worry about." Sirius consoled reaching out and patting Remus on the shoulder.
Remus let go of the book edge and let out a breath he may have been holding since he had realized he would have to tell her someday. He nodded, reassuring himself that it would be okay.
"Let's get rid of these books and head back to the common room." Sirius said, but when Remus made to place them back on the shelf Sirius once again stopped him in his tracks. "I meant get rid of them." Sirius repeated more clearly. The dark-haired boy looked around for the librarian, then walked to the closest window. He gently opened it, letting in the cold night air. "This'll do." He said eyeing up the landscape.
"Sirius no, we're not." Remus started as Sirius walked back to them.
"Yes we are." Sirius countered and grabbed the top book. Flicking out his wand he walked over to the window, set the book alight with one of Remus's favorite spells, and chucked the flaming book into the night air. "Goodbye rubbish."
"Sirius that's a book!" Remus croaked in pain rushing to the window. The pages of the book were burning quickly sending pieces of ash floating into the air.
"It was a shit book, now it's a fireworks show for all the kiddies snogging on the lawn." Sirius smirked walking over to grab two more books. Remus almost snatched them back, but stopped himself, swallowed and honestly thought about what was going on.
Back at the window now Sirius held out one of the books, enticing to the werewolf to join. Remus looked around again for the librarian, or any other witness and then stared down at the book.
"I'm not sure I can-"
"Shut up and do it" Sirius pressed. Remus flustered but grabbed the book out of Sirius's hand. He pulled out his wand and without speaking a word set the book alight in blue flames. It book caught quicker than he expected and Sirius had to almost yell at him to chuck it out the window before his sleeve could catch on fire. He was only slightly charred as he watched the flaming book flutter onto the snowy lawn below.
This time however, watching the book filled with misinformation about werewolves go up in flames was a surprisingly beautiful and cathartic sight.