There was a knock at the door early the next morning. Severide answered, and was definitely not expecting the person standing on the porch.
"Antonio, what're you doing here?"
The Intelligence cop looked like he hadn't slept, and like he wouldn't be anytime soon.
"Where's Casey?" he asked.
"He's...I don't know, I don't think he even slept last night," Kelly said, then thought of something, "How'd you know about Casey?"
"Can I come in?"
Severide didn't answer, but he also didn't stop Antonio.
"Voight was getting a tape from the dispatch call center last night when you phoned in," Dawson explained as he took out his phone and pressed something. He held it up and Severide heard the dispatcher's voice.
"911, what is your emergency?"
Then he heard his own voice.
"I need to report a break in, assault with a deadly weapon, battery...and rape."
"Were you assaulted, sir?"
"No, my roommate, I just got home and found him being attacked."
"Is the attacker still in your home?"
"No, he ran out. I don't know where he went."
"Is your roommate conscious, sir?"
"Yes, he's in shock, I rushed him to the hospital."
"Which hospital, sir?"
"Chicago Med. He needs a rape kit, we need a cop over here to help with that."
"Police are on their way. What is your address?"
Antonio pressed something on his phone and stopped the call.
"Voight heard that?" Kelly asked.
"How do you think I got this copy?" Antonio asked. "I know there are already cops on this case but I want you to know that Intelligence has its foot in the investigation too. We want to see this bastard caught just as much as Casey does."
"I don't know about that," Severide said. "Casey didn't want to go to the hospital, he didn't want the kit done, he didn't want anybody knowing, I don't think he wants the cops to find this guy."
"Well it's understandable," Antonio replied, "you know how bad the stigma for rape is already, it's worse for guys, especially any in a position of authority, because then everybody starts wondering 'how could he LET that happen?' Just like when guys are getting the crap beat out of them by their wives, people understand why a woman won't fight back or leave, but they don't understand a man who won't."
Kelly took it all in and told Antonio as he shook his head, "None of this makes any sense."
"I talked to the cops who searched the house last night," Antonio said, "they found no signs of forced entry, it looks like either Casey let this guy in or he had a key."
Severide shook his head. "No way, Casey would never do that."
"Has he lost any keys lately?" Antonio asked.
"No...I don't know..."
"This guy had a knife?" Antonio asked.
"Yeah...I should've told the cops they wouldn't be able to get any prints off it, I used it to cut Casey loose, the bastard had him tied up with duct tape."
"I know," Antonio said, "they bagged it for evidence. Kelly...how are you holding up?"
"Why does everybody keep asking me that?" Kelly asked. "I'm not the one who was attacked!"
"You walked in on your best friend being attacked," Antonio corrected him, "that's something you're going to live with for the rest of your life. And maybe wonder if you could've done more to stop it."
"I did what I could," Kelly replied, "I bashed him over the head, we got into it, I kicked the crap out of him, he ran out...maybe I should've tried following him, maybe I could've caught him, but I had to make sure Casey was alright."
"And is he?"
"I don't know, he ran away from the hospital before they could do the kit," Severide said. "I haven't talked to him since I got back. I know he's mad at me for taking him."
"He's not mad at you, Kelly," Antonio said. "He's mad at the guy who attacked him, and at himself because he couldn't stop it. All the questions that he knows everybody else is going to be asking, he's already gone through them all himself. And there's no answer. Nothing can ever prepare anyone for being raped. And nothing can prepare anybody for what comes next."
"Which is?" Severide asked.
"Say the cops catch this guy, arrest him, it goes to trial, any lawyer he gets is going to turn it all back on Casey, just like they do all the victims. That's why nobody ever wants to press charges, nobody wants a trial, nobody wants their neighbors to know what happened to them. I've learned the statistics on this stuff, half a million rapes occur every year in this country, but only 2% of the rapists ever go to jail. And those are just the ones we know about, how many others do the victims hide from the world because they're too embarrassed or scared to report it?"
"But I don't get it," Kelly said, "Maggie said they could get DNA off Casey's clothes, whether the guy's in the system or not, you catch him, you take his DNA, it's a match, that's proof. I was here, I saw it, eyewitness testimony, that's proof too."
"Eyewitness testimony is highly unreliable," Antonio said.
"You catch this guy, I will pick him out of any lineup, then tell me it's unreliable," Severide told him.
"I'm not questioning your abilities, Severide," Dawson replied. "I'm just letting you know what is in store if they do find this guy and it does go to trial. And I think Casey already has a very good idea about all of it."
"How would he?" Kelly asked.
Antonio explained, "Matt Casey has spent a large part of his life in the courts, the public eye, the media, his mom's trial, the campaign smears, the whole alderman escapade, he knows the system doesn't work in the good guy's favor. And any lawyer worth his weight in slime could turn all of it around on him. And there's something else to consider, Kelly. Maybe part of why he's so eager to drop the whole thing is because he wants to protect you as well."
"Me?" Severide did a double take. "What does that mean?"
"At best, this guy's lawyer could say this was a consensual affair gone sour and Casey is just the bitter ex-lover who likes it rough," Antonio told him. "At worst, he could say that this was a gay love triangle gone wrong and Casey only cried rape because you walked in on him sleeping with another man."
Severide was slow to respond to that because his brain was having trouble taking in what Antonio was saying. However, once it all registered, Kelly summed up his response with a solitary, "WHAT?"
"Think about it, Kelly, you two live together, 'roommates', neither of which has any substantial relationship with any woman, a defense lawyer will milk that to the jury for all it's worth, and all the tabloids will run with it, 'Steamy Gay Firehouse Romance', then all of 51 will be dragged through the mud as well."
Severide shook his head and told Antonio, "I don't care! I know what the truth is, and I'll get up in any court and testify to exactly what happened."
"And you'll keep your cool on the stand as the defense insinuates you and Casey were sweating up the sheets every night and paints you as a hotheaded scorned lover who intimidated Casey into pressing charges against this guy?" Dawson asked.
"Why are you doing this?" Severide asked, "Casey's the victim here."
"I'm just telling you how this will likely go if this actually goes to trial," Antonio said. "There's a reason why most victims don't come forward." There was a pause between them as Severide calmed down, and Antonio added, "I also wanted to give you a heads up, you're still staying with Casey, right?"
"Yeah, I still live here."
"Then you should know for the next several days, or weeks, you're the most likely candidate to be Casey's punching bag," Antonio said. "Right now he's angry and hurting and he's going to take it out on anyone who's available, and right now that's you, and assuming this guy is caught, that's not going to fix it, that's not going to make it all go away, even if it goes to trial and he's convicted, that's not going to fix everything either, he will very likely still have these issues. If you insist on staying with him through this, you're going to have be more patient now than you've probably ever been in your life."
Severide stared at Antonio and said nothing at first, then, firmly but quietly, he responded, "I know. Incase you forgot, Antonio, this isn't my first experience of someone I care about being raped."
Antonio stared back at him and slowly nodded. "I know, I'm sorry." He took a step back and added, "Look, Kelly, I can't tell you for sure what Casey's going to do, just anticipate the next few days being a hundred shades of Sybil. Denial, guilt, anger, depression, he'll switch from one to the other at a moment's notice, he could be triggered by little things you don't even think about. Nightmares, agitation, hostility, insomnia, isolation, flashbacks, PTSD is very common for rape survivors. If Casey decides to get professional help, I can recommend some people."
"I already know someone," Kelly responded.
"Okay, just trying to help," Antonio put the card back in his pocket. "Look Kelly, Casey's very lucky to have you for a friend, just know that he's going to be very hard to live with for the next few days...and try to remember it's not his fault."
Severide nodded. "I understand. Antonio, if you catch this guy..."
"Say no more," Dawson responded. "You saw this guy, you can describe him?"
Kelly nodded. "About my height, little older than me, about 180 or 200 pounds, hair buzzed short, skin was kind of ashy, wearing a green jacket, black shirt, work jeans and...steel toed boots."
"Got it," Antonio said, "if you or Casey see him again, or if he tries to come back...call us instead of 911."
"Got it," Kelly replied. "Thanks, Antonio."
Boden had called everyone else from 2nd Watch and had them all come in. The people on 3rd Watch were very confused, and irritated by having the guys from last shift come in and get in their way. Boden made it clear he was calling an emergency meeting in the briefing room and it would only take a few minutes and then they would be out of 3rd Watch's hair. He hadn't told anybody what it was all about, so everybody showed up in their civilian clothes, all of them very confused and asking one another if anybody knew what it was all about, and none of them did. It slowly dawned on all of them that Casey and Severide were both absent, but still didn't put the pieces together. Boden had everybody come in, sit at their desks, and he explained the situation to all of them the best he could.
When Boden finished with the gory details, he took in everybody's sullen faces as they looked around to one another, trying to make sense of what they'd just been told.
"So that's the situation at hand," he told them. "I don't know yet if Casey will be coming on at next shift or not. I would prefer if he would take time off to recuperate, but as long as he can do his job when he comes in, I won't turn him away if he prefers to stay busy so he doesn't have to dwell on what's happened. As far as he currently knows, nobody from this house except Severide knows what happened last night. And until the CPD comes here to personally deliver an update, there is no reason Casey has to know that we know anything. When he comes in, nobody talk to him about what happened, nobody treat him any differently from any other shift, or he'll know something is up. Severide brought me in on this in strict confidence, and I am telling you so there are no excuses for anybody inadvertently saying or doing anything that could be interpreted wrong and tie back to his attack. Lieutenant Matt Casey needs the support of everyone here at Firehouse 51 more than ever...when he's ready to tell us what happened, he will, in the meantime, keep an eye on him, don't confront him, but make sure he knows he's not alone." He looked around at his men and concluded, "Dismissed."
"I don't know, Otis, I don't think I can do this," Joe said as they were leaving the firehouse.
"Do what?" Brian asked.
"What if I accidentally say the wrong thing when I see Casey?" Cruz asked.
"Like what? 'Oh hey Lieutenant, we heard you were assaulted Friday night, how's that going for ya?', something like that?"
"You heard the chief," Cruz said. "But how am I supposed to act like everything's normal when I know what happened to him?"
Brian looked at him and responded from personal experience, "It's hard as hell."
Then Cruz realized he'd messed up. "I'm sorry, Otis, I forgot..."
"Yeah well, time might heal some people's wounds, but not most," Brian replied. "I have never heard one word from Katie once she left Chicago...doubt I ever will. Quite ironic, one day we're madly in love, the next day some bastard puts her through hell, and the day after that, she doesn't want to see me again."
"You don't think that'll happen with Casey, do you?" Cruz asked.
"I never dated him, Cruz," Otis said. "Seriously, no, Casey will never leave 51, we're family."
"I hope you're right, Otis," Cruz said as they headed to their cars, "I hope you're right. But what happens if Casey does show up at next shift?"
"Then we just act like we always have," Otis answered.
"And what if I slip and say something stupid?" Cruz asked.
"Ask Mouch, he does it all the time."
Kelly was seated at the kitchen table when Casey finally came down. He looked like hell. He hadn't shaved, his hair wasn't combed, his clothes had been hastily thrown on, he looked like he hadn't slept for a week. Kelly remembered what Antonio said and decided to go with the least offensive comment possible. "Morning."
"I hate you," Matt said as he headed over to the fridge.
Well that was simple enough.
"I can live with that," Severide responded nonchalantly.
Casey slammed the fridge door shut and turned around. "Why did you make me go to the hospital?"
"You were in shock, I had to take you," Kelly said simply.
"Why did you make me stay for the rape kit?" Casey asked as he went over to the table.
Kelly chose his words carefully. "Because I had to know that you'd be alright."
"It was hell, Severide!" Casey told him. He sat down across from Kelly and told him, "They left me in that room for over an hour, they wouldn't let me have anything to drink, they wouldn't let me use the bathroom, they wouldn't let me take a shower..." the fight started to leave him and he groaned as he beat the table with his fist. "And then I'm supposed to stand around naked for another hour being probed and swabbed and violated while some cop asks me about my sex life and about how the attack happened, and somebody taking pictures of me with a ruler to measure the size of my wounds. Nobody should have to go through that, I don't care what anybody says."
Kelly tried to think of how to ask the question that was bugging him, and he decided all he could do was come out and ask. "Casey, I have a question...the police said the door wasn't forced open...did you know the guy who was here? Did...did you let him in?"
The look in Casey's eyes told Severide all he needed to know, and he moved just before Casey tried to lunge across the table to kill him. Kelly grabbed Matt and pinned him against the tabletop so he couldn't attack him.
"Let me go!" Casey screamed as he violently struggled against Severide's hold.
"I'm not blaming you, Casey," Kelly said softly. "Just tell me, do you know who it was? Had you seen him before?"
"NO! I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE, I DON'T KNOW WHO HE WAS, NOW LET GO OF ME!"
Kelly gave it a couple more seconds, then released his hold on Casey, who pulled himself up from the table and slid back in a chair, grunting and huffing like a wild animal.
"I'm sorry, Casey."
Matt loudly inhaled and exhaled a couple more times as he pulled himself together and tried to calm down. He looked at the floor beside the table and lowered his head.
"You...you..." Casey raised his hands to his face and couldn't form the sentence. Severide could guess what it was though that he was trying to say. Casey saw the floor, the very spot where he'd been attacked, and today the floor was spotless, there was no longer any visible reminder of what had happened there. It had been a job Severide hoped he never had to do again.
"Casey..." Severide knelt down to hug his friend.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"I'm sorry," Kelly felt himself move back before he was even aware he'd done it. "Casey, the cops are going to catch this guy."
"I don't want them to catch him," Matt responded. "I want this whole thing to be buried and forgotten, and move on with my life."
Casey slumped forward in his seat and hit his forehead against the table. Kelly moved towards him again, but remembered not to reach for him and instead forced himself to stay at a distance.
"I'd just gotten home," Casey said, his eyes squeezed shut as he remembered. "I didn't even think about it...same routine every day, after a while you don't think about it because nothing ever happens."
"What, Casey?" Severide asked. "What is it?"
Casey pounded the table with his fist repeatedly before he broke down and confessed, "I forgot to lock the door."
Kelly forgot about Casey's warning and placed a hand on his back. Casey cringed under his touch and made some incoherent sound which sounded faintly like "Don't!", but otherwise didn't react. Severide took that as a sign of improvement and consolingly rubbed his back.
"It's going to be alright, buddy, it's going to be alright."