"There's the fire alarm," Kisame whispered, yellow eyes darting around to make sure no supervising parents were listening in. "I'll pull it, you yell 'FIRE!', and everyone will run outside. It's the perfect escape plan."

Itachi gave the shark a flat look that spoke volumes.

"Well I don't see you coming up with a better idea!" Kisame snapped. "If we don't think of something soon, we'll actually have to go through with this dumb holiday pageant!"

Much as Itachi hated to admit it, his best friend had a point. The local community hall that ran extra-curricular activities for the nearby elementary schools had decided that, rather than go out of their way to put on a politically correct Christmas show, they'd simply do a mega holiday extravaganza, which would include Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanza skits. The eight-year-olds were responsible for the Christmas part of the show, and both Kisame and Itachi had been unable to wiggle their way out of performing despite copious amounts of begging and pleading on their parts in the beginning. Hana and Mikoto were bound and determined to capture the boys' performance on film; their fathers simply shrugged and went along with their wives, knowing that there was nothing they could do to help their sons.

Despite their unhappiness with the situation, both boys had run through rehearsal after rehearsal over the past month, usually thanks to bribes of cookies and punch from the staff. Now, however, the gravity of the situation was sinking in as the children were forced into their costumes and made to line up in the hallway outside of the auditorium. No doubt the mothers in the audience would be eagerly waiting for the kids to robotically deliver their short lines, recording their embarrassing performances onto DVD for all eternity. Kisame would be all right; he'd been delegated a non-speaking role as a shepherd, standing in the back near the sheep. He could at least hide behind his shepherd's crook, or duck behind one of the other, more excited shepherds. Itachi, however, had not been so lucky.

The Uchiha glared up at the sparkly gold halo above his head, which bounced anytime Itachi took a step. The wings tied to his back were starting to dig into his shoulders, never mind the fact that the feathers were extremely dusty. On top of that, Itachi was actually expected to smile with the other members of the angelic chorus.

Yes, angelic. Somehow, Itachi had been given the duty of archangel. And he was not very happy about it.

"Oh, hey!" Kisame hefted up his shepherd's robes to get to his jacket pocket underneath, fishing out a plastic bag for his effort. "My mom made gingersnap cookies for me! Want one?"

Itachi eagerly nodded; Hana Hoshigaki was an amazing cook, and her baking was delicious beyond anything the weasel had ever enjoyed. Kisame handed the Uchiha one cookie and stuffed another into his own mouth, smiling dreamily at the taste.

"Gingersnap? Don't you mean fish-snap, sharky boy?"

Kisame and Itachi both turned to look at the boy who'd insulted the shark; it turned out to be an older child named Kabuto, who'd been given the role of chief wise man because there weren't enough boys in the eight-year-old group to fill all the roles. "What are you doing out here so late, hm? I thought the aquarium closed an hour ago."

Kisame had heard much worse over the years, however, and was quick to retort. "First off, what the heck's a fish-snap? Is it like a gingersnap shaped like a fish, or a cookie with a fish base? Second, most sharks can't be kept in captivity for more than a few months without succumbing to their environment, with a few exceptions like nurse sharks. And lastly, I'm not taking any crap from a boy in a bright pink dress."

Kabuto's cheeks flushed at the last bit. "It's a red robe, fish boy! It's just faded a little."

"Yeah, faded to a light pink," Kisame shot back, making Itachi smirk and laugh softly.

Kabuto refocused his attention on Itachi, figuring that the weasel would be an easier target. "What, you got something to say to me? Oh, that's right, you can't talk, can you?"

"Itachi can talk, he's just quiet!" Kisame protested. "He talks to me all the time!"

"But he's never said a word during rehearsal," Kabuto went on, eagerly attacking the chink in Kisame's armor. "He's got one of the most important lines in the show, but he can't say it." He smirked wickedly at the weasel. "I bet you're going to get up on stage and completely blow it. You'll ruin the show for everyone, and your parents will be super embarrassed, and-"

"Beat it Kabuto!" Kisame snapped, physically moving to stand between the older boy and Itachi.

Kabuto looked like he was about to go on, but at that moment one of the mothers in charge of the pageant told everyone to take their places. Kabuto immediately followed the other wise men backstage; they'd be entering late in the show, so they had to leave now to make sure they weren't in anyone else's way.

Once the troublemaker was gone, Kisame refocused his attention on Itachi, who looked like he wanted to curl up into a ball and die. That was the real reason that Kisame had been trying to get the pair of them out of the show; to spare Itachi the stress of speaking before such a large audience. Itachi practically had a phobia of speaking in public, and contrary to what the mothers in charge of assigning parts seemed to think, giving him a speaking role in a large play before a huge audience was unlikely to fix this problem. Attempts to first fake illness and then smuggle Itachi out the back door had already failed miserably. The feeling of approaching doom was clear from the look on Itachi's face; Kisame hadn't seen the weasel this upset since Halloween last year when his candy had been stolen. "Listen Itachi, we'll get out of this somehow! I'm just…not really sure how that's going to happen."

Itachi scowled at the shark.

"Don't give me that look! I've never let you down before, have I?" Itachi shook his head. "Then I'll figure this out."

"It's show time everyone!"

"Just give me a little more time," Kisame hissed as he was forcibly ushered across the room to the rest of the shepherds. Nervously, Itachi nodded to his friend before joining the other angels. Kisame would help him; right?

-n-

The pageant was halfway over, and Itachi's faith in his best friend was dwindling. The birth of Jesus had been announced, Mary and Joseph were in the stable with the baby Jesus (a bundled up baby doll, of course), the kids dressed as farm animals were on stage, some of the shepherds (including Kisame) were standing near the stable, and the wise men were about to go on. Soon Itachi would have to lead the angels forward and then deliver his monologue…or choke.

Curling his sweating palms into tiny fists, Itachi looked to Kisame onstage, eyes pleading for him to do something. Kisame seemed just as anxious, golden eyes darting around for a solution. And then, quite suddenly, Itachi saw a look of joy cross the shark's face, just as the wise men began walking onstage. Kisame must have had a plan.

Itachi's suspicions were confirmed a moment later. Had he not been watching, he would have missed Kisame's move. As Kabuto led the wise men past the shepherds and towards the stable, Kisame briefly stuck his foot out, tripping Kabuto and sending the other two boys forward as they tripped over the fallen leader. Kabuto went flying into the wall of the stable, sending it crashing down on Joseph. Joseph tried to dive out of the way but only succeeded in tripping over the manger and landing on top of Mary with a shout. As the stable toppled to the ground, the kids dressed as livestock scattered, screaming and knocking over any shepherds that weren't able to get out of the way fast enough. Finally, some parent had the good sense to turn on the auditorium lights and try to corral the kids into one area.

All the while, Itachi was smiling as wide as he possibly could.

-n-

The holiday pageant was unofficially declared a disaster by every parent present. Two sprained ankles, one busted lip that would require stitches, several black eyes, a dozen splinters, and countless scrapes and bruises were among the injuries suffered by the children. Mikoto and Hana were simply raging over the disaster, while their husbands and sons were trying their best not to draw any attention to themselves. "Really, how could they let something like this happen?!" Mikoto snapped as they walked across the parking lot to their cars.

"The nerve! That stable was nowhere near…well, stable! It could have fallen on Kisame and crushed him!"

"You know that Julie Finster asked to use Sasuke as a live baby Jesus?"

"No! He could have been crushed!"

"Exactly!" Mikoto huffed and shook her head. "And that boy Kabuto! Honestly, I don't blame him at all for tripping in those long robes-"

"They should've been much shorter," Hana concurred.

"-but there's no excuse for lying and trying to say Kisame tripped him! He's a good boy; I know he'd never do such a thing! It's just more bullying for how he looks."

Hana shook her head. "Honestly, sometimes I feel like Itachi is the only decent child in the whole neighborhood…" The two women continued chattering for some time, their journey to their cars progressively slowing.

Kisame, meanwhile, was walking close to Itachi and smiling at his friend. "See? Told you I'd get us out of that stupid pageant."

Itachi merely gave his friend another smile.