Giving you up is something I just can't do
Thank you for all your tips and your reviews I really appreciate them.
Here is my second chapter it is shorter than my first one and so my third might be up quite soon after this one. But we'll see it depends on how much free time I have during school, and of course on my reviews. I would still like to know my faults and where I could improve or if I used the tips I was given well. So please review and tell me what you think of it. ^^
Chapter two: (naam)
Friday morning, I woke up and did all the usual stuff. I had a strange feeling about today, a feeling that there would happen something and not a good thing, but I just shrugged it off and went to school.
After I stepped out of Yumiko's red car, I decided that when I would see Tezuka I would ask him about yesterday.
My fan girls were screaming again when I passed by, so I smiled at them while walking further to my class. There I saw Eiji talking to a couple of classmates. when he noticed me he came back to his desk so he could talk to me instead. He was, to my big surprise (notice the sarcasm), again talking about Oishi.
The teacher came in and shushed our class so the lesson could begin. "Take your workbook on the table please, today we are going to talk about poetry and at the end of this theme you will all have to write your own poem. I will explain it on Monday when you will have to make it. So we shall start with limericks. Limericks are…." And there went the half of my attention who was now focusing on the gardener of school who was busy with running around with a wheelbarrow.
At noon I went to the shop to buy me something to eat and something to drink. I was looking at what they had to offer today when I saw Echizen in line together with Momo who clearly had a hard time deciding what he should have for lunch.
Momo bought three, maybe four, sandwiches, a slice of cake and a coke, Echizen had about the same except that he had a ponta. I went in line waiting for my turn while I saw Momo waving at me saying hello and Echizen simply staring at me with a cocky attitude. I wove back at them and then it was time for me to order what I wanted so I had to turn my back to them.
When I had bought my stuff the two of them were already gone, they were probably outside to eat their lunch. The two of them were getting really close lately but I'm probably seeing things.
I was planning to go back to the classroom to eat there with Eiji and Oishi, since the two of them didn't mind me being there. So I started walking back to class and when I turned around a corner I saw something that surprised me and not just a little bit. I just knew something would happen today that I wouldn't like.
Tezuka was standing at the side of the hallway with that girl that always waited for him. I really didn't like that girl for some reason. Maybe I'm just jealous and I don't like her since she made me go home alone.
I looked more closely at her and it hit me, she was one of Tezuka's fan girls. She had been there when he had been surrounded by all those girls and I had to help him.
She was talking to him, nothing strange about that except for that weird smile on her face that I really didn't trust. My small feeling of relieve from that I finally knew where I knew her from, had disappeared as soon as it had come.
The girl was leaning over to Tezuka, standing on her toes, inching towards his face and then placing her lips on Tezuka's lips, kissing him.
As I saw her lips touch the lips of Tezuka, the one I loved, I was about to go nuts and just storm to her and pull her off of him, but that wouldn't be a good thing to do so I turned around and headed for the roof where nobody would bother me.
This ca n't be! He didn't kiss her, she just kissed him that's different isn't it? But I didn't see him pull back or push her away! Why didn't he do that! I know! He probably was too shocked to react, yeah that must be it.
But I actually think he was kissing her back….
Oh shut up, stupid mind! If I say he was just too surprised to react and otherwise he would have pushed her off than that is what happened and nothing else. You got it stupid reasoning.
So… since nothing really happened I just need to relax and act normal again, that's all.
I didn't notice that I was sitting there the whole time during lunch break when I heard the school bell ring, signaling that it was time to go back to class. I stood up; decided that all that had happened was just an accident, composed myself and put my mask back on so no one would notice that I was looking sort of shocked. Then since I hadn't ate my lunch I quickly grabbed my sandwich and ate it while I was walking to my classroom.
I was back in class and saw Eiji sitting there waiting for me. He was looking a bit worried when he asked where I was and that Oishi had waited for me but that he had to go to class and couldn't stay any longer.
"It's okay, I was up the roof. I just felt like having some fresh air. I'm sorry for not telling you," I said while smiling at him and went to sit on my chair.
Eiji accepted my apology and smiled back at me still looking a little worried, he always could see something behind my mask, just not much. He must have noticed that something bothered me.
Our teacher for the next hour came in and class started. Soon it would be practice and I would have forgotten what had happened at lunch.
"Fujiko, are you ready to go?"
"Hai, I just need to put my books away," I responded.
"Shuichiro is waiting for us at the stairs, do you mind if I go ahead?" Eiji asked.
"No, of course not, I'll be there in a minute."
"Hai!" and there went a happy Eiji on his way to his boyfriend. I packed my things and headed after him a little later.
At the stairs stood our dream pair and since both of them were blushing I suggest that they just kissed. I walked to them and then past them saying "Come on lovebirds, let's go to practice." And they blushed even harder at my words.
Even though it was fun to make them blush I just couldn't get the picture of that girl kissing Tezuka out of my head. I hadn't forgotten it and it was still bothering me like crazy.
We walked to the clubroom and there was our buchou already outside waiting for the rest to change so he could start practice.
I have no idea how he does it to be here first every day. But seeing him didn't exactly help me to forget that kiss. I just kept remembering that it was just an accident and nothing else, trying to convince myself and my heart so it wouldn't fall apart and that there was nothing going on between those two.
But in the clubroom the other regulars weren't thinking the same as me.
"Ne, did you know that there is this girl saying that Tezuka-buchou is her boyfriend. It's going all over school."
I stopped putting my uniform away when I heard what Momo had just said.
This can't be true!
"You mean Nana-san. I know, I saw her kissing Tezuka this morning. She is in my class. She had been talking quite loud about it. I didn't believe it at first neither did the rest of the class but then Tezuka came during lunch time and they went away together." Takashi responded.
They kissed this morning! So that would mean that the kiss at noon wasn't an accident.
I was so deep in thoughts that I barely noticed the other gasping sounds when thinking of Tezuka having a girlfriend. My problem was not that I had never imagined Tezuka having a girlfriend it's just that I didn't want him to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, well except if that was me, but that would just never happen. And even though I just realized my feelings, I think my heart wouldn't be able to handle it. As I thought about all of this I could feel a slight pain in my heart becoming stronger and stronger as they kept talking.
"Nya, so Tezuka-buchou has a girlfriend. I didn't expect that."
I tensed up; my body all stiff, my eyes shot wide open, shock clearly written on my face. Luckily I was facing the wall so nobody would notice. But still I felt a pair of eyes watching me, looking at my reaction; I just couldn't close my eyes and hide the fact that I was shocked to say the least. But it didn't stop at that.
"Nya, I actually thought that Tezuka liked Fujiko." At that my eyes widened even further if that was even possible to reveal my blue orbs shining with confusion and shock as my heart started breaking thanks to all the information that was given and that my mind hadn't even processed yet while the shots of pain were getting stronger and longer.
"Eiji!" Oishi yelled trying to stop him from saying what he was about to say. Now I knew who had been watching me. Oishi must have noticed the shock on my face and wanted Eiji to shut up.
"Nani? You probably all thought it, I'm not the only one," Eiji said further, clueless to why Oishi had reacted that way.
"Eiji, mada shite kudasai!" Oishi yelled again trying to shut his boyfriend up for my sake. All the others were now looking at Oishi and Eiji. But before somebody could say something else I spoke.
"It's okay, Oishi. Mind if I know why you all thought that?" I asked as my mask was back and I turned around facing them with my smile back in place and my eyes closed again. I couldn't help but ask, I really wanted to know why they all thought that.
They were now all looking at me and seemed a bit hesitant at answering my question. But still as Eiji was Eiji he answered me.
"Nya… Tezuka seems different with you, more relaxed."
"Hai…, his expression seems to change while he is talking to you," Momo added, answering the question when seeing no harm in it to let me know.
Even Echizen answered "He looks at you with admiration when you play tennis, especially when you play almost at your best."
"The possibility that he trusts you more than us despite your sadistic manners are about 86,5 %," Inui said while looking in his data book.
"He looks worried, if you get into trouble." It was Takashi this time.
"He almost always runs laps next to you," Kaidoh finished.
"Fuji?" Oshi asked while looking worried at me, my eyes were once again open by all of this information and my smile had lessened. All the rest were also looking at me a bit surprised at seeing my eyes open.
I quickly recovered "Mmmh,… I hadn't notice that. But you all must be mistaken; Tezuka clearly likes this Nana-san." And my smile was back in place while my eyes were shut once again hopefully for a longer period, how about till I was home or at least alone.
The door opened and Tezuka looked inside "What are you all doing? If you don't want to run extra laps I suggest you come outside so we can start practicing," he said in his stern voice unaware that we were just talking about him.
"Hai!" everybody said and we all walked outside, while I was still recovering from all the shock. I actually had quite a hard time trying to keep my mask on and not let them show them the cracks in it while my heart was slowly breaking into little pieces that were in their turn crushed in even more smaller pieces.
I just need to hang on; if I come home I'll notice that all this isn't true.
Practice ended and we all went to change, this time I didn't wait for Tezuka I just wanted to get home as fast as I could and being with him would just make it all worse.
I think that Eiji and Oishi noticed that something was bothering me; hell everybody noticed it except for Tezuka. I just couldn't cover the cracks in my mask anymore.
Me, Eiji and Oishi were walking to the gate as our vice-captain asked: "You want to walk home with us Fuji?" with a concerned expression on his face.
I said that I'll be fine and that they should enjoy their walk together with a smile on my face.
But then Nana had to stop right in front of us. I hadn't even noticed her before; she was probably waiting for Tezuka again.
"Ne, does any one of you know were Kunimitsu-kun is?" she asked in a high annoying tone.
Nani! Kunimitsu-kun? What the hell! She calls him by his first name! Kuso! I'm starting to hate her more and more if that's still possible!
"Euh, yes he is still at the tennis courts watching the first years clean up and he has to lock up so it might take a little longer," Oishi answered. He probably figured out that this was Nana so he was very friendly to her. Okay he is always friendly but still.
Nana looked at me and quickly took a couple of steps back. Oishi and Eiji noticed this and looked at me to see what had caused this reaction. My eyes were open again but this time not with shock. Even some other students who happened to pass by could see the obvious thread in my blue eyes.
They probably wondered what the girl had done to make me open my eyes in such a hostile expression and show her their frightfulness that only my enemies would get directed at them.
Nana bowed to Oishi and Eiji and then quickly left not daring to even look at me again.
"Uhm,…Fujiko?" Eiji asked concerned and a bit scared.
"Fuji? Are you sure you're okay, you really don't want us to walk with you?" Oishi asked again.
"No, I'm fine really. Why all the worry? There is nothing wrong. I'll just go home, you two have a nice walk," I said eyes closed, smile in place and I walked away.
I saw from the corner of my eyes Kaidoh, Echizen, Inui, Momo and Takashi looking at me with various expressions; concerned ones, scared ones, a mix and an interesting one from the one who was writing in his notebook. I didn't turn around to wave at them instead I just walked further and ignored them.
Once I was home I stepped out of my shoes and went to the stairs when I saw Yumiko peeping trough the door of the kitchen. "Syusuke, is there something wrong?"
"I don't feel so well, I'll just go to bed and lay down for a while," I said not even looking at her when I went upstairs. She most likely noticed that that wasn't the real reason and I was grateful of her for not asking further. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to think about it. But there was the problem I just couldn't forget it or get it out of my head for even a couple of minutes.
Tezuka has a girlfriend, and that annoying one too. They kissed. I know I had said that I'll be okay with just being friends and I really am. But why does my heart feel so empty now I know that he can't be mine?
I probably thought that somehow it would be okay, that one day he'll be mine, just mine. But now he has a girlfriend and that hope is gone. He can and will never be mine…
I noticed something wet roll down my cheek as I blinked once. I wiped it away with my finger a little later and there was a new one.
I'm crying, how long has that been since I last cried. I don't even know anymore, what I do know is that none of my friends has ever seen me cry not even Tezuka. And now I'm crying because of him. I must really love him….
I fell asleep with tears in my eyes. Although I wasn't really sleeping, I noticed everything around me but I just couldn't react at it. I noticed that my mother came in, probably to check on me and to ask if I needed to eat anything or something like that. I heard her opening the door "Honey? Are you all …" and her gentle voice faded away.
There must still be some tears in the corners of my eyes, so she noticed that I had been crying, great. How am I going to explain that one? It was probably several years ago since my own mother had seen me crying.
She came further in my room and went to stand next to my bed. I could feel her hand stroking some hair away from my eyes and I heard her say my name in a sad tone.
Great now my mother is sad because I'm sad and my friends are worried sick about me since I was acting so strange at school, just because my mask is full of cracks. But I can't seem to heal them not with what happened today just like I can't seem to heal my heart that is now in a million pieces.
I hope that it will be better tomorrow. I'll just have to rest enough and I'll be the normal Syusuke again on Monday, I have a weekend to regain my composure. I also have to come up with an excuse for my mother for why I was crying and for my friends for why I was acting so strange at school. I'll think about that in the morning, I'll just sleep for now and my mind eventually slowly drifted of…
…Tezuka…..
I was unaware of the fact that I actually had said his name out loud and not just thought it, and that my mother was still standing next to me.
Next morning I slept until 10 a.m. which was really late for me. I looked around my room; my curtains were closed even though I don't remember closing them yesterday. There was still quite some light coming from the windows since the sun was already shining brightly. I looked at my closet, my door, my desk, my chair and then my nightstand next to my bed. On my nightstand stood a bowl with some rice and next to it a plate with broiled salted salmon.
I see my mother must have come in this morning to set it here, she probably closed the curtains too so I wouldn't wake up from the sun. But why would she do that she normally wakes me up if I'm still asleep so late, and why bother bringing breakfast into my room. Why would she do that?
And then it hit me, all my memories of yesterday came flooding back. They hit me like a brick and plagued my mind.
Just after I finally realized my feelings for Tezuka, he got a girlfriend, he can never be mine.
As tears once again came in my eyes somebody knocked on my door.
"Syusuke, honey?" my mother asked slowly and quietly opened the door a bit further so she could step into the room.
Kuso! I still didn't think about an excuse, I'll just play dumb if she asks about why I was crying.
"Is everything all right my dear? Did anything happen yesterday?" she asked looking very concerned.
"No, nothing happened, I just didn't feel so well, and I still don't. Do you mind if I just stay in bed for the day, I'll do my homework tomorrow?" I asked trying not to sound to different but sound tired. Since I was tired I didn't need to act too much, hoping that she wouldn't notice the tears in my eyes.
"Sure honey, ask me if you need anything okay?"
"Hai!" I answered weekly.
I was grateful of her for not asking any further, she must have noticed that that wasn't the real reason since my mask had fallen and I didn't have the strength to put it back on. My mother must have seen the sadness on my face even though my eyes were still closed, it was still clear.
My mother turned around and left after glancing at me with a worried look, closing the door to leave me alone.
So I practically slept all day and if I wasn't asleep I was crying again or even once eating a sandwich. But still Tezuka was all that I could think about when I was awake. I was happy that I hadn't had a dream about him because that would just make it worse. And then there was still this picture in my head of him kissing 'her' that was torturing my mind once in a while.
The next thing I knew it was Sunday.
Today I have to do my homework and think of an excuse for my friends at school for why I was acting so strange. I'll just say to them that I wasn't feeling well. After all that is what I told my family so I should just stick with that.
I ate, not much though, and had the idea of going to the shower to forget my thoughts for a while.
I stood under the shower enjoying the feeling of water running slowly over my shoulders, torso, arms, legs… But still it didn't help at all, even though it always had calmed me down this time it didn't work. Instead I was standing under the shower my face wet from the water running over it and washing my tears away that were once again running over my face.
I told my mother that I was feeling a bit better when she came to check on me. This in fact, really wasn't the truth. I said that I'll still stay in my bed for the day. I was feeling even worse, instead of healing. So she left me alone to sleep and in my case have some more depressing thoughts. But all in all I practically, just like yesterday, slept all day.
I'll have to put my mask back on tomorrow. I'll better prepare myself for it, seeing him again and probably 'her' too. My heart wasn't healed yet, it was still in millions of pieces and it most likely will take a while before being back in one piece if it would become one piece again in the first place.
I woke up, put my smile on my face and went downstairs.
My sister asked if I was okay now and if I could go to school. She also said that I could just stay home if I was still feeling unwell.
I responded that she didn't need to worry and that I'll just go to school. She looked at me intently and I just smiled at her like I always had.
"Okay, then, I'll be ready in about 10 minutes. Just wait a little longer and I can give you a ride."
"Hai," I responded and went to take my stuff from upstairs.
I got out of the car and said goodbye to Yumiko who still looked a bit worried. I went to the gate where some of my fans stood, they greeted me happily, I smiled back at them and went to my classroom.
I didn't want to prolong my time outside of class since the possibility of me seeing Tezuka or Nana would be higher. So I hurried to my classroom while occasionally waving or smiling at someone who greeted me.
Then I was safe in my class and I hadn't seen either of them so I was a tad relieved. But the day had just started and anything could still happen.
Eiji came in and went straight to me. He put his backpack on his desk and came closer to me. He stared at me for a while as I just smiled back at him.
He then suddenly hugged me and said: "Fujiko!" well it was more like he yelled.
The whole class was looking strange at us, more at Eiji than at me. He let go of me and went to sit on his chair facing me ignoring all the strange looks.
"Ne, Fujiko are you okay?" he asked.
"Of course Eiji, why wouldn't I be?" I simply answered
"…. Just asking…" he responded after giving it some thought.
Our teacher for our first lesson came in and class started. I couldn't really pay attention even though I tried, because if I think about Tezuka it would be harder to keep my disguise in place.
As the first two hours went by at a really slow pace, it became harder and harder to not show my true feelings.
Before our next lessons would begin we had a little break of 10 minutes. Our teacher for the next lesson was already there. She was arranging her stuff on the desk while we were talking.
There was a knock on the door and the teacher said 'come in' to the one who knocked. Eiji was talking to me about his weekend and I was really trying to focus on it, it was actually really helpful until I looked at the person who came in.
Tezuka was the one coming into the room and after him was Nana, she was smiling happily and looking at Tezuka with a loving expression on her face that disgusted me.
This can't be true! Why now? I was just forgetting it all a bit, getting my mind off of them, off of him.
He said something to our teacher and then came our way to the back of the classroom, while Nana went to a friend of hers to give her a book back. I had probably scared her a bit but I really couldn't care less.
All the class was following Tezuka and looking at us since they had nothing better to do.
Me and Eiji stood up to greet our buchou as he came closer.
"Fuji, Kikumaru, I'm here to say that practice will be delayed with a half hour. There are some technicians working in our clubroom so we can't enter it. But be sure you are there when the half hour is over so we can start practicing as soon as we can. Otherwise you will need to run some extra laps. Also we regulars are going to practice a little longer than the rest of our members. I say this so if you need to, you can contact your family between the end of school and the beginning of practice." Tezuka explained.
"Hai!" Eiji said in his usual cheery self.
I on the other hand sounded a lot different than him, even different than my normal self. Eiji and Tezuka noticed this.
"You had plans or something after practice? Or is there something else?" Tezuka asked a bit concerned. But I'm just mistaken on that part. He wouldn't be concerned about me I just want him to be. That's all.
"No, nothing's wrong," I said trying to sound more normal now but failing at it.
Tezuka wasn't the one to pry into someone else's problems, so he left it at that and went back to the front after saying goodbye. Eiji waved back at him and I just stood there. Tezuka turned around; face to the door and Nana came to stand next to him.
She grabbed his arm and smiled lovingly at him. I couldn't see his expression since he was turned away from me. I also couldn't hear anything if he had said something since the whole class was whispering like crazy at this scene in front of them.
They walked away but before Nana closed the door, she looked back and stared straight at me with an evil and bitchy expression on her face. The other students from my class looked after her with a bit of a shocked face as she closed the door.
Tezuka hadn't notice all of this since he was facing us with his back. The door closed and the class turned around to look at me.
Everyone including Eiji looked at me and took a step back. My eyes were open which seemed to happen a lot lately and I was staring at the place were Nana had been standing with a terrifying expression on my face. One of the worst I have ever had. But then the anger subsided and the sadness came back.
Everyone in this room who was staring at me could see the change in my emotions. My body stiff and in some kind of adrenaline attack mode slumped down and my shoulders hung low. The sadness was clearly visible in my eyes, everybody saw it and there was surprise and worry in their eyes at the same time.
I closed my eyes again and went back to sit on my chair. It was completely silent, everyone in the class even the teacher was processing all that had just happened while I was trying to put my mask back on. I couldn't believe I had just shown this vulnerable to everybody in this room.
I was looking outside and the first person to move was Eiji, my best friend who was probably worried sick about me now.
"Fujiko? Are you okay?" he said in a very concerned tone.
I looked back at him looking away from the window. "Of course, there is nothing to worry about," I said with my usual expression back on my face.
The whole class was once again startled by this quick change in emotion. Only Eiji wasn't fooled he had been my best friend for too long to not notice something was clearly wrong.
Eiji tried to ask further but I just said in a more demanding tone that everything was fine. As I was trying to make clear that he doesn't need to worry about me. Eiji was still looking at me even though he hadn't asked anything further.
There was this one tear that had escaped my eyes when I had looked at the window even though I had tried so hard to keep them back. I think that Eiji noticed this one tear because he didn't stop looking concerned at me and he gasped at the moment that the tear fell out of my eye.
"Uh-hum, class please take your seat so we can begin our lesson," the teacher said once she had found her voice back. The students started moving and mumbling to their seats.
"So we will be finishing our theory about poetry and you will get the rest of the lesson time to write your own poem. It doesn't have to be too long but there must be a deeper thought to it. You can't just write something and make it rhyme it has to have a real meaning. It will be graded and you have to hand it by the end of this lesson. Let's start so you can have more time," she explained.
We finished our theory and we still had a half hour left to make our poem. Everybody was busy with writing down their poem so except from some occasionally whispering it was silent.
Eiji was done in a quarter or so, it was most likely a love poem. He came to read mine over my shoulders as I was writing down the last sentence of it.
'The breaking of a heart,
is only truly known by the one were it falls apart.
The moon is gone, blocked by the clouds,
and the person is left with nothing but doubts.
The sun is gone, blocked by the trees,
and the person feels a drop of degrees.
The world of this person has become cold and dark,
and there is only a question mark.
When you lie in someone else's arms,
The person's smile fades away and so does his charms.
When you walk away,
The person's eyes dull more every day.
Until they become grey,
So please come back and stay.'
"….Fujiko…"
"What is it Eiji?" I said trying to sound normal but with clear pain and sadness in my voice.
"Is it that bad?" I asked trying to sound jokingly. That also didn't work it came out more like sounding hurt than anything else.
He quickly answered "No, it's beautiful…but… it's…so sad…"
"Oh? You think so too? It just came out this way as I was writing it down. I actually wanted a happy one, I wonder why it turned out this way?" I acted; of course I knew why it was like this. I was thinking about Tezuka, it comes as no surprise when I think about him.
The lesson ended and we all had to give our poem to the teacher. She went away and a minute or so later our next teacher came in.
I stayed in my classroom at lunch and Eiji stayed with me. He ran to Oishi right after the bell went so he could say to him that he would be eating with me. I said it wasn't necessary but he didn't give in, he didn't want to leave me alone.
The rest of the day was passing by really slow. I hadn't seen Tezuka or Nana again so I was happy for that but that small feeling of relieve didn't ease the pain. It became harder and harder to keep my smile on and my tears away.
I hoped all day that I could go to practice so I could take my mind off of everything, just focusing on the ball, my racket and the opponent. But on the other side it was a place where Tezuka would be.
Me and Eiji walked outside to go to sit on the grass while waiting for the half hour to pass by.
Everybody joined us; Oishi who we met down the stairs, Takashi who was already outside, Inui and Kaidoh who came some minutes later and as last Echizen and Momo who probably had gone to buy something to eat.
Everybody was talking about who knows what, except for me. I was silent, I just sat there under the tree, I didn't even know about what they were talking and laughing about.
"I'm going to get something to drink, is there someone who also wants something? I'll bring it with me," I suddenly said.
"Ponta" Echizen responded to my question.
The rest didn't say a thing, they were just looking concerned at me as I walked away, I could just feel their eyes following me, so I was glad to be away from their sight for a little while.
I came back five minutes later but stopped when I heard them talking about me. I was out of their sight so I just stood there eavesdropping.
"Ne, does anybody know what's wrong with Fujiko? Nya?"
"Eiji I think if there is somebody who knows, it'll be you," Takashi responded.
"Nya, I'm just worried."
"I think we all are. I don't think anyone of us has ever seen Fuji act like this, don't you all notice this sadness around him?" Oishi added.
"Hai, ne I even think I saw him cry, well not really cry. There was just this one tear in his eye. Tezuka came in telling us about practice with his girlfriend behind him, Fuji looked even sadder. Then that Nana looked really bitchy at Fujiko, you know he normally just looks back really scary and he did but then he completely changed. When they were away he just slumped down and he looked really sad, his eyes were full of hurt," Eiji explained with his own hurt in his voice, sad that I was sad.
That's why I just hate it when they notice my emotions. They could get mad or something like that and in this case worried and sad because I was sad and I didn't like that.
"Didn't it also start when we said that Tezuka had a girlfriend?" Momo said.
"Hai, he looked really surprised and started acting strange since then," Oishi responded.
"There is 100% that Fuji doesn't like Tezuka's girlfriend."
"Fsssh, that's a bit underestimated Inui-senpai. I think the word hate is more in place." Kaidoh corrected.
"Doesn't it all turn around Tezuka?" Echizen remarked.
"Now that you say that, he did write a really sad and a little depressing poem for class. It was about a person who's loved one had somebody else, I know it ended with something about dull and grey eyes and then I think it was 'please come back and stay'. You think it's about him and Tezuka?" Eiji started saying.
"Wait, you don't think that Fuji…"
At that point I flipped, I didn't want to let them say it out loud so I stepped further and they immediately stopped talking. That was really subtle.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"No, everything is alright," Momo said.
"Mada mada dane," our ochibi said as he grabbed his ponta from me.
It was silent for a while and I felt a lot of eyes on me until Takashi said "It's almost time, let's go to the clubroom."
Everybody stood up and walked in the same direction to the clubroom. We went inside and changed.
I was changing in the utmost silence focusing on my clothes. Once I was changed I immediately went outside. I didn't want to stay so close to Tezuka more than needed, especially when he was changing.
We were going to practice our pin-point precision and then just play some practice matches which I was looking forward too.
"…Ne,…don't …you think…Fujiko… is a little…merciless today…" Eiji panted.
I had had a match against him which was finished after 15 minutes 6-1 for me. The next one was with Kaidoh. After a little pause the match began.
"Good luck Kaidoh!" I heard Eiji saying.
The match ended in 10 minutes 6-0 for me again. I was playing all out, only focusing on the game, my eyes on the ball and on the opponent's movements.
As practice for the others were already done and they had changed they came to see the regulars play. I heard a lot of whispering around me, they all were wondering why I was playing this seriously.
I took a quick glance at him when I was going to the bench to pause again before my last match started and I had to wait for Echizen to be ready too. He was looking startled but there was something else too.
Maybe admiration, no it was a lot like that but not specific enough, there was something under it.
After the break everybody except the regulars had disappeared. My next and final match was about to begin. I was getting a little bit tired but that didn't stop me from going all out, especially against Echizen who must be really looking forward to this.
This match took a lot longer than my previous ones, we were more on the same level but in the end the result was 7-6 for the now really tired me. It was close and if we played a little longer Echizen would have won because I was too tired to keep playing on full force.
I hadn't been so excited in years, thanks to these matches that I played on full strength I noticed the weaknesses in my play and my strengths a lot more than usual. So now I knew were to work on. It had actually helped me in two ways, getting my mind off of my hurt and learning more about my own play.
We all went to change after everybody had rested for a little and after we had cleaned up the courts. Since the first years were already gone we had to do it.
Echizen was a little cranky since he had lost but all the rest was in high spirits, well except for me then. I was again not my normal self; my mind had nothing else to think of anymore so it again thought of Nana and Tezuka.
I changed as quick I could, I wanted to be out of here. The day had been too long and I was on the verge of crying. My mask was hanging by a small thread that was about to snap. One little thing and I wouldn't be able to hold it in.
So I hurried but as I grabbed my jacket I stumbled against my sports bag and was falling forwards.
I'm really clumsy when I'm not my normal self.
As I was about to try to regain my balance I fell against something else and I pulled it down with me.
I heard everything going silent and gasping from people around me and then a thump of something falling to the ground. I was laying on something, probably the thing I had pulled down with me. It was not hard but not really soft either and quite big.
I opened my eyes and they immediately sprang wide open with shock as I saw what it was that fell with me. It wasn't really an it, it was more a who.
I saw dark brown eyes staring back at me, normally I would have thought of getting an annoyed expression back from him but it was something else. I saw worry in his eyes and also a bit shock.
Tezuka was looking worried at me? Why?
I didn't give it a second thought. I started mumbling "Gomen ne, gomen ne, gomen ne,…," as I was trying to get up without touching Tezuka to much.
Normally I would have made a sadistic remark or something along those lines, I never would have apologized. But now I did and Tezuka's eyes widened at this. My disguise was falling and so were some tears.
"Fuji…" I heard Tezuka whisper with a shocked expression on his face.
Everybody was looking at me, looking at how I was crying, they were so startled, and they had never seen me cry, never! And here I was crying my eyes out on top of Tezuka while trying to get up.
Once I stood back up and Tezuka too I grabbed my stuff still mumbling apologies. The regulars were looking very worried and shocked to say the least.
"Fujiko?" Eiji asked.
I just turned around and quickly bowed at Tezuka saying sorry again and I stormed out leaving everybody there with a stricken face and ignoring Eiji.
I ran towards my house still crying. Once I was home I just went to my room not even bothering saying hello to who ever it was that was at home.
"Syusuke?" I heard behind me in a surprised tone, but I just ignored it.
I closed my door and went to lay on my bed. I was still crying and I didn't care about my sister or mother or anybody else coming into my room. All I could think about was how stupid I had acted, how I had ruined everything, falling on top of Tezuka, starting to cry and then running of.
Kuso! Baka! Baka! Baka! I thought as I cried myself asleep for the third time.
So that was my second chapter, I hope you liked it. ^^
Kuso: damn/ shit
Baka: idiot
Mada shite kudasai: please be silent
Gomen ne: I'm sorry/ sorry
If you find others and you don't know what it means, feel free to ask. (I'm sorry again if my Japanese words are spelled wrong or something.)
Oh and another thing, the poem in the story is written by me, so please don't go thinking that I'm using someone else's work without naming that person. Because I'm not, I wrote it with my own perfect (huge exaggeration) creative mind.
I actually think it's not so good, but maybe that's because I had to read it over and over. :p
Please leave a review and I'll try to upload the third chapter as soon as possible. It depends on my homework, which is quite a lot this week.