Next chapter! Straight away! Love me! (please?) *puppy eyes*
Ugh... there are so many things wrong with this chapter... But I couldn't be bothered to change any more of it, so I just uploaded it. Unbeta-d. Oh yeah. The first chapter was too, but I forgot to say. So don't hate on me!
Anyway, stop reading my babble and go read the story! That's what you came here for, right?
Alois knew, although they chose, by unspoken mutual agreement not to ever mention it. Most of the time, it wasn't a problem, and they got on in the way that all friends do. It was just sometimes, when Alois' relationship with Claude was the main topic of conversation, or when it was just the two of this alone, watching a film, or sitting in silence, having run out of conversation topics, that Ciel's feelings became an elephant in the centre of the small apartment that both were determined to ignore and yet constantly accidently acknowledge with bitten off sentences and speedy conversation changes.
It was no secret at the university that Alois was gay and Ciel was bisexual, which, inevitably, had let to people enquiring about the nature of their, well, friendship, some called it, whilst 'relationship' was another term thrown around for a while, since it covered both romantic and non romantic situations. The males had both quite happily informed the questioners that they were just friends and everything seemed fine between them, until about eight months ago.
Alois and Claude had argued and broken up again, so late that night, Alois had turned up at Ciel's apartment with an array of liquors and proceeded to get the both of them rather drunk.
They had started to talk, the conversation flowing as freely as the drink and becoming increasingly personal as the alcohol levels decreased.
After about two hours of steady drinking and talking, Alois turned to Ciel and looked him right in the eye.
"Ciel," he half slurred. "Ciel, I have a question for you."
"Whatever could you want to know, dear friend?" Ciel replied, giggling slightly.
They were both sitting cross legged on the carpet and Alois leaned forward, pressing his hands down on Ciel's knees. Ciel could still remember the smell of whiskey on his breath as he leaned in until their faces were only about six or seven inches from each other.
Alois paused, seemingly searching for the right words, although in his inebriated state, any coherent words would have been an achievement. "Y'know what people have been askin', y'know, lately, about us?" When Ciel nodded, wondering where Alois could be taking this and not daring to hope, the blond carried on. "Well. I was wondering what you" he prodded Ciel's chest, " thought about our 'relationship'."
"You know what I think," Ciel said, being sure to choose his words carefully. "I value your friendship more than anything else; we're best friends, and I hope we always stay that way. And nothing more!" he added hurriedly onto the end, just in case.
The blond giggled, a playfully mischievous expression on his face. "Are you sure?"
Ciel replied instantly. "Of course! What else could it be? I mean you have Claude-" He broke off as he realized what he's said. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to mention him…"
"I know you didn't. It's fine. Don't worry," Alois smiled wanly and sat back into his previous position.
There was a pause for a few minutes where they just sat there, observing each other in silence before Ciel, attempting to act nonchalant, spoke again.
"So why did you ask?"
"Ooooh! Someone's only thinking of that! Which means you're holding back something!"
Sometimes, Ciel hated the fact that Alois was studying psychology.
"No," he retorted. "I just want to know why you're asking."
"Well, since you seem to care so much, I shall inform you of my musings."
"Please do," Ciel responded, trying to hide his desperation to find out what made Alois ask. He didn't know if he had somehow accidentally revealed his feelings, or if Alois was just asking out of genuine curiosity, although he rather suspected the former.
"Well I was thinking the other day."
Ciel was too on edge to make a joke about Alois thinking so his mouth remained shut.
"And I realised that although I have- HAD Claude, I've never seen you with anyone else, or even heard of anyone you're remotely interested in."
"So? How does that link to the nature of our friendship?" Ciel's heart was in his mouth and it was all he could do to prevent his voice shaking.
"Well it just occurred to me that maybe you like me, and could never do anything about it because of Claude."
Ciel just sat there, feeling physically sick and having absolutely no idea in hell how to respond. He had to remind himself that it was the copious amount of alcohol in Alois' body talking so he forced himself to laugh and pat his friend on the shoulder. "Oh Alois. How I love you" ('Shit, wrong choice of words.') "And your imagination. It really does make me laugh sometimes."
"Ciel." Alois' mouth twitched. " I wasn't born yesterday. Even someone who was in fact born yesterday could see through a whopper of a lie like that one." The twitch had turned into a full on smirk that seemed to be enjoying itself, dancing around Alois' face and taunting Ciel.
The slate haired boy closed his eye. 'Shit shit shit shit shit.' He chanted over and over in his head. 'What do I say now? Ugh... I might as well admit it. I can't lie to him, not in this drunken state.'
When he looked back on this evening, he could see that as the moment that the alcohol finally grabbed him with both hands, tied little strings to all his limbs and used him as a makeshift puppet for its own entertainment.
"Yes, alright," he sighed, heart hammering inside his throat and making it difficult to speak. "I like you, as in likey-like you. As more than a friend. In a likey-like-like sense. You know, the likey-like that people call love."
Alois' smirk lingered for a moment as he took this in and then dripped off his face onto the floor, revealing a look of shock and 'oh fuck' behind it. "You... like me... as more that a friend?" He enquired slowly.
"No, weren't you listening? I love you. As in love. Deep emotions, feelings, all that crap. Love."
"Oh."
"What? You did ask."
"Yeah, but I wasn't expecting that."
"Well you shouldn't have asked then! If there's a chance you won't like the answer, don't ask the question."
Ciel was angry now. He'd just admitted his deepest secret to his best friend and all he'd gotten in response was an argument.
"I thought, maybe, you'd say you wouldn't mind screwing me, but I didn't think you'd say you..." he broke off before the 'L' word was spoken again.
Ciel smirked suddenly, surprising even himself. "What would you have said if I'd replied as you thought I might?"
Alois looked confused.
"You know, if I'd replied saying I want to fuck you. How would you have responded?"
The blond contemplated this for a moment before glancing down then back up at Ciel's face. "I probably would've jumped you. But, don't take offence here, it's probably just because I'm hurting from the breakup. It would've been rebound sex. Which wouldn't be right."
"Yeah," Ciel agreed quietly. "It wouldn't have been fair on anyone."
After a short period of time had passed, and they'd both poured more drinks and by now, were way past inebriated, Ciel suggested sleep.
After sliding the glasses, and by now near empty bottles over to the wall to be cleared in the morning, Alois stood up with the intention of heading towards the sofa but, as his alcohol-befuddled brain lost control of his legs, fell, flailing and heavy, onto Ciel.
For a moment, neither of them moved, Ciel staring down at Alois with his wide, blue eye, cheeks slightly flushed and lips parted tantalisingly in a broken off cry of surprise from where his friend had fallen, and Alois really couldn't help himself and suddenly he was pushing himself up and taking hold of Ciel's cheeks, fingertips brushing the few slate grey strands of hair that twisted under his ears, and pulling the slightly confused face towards his, and then their lips were meeting and Alois could taste the liquor on the rosy mouth. His tongue brushed over Ciel's fuller bottom lips, sliding wetly over the soft flesh, wiping away all traces of alcohol, feeling Ciel's slick muscle pushing against his, shoving both tongues back into the blonds' mouth and then Ciel was kissing him like there was no tomorrow and the kiss was all he had left.
Suddenly, Alois' mind filled with images of Claude, and he pulled away from his friend's desperate kiss, shocked at his drunken behaviour. He mentally slapped himself and detached his limbs from Ciel's embrace, standing and smoothing out his dishevelled clothes and sitting down on the far end of the sofa. "I think sleep would be a really good idea," he muttered, not able to look at Ciel. "See you in the morning." And then he lay down, rolled over and closed his eyes.
Ciel just sat, frozen, on the carpet for a moment, horrified at the just happened and Alois' reaction, and wanting more than anything to take back the past half an hour and go back to when their 'relationship' was best friends, and nothing more complicated.
With an inaudible sigh, he stood up on shaking legs and trod softly over to his room, silently closing the door between him and the blond.
So, yeah, tell me what you think? And if I get nice reviews, I'll type chapter three sooner! (I've already written up to the end of four, so reviews will make the next chapter come sooner!