"here you go honey!" leia said, bringing in the chocolate milk that kylo had requested. "oh what are you doing?" she asked her son, looking at his laptop. "go away mom you'll never understand me" kylo said, snatched the chocolate milk from leia's hand. she accidentally used lactose milk for the chocolate milk and kylo takes one sip and screams "MOM DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE YOU KNOW IM LACTOSE INTOLERENT AND YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE SOY MILK"

before he could say anything else, he let out a super long, prolonged, awful smelling fart thanks to having milk. there was an awkward silence and he said "wow bb-8 just ripped a big one."

"droids can't fart ben :)" leia said. "but sure i'll believe you" then luke jumped in and was like "he who denied it supplied it HEYOOOOOOO"

kylo ren got so pissed at luke that he took out his shitty cross lightsaber and tried to slash luke with it, and luke left the room laughing. kylo was visibily crying and threw himself into bed and started jacking off as leia left the room. before he could do anything that sexy, he got an email notification. "oh man i hope jared leto replied to my fanmail" he said, grabbing his phone, and saw his email.

"HOT FREE PORN OF HORNY TEEN ASIAN BABES. HOOK UP WITH A HOT ASIAN IN A GALAXY NEAR YOU, SIGN UP FOR FREE. WE ARE WAITING DADDY." said the email. kylo was very intrigued but needed a credit card he snuck downstairs and grabbed han solo's credit card off his corpse. he typed in the credit card information, visibly sweating. once sent, he eagerly waited for a reply.

a few days later, he finally got a reply. hoping to see a hot anime titty, he opened it, but the email wasnt from them! it was from the bank! his identity has been stolen! and now he has no money. he desperately called the bank. "doesnt my insurance cover that?" kylo said. "the last time we sent an insurance guy to you you killed him. fuck u. dave was my friend."

kylo hung up and then started crying. then he realized that he needed help from his sugar daddy hux. "mom i need you to drive me back to hot topic." said kylo. "okay ben! after dinner"

"come on mom cant we eat out" kylo said and leia was like "no im making a nice dinner for you and luke tonight!" and kylo screamed "I HATE THIS FAMILY!" an hour or so later, kylo was back at starkiller base/hot topic and went to hux.

"daddy... can you do me a favor and get me a new credit card account... with more money..." kylo said. hux was like "as much as i would like to get squishy ishy cummies from you right now, i can't. we're raising a galactic army right now and we're gonna blow up another planet soon."

"if you cant give me cummies WHO WILL UFRGUDHVUTEBHB" shouted kylo who started slashing at hux's bed.

"kylo... what have you done... you destroyed the bed with all our memories. all our cummies. all our sexy nights. destroyed. what have you done." hux said.

kylo looked at his hands in horror. "what have i done..."

hux grabbed kylo's shoulders. "its ok. we will fix this." kylo and hux got some duct tape out and taped their bed back together. "see, out memories arent gone!" said kylo. "it makes me want to relive them..." said hux. they looked into each other's eyes and then jumped onto each other like thirsty animals. they fucked all night at hux's house since hot topic closed. a couple days later, they got a knock on the door.

"kylo! youve been gone for days!" said leia at the door. "i demand you come home right now!" leia dragged kylo home and sat his ass on the couch. "i got a letter in the mail! you made us go broke! we cant even afford han's funeral now!" she screamed.

"hey its not my fault he died" kylo said. "yeah it is! you literally stabbed him!" leia said. "okay thats true" said kylo.

and then leia was like "that's it ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years"

kylo went back into his room and screamed in frustration. he started jacking off again thinking about the next time he hopes to see hux.