Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the song the title is taken from. Making no money off of this.
AN: I know I should be working on "Race The Wind" but I seem to have hit a bit of a creative wall, and my muse bit me with these two chapters. She keeps pestering me to get them written, so here's hoping that it'll give me the spur I need to keep working on it.
Time after time, I went to her, knowingly leaving my wife at home. Time after time, I lost myself in her arms, her body, and her all too forgiving heart. Time after time, I cried my wife's name instead of hers, never telling her that I had to force those syllables passed my lips. Time after time, I heard her cry, wracked with guilt that I was betraying two women. Time after time, I left her behind to go back to a cold marriage bed, wondering if my wife knew of her, but neither of them ever said anything about changing the way things were. Time after time, I knew she longed to say that she loved me, but, like me, knew she had no right to do so: I wasn't free. Time after time, I found the tests in her bathroom, both thankful and saddened that each read "negative". Time after time, I prayed for test to be positive, giving me a solid reason to leave my cold, loveless marriage and cling to the family we'd make together.
Time after time, I went home to my wife, wishing she'd save me the heartache by divorcing me. Time after time, I called myself a coward for not ending this farce of a marriage, but it was perhaps out of misplaced guilt and remembrance of the love we once shared that I stayed. I had married Kikyo, and though I was unfaithful, I had some sort of duty to remain with her, fulfilling the rest of our vows, if not that one.
Not this time. Not ever again.
I came home to find Kikyo waiting for me, bags packed and divorce papers in hand. She'd had enough, had found love with another, and was leaving me to be with him. She knew, she told me, had known almost since the first night we were together, and it seemed to have given her permission to find her own sort of happiness. After helping her get her bags to her car, and making arrangements for the rest of her things to be packed and moved to wherever she ended up, I gave her a parting kiss on the cheek and wished her joy. With an almost regretful smile, she wished me the same, then passed out of my life.
Time after time, I rang Kagome's number, only to hear a cold, impersonal voice tell me that it had been disconnected. Time after time, I questioned what family and friends I knew and was again and again rebuffed with no information. "Not this time," she'd told me, her voice resolute and sad. I tried to tell her that I was free to love her, but she'd left me.
Time after time, I thought I'd caught glimpses of her, but I wound up chasing phantoms. Time after time, I'd swear I'd heard her laugh, caught her scent, but there was nothing left of her here anymore, just memories tinged with the bitterest kind of regret.
Time after time, I should have told her I loved her. Time after time, I should have left the woman I'd married for the woman I loved. I did neither, and now, both are gone, one without trace, the other to a love that isn't me. Time after time, I wept, knowing my heart would only beat for Kagome, but she'd never hear those words from me. She didn't want them, now.
Not this time. Not ever again.
AN2: Wow, angst usually isn't my thing, but I couldn't seem to make this end happily. For some reason, these two chapters just flowed right out so quickly it was like they were passing right from my brain onto the screen with little help from me. I haven't had that happen in some time.
By the way, keep an eye out for "Tale of Two Hanyou", as I should be just about ready to post the first chapter soon. Also, "Lyric", as that seems to be flowing pretty well for now.
That's enough out of me, I'm off to work on other stuff, so here's hoping, eh?