Prompt: The goodbye Robin deserves.

Rated: K+

Because we deserve this. I hope I can do it justice.

Let me know what you think in the reviews if you have the time! Thank you!

The first night is the hardest.

Regina and Robin didn't often share a bed, in the underworld they were apart and before that they never really lived together. However they did sleep together, really slept. Regina would often find herself simply chasing the indents of her boyfriend's muscles with her fingers through the thin material of his vest, enjoying just simply being with him and loving him.

Now her fingers trace the empty space beside her, the ripples in the tousled sheets from her tossing and turning. The air in her bedroom is an eerie calm, finally quiet after the crying has subsided. She cannot sleep, nor can she stop from playing the afternoon's events over and over again in her head, the way he looked at her, that half smile, the smile that told her that everything was going to be alright even though he couldn't physically vocalise it.

But everything is not alright, and it won't be for what seems like a very long time, because how can she ever be happy when the love of her life, the man she is destined to be with, has been ripped so cruelly from her grasp? She watched as his soul literally dissipated into thin air. She can't even move on with the knowledge that he has too, that he will be able to hear her when she talks to him– just like that next morning when she is heading back to his grave, to say a proper goodbye to the man she loved, no loves, she cannot bring herself to refer to him in the past tense. Not yet. Not when the wounds are still fresh and in need of treatment, of stitching back up so they can heal.

But they will leave a scar, a permanent reminder of the pain she has endured.

Regina has to try not to let the tears flow all over again as the rose decorated arrows come back into sight, hers in the centre next to the one that his son had laid just seconds before her. She cannot think of Roland's sorrow on top of hers, for if she did she would truly crumble with woe.

The air is cold and the wind is icy, but Regina is numb to the chill, her fur trimmed black coat keeping her warm to an extent but the mist creeps through the gaps, raising goosebumps on pinches of skin that are meant to be hidden and shielded.

Regina clears her throat, she wants to be stern, wants to say something meaningful but as she reaches the grave she simply sighs out a tearful, "Robin..." It's a whisper amongst the breeze, but it's something, a start.

She drops her fingers to caress the cold stone of the headstone as she stands upon the freshly laid soil and grass. Her breath hitches at the reality of it all and she is quick to retract her hand, to pull down on her hat as if it will offer the comfort she so desperately needs. "Look at you." She says, raising a hand to the bridge of her nose as she fights back another bought of tears.

"Why do you have to be so selfless?! Do you think that's fair? Because out of your selflessness has rose my misery, my suffering. It should be you here saying goodbye to me." She states somewhat angrily, but there's a quiver in her voice, a waver that has her pitch becoming thrown off and unsteady.

She shakes her head and takes a deep shaky breath, "I never even got to tell you I love you. I was afraid and I'm sorry..." She whispers, "But if you can hear me now, know that I really, do truly love you."

There had been a time when she nearly let it slip, when they lay in bed together after that dreadful evening in Camelot, after Robin had nearly lost his life saving her, again. They had stayed awake in silence, Regina content in listening to the soft breathing of her thief, revelling in the rise and fall of his chest, because he was resilient, he was alive. He had survived.

Fear had pulled her back from breaking the silence that night, the terrifying thought that perhaps she could be happy, that she was in love again, after years of feeling alone and out of place, she finally felt at home in the world. And Robin should've heard that, he should've heard it before she lost him again. But she didn't say it. She showed him she loved him, yes, she planned to never stop showing him how much she really did love him– but those three little words were never said aloud. Not in a simple declaration, nor in a whispered aftermath of lovemaking, only when it was too late.

The wind whips around Regina's knees, sending a shiver up her spine which brings her back to earth. She clears her throat again taking another deep breath into her lungs, and she's nervous, why is she nervous? Her heart beat is frantic and her fingers are shaky. Pull yourself together, Regina.

"I never thought I'd have to bury another lover." She admits hoarsely, drearily, before raising her voice just slightly as she adds with an ironic laugh and a wild gesture of her hands, "But here I am, miserable again." She pauses, furrows her brow slightly, "You know I spent weeks trying to tell myself that my happiness wasn't tethered to a person, to you, but I'm realising now that was all a lie. Robin you are... were my happiness and-" she pauses as an unexpected sob breaks past her lips and she gasps lightly as she quickly wipes at the tears that catch her unaware as they escape down her cheeks, "I don't know– I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

It hasn't really sunk in yet, yes, she is mourning and heartbroken but the reality that he is never coming back? She can't accept that.

"You were always the optimist, you always believed in me Robin, even when no one else could. You brought out the good in me and you allowed me to embrace that side which I have hidden for so long, you made me a better mother, a better lover and a better person." She whispers, crouching gracefully so that she is level with the headstone of her true love.

"I miss you Robin, it's been a matter of hours but knowing that I won't be seeing you tonight, nor tomorrow, nor next week..." She brings a hand to clench at the material of her coat by her heart, "And thats what is tearing me apart right here." She whispers before sobbing lightly, silently, taking a moment to compose herself as she drops her chin to her chest and simply weeps for her loss.

Sucking in a breath after a moment, she shakes her head and finishes with, "You told me once to use your heart for the both of us. Now Robin, I want you to know that you will forever live on inside of mine."