Thank you everyone! This will be SO FUN! MWAHAHAHA-*coughing fit*

On a random note: T. N. M. M. Q., I was about to upload this, then I saw your review! Man, Karkat watching that video XD.

HA HA THIS HAS 69 VIEWS AS OF NOW XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck or Eridan's United States of Wwhatevver. Or Salad Fingers, for that matter.

Everyone had gotten situated into their rooms after an hour. It took an hour because it involved fights over rooms, a few over beds, and one random shoving of Eridan into Shazer's baby brother's crib, courtesy of Sollux.

In the end, Nepeta, Equius, Terezi, and John had the toy room: Nepeta on the couch, John and Terezi on an air mattress, and Equius in a sleeping bag. (Funny thing was, it didn't seem like he could break the sleeping bag. Guess it was the magical badass author powers.)

Karkat, Rose, Tavros, and Kanaya got the oldest brother's room. For some stupid reason, he had a bunk bed. This was handy, however, since Rose got the top bunk (With a guard so she couldn't fall out!), Kanaya the bottom, Karkat an air mattress, and Tavros a sleeping bag.

Gamzee, Eridan, Jade, and Aradia had the baby brother's room/guest bedroom. The girls had the bed, the boys and air mattress.

Finally, Sollux, Dave, Feferi, and Vriska were all situated in the middle brother's room. Vriska and Sollux went horn-to-toe over the bed, Feferi watching. Dave casually laid himself on it, after a few preparations, wolf-whistling to get their attention. He had taken off his shirt, propped his head up with his hand, and his other hand gripping his hip, in the classic draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-ladies pose. The sight caused all three trolls to yelp and blush, surrendering the bed to him. So they had sleeping bags instead.

After this, they had congregated in the game room, which was basically a flat strip of floor with stairs (Tavros broke out into sweat at the sight), shelves, a closet, a couch, and a TV. Shazer was perched on the back of the couch, iPod in hand. Gamzee had sprawled out on the front of the couch, taking up the whole thing.

"Alright, guys! We have twenty-four truths and dares to get through, including a group dare, so you know that you're all involved."

"Wwhat is the group dare?"

"Oh, you'll just have to wait and see. The first dares are from T. N. M. M. Q."

T.N.M.M.Q

John: every time someone asks you a question say "Not since the accident"

Everytroll: opinions on dancestor.

Karkat: watch a youtube video called Salad Fingers then tell us your thoughts on it.

"John! Whenever somebody asks you a question, you have to answer 'Not since the accident!'"

"Okay!" John brightened up.

"Now, the trolls have to share their opinions on their dancestors. We'll start with Aradia and work our way up the hemospectrum!"

"She is very nice, although the things she says..." Aradia made a face that looked like her classic emoticon, 0_0

"He's very brave, and, um, is like to be like him somebody." Tavros's eyes shone in an ADORABLE way.

"He'th okay, ethpect (except) when he thpazzeth out. I don't know what happened to him, though. Nobody will tell me." Sollux said.

"HE NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" You-Know-Who yelled. No, not Voldemort!

"We like to talk about ships ofur chaomeowmeow tea!" Nepeta purred.

"She does have a nice taste in fashion, although she is rather forceful about some things," Kanaya answered.

"So radical! I wish I could be like her..." Terezi sighed, and got an awkward hug from Sollux, who was sitting right next to her.

"Booooooooring!" Vriska yawned.

Equius didn't answer.

"He's pretty motherfucking chill! Although I wish I knew what he was signing," Gamzee stated.

"Doesn't he knoww smoking is bad for your afterlife?!" Eridan exclaimed.

"Glub!" Feferi frowned.

"Now that we know, Karkat has to watch Salad Fingers." She handed him the iPod and some headphones.

*ONE WEIRD VIDEO LATER*

"...The fuck?"

"Is that all?" Shazer asked.

Karkat handed her the iPod.

"Okaaaaaay...These next dares are from FireStrom8888."

"He sounds AWESOME!" Vriska exclaimed.

FireStorm8888

*evil laughter* oh THIS should be FUN *starts to laugh again*

Karkat: i dare you to kiss the human windbag (John)

All Humans: I dare you to lick the juju *Holds out juju lollipop*

Eridan: i dare you to wear a minnie skirt and be the sassy seadweller you are

"Karkat?"

"What the fuck is it?!"

"You have to kiss John."

The look on his face was priceless. Same for John's. Snickers were heard from nearly everyone. Shazer bit her lip a little as she noted the crestfallen look on Nepeta's face. They'd have to talk shipping later.

"Go on, Karkles!" Terezi cackled.

When Karkat hesitated, Shazr casually pulled a LEGO out from her pocket. He quickly leaned over and gave John's cheek a butterfly kiss, then ran like hell to the nearest bedroom. Running water could be heard. John put a hand to his cheek, blushing, as everyone started cracking up.

"Settle down, everyone. The next dare is-" She stopped and stared, as a lollipop appeared in her outstretched palm. "Um, you guys have to lick this," she told the Beta kids. She set down her iPod and made a snapping motion with her fingers, causing a huge steel box thing to appear. "Go in there." They walked in with weird looks. She threw the lollipop in after them, and slammed the door shut. "Please do not be alarmed by any strange sounds," she told the very confused-looking trolls.

"Now, Eridan..." She held up a bag. "Go change into this. BUT NOT IN THE BATHROOM THAT KARKAT'S IN!"

Eridan huffed slightly and walked to another bathroom. Karkat returned shortly afterwards, looking like his normal self. "Where's the-" He was cut off by a loud shriek of laughter from the steel box, which prompted everyone to stare at it.

"Just...it's complicated, guys."

"I REFUSE TO WWEAR THIS!" Eridan yelled.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP ON A LEGO?!"

"..."

Eridan soon returned, looking very much like he wanted to kill everyone.

His hair was in pigtails with ribbons, and red-and-black arm warmers were on his arms. His shirt had been replaced by a black cutoff tank top with no straps that had his sign on them. He also wore a checkered miniskirt. Leg warmers that matched the arm warmers were on his legs, and he wore plain black shoes with laces.

It took only five seconds for everyone to start laughing. The only one not laughing was Kanaya, who was sizing up Eridan's outfit. "For once, he looks like he has an ounce of a sense of fashion in him," she said.

"Hey! My cape and scarf are fabulous!" Eridan whined.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's not fight," Shazer chastised. "Anyhoo, Eridan, you need to act like the sassy seadweller you are."

"..."

"Be the sassy gay seadweller! It is you!"

"Gay?"

"Long story. Just act incredibly sassy!"

"I hope wwhoever is making me do this gets culled by drones."

"We don't have drones."

"Then wwhat DO you have?"

Shazer looked slightly uncomfortable. "You have a minute to act incredibly sassy."

Eridan sighed, then took a deep breath.

"Wwhatevver!"

"Oh, shit." Shazer could already tell where this was going. The laughter stopped as a random burst of music played.

"I went down to the Ocean and saw Fef, 'N' she was all like 'ehhhh, glub' And I was, like, 'Wwhatevver!'"

Everyone stared at Eridan, who was dancing really weirdly.

"Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like, 'Hey, aren't you the prince of hope?' And I'm, like, 'yeah, whatever!'"

"Has he lost it?" Aradia said.

So later I'm at the corner and Kan comes up and she's, like-" Eridan then attempted to act like he was wielding a chainsaw as chainsaw noises appeared. "-And I'm, like, 'yeah, whatever!'"

As the song went on, Eridan was being the sassy seadweller he is, with everyone staring at him. Finally, it ended, and he came to his senses, his cheeks stained purple. "Wwhat? Did the skirt ride up too high?"

"That was very..." Shazer smiled awkwardly. "Sassy!" Then it disappeared. "Please go change." Eridan scurried off. Then, nonchalantly, Shazer put her iPod down, which she had been holding up the entire time. "I recorded that."

Everyone burst into laughter again. Once it died, Shazer said, "Okay, moving on. A guest submitted this one.

Guest

Tavros I dare you to confess your love for Gamzee. Then ask him to be your matesprite

"Tavros, is there something you would like to tell Gamzee?"

As Tavros opened his mouth, a loud thump sounded from the box. Everyone turned to stare at it, then shrugged.

"Um, what are you talking about?"

Shazer walked up to him and showed him the screen. Tavros squeaked and flushed extremely brown.

"Whoa! Chocolate overload!" Terezi commented, taking a whiff of Tavros's face.

Gamzee, who had managed to drag himself into a sitting position, got off the couch and marched towards Terezi. "Don't you dare be making fun of my Tavbro," he growled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just commented that he was extremely brown!"

"That's his motherfucking blood color!"

Before a strife happened, a bang echoed from the box's door. "Can we come out now?" John asked, his voice slightly muffled.

"Are you guys normal?"

Three "uh-huh"'s and one "Not since the accident" rang out. Shazer "snapped" again, and the four kids tumbled out.

At that moment, Eridan had returned. "Wwhat'd I miss?"

"Go on, Tavros," Shazer cooed gently.

Tavros started tapping his fingers together. "Um, Gamzee, I-I was wondering, if, um, you'd be-"

In one swift movement, Gamzee had grabbed Tavros's chin and yanked his lips towards his. Their embrace was rather sudden, and both of them seemed slightly surprised, but, as the kiss deepened, they closed their eyes and wrapped their arms around each other. A chorus of "D'AAAAWWWWW" rang about the room.

As they broke apart, Gamzee smirked. "Of course I'll be your motherfucking matesprite!"

"I hate to break the mood, but I need to barf up rainbows, that was so fucking sweet. Moving on...The next one is from RubyHedgie. I think I've heard of her before..."

RubyHedgie

I dare everyone to be nice to Vris-sis!

"She dares everyone to be nice to Vriska. For how long, I don't know, we'll just have to wait and see."

Everyone looked slightly huffy at that, except for John.

"Anyways-" Suddenly, a girl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, black glasses and a black cat eared headband appeared out of nowhere, knocking Shazer off the couch. Everyone winced as they hit the floor, though neither seemed affected.

livvykitty

OMG, DSF. YOU. YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON, YOU! *a random human girl with curly brown hair, brown eyes, black glasses and a black cat eared headband appears, immediately hug tackling Shazer* I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERY REVIEW YOU'VE SENT TO MY STORIES, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! *she pulls away, wiping tears of emotion from her eyes* Seriously, I love all my fans. Love. You.

*looks at the Homestuck cast and waves* S'up guys. You may or may not know me ehehehehe...

Well, better get started, huh?

Shazer: I'm having a bit of trouble on the Alice Killer... Who do you think makes a better third Alice, Jade or Rose?

Tavros: You keep being an awesome patron troll. *grins*

John: For the sake of randomness, do a little dance.

Jade: How many times have you chased Jaspersprite and/or Nepeta?

Trolls: Listen to "That's Your Horroscope For Today" by Weird Al.

Bye for now! *gives Shazer another hug and absconds*

"I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERY REVIEW YOU'VE SENT TO MY STORIES, THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!" the girl started to scream. The Homestuck gang winced a little.

"Aw, you're welcome, livvykitty!" Shazer laughed.

Livvykitty, as she was called, pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes. "Seriously, I love all my fans. Love. You."

Then she looked at the Homestuck characters and waved. "Sup. You may or may not know me. Eheheheheheh...Bye for now!" She gave Shazer another hug and absconded.

"...The fuck?" Karkat managed.

Shazer grinned. "Oh, that was just an amazing person. Well, to answer her question, I think Rose is a better third Alice, since the whole Grimdark thing..."

"Wht abot meh? *hiccup*"

"Nothing. Anyways, Tavros, she wants you to keep being awesome."

"Gee, that's, um, really nice of her." Tavros smiled softly, slightly brown.

"And, for the sake of randomness, she dares John to do a little dance."

"Can I choose music to play?"

"Sure. What kind?"

"Not since the accident."

"John, just tell me."

"Um..." He leaned towards her and whispered something in her ear. After a couple minutes of typing, the music had started. The song? "Pon Pon Pon."

"Pon pon, wei wei wei! Pon wei pon wei pon wei wei!" John sang along as he danced the dance, eyes closed and smiling a derpy smile. Then, surprisingly, who should join in but...

"Dave?!" Jade's mouth dropped. Dave Strider, master of all thing ironic, cool, and ironically cool, had joined in John's dance. Needless to say, everyone was more than a little shocked.

"You know this?" John had opened his eyes to see Dave dancing along besides him.

"Bro forced me to dance this every day. Least I can do is be a derp with you, Egderp."

"I ship it," Nepeta whispered. "I ship it. So. Hard."

"Well, let's let them derp together...Jade!

"Huh?" The green-eyed girl looked up, an ear twitching.

"How many time have you chased Jaspers and/or Nepeta?"

"Uh..." She scratched the back of her neck, sweatdropping as her ears went flat, smiling sheepishly. "More times than I'd like to admit?"

Nepeta hissed at her.

"Alright...Now the trolls have to listen to 'That's Your Hororscope For Today!' by Weird Al! Holy shit, this song is HYSTERICAL."

*ONE WEIRD SONG LATER*

The trolls just stared blankly at the wall. John, who had stopped dancing, was snapping her fingers in front of Vriska's face. "I think we broke them."

"Don't worry, at this next set of Truth and Dares from eridanisnotonfire, they'll snap out of it."

eridanisnotonfire

Oh my god, it's like a big reunion!

Firestorm, lk, you, oh my gosh!

I can see a lot of similarities, but that's probably because we both wrote ToD's. (bro, we should interconnect them, that would be SO cool!)

Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading your update if it's on by the time I get back! (yay camp) so...I guess I'll contribute?

Everyone: confess any red feelings for the others. YOU MUST I SAY.

Sollux: allow Eridan to teach you to swim.

Karkat: role play with Nepeta. Anything she wants.

Kanaya: has your lipstick ever turned into a chainsaw on your face? (I still can't get past that)

Jade: play fetch with Dave.

(also, you're thirteen? I couldn't tell...but I guess I just didn't think there were a lot of middle schoolers who read Homestuck! I'M NOT ALONE!)

"Woah! You're right! However, I think it would be slightly conflicting if we interconnected them, though we could try! Anyways, she wants everyone to confess their red feelings for each other."

Twelve heads snapped away from the wall. "WWHAAAAAAAAT?!" they yelled.

"You heard me. Well, Tavros and Gamzee are off the hook, but as for the rest..."

Kanaya walked up to stand besides Rose. "Ahem."

"Oh, yes, we already know about Kanaya. And we also know about Equius, right?"

Equius started to wipe his head with a towel he found. "Please, may we not?"

"Anyways, Sollux and Aradia like each other. And we technically know about Eridan?"

Eridan glared.

"Oh, yeah, if you don't want to, then you can use one of these..." Shazer reminded, taking out a LEGO. Karkat, unsurprisingly, was the first to grab it. He then stepped on it. "That wasn't so bad!"

"Without the shoe, blockhead."

Glaring, Karkat removed his shoe, revealing a sock, and then stepped on the LEGO again.

"OH MY FUCKING-OWWWWWWW!" Karkat reeled over, grimacing. "THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!"

"This is why we don't do stepping on LEGO's, bro," Dave said. Terezi cackled, then made a weird face and scooted closer towards Dave, probably creeped out by the LEGO, though it was an extremely bright red.

"Well, I think that's enough for now..." Shazer gritted her teeth. Karkat had managed to pull himself into a sitting position, glaring daggers at everything and everyone.

"Next up, Eridan has to teach Sollux to swim."

"HELL FUCKIN' NO!" the two male trolls yelled, eyeing the LEGO.

"You mean hell fucking YES." With a snap of her fingers, the two were wearing swim trunks: Eridan yellow, and Sollux purple.

"Wwhy are wwe wwearin' each other's blood color?!" Eridan snapped.

"Because they're complimentary colors on the color wheel. I mean, look at the Lakers!"

"But you don't have a pool!" Sollux smirked, believing that he had found a loophole. No, not the fanfiction.

Of course, though, he was wrong.

"My neighbor does." And with another snap, they were both in the pool in the backyard of the house behind Shazer's.

"Well, let's leave them to their fun, shall we?" Shazer grinned. "Next, Karkat has been dared to...roleplay with Nepeta! And she can choose what kind of roleplay!"

"AC's ears purrk up at the mention of her fafurrite pastime! 'Really? With Karkitty?' she asks."

"'Yes, of course!' Shazer answers. 'And you can chose the roleplay!'"

"AC purrs happily!" Nepeta's grin was so wide, it looked like her face was about to crack.

"Wait, WHAT?!" Karkat yelled, finally putting his shoe back on and wincing gingerly as he stood.

Shazer cackled. "You, my good sir, are roleplaying with Nepeta." Before he could protest, she had grabbed them both and shoved them into the toy room. "Hey, Equius! Could you move the cabinet in front of the door?"

"Certainly." Equius picked up the cabinet as though it was paper and set it in front of the door, where loud cries of "FUCK YOU!" were easily heard.

"DON'T BREAK ANYTHING!" Shazer hollered back. "Well, until we need either of them in a dare, they're stuck in there."

"Oh, my..." Kanaya blinked.

Shazer started smiling softly and stared off into space. After a few minutes, Feferi had to clap her hands in her face to snap her out of it.

"Anyways! Jade and Dave have to play fetch!"

"Fetch?" Jade's ears wriggled.

"To ensure safety, I'm zapping you guys into the backyard." With another snap, the Witch of Space and Knight of Time were in the backyard. Everyone looked down from the windows to see Dave throw a stick and Jade chase it on all fours. When it landed on the trampoline, Jade climbed onto it eagerly and started jumping, then motioned for Dave to join her, which he obliged.

"Wait, you have a trampoline?" Aradia exclaimed, eyes going wide. "I've always wanted to go on a trampoline!"

"Maybe later. Right now, whe have more truths and dares. Kanaya?"

"Yes?"

"Has your lipstick ever turned into a chainsaw on your face."

Kanaya was silent for a few moments. "Did you know that jadebloods are fast healers?"

"I'll take that as a yes. The final set of Truths and Dares are from krosos8!"

krosos8

Hello!

My Dares:

- read a fanfiction called "Homestuck High"

- eat 2 gallons of your favourite ice cream!

- drink 2 0,5 litre vodka bottles and eat 2 sopor slime pies.

4:Dave - delete "Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff" and your blog from the Internet!

5:Tavros - play Fiduspawn with Gamzee!

6:Sollux - when asked about something, wink at Rose!

Wish you good luck with the story! ;)

-krosos8

"So, Gamzee and Tavros have to play Fiduspa-" She turned to them to see them already playing. "Well. Um, somebody has to eat two gallons of their favorite ice cream, but it doesn't say who. So, we'll get to that later! Sollux-Well..."

With another snap of her fingers, the mustardblood and grapeblood returned, both dripping wet. Another snap, and they were both dry and back in their clothes.

"How was it?"

"...Unsuccessful," Eridan managed.

"At least you two got some quality te together. Now! Sollux, from now one, whenever asked something, wink at Rose?"

"Why?"

"I don't know. Are you up to the challenge?"

Sollux turned to Rose and winked, causing her to blush and giggle, "Oh, stp it uoy *you *uou" Kanaya glared, obviously jealous.

"That's a yes, then. Well, somebody else has to drink 2 vodka bottles and eat two sopor slime pies. I'd assume it's Gamzee, but I'm not too sure. So, we need Dave back up here..."

Shazer snapped, and Jade and Dave were back.

"AWW! I wanna keep jumping!" Jade pouted, crossing her arms.

"Hold your horses, we'll go on it later!" Right now, Dave has been dared to delete SBAHJ from the Internet-"

"I'LL TAKE JUSTIN BIEBER."

"Are you sure?"

"YES."

"Alright..." Shazer handed him an Nano preloaded with Justin Bieber songs, and Dave sat down to listen to all the songs.

All of them.

"And here we are at the group dare! Equius, can you move the cabinet out of the way, so we can retrieve the roleplayers?"

"KK wath ROLEPLAYING?!" Sollux grinned evilly. "Now, HERE'TH thomething to teathe him about!"

"Ehehehe...Try not to make him want to kill you," Shazer warned.

After Equius had put the cabinet back in the original spot, Shazer walked up to the door and opened it. She quickly shut it, made a surprised face, and then walked over to the couch and flopped down on it, putting her face into a pillow.

"...What were they doing?" Equius growled, fists clenched.

"...HE WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT..." Shazer managed.

Just then, Karkat walked out of the toy room, scowling, though not as much as before, followed by Nepeta. "Yay, we're done, now what?!" he snapped.

"We're reading Homestuck High. All of us. To the computer in the office!" Shazer then ran down the stairs, followed closely by the Homestuck gang, who were all curious to see what she was talking about.

Heh heh heh...

Holy shit! This is the longest thing I've EVER written!

Krosos8, I apologize for not doing all th dares, but I just couldn't tell who two of them were meant for!

Anyways, we'll have to tune in next time to see which of the Homestuck gang still has their thinkpan functioning...

On another random note, I saw Wicked yesterday!

Deranged Shadow Fangirl