I don't know where I get this stuff. Really. Not a clue. But I am a nutcase, so...
Begin Chapter Two.
Chapter Two: Oh dear. Don't forget to fasten seatbelt.
Gendou pushed his glasses up onto nose, assuming his frequently mocked position. "Fuyutski! Here, now, or else."
"Sir! I'm top floor!"
"Die."
"Be there in .02543 seconds, Commander!"
"Good..." Gendou smiled. He was eagerly awaiting his Eva pilot's first battle. And the arrival of his fangirls. He stood, and walked over to his SDAT, and turned on his favorite radio station.
"Hello, my demonic, psychotic listeners, and if you're just joining us here at 99.7 IAAPB, you're just in time for the contest entries to the I Am A Psychotic Bastard theme song contest. Our first entry is from Gendou Ikari, at the Top Secret Military organization NERV. His address is..."
"Yes, Commander?" Fuyutski asked, out of breath from running down 193 flights of stairs.
"Tell Major Katsuragi not to launch the Eva's yet."
"But Sir! The Angel has decimated 3/4 of the city and has killed my aunt Gertrude!"
"I don't care. It can wait. Everyone has to listen to my song."
"Yes, Commander."
***
The entire NERV staff looked up at the loudspeakers as they blasted the sound of their Commander SINGING throughout the building. "I'm to evil for my glasses, to evil for my glasses, to evil--Just to evil!"
Maya banged her head repeatedly against the wall. "Everyone's going insane..." She looked up to see Ritsuko dancing to the beat."Oh god, everyones going insane."
***
"Major Katsuragi! There are unidentified sound waves coming from Unit 0!"
"WHAT?!"
"We aren't sure what it is!"
"Patch it in, Makoto."
"Yes, Major!"
*crunch*
Misato raised a brow.
*crunch*
"What the...?! Get her out of there! Immediately!!" Misato cried.
*crunch*
They pulled the plug out of the Eva and pulled back the hatch.
*crunch*
Rei sat with her mouth full in her seat. "Pringle?"
Misato forced back a gag reflex. "Do those taste normal with LCL?"
"They just taste a bit slimy, but they still maintain that satisfying crunch!"
A com link established between Misato and Unit 02. "I want a Pringle." Asuka said.
Misato scowled.
*crunch*
***
"Eva's are launched, Commander."
"Gooooood...Heheh."
Eerie silence.
****
Shinji screamed girlishly as he was thrown against the wall. "Ouch! That hurt!"
Asuka snarled. "No, friggin' DUH, dimwit."
"Shut-up you transexual biotch!"
Rei pulled out her prog knife and advanced, only to be thrown back by the angel's AT field.
"Relax, I'll handle this problem!" a strong female voice cried out.
"Huh?!" Shinji cried.
***
"Huh?!" Misato cried.
"Who the hell are you?!" Misato heard Asuka snarl.
***
"I am Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice--"
Shinji sighed. "YOU are in the wrong anime."
Rei nodded.
Sailor Moon sighed. "Oh darn. Not again!!!" She ran out of the scene.
Rei sniggered. "Ditz."
A growl emitted from Unit 2. "Now is not the time! We have to defeat this stupid thing!"
"Riiight!" Shinji said. "I knew we were out here for something!" Both of the other two Eva's turned to look at him. "You know..." He whined. "How you go to do something and then you get a little distracted, and forget what you were going to do... It happens!"
"Sure, baka." Asuka said, only to be hit upside her Evangelion's head. "What?!"
"Only I am allowed to mock Shin-chan in a condescending manor not unlike how one talks to a small illusioned child!"
"Hey!" Shinji shouted.
He could hear Misato snickering from his com-link to base.
He pouted. "Whatever."
****
Kaji and Makoto were 'becoming better friends' in a janitorial closet on the third floor.
"Don't you think this was a good idea?" Makoto asked.
"No audience here..." Kaji smiled.
"...I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Kaji looked up slowly toward the sound of the voice. The janitor stood there, smiling wryly. "Beat it, kids."
Kaji turned green, and Makoto followed him quickly out of the closet and disappeared.
"Damn, I can't ever get it on, can I?!" Kaji cried out to an uncaring ceiling.
"No Kaji, you can't." The ceiling replied.
Kaji took out a cigarette. "Well, damn."
He lit up and contemplated the complexities of life.
***
Shinji scowled. "This is starting to piss me off."
Rei turned to him. "What is, darling?"
"This prog knife crap. 'Shinji, use your progressive knife! Shinji, hit the stupid thing! Shinji, go berserk and kill something, goddamnit!'. Well I'll show them!"
Asuka snorted. "The baka has hit the limit of his sanity."
Out of thin air, Unit 01 drew out a grenade gun. "Hehehehehehehe! Why use a prog knife when you can use a REAL weapon!!!"
Asuka stared. "Holy Sh--!"
Kensuke drooled from his hiding place in the bushes. "Pretty..."
***
Gendou's eye twitched. "Where the heck did the grenade gun come from, Fuyutski?"
"Not a clue, commander."
"Ahh."
"But hey, are you sure you want to disown your son? He seems to be heading down the right track toward evil-ness."
"Yes, but Rei is evil in it's truest form. She is the right one to carry on the Ikari name."
"Her last name is Ayanami."
Gendou's eye twitched again. "Where did THAT come from?"
"First page of the script, Commander. The Authoress is a cruel mistress."
"I see. Well, then, Shinji and Rei will have to get married."
"They're related."
"So? I'll never tell..."
"Inbreeding is very dangerous, Commander Ikari. Your granchild might end up a one-eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater."
Gendou looked up, his eyes shining gleefully like a picture from a shoujo manga. "Really?"
At Fuyutski's nod, Gendou grinned. "Cooool..."
***
Misato sighed. "Fire the gun, Shinji."
***
Gendou smiled. "Fire the gun, Shinji."
***
Rei looked on seductivly. "Hey, Shin-chan, fire the gun..."
***
Shinji got a nosebleed. "I musn't run away!!!"
***
BANG!!!
End Chapter Two.
Begin Chapter Two.
Chapter Two: Oh dear. Don't forget to fasten seatbelt.
Gendou pushed his glasses up onto nose, assuming his frequently mocked position. "Fuyutski! Here, now, or else."
"Sir! I'm top floor!"
"Die."
"Be there in .02543 seconds, Commander!"
"Good..." Gendou smiled. He was eagerly awaiting his Eva pilot's first battle. And the arrival of his fangirls. He stood, and walked over to his SDAT, and turned on his favorite radio station.
"Hello, my demonic, psychotic listeners, and if you're just joining us here at 99.7 IAAPB, you're just in time for the contest entries to the I Am A Psychotic Bastard theme song contest. Our first entry is from Gendou Ikari, at the Top Secret Military organization NERV. His address is..."
"Yes, Commander?" Fuyutski asked, out of breath from running down 193 flights of stairs.
"Tell Major Katsuragi not to launch the Eva's yet."
"But Sir! The Angel has decimated 3/4 of the city and has killed my aunt Gertrude!"
"I don't care. It can wait. Everyone has to listen to my song."
"Yes, Commander."
***
The entire NERV staff looked up at the loudspeakers as they blasted the sound of their Commander SINGING throughout the building. "I'm to evil for my glasses, to evil for my glasses, to evil--Just to evil!"
Maya banged her head repeatedly against the wall. "Everyone's going insane..." She looked up to see Ritsuko dancing to the beat."Oh god, everyones going insane."
***
"Major Katsuragi! There are unidentified sound waves coming from Unit 0!"
"WHAT?!"
"We aren't sure what it is!"
"Patch it in, Makoto."
"Yes, Major!"
*crunch*
Misato raised a brow.
*crunch*
"What the...?! Get her out of there! Immediately!!" Misato cried.
*crunch*
They pulled the plug out of the Eva and pulled back the hatch.
*crunch*
Rei sat with her mouth full in her seat. "Pringle?"
Misato forced back a gag reflex. "Do those taste normal with LCL?"
"They just taste a bit slimy, but they still maintain that satisfying crunch!"
A com link established between Misato and Unit 02. "I want a Pringle." Asuka said.
Misato scowled.
*crunch*
***
"Eva's are launched, Commander."
"Gooooood...Heheh."
Eerie silence.
****
Shinji screamed girlishly as he was thrown against the wall. "Ouch! That hurt!"
Asuka snarled. "No, friggin' DUH, dimwit."
"Shut-up you transexual biotch!"
Rei pulled out her prog knife and advanced, only to be thrown back by the angel's AT field.
"Relax, I'll handle this problem!" a strong female voice cried out.
"Huh?!" Shinji cried.
***
"Huh?!" Misato cried.
"Who the hell are you?!" Misato heard Asuka snarl.
***
"I am Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice--"
Shinji sighed. "YOU are in the wrong anime."
Rei nodded.
Sailor Moon sighed. "Oh darn. Not again!!!" She ran out of the scene.
Rei sniggered. "Ditz."
A growl emitted from Unit 2. "Now is not the time! We have to defeat this stupid thing!"
"Riiight!" Shinji said. "I knew we were out here for something!" Both of the other two Eva's turned to look at him. "You know..." He whined. "How you go to do something and then you get a little distracted, and forget what you were going to do... It happens!"
"Sure, baka." Asuka said, only to be hit upside her Evangelion's head. "What?!"
"Only I am allowed to mock Shin-chan in a condescending manor not unlike how one talks to a small illusioned child!"
"Hey!" Shinji shouted.
He could hear Misato snickering from his com-link to base.
He pouted. "Whatever."
****
Kaji and Makoto were 'becoming better friends' in a janitorial closet on the third floor.
"Don't you think this was a good idea?" Makoto asked.
"No audience here..." Kaji smiled.
"...I wouldn't be so sure about that."
Kaji looked up slowly toward the sound of the voice. The janitor stood there, smiling wryly. "Beat it, kids."
Kaji turned green, and Makoto followed him quickly out of the closet and disappeared.
"Damn, I can't ever get it on, can I?!" Kaji cried out to an uncaring ceiling.
"No Kaji, you can't." The ceiling replied.
Kaji took out a cigarette. "Well, damn."
He lit up and contemplated the complexities of life.
***
Shinji scowled. "This is starting to piss me off."
Rei turned to him. "What is, darling?"
"This prog knife crap. 'Shinji, use your progressive knife! Shinji, hit the stupid thing! Shinji, go berserk and kill something, goddamnit!'. Well I'll show them!"
Asuka snorted. "The baka has hit the limit of his sanity."
Out of thin air, Unit 01 drew out a grenade gun. "Hehehehehehehe! Why use a prog knife when you can use a REAL weapon!!!"
Asuka stared. "Holy Sh--!"
Kensuke drooled from his hiding place in the bushes. "Pretty..."
***
Gendou's eye twitched. "Where the heck did the grenade gun come from, Fuyutski?"
"Not a clue, commander."
"Ahh."
"But hey, are you sure you want to disown your son? He seems to be heading down the right track toward evil-ness."
"Yes, but Rei is evil in it's truest form. She is the right one to carry on the Ikari name."
"Her last name is Ayanami."
Gendou's eye twitched again. "Where did THAT come from?"
"First page of the script, Commander. The Authoress is a cruel mistress."
"I see. Well, then, Shinji and Rei will have to get married."
"They're related."
"So? I'll never tell..."
"Inbreeding is very dangerous, Commander Ikari. Your granchild might end up a one-eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater."
Gendou looked up, his eyes shining gleefully like a picture from a shoujo manga. "Really?"
At Fuyutski's nod, Gendou grinned. "Cooool..."
***
Misato sighed. "Fire the gun, Shinji."
***
Gendou smiled. "Fire the gun, Shinji."
***
Rei looked on seductivly. "Hey, Shin-chan, fire the gun..."
***
Shinji got a nosebleed. "I musn't run away!!!"
***
BANG!!!
End Chapter Two.