Supernatural

No Matter What

AN: So I hope you'll like this chapter as much as the first one. I reposted it cuz I fixed as much mistakes a could find. Should tell you, English isn't my own language. I hope you'll be able to understand. Anyway, to the story!

Warnings: Self harm and language

Disclaimer: Supernatural is not mine

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In my deepest fears

I'm losing you

Even if somebody tried to stop my heart

I'm still alive

I will never give up

Negative, Still alive

Chapter two

Sam heard Dean saying something about getting breakfast. Sam made a sound that told Dean he had heard but didn't move before he heard the door shutting. With a soft groan he got up and went to the bathroom.

"What the hell happened here?" he thought when he saw the broken mirror. He didn't remember it being broken when he went there last night... "Did I do that?"

"Oh yeah... Oh, Sammy, if you only knew how powerful you can be when you want to. But of course... That also means that you'll be dangerous, too. You'll put Dean at risk. Think you could handle that?"

"Go away... Leave me alone!" Sam whispered desperately.

"Sleep, Sammy... Sleep and see how it could have been..."

SNSN

The nine year old Sam ran through the hospital room and, without bothering to say 'I'm sorry' to a nurse he had accidentally collided with, rushed to his brother's room where his doctor and three nurses were doing CPR. Sam screamed Dean's name, telling him he couldn't die, couldn't leave him. But Dean didn't hear him, or if he did he just didn't listen or pay attention. Cuz after fifteen minutes the doctor told the nurses to stop.

"Time of death, 15.05."

"What?! NO!" both the younger and older Sam yelled. But before Sam could see more the hospital room disappeared and he was back in the small house were Dean had just flew down the stairs.

"Dean! Wake up! Don't do this to me, Dean. Please!" the twelve year old Sam begged. Dean remained motionless, showing no sings of waking up. Sam put his fingers to his neck and his eyes widened. "No... No, Dean, no!! No, wake up, please, wake up!" he screamed. The older one stood behind him, unable to stop his own tears.

"This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real... He woke up... He was fine..."

The next hospital room Sam remembered better. The room where Dean had been after Sam had been informed his brother would have a month to live. Tops. But it wasn't like the last time. Dean was even paler and Sam, just a little bit younger, cried into his hands.

"Hey, Geek Boy... You'll be fine..." Dean's rough voice echoed through present Sam's head. What the hell was he talking about?

"No, I won't..." younger Sam replied, looking up from his hands. He looked so tired, so broken that it scared Sam himself.

"Yes, you will. This is not the end of the world", Dean said. Younger Sam smiled a little, though his smile wasn't happy.

"Oh yeah? Cuz it feels like one", he said, not looking Dean in the eye.

"Sammy... I can't die and leave you here like this. Promise me you'll be fine", Dean said. Younger Sam shook his head, letting the tears fall. If he didn't promise Dean would have to stay alive... Right?

"Sammy? Promise me..." Dean's voice was so weak, so full of pain.

"Dean, I..."

"Promise!" The older Sam's knees gave up and he fell onto the floor as he saw himself nodding.

"That's my boy... love you..." Dean's eyes shut and his hand that Sam was holding went limp.

"Wait, what? No, Dean, no... Please, Dean! NO!!"

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"Maybe that's enough for now", a voice said as Sam woke up. He felt the hot tears on his cheeks. It wasn't real... Dean was still alive, he was just fine. He had found a cure. But knowing how close losing Dean had been each of those times and so many times after and between them hurt Sam like a hot iron against his skin.

"You could have stopped those things from happening, ya know. If only you had got control over your powers earlier. Why did you fight against them, Sammy? Why did you fight against your family's destiny? You could have stopped everything! And Jessica would still be alive, if you hadn't left your family. If she had never met you. How does that make you feel, Sammy, huh?" Sam shook his head. He didn't want to believe it. But he had known it from the moment he had seen Jessica pinned to the ceiling. Maybe if they had never met... She would have got into Med School, met a nice guy, have the four children she dreamed about and a big house. She could have had those things if it wasn't for him...

"No... No, leave me the fuck alone...!! It's not true, it's not, I don't believe you!" Sam yelled. He didn't even know who he was yelling at. The little voice in his head didn't have a face. It was it was too afraid to actually face Sam, so it hide behind his nightmares and fears. Hell, maybe it even created them.

"Oh, but Sammy, you're too delicious! God, you're such a mess. I can't leave you alone. Sorry. But you know what would ease the pain?"

A piece of the mirror floated in front of Sam's eyes. It was there, just in Sam's reach.

"Take it. I promise it will help."

Sam reached out his shaky hand and took the sharp piece into his hand. He looked at it for a while and then, without even fully noticing it, he rolled his sleeve up.

"Don't let your brother see. Cut it where he can't see..."

Sam took his shirt off and put the piece between his shoulder and elbow. Would it help? Dean had once said that only weak ones do it, the ones that are too afraid to ask for help, those who don't have anyone who would listen and understand. Or someone who would just be near, not judging, just taking care. And he had also made sure that Sam knew that Dean would always be there, that he never had to do it. He would be there, he would listen...

"Yes, but does he understand?" the voice said, reading Sam's mind. "Has he ever gone through such pain? Has he?"

Sam swallowed hard. No, he had not. There was no way Dean would know how Sam felt. Sam held the piece harder to his skin. And that was when he heard the motel room opening.

SNSN

From the moment Dean stepped into the small motel room he knew something was wrong. Sam was not in the bed and the bathroom door was slightly open. "Not again..." he thought as he dropped the packs he was carrying on the table and rushed to the bathroom. What he saw almost gave him a heart attack. Sam sat in the middle of the room, holding a piece of mirror to his skin. He had not made a cut but he hold the piece so hard it had made his hand bleed. Without saying anything Dean went to Sam and picked him up from the floor. The piece of glass dropped from Sam's hand and he didn't fight Dean as they made their out of the bathroom. Dean settled Sam on his bed and went back to the bathroom. He came back like ten seconds later holding a first aid kit. He sat down next to Sam, took a hold of his hand and started to clean it.

"What where you thinking, Sammy?" he asked gently. Sam winced as Dean wrapped his hand but didn't answer. Dean put the kit away and turned to look at Sam. Sam looked down, clearly ashamed. "Hey..." Dean said, putting a finger under Sam's chin and lifted it so Sam would meet his gaze. "Just tell me what happened, okay?"

A quiet sob came from Sam's mouth as he started talk. "He says... he makes me see nightmares... Real memories and today... how things could have ended up..." Sam said through his sobs and sniffs. Dean was making little circles on his back but it didn't calm Sam down.

"He... he makes me see you die... He says that Jess wouldn't have died if she had never met me... He says if I hadn't fought against my powers, if I hadn't fought against our family's destiny I could have stopped so many things from happening... he..." Sam shook his head and buried his face into his hands.

"Sam? Who is 'he'?" Dean asked.

"I... I don't know... He talks to me... Says all these things... I tell him to go away but he just stays. He doesn't go!" Sam yelled in pure frustration. Suddenly a lamp by Dean's bedside popped. Both of the boys turned to look at it and then each other.

"Must have been an old lamp..." Dean said, though his voice was full of uncertainness. Sam shook his head and fell on his bed, sobbing.

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AN: I hope I fixed more than one mistake. Keep on reading, lots of brotherly moments and angst coming up! Let me know what you think.

Lots of Love

Devil of My Family