Chapter 2
Emma
For some reason walking onto the roof to see Jordi and Leo sharing a joint hit me like punch in the face. On top of my terrible dinner experience I was just about ready to jump off of the roof and never look back.
At dinner Nurse Jackson served me last, so she could sit in my room and watch me eat. It took everything I had in me to stomach the two little bites of pizza I managed to choke down. I could already feel that grease spreading throughout my body. Luckily, there was an emergency on another floor and she had to run out of the room. I flushed half of the pizza down the toilet and made my escape to the roof. If I flushed the whole thing they would have known I didn't eat it, half a pizza seems believable.
Leo wouldn't look me in the eyes as I walked past them to sit next to Kara. Jordi was taking a long drag off the joint and nodded a hello at me. Dash was carefully perched on the balcony of the roof, looking out at the lights down below.
"Hey Emma," Jordi coughed out with a laugh. "You want a hit?" He extended his arm in my direction, passing the half smoked joint my way.
For a moment no one spoke. That few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. I know he didn't mean to offend me by asking, but for some reason I felt anger build up. Of course Jordi smoked week. Just like Leo. Just like every other jerky boy. Why did I expect any difference? I snuck a quick glance at Leo who was shaking his head. He looked rather stoned, but at least had enough common sense not to offer me any.
Kara broke the silence. "She's perfect, remember?" I never thought I'd be happy to hear her snarl. "Emma doesn't do drugs. She's…" Kara slid her feet off the bench and took the joint from Jordi, "healthy."
I stared at her while she inhaled deeply. "Well, you know what they say. Drugs make the heart grow stronger."
"Sorry, Emma." Jordi butted in before Kara could respond. "If I knew you didn't smoke I wouldn't have passed it your way. My mistake." He laid a hand on my knee and smiled a genuine smile. For some reason I still felt anger.
Leo cleared his throat and looked at me. "You know, Emma, if I knew you were coming up I would have passed on it." He coughed one more time. "The weed I mean. I know it makes you uncomfortable."
Kara had already passed the joint back to Dash, who took one last puff and flicked it over the edge. "Dash, you have bad lungs. You shouldn't smoke." I ignored Leo's comment and slowly pulled my knee away from Jordi. "I worry about you, you know."
"Thank Em. But I'm cool." He shot me a classic grin and got off the banister to stretch. "You know I got cha back, too."
Leo elbowed Dash playfully and looked into my eyes. "We all care about each other." He said simply. "That's what the Red Band Society is all about." His eyes glanced down at the red band Jordi given me. I know it bothered him that I had lost his, but he tried not to let it show. "Red Bands stick together."
After some small talk on the roof we decided it was time to go back inside. If we stay out there for too long someone would notice we were missing and we could get into trouble. Later that night I was laying in my bed staring at the door to the bathroom.
I could feel the pieces of pizza in my stomach. I had gone so long without eating a bite of food, and it was ruined today. Normally when I need to eat I will just have some of the side salad or a spoonful of Jell-O. But Nurse Jackson knows that. When she is doing the dinner shift for my wing she makes sure I eat some of the main meal. Once a week she sits and watches me eat a few bites of whatever is on my plate. I dread every moment.
I try to think about anything other than food. Other than the pizza that is sitting like a brick in my stomach. I think about Jordi placing his hand on my Knee. His hand felt so warm through my thin tights. Leo's face pops into my head next. His thick eyebrows furrowed and a distant look in his eye. It hurts him to know that I do not love him. It hurts him to know that he broke my heart and he is never going to get me back. It hurts him to know that his friend, Jordi, stands a better chance than he does.
I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Memories of Leo pour into my head. The day we met, our first 'date', our first kiss. I sigh. I could have those moments with anyone else. Inside or outside this hospital. I need to let it go. I need to let him go.
Leo
I cannot sleep. My mind is still fuzzy from the weed and I can hear Jordi snoring off-beat. Jordi. He doesn't understand how badly I still want Emma. He has no idea that he is stepping on my toes. I shouldn't be mad at him, I shouldn't have to keep reminding myself of that.
His hand on her knee flashes into my mind. She didn't move away at first. She must not have minded. But she was disappointed that he smoked, so she did pull away. I cannot yet tell whether or not Jordi stands a chance. I cannot yet tell whether or not I still stand a second chance, if I ever did. I don't even know how I got her the first time. And I screwed it up.
I roll over and stare out the window. The world beyond the hospital walls. I would never have met Emma out there. If I never had cancer, if I still had my stupid leg, I wouldn't be feeling this way. I close my eyes again and try to go back to the last time I felt good. The last time I could smile honestly.
It was before my surgery, I still had my leg. But it was after the chemo, I didn't have my hair. Emma and I were sitting in my room together on my bed. She was telling me some story about her parents and her going on a trip. I remember thinking how weird it was that her family did things together. And I remember thinking how beautiful she looked, even when she was sad. I placed a hand on her cheek and smiled at her. "I love you Emma." It was the first time I had said those three words to her.
I remember the look on her face. She almost seemed shocked. "I….I love you too, Leo." That was the last time she ever said those words to me.
Authors Note: I know this chapter is exactly action packed, but I needed to put something up while I work on chapter three. Which is most definitely action packed. I am just putting the final touches on right now; so maybe if you are nice to me I'll post it today or tomorrow ;)