***Disclaimer*** No copyright infringement intended. These characters are exclusive property of Charlaine Harris, Alan Ball and HBO.
Bill knew this was going to go badly, there was no way that this could be easy in any sense. If he had a choice, it wouldn't be happening in the first place, but like always seemed to happen when it came to Sookie, his hand was forced.
He could still feel her no matter what his body went through. Since that final time she had taken his blood, he'd been unable to break the connection between them. It was nothing more than an echo when he was away, but now that he was here... with just a door separating them, he could feel everything. Right now, she was afraid and confused, she was hurting and Bill knew it was all his fault.
"Sookie, please. I know my appearance here is shocking and difficult to believe... but I can explain, I swear it." He paused, struggling to come up with what else to say. She was never going to open the door, she wasn't going to be able to accept this. He put a hand on the door, almost as if he could feel her leaning against it. "I'm sorry, Sookie. I wish this wasn't happening, I know it's upsetting you... but I have no choice. We need to talk."
He waited, able to hear her breath hitch in quiet sobs on the other side of the door. Bill had spent years dreaming of this moment, knowing that it could never come, and now that it was here, his guilt weighed even heavier. He had tried to do it for her, to set her free, to let her live the life she'd deserved. That's what had kept him away, knowing that she was happy, that she'd found love and had children. That she was living the life in the sunlight that he could never give her. He had been forced to come here, to see her and he'd known it was going to be traumatic. What Bill hadn't known until he'd arrived several days ago was that his arrival was going to add to an even greater trauma that Sookie was already dealing with.
The happy life he'd wanted for her, that she'd wanted, had been shattered, and now he was coming in and making it even worse. He'd been debating for days on how to approach her, knowing that no matter what, it was going to hurt her. He had talked with Jessica about it, after a very long and angry tirade from her about his death... one that he knew he deserved. She had been the one to suggest that he needed to find a time when Sookie was alone, and even went as far as to talk to Sam about giving Sookie some time to herself tonight.
Bill wasn't ready for anyone else to know that he was back, not before he could talk to Sookie about it, so Jessica's help was invaluable. He knew he had let her down by letting her think he was dead all these years, but Bill didn't know what else to do. His resurrection had been just as surprising for him and disappearing seemed like the best option for everyone. The few updates he had received over the years confirmed the wisdom of his decision... until now.
Bill was at a loss, Sookie remained silent, the door still tightly closed. He was there for a somewhat urgent matter, but he knew there would be no rushing this. She would still be safe, so he gave her the out that he could in this moment.
"Sookie," He said, his voice low as he tried to push aside his own feelings, his pain. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't be here if this weren't important, please believe me. The last thing I've ever wanted is to hurt you, but I know I have failed in that task over and over again." He could feel the tear tracking down his cheek, knowing that he had no right to be hurting, not after everything. "It is imperative that we speak, I implore you... please consider it. I will be staying with Jessica. You can find me there when you are ready, or call her and I will come back."
Bill paused, struggling to turn away from her, to walk away without seeing her for more than that fleeting glimpse when she'd pulled back the curtain to see who had come calling. He needed her, he'd never been able to deny that... but staying away had been what was best. It was much easier to put his need for her aside when he was thousands of miles away, but knowing that she was mere inches from him... it was torture.
"Goodnight, Sookie." He finally formed the words, taking a step back and another, turning and walking down the steps. About halfway across the yard towards the cemetery, Bill found himself pausing, glancing over his shoulder at Sookie's house. He could have sworn he saw the curtain move but there was no other sign that Sookie had heard a single word he'd said.
He turned again and continued on his way down that familiar path between their houses. It had been a very long time since he'd walked this path... a path that he figured he'd never walk again, at least not until long after Sookie had left this earth. That was his plan, anyway, once he had determined that he wouldn't be meeting the true death... he would stay away until after Sookie's life had been lived, and maybe even past that. Bill figured he might return this way someday, maybe to see Jessica... to see his home town, to say one more goodbye to Sookie once she joined the rest of the people he'd loved in this cemetery. He certainly hadn't expected he would be needed here, that for some reason he would be the only one who could save her... he still didn't know if he quite believed that piece of the puzzle that had brought him back to Bon Temps, but he wasn't going to take any chances when it came to Sookie's life.
He could see the lights still on at his old house as he approached, he really did think of it as no longer his. It was Jessica's house now, and would be as long as she wanted to live there. Bill was glad for the changing politics around vampires that had allowed Jessica to take full ownership of the house, that as a vampire, she had just as many rights as any other. She was happy, her and Hoyt had made a real go of their life together and Bill was so proud of the person she had become. He'd always been proud of her, but knowing how she had flourished after he was gone was something he had been very happy to see.
With his visit to Sookie not going anywhere, all Bill could do now was wait... wait and hope that his return wasn't going to destroy all of the happiness that had been filling the lives of the people he had left behind. As he headed for the porch, he was assaulted with memories, his wife and children waiting for him to return from war... Sookie on the porch in his arms, happy and in love... comforting Jessica after their home had been vandalized. So many things had happened, so many emotions. Bill did his best to push it all aside. It was the past, a past that was already written and couldn't be undone. He needed to focus instead on the future.
He didn't make it far into the house before Jessica found him, coming out of what used to be his office. A room that she and Hoyt had turned into an entertainment room of sorts.
"Bill, you're back already?" She stopped short when she took a good look at him. "It went that badly, huh?"
"About as well as I expected. She didn't even open the door. I knew there was no easy way to do this, she's hurting and all I've done is hurt her more." He tried to shrug his shoulder, to sound matter of fact.
"You're hurting, too." Jessica said, her face so filled with sympathy. She reached a hand up to touch his cheek, pulling her thumb away to show him the smear of blood that had run down his cheek.
He reached for her hands, cradling them in his own. "It's nothing. The pain I've caused Sookie, the pain I've caused you is far worse than anything I could feel."
"You always have to do that, don't you." Jessica's words grew louder, she pulled her hands away from him abruptly, anger lacing her voice. "You have to be the hero, the one who carries all the guilt for everything bad that's ever happened but you can't see the bad things that have been done to you. You're allowed to be hurt too, Bill. I might still be pissed at you for the past eight years, but you can't tell me that it was easy for you to walk away."
"Believe me, Jessica, there was nothing more I wanted to do than come home, to be with you... to be with Sookie. But it wouldn't have been fair. It's still not fair that I came back at all."
"Well, you did come back... and from what you've said, it's a damn good thing you came back. Sookie will come around, I'm sure she just needs some time." Jessica's anger cooled quickly as she shifted their conversation back to the issue of tonight. Bill had spent the last several nights talking with Jessica. Sharing with her what he'd been through, how he came to be still alive. Where he'd been living all of these years. She'd been furious of course, Bill had been prepared for that. Especially when he got to the part where Eric had known all along that he was still alive. Bill hadn't much choice when it came to that. He'd needed help and he knew Eric would be the person he could trust at the time, the person who wouldn't be emotionally involved. Bill knew he couldn't take that risk with Jessica, the risk that she'd let something slip around town or around Sookie. That she wouldn't understand his decision to disappear. Jessica had also been happy to see him, happy to know he was alive and well... once she got over the shock. The anger had come after that, but Bill knew she was working on it.
"I hope you're right. She needs to know what's coming. I told her I would be here, or that she could call you when she's ready to talk. I hope that's okay."
"It's fine, Bill. What else could you have done? I'm sure she'll be calling." Jessica nodded her head, her arm linking through his as she led him towards the living room. He had been surprised to see this room hadn't changed a whole lot, the fireplace glowed with fire and the furniture was comprised of mostly the same furniture that he remembered. There was a new television over the mantle, but Bill could understand that. Technology was forever changing and improving, of course Jessica would be keeping things up to date.
"Now," She continued as they both settled onto one of the couches, "You never finished telling me about what happened when you were in Morocco."
Bill smiled at that, knowing that this was Jessica's way to distract him, a way to pass the time while he waited and hoped that Sookie would reach out to him.
xx
xx
Sookie was in shock, tears falling freely as she listened to the man on the other side of her door. She couldn't believe it... she couldn't believe that he was standing there, that he was alive, that was too much for her to handle. A part of her was curious, needed to know how this was possible, but the rest of her was paralyzed with shock and a degree of fear. She wouldn't say she was afraid of Bill exactly... but she wasn't sure if she trusted that it really even was Bill. She'd watched him die. She'd been covered in his blood when he'd met the true death at both of their hands. She had walked away from his remains in the coffin where he had been determined to die.
But then... then to tell her that they had something important to discuss, that he wouldn't have come if it weren't important. What was that supposed to mean? He had sounded sincere, that he was truly worried about something, but she'd been unable to move.
It wasn't until his footsteps had made their way off of her porch that she had been able to force herself to stand, to peek out from behind the curtain to see if he was really there. Unless her eyes were going crazy with the rest of her mind, he was real. Even the back of his head looked familiar, the way his hair came to a little point at the nape of his neck when it was cut short, the way his broad shoulders looked in what she guessed was a Henley style shirt. The quick glimpse was all she could handle and she was once again sinking to the floor in a mess of emotion.
Sookie cried until she didn't think she had any tears left, and after dragging herself to the couch, she cried some more. She was back in that day, that horrible, horrible day when Bill had vanished from her life for good. She hadn't wanted to do it, she still had a hard time believing she'd been able to do it... and frankly, she was still sort of angry that Bill had even asked her to kill him in the first place. Her last memory of him was his death, that in itself had been something very difficult for her to deal with. She still believed that his infection, the one that she had given him, had affected his thinking... that it had led him to a place where he thought dying was the only way they could both be free.
He had been correct, to a degree. If he had lived, Sookie wouldn't have been able to stay away from him, she loved him too much for that. She wouldn't have married her husband, her normal human husband, she wouldn't have her beautiful children. Until tonight, she had tempered the pain of losing Bill with all of the gifts his death had given her... but if he'd been alive all this time... It made her feel hollow, that her life was a lie. She felt tricked and manipulated, and really fucking pissed.
The anger made her feel better, it took the edge off of the hurt and the shock. Anger had always been an easier emotion to hold onto. If this was really Bill, and part of Sookie really hoped it was, he had lied to her in a way so much worse than any of the lies that had come before. It made her want answers, she was going to demand answers and then she didn't want to think about Bill Compton ever again. At least that's what she told herself, unwilling to think beyond her anger right now. If she focused on being angry then she could pretend she wasn't falling apart.
Sookie did her best to pull herself together, her anger and pride taking over the despair she'd initially been feeling. The sadness was still there, it was always there, but she could push it aside with this renewed determination. By the time Sam arrived with the kids, Sookie was ready to face them without fear that she would again crumble to pieces.
"Mama! Mama!" Charlie greeted her as she opened the door for Sam. He practically leapt from Sam's arms and into hers.
"Hi my sweet boy, Mama missed you." She hugged him, his chubby arms gripping her neck. She took a step back to allow Sam and Adele, who was patiently holding Sam's hand, into the house. "Hi sweetheart. Did you have fun at Uncle Sam's house?"
"Yeah. We played with Maya's new dolly and got to have pizza for dinner!" Adele bounced into the house, a smile on her face.
"Ooh, pizza sure is yummy." She said before turning back to Sam and taking the diaper bag from his shoulder. "How were they?"
"Perfect, like always. I still don't know how your kids are so well behaved when mine would have destroyed the place in about ten seconds if we let them."
"It's their company manners," Sookie laughed. "Believe me, when it's just us at home, good behavior is much harder to come by."
She was kidding, mostly, since both Adele and Charlie were wonderful, but they both could have their moments... and they usually seemed reserved for Sookie.
"I think it's past somebody's bedtime." Sookie said as Charlie rested his head on her shoulder. "In fact, I think it's past two somebody's bedtimes."
"I don't wanna go to bed." She heard a little voice say from the living room.
"I know, but we've got a big day tomorrow, so it's time for upstairs. I'll be there in a minute to read you a story and help you brush your teeth."
She didn't get an answer, but Adele slowly made her way from the living room and dragged herself up the stairs with a sigh. Sookie couldn't help but smile at the dramatics of her oldest... she was going to be a handful as she got older.
"Sam, do you have to get home right away, or can you wait for me to put the kids to bed? I wanted to talk to you about something." Sookie needed to talk to someone about what had happened tonight and she knew she could trust Sam. She was keeping it together, but that didn't mean anything that had happened tonight made sense.
"Sure, Sook. I've got some time."
"Thanks, Sam. I'll be back down shortly."
With a nod, Sookie disappeared upstairs with Charlie. She went through the bedtime routine with both kids, getting into pajamas, brushing teeth and finally reading stories. She kissed them both goodnight, whispering how much she loved them. These moments were precious to her, fleeting ones when the only thing in the world was her children.
She found Sam on the couch in the living room, his eyes on the flickering TV screen. He turned when she walked in, his attention now focused on her.
"What's going on, Sookie? What's wrong?"
"Am I that transparent?" She said with a small smile, sinking into one of the chairs across from the couch.
"You hide it well, but your eyes are still puffy from crying. Too much time alone with your thoughts?"
"Actually... not tonight. I had a very surprising visitor, and I just... I don't know what to think, Sam." Sookie was trying her hardest to maintain her composure, to avoid breaking down again in a mess of tears. Tonight had taken a toll on her emotions and the extra roller coaster of pregnancy hormones was not helping.
"A visitor? What kind of visitor?" Sookie could see Sam's curiosity was peaked, his eyebrow raised in question.
"I don't know if I believe it myself, but there was a knock at the door tonight and... it... it was Bill."
"Bill?" Sam looked confused and Sookie could almost see his thoughts as he tried to figure out what she'd said. "Are you saying Bill? As in Bill Compton?"
Sookie could only nod, as this was somehow more real now that she was saying it to someone else.
"Bill Compton who died, what almost ten years ago?"
"Eight actually, but yes. Bill Compton knocked on my door tonight and it's impossible."
"I don't understand. What did he say, did he explain?"
"I don't quite understand it myself... and I was too shocked, too upset to talk to him. I just couldn't do it, Sam. I couldn't." There was no stopping the tears now, she shook her head as they started to fall. Sam was by her side in an instant, pulling her into a hug.
"It's okay, Sookie. What else could you have done? Of course it was a shock. Are you sure it was really him?"
"I know it sounds crazy, but I think it really was. I saw him die, Sam. I helped him die. Vampires don't come back from that. But it sounded like him, it looked like him. Who else could it have been?" She sniffled, her face a wet mess.
"There has to be some kind of explanation. Did he say anything? Why he came?"
"He just said that we needed to talk, that it was important. He said he was sorry for coming back."
"I don't know what to tell you... Though we have seen some very impossible things over the years, haven't we?"
"I guess so... it's just... I hate feeing like this. I'm so sick of crying, I'm sick of being sad and... and lost. Things were getting better, just a tiny bit and now this. I don't know if I can handle it, Sam."
"Sookie, you are one of the strongest people I know. You have lost more than most and been through so much, but you always come out on the other side. You are a fighter, you always have been. I know it hasn't been easy, but don't ever think you can't handle whatever life throws at you. Plus, you've always got us to lean on and Jason and Arlene and Jessica and Hoyt... Wait a minute, did you talk to Jessica? Does she know about this?"
"He said he was staying with her, so I'd assume she knows. She'd know if it were really Bill, wouldn't she?"
"She would... and she might even suggest that you needed a night to yourself tonight."
"What?"
"She came by the bar the other day. She mentioned that you'd started back to work and might need a night to yourself. I thought it was a good idea, so I didn't think anything of it."
"You think she planned this? With Bill?" Sookie didn't know if she should be furious or freaked out... why was this happening?
"I suppose it makes sense. If Bill really needed to talk to you, I can't come up with a way for him to come back without upsetting you. I guess it was probably better that you didn't have Adele and Charlie around."
"I can see your point, maybe. But I still don't like this... He needs to explain, and it better be a damn good explanation." She crossed her arms over her chest, letting that anger take the lead again.
"I know you and Bill have been through a lot, and how things ended was really hard for you, but if he is here to talk to you about something important, I'd believe him. He may be a vampire, but one thing Bill Compton always cared about was protecting you. He wouldn't have come back into your life without a good reason."
"I hope you're right, Sam. I guess I have no choice, I'm going to have to talk to him. But I can't do it tonight, I can't."
"I'm sure that will be okay. You're allowed to take some time with this. Do you want me to be with you when you talk to him?"
"Thanks, but no. This is something I have to do myself. I could use some help with the kids, though, if it's not too much trouble? Maybe after they go to bed tomorrow night?"
"I'm sure we can handle that. Nicole or I will come over and stay with them. If you need anything else, just let me know."
"Thank you, Sam. I just appreciate you listening to me. I felt like I was going crazy earlier. It helped to talk, even if I still have no idea what's really going on. You best get on home, now. Nicole is probably waiting." Sookie stepped away from him towards the foyer.
"You sure? I don't mind hanging around for a bit... You've done the same for me when I needed it."
"I'm sure. I'm just going to crawl into bed and pretend none of this happened. I'll think about it more tomorrow."
"Okay, Sookie. But if you need anything..."
"I'll call. Don't worry." Sookie finally reached the door in the slow shuffle they had been doing in that direction. She pulled it open for Sam, mustering up a smile for him. She felt like a ping pong ball, bouncing between all of her different feelings tonight. She needed some quiet and some time for it all to settle down.
"Give me a call tomorrow and let me know what time you need us."
"I will...oh, and Sam, could you just sort of keep this between you and me for now? Until I know what's going on, I'd rather this wasn't public knowledge."
"Sure, I can do that. 'Night, Sookie."
"Goodnight, Sam. Thanks for everything tonight."
With a smile and tilt of his head, Sam made his way out of the house and towards his truck. Sookie closed the door behind him, watching as his taillights disappeared down the long driveway. She quickly locked up, double checking the locks and turned out the lights to head upstairs. Her relaxing night had most definitely not gone as planned. She was exhausted and anything but relaxed. Sookie already had a feeling that tomorrow night was going to be even more difficult., but Sam was right, she'd survived so much... she would get through this too, whatever this happened to be.