I'm sorry, I' bad at Roxy, and Dirk, and, uh... well everyone who isn't Dave or Karkat

Roxy woke up and stumbled over to the mirror. A tall, black haired troll looked back at her, with horns that tilted back and orange eyes that still somehow managed to look bloodshot. She went back to bed.

...

John was just getting to his weirdly sharp and tough fingernails by plucking at his comforter when Karkat flew into his room.

"Where the fuck is Egbert? I need to have a word with that lump of unpleasant fluids!". He sounded weird for some reason. It probably had to do with the fact that his voice was higher than usual, just as John's was lower.

"Unpleasant fluids?" John said, raising and eyebrow.

Karkat jumped. "Holy shit it's you!"

"And you know where I live. Why's that?"

"Never mind that. Look at me. Look the fuck at me! I'm fucking... orange!"

"That's kind of racist, Karkat."

"What the fuck is racist?"

Terezi jumped into the room just then. "Hehehe, John you're a troll! I knew something was up!" She attempted her usual gruffness, but it didn't work as her voice had become rather decidedly feminine.

"Yeah, and you guys are humans. But I still want to know how you knew where I live!"

Terezi licked her lips. "It's pretty obvious. We have access to your entire life! You don't think we could figure that your house would be pretty much in the same place as before?"

"Oh. I never thought about that."

"Of course you didn't, asswipe!"

Terezi knocked his head. "Be nice."

John felt a twinge of guilt that he couldn't quite place. It had to do with the uneasiness he felt when he saw their dirty ragged clothes that looked much looser on the two of them then they used to.

But he also felt irritated. Really goddamn irritated.

"Why did you guys come here?"

"Duh. Us, human! Smells like squid monster doing."

"And you came to me?" For whatever reason, the irritation that brewed in John's chest was growing, stirring and snarling at Terezi's smug face and Karkat's unrelenting anger. "Why me? Why did you come to me?! You could've gone to literally any other player, troll or human or whatever! Why the fuck did you zero in on me! I never asked for you! Just leave me alone!"

Terezi laughed. "I know what this is. You're-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

"DON'T FUCKING YELL AT HER!" Karkat yelled.

John turned and socked him in the face.

Terezi stopped smiling. "John."

John whirled around at her. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Her entire countenance changed. She wasn't smirking or acting superior anymore. "John, you're a blueblood now. That's why you're acting like this."

It made sense. The vague unease and guilt was probably because of that too. That thought cheered him up, and the irritation lessened.

He felt embarrassed. "Sorry Karkat, Terezi." He said humbly.

Terezi shook her head. "It's not your fault; you're hardwired for us to be subservient to you."

Karkat's lip was swollen. He pressed a hand to it without a word to acknowledge John's apology.

...

Kanaya felt afraid. How many times had she seen this door? How many times had she seen it open and close, knocked on and puked on, cleaned and painted? And yet she'd never known that it was this tall. Or that there was a crack there. Or that the doorknob was shinier around the rim than the face.

Kanaya knocked once, too nervous to knock more. She waited for what felt like forever before someone answered.

It was a beautiful young troll, with black hair that curled under her chin and long, elegant horns and deliciously deep black lips curved slightly up in a knowing smirk.

Kanaya could only say one thing.

"Rose?"

"Yes, it's me. I know my appearance is different, but I am still me."

Kanaya couldn't say anything else.

Rose looked behind her a moment. "I think we should retire to my room. There is always the chance my mom might come out."

Kanaya nodded, gaping slightly and not trusting her voice or her words.

Rose led her through the house to the room that Kanaya knew best. It was so similar, it almost made Kanaya want to cry. Judging by the room, SBURB never happened. They never happened.

Rose turned on Kanaya. "Where have you been staying?" her smirk was gone, and her face was dead serious.

"What do you mean?" This wasn't what really what she wanted to talk about.

"You know what I mean. You've been wearing those clothes for at least three days straight. That's not the Kanaya I know. Your hair is messy, and you're not wearing make-up. Where have you been?"

"Just around."

Rose looked miserable. She took Kanaya's head in her hands. "Kanaya. Poor, brave, strong, faithful Kanaya. You've been living on the streets, haven't you?"

Kanaya looked down.

Rose smiled, even though she felt like crying. "You deal with all my shit, my addiction, when I said to break up, my ridiculous idea to auspistize, and you never even asked for a place to wash your hair in return."

Kanaya put a hand to her hair. Was it that obvious?

Rose laughed suddenly, and pulled Kanaya into a tight hug. "I love you! I love you some much Kanaya. I should've never tried to forget you."

Kanaya's eyes brimmed with tears. "I love you too." She whispered, hugging her back.

...

Sollux was sick and fucking tired of being blind. He never did get those lessons from Terezi, so he had to rely solely on sound and Aradia. Neither of which, might he add, were very thorough.

So when Aradia exclaimed one morning that Sollux was a human, he almost didn't believe her.

But when he felt his head, his skin, his teeth... Shit. She was right.

Further exclamations told him that Aradia was one as well.

How terrible! Now instead of cringing away from the creatures that inhabited this planet and living by night, they might be able to beg for food without being captured or whatever humans did to aliens.

Not that Sollux could complain, really. He recognized this earth as a haven for homeless kids. They didn't get killed by civilians or eaten by fauna. As long as they could wrangle up food everyday, then they could easily survive without a lusus.

Not that he enjoyed it either.

Needless to say, at Aradia's suggestion to visit Dave in order to access a means of communicating with Karkat or another troll, he was somewhat relieved.

Dave wasn't at the door.

Bro answered instead. He surveyed the clouded blue eyed, sandy haired boy and the brown eyed, brown haired girl before nodding slightly and clearing his throat.

Aradia answered. "Is Dave here?"

Bro nodded, but didn't move.

"Can we see him?"

Bro shook his head. "He's sick."

"That's just typical." Sollux muttered.

"Are you sure? We don't really care if we get sick."

"Why do you need to see him?"

"We just need to use a fucking computer, and Dave is the closet person we know with one." Sollux said bluntly.

Aradia looked unhappy, but she didn't object.

Bro raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you ask that outright?" He opened the door wider and let the two of them in.

...

Dirk had been feeling depressed. Not that he would ever, ever admit it.

So, they finished the game. Woop-dee-fucking-doo. Why would no one want to live with that? He knew Roxy felt it too. The game that held so much promise for them was fucked up and they would never get that chance again.

It was different for Jane and the beta kids. The game had more cons than pros for them. Their world was destroyed, their guardians killed. But Dirk and Roxy's world had already ended; there was no loss for them there. Their guardians died before they were born. But they got a chance to have their guardians back, to meet and live with them and not be the only two people in the world anymore.

But no one wanted Dirk or Roxy around.

Their presence alone was a reminder of SBURB, of their guardians who died, of their world that ended. So Dirk and Roxy stayed holed up, alone, but together, as they were before.

Well, that is until they turned into trolls. While Roxy just shrugged and went back to bed, Dirk knew something was up.

Dirk roused Roxy.

"Roxy."

She groaned and swatted the air to her left.

"Roxy." Dirk insisted, shaking her harder.

"Uhhhn."

"Roxy, you need to get up."

"Goway."

"Roxy, you're a troll."

"Ikno." She grumbled, rolling over.

"Roxy. You have pink blood."

She sat up. "Realy?"

"Roxy, we have to see the others."

Her face immediately clouded. "Adn by 'others' u mean Jake."

"No, I mean Jane, Jade, Rose, Dave, John, and Jake."

"And whyshould we?"

"Because we need to work together to find the first guardian."

"They wont wurk with us." Roxy reached for her drink.

Dirk nabbed the glass before she could and dumped it out the window.

"Hhhey!"

"If there was ever a time for you to be sober, then it's now."

"Whyy cant a girl have her drink?"

"Because you told yourself you wouldn't have anymore of that. Remember how angry you were after you fell off the bandwagon last time?"

She frowned, but didn't answer.

"You know why you're drinking. Because it fucking hurts to be left out."

"Well? So? Ive seen you taek a sip befor."

"I'm not in a constant state of drunkenness."

"Fuckk you. The obly reason youre saying this is bcause u want to see Jake."

"No, I said that-"

"All you ssay is bs. Youre pathetc; you are alllwaaaysss lllooking for a excuse to see hmi."

Dirk hated her when she was like this. There was no use in gentleness or harshness; all you could do is wait it out.

He sighed, and helped her to the bathroom to throw up.

...

Dad was worrying. He worried about his son, who was too sick to unlock the door. He worried about the two strangers he let in. He worried about the shouting he'd just heard. He worried that he made a mistake letting those two kids in.

Why didn't he ask who they were? Was he loosing his overbearing fatherly countenance?

No, he decided. He would go in there, check in on his son, and demand explanations from Karkap and Derezy, or whatever their names were.

He strode up the stairs and opened the doors.

...

Dave paced back and forth in his room. He heard some muffled sounds downstairs, telling him that Bro was home, as well as the sound of muted conversation and the door closing. He deduced that someone came over, probably one of Bro's puppet fanatics. But now what? He managed to get rid of Bro that morning, but he couldn't think of anything that would keep him out now.

He took a deep breath. Then another. He steeled his nerves as he faced the inevitable. He would tell Bro. He would tell Bro everything. Even the moment he was to weak to pull the sword out. Even when Jade died. Even when Jake died. Even before, when he was in another universe with another Bro.

He was going to tell him everything.

He had the words planned out. He would say them before Bro even entered his room.

The doorknob turned.

"Bro, I have something. I need to tell-"

Sollux walked in.

Dave broke off. "Who the fuck are you?". He remembered he had horns. "Holy shit, uh... This isn't what it looks like. I'm... Uh..."

"Dave, we know your a fucking troll. It's me, Sollux."

"You're... Human."

"No shit." Sollux felt his way around the room, stumbling around pathetically.

"Do you need help?"

"Yes. I'm blind, and I need a computer."

Dave guided him to the computer, setting his hands on the keyboard.

Sighing, he said, "Let's get started."

...

Aradia didn't know how humans were supposed to act. So when this strange man-lusus (which she thinks is called a "bro" in human terms) asked her if she wouldn't mind explaining herself, she didn't know an appropriate response.

"I'm... Aradia?" She ventured.

"Anything else?"

"Aradia Megido." She said, certain this was the right response.

His shades glinted with obvious disapproval (although how she discerned this, no one can rightly say). She'd answered wrong.

"Who is your friend, and how do you know Dave?"

She really stumbled on this one. Should she say the truth? This man obviously wanted it. Or should she leave it for when Dave feels ready?

"He's... Sollux Captor. We are... School friends." She hoped she was using the term "school friends" correctly. All she knew were that friends were sort of like moirails, except that you could have a bunch. "School friends" sounded slightly more platonic.

"Dave has never talked about you before. Do you know about his friend John as well?"

Aradia grabbed at this. "Yes! Yes, we know John."

"Even though he's in another state?"

Shit. "Dave likes to talk about him."

"I see..." Aradia felt like she was being let off with a warning.

*Uses dramatic announcer voice*

Will Dad find out that John's a troll? Does Bro know more than what he's letting on? And why does Sollux say "Let's see what I can do" even though all he's going to do is message KK? Was that an obvious and painful blunder on the author's part? Or something more?

Tune in next time!

Oops. Karkat does know what racism is. Please ignore that bug until I work up the nerve to fix it