I do not nor will I ever own Big Time Rush.

Chapter 2

I awoke the next morning to my phone going off. It was alerting me that I had a new text. I flipped myself onto my side and reached for my phone on the side table by my bed. I opened the phone and saw that it was a text from James. I read it quickly but had to re-read it because he used so much text and I couldn't understand it. I was used to texting Logan who used proper spelling and punctuation unlike what I had just read. (Text conversation S=Sakura and J=James)

J: Hey wat u wearing to da concert?

S: I am going to be wearing black converse with purple laces, a grey My Chemical Romance t-shirt, black skinny jeans, black arm warmers, a black hoodie and black make up.

J: Wow! Dat's a lot of black.

S: I know but that's all I wear now a days. You would be shocked if you saw my hair too.

J: Wat did u do 2 your hair?

S: Well it's always been black as you know but I put blue and red streaks in it.

J: U ruined your perfect hair?"

S: My hair was never perfect plus I feel like a whole new person and people say that I have changed since you guys left so why not add to the changes.

J: U could have kept your hair da same though.

S: Yeah but I didn't want to and now I feel so much better. I feel like maybe I can start over. I just want to forget the past but that's kind of hard to do when I am being forced to go to your stupid concert.

J: It's not stupid plus your going 2 have a ball. I promise dat we will make 2night a night dat u will never 4get.

S: Yeah well I am not talking to Mr. I-am-to-busy-to-communicate-with-my-best-friend and did you say that the concert is tonight?

J: Yah. Is something wrong wit dat?

S: Well no but I just didn't think that it was going to be so soon. That means that Rachel is going to be showing up soon though.

J: U still hang out wit Rachel?

S: Yeah, Jay. I do. We are best friends after all. I mean she is the only friend I have here in Minnesota. Everybody else just thinks that I am a freak and that you guys never should have hung out with me.

J: Sakura, we lov u. We would never desert you and we thought that u needed a friend 2 talk 2 and hang wit all dos years ago. We wouldn't trade u 4 ze world, k?

S: I understand but one of you already deserted me and I don't know if I can face him tonight.

J: Don't worry 'bout it. Now I am going 2 let u go so dat u cn get ready 4 ze concert.

S: Alright. Bye, Jay.

J: Bye, Sakura. See u l8r.

I sighed and threw my covers to the side. I crawled out of bed and slowly and sleepily made my way to the bathroom. I took a long shower and when I got out of the shower, I went into my room. Once I was in my room, I saw Rachel sitting on my bed. I felt my eyebrows knit together and I asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I decided to stop by and see you. Plus the concert is tonight, you have to drive us and we have to stay over night in a hotel so I will help you pack. My parents called your parents and they said that you can go so don't worry." Rachel informed me while going over to my closet.

She grabbed my black overnight bag out of my closet and started packing one of my favorite outfits which of course just happened to be black. She also put my black bikini, black flip flops and black board shorts in my overnight bag. I looked down and saw that I was still in my towel. I went to my closet and got dressed in my concert outfit. Rachel looked at me and groaned, "What did they do to you that made so depressed?"

"It's not Logan, James or Carlos's fault that I ended up like this. It's Kendall's. He stopped talking to me and I got depressed. I feel like he hates me like I don't matter to him anymore." I confessed while I looked down at my converse clad feet.

Rachel came over to me and started rubbing my back. She sighed, "I am sorry for forcing you to go. You don't have to go. I will find someone else to go. I didn't know about your past with Kendall and if I had I wouldn't have made you agree to come with me."

"It's ok. I will go with you. I want to see Carlos, James and Logan. I miss all of them. I don't get to see them now that they are famous. Now let's get ready. I will do your hair and make up but with all of the colors you like or something close to what you are going to wear." I replied while going over to my bathroom.

I grabbed all my make up and went back into my room. I set my make up on my make up table and took a seat at it. I put black mascara, black eye shadow and black eyeliner on. Then I got to work on my hair. I brushed through it and pulled my hood over my head. When I was done putting my dark make up on and doing my hair, I turned around in my seat and saw Rachel dressed in a purple party dress, black tights, black flats, a purple clutch bag, purple earrings, a black cardigan, and a black necklace. I got up out of my seat and motioned for her to sit where I had been sitting.

She sat down and I got to work on her make up. I put on her eyeliner, mascara and purple eye shadow. Once I was done with her make up, I started on her brown hair and curled it for her. After her hair and make up was done, I asked, "Are we all ready, now because we have to hit the road?"

"Yeah. We're ready to go but I will meet you in the car because I have to go get my overnight bag." She responded while heading out the door to my room.

I sighed and grabbed my overnight bag, iPod, laptop and laptop bag. I slid my laptop into it's designated bag and once I was done, I slowly walked down the stairs and grabbed my keys off of the entrance hall table. Then I headed out the front door of my house and towards my car. I had just unlocked the door of my old yellow Comoro, when Rachel came running over to my car. She smiled at me and I unlocked the doors. We both opened one of the back doors and threw our overnight bags in the back seat. Once our bags were settled in the back, we both got in my car and I started heading toward Saint Paul.

It took us about two hours to get there and I still had to try and find the hotel. It took me about five minutes to find the hotel. It turned out that we were going to be staying at a Hilton hotel because Rachel's parents are so rich and can afford a hotel as expensive as a Hilton. I pulled into the parking lot and we got out of the car. Once we were out of the car, we grabbed our overnight bags out of the back seat and headed for the hotel. We went through the revolving doors and over to the front desk. Rachel checked us in and we went up to our room that was on the twentieth floor. We put our stuff in the nice and beautiful suite and I quickly grabbed my computer bag. Once I had my computer bag, we went to go to the concert.

We went back to my car and I drove us to the area where the concert was going to be held. We walked over to the long line of people standing waiting to go into the concert. I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket and started listening to my music. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I picked it up. It was a text from Logan. (L=Logan and S=Sakura)

L: Hey, Sakura. Are you at the concert, yet?

S: Yeah. We are waiting in line right now.

L: Awesome. We are just pulling into the parking lot.

S: Cool. I can't wait to see you, Logan. I miss you guys so much.

L: We miss you too and I know that the guys excluding you know who are excited to see you too.

S: Awesome. I hope you know that I probably won't like your music and I hope that that won't offend you.

L: Don't worry about it. You have never been into pop so we wouldn't expect anything less.

S: I am glad that you guys understand. I am so happy that I have friends like you that understand me as well as you do.

L: Well I may not understand what you're going through but I will always be here for you because that is what friends are for.

S: Yeah. I guess that I will see you, James and Carlos when the concert starts. I love you like a brother. Bye, Logie.

L: Alright. See you soon, Kura. Love you too but like a little sis.

Our texting ended and I went back to enjoying my precious music. As I was listening, I felt Rachel grab my wrist and pull me up in the line. I looked over and saw that we were almost to the front of the line. I hadn't realized how much time had past put evidently a lot of time must have past. I paused my music and took my headphones off. She handed me my backstage pass and my ticket and we entered the arena. Once there, we made our way to our front row seats. I sat down in my seat and put my headphones back on my ears. I pressed the play button on my iPod and started listening to my music and jamming out. I hadn't even been listening to my music for very long when I heard an announcer yell, "It is my pleasure to introduce to you, Big Time Rush!"

I sighed but stayed in my seat not wanting to get up. I grabbed out my laptop out of my computer bag and started writing in my journal. I could feel two eyes staring at me the entire time I was writing. I didn't look up but I grabbed my noise cancelling headphones out of my bag and quickly swapped them for my small headphones. I kept typing away and waited for the concert to finally be over.

When the concert was finally over, I put my laptop back in my bag and headed for backstage with Rachel. Once we got over there, we showed the security man our passes and he let us backstage. I walked in with Rachel and went to go sit on the couch. I sat there staring off into space and was thinking about what would happen when the guys saw me. I was quickly snapped out of my thought when, I heard the guys yell, "Kura, we are so glad that you came to the concert. We get to hang out and stuff."

"Yeah." I replied.

They looked at me funny and it was then that I noticed that Kendall was standing there. I got up out of my seat and ran to find a bathroom or something. Once I found the bathroom, I went in and closed the door behind me. I slid down the door and realized that I was in pain. I felt myself crying and soon a knock was heard on the door. I sniffled and squeaked, "Hello?"

"Can I come in?" asked Logan.

I got up off the ground and slowly opened the door. Logan pulled me into a hug and was slowly moving his hands up and down my back in soothing circles. I smiled a little and wiggled my way out off his arms. I looked at him and he asked, "What were you writing when we were singing?"

"I was writing in my journal. It helps me to get out my feelings and I was writing about seeing you guys for the first time and wishing that I hadn't come because seeing Kendall was the worst thing for me." I confessed to him while looking down at my converse clad feet as if they were the most God damned interesting things in the world.

Logan chuckled a little and pushed me back in the bathroom. He grabbed some toilet paper and wet it a bit. He handed it to me and I gave him weird look until I saw my reflection. My make had pooled under my eyes. I took the toilet paper and swiped it under my eyes. Once I looked fine, I opened the door slightly to make sure no one was watching and walked out of the bathroom. Logan shortly followed after me and we made our way back to our friends. When Kendall saw me, he looked me up and down and remarked, "This can't be the girl we left behind in Minnesota two years ago."

"Sorry to burst your bubble but it is and she wasn't always like this until some bad stuff happened in her life," I spat while practically feeling the venom drip from my words.

Logan, Carlos, James and Rachel came to stand next to me and Kendall said, "What happened to you?"

I mumbled, "My parents getting a divorce, my mom getting remarried and you."

I was lucky he didn't understand what I had said because his eyebrows furrowed and he said, "Can you repeat that?"

I shook my head and looked down at my shoes. I felt four pairs of arms wrap around me and Logan asked, "Kendall, she doesn't want to talk to you right now so why don't you do us all a favor and leave?"

I heard retreating footsteps and I slowly let out a breath that I didn't know that had been holding in. I looked down at my hands and started rubbing my marred wrists. Someone grabbed my wrists and commanded, "Let me see your wrists!"

I shook my head and tried to squirm out of everybody's arms. It didn't work and the grip around my wrists got tighter. I felt the material on my arms being pulled off. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look Logan in the eyes when he saw what I had done to my wrists. I frowned when I heard everyone gasp in shock. I felt someone lift my head up and my deep blue eyes were met with the worried green eyes of . She frowned at me and questioned, "What the hell did you do to your wrists?"

"Well I started cutting myself after my mother got remarried to Michael and after Kendall stopped talking to me. It's not the big of a deal. I can stop anytime I want," I answered while over at Logan who was looking at the green eyed, guilty faced blond monster in the corner of the room.

Her eyes glanced over at her son and she yelled, "Kendall, why did you stop talking to Kura?"

I started squirming where I was standing and he screamed, "I stopped talking to her because I was too busy!"

I felt my blood pressure rising and I grabbed my arm warmers from Logan. I was shoving the gloves back on as I bolted out of the room. I ran down the hall trying to find an exit so that I could avoid the awkward conversation. I kept running until I found an exit. Once I found the exit I ran to my car. I locked myself in my car and sat there thinking about stupid assholic Kendall. My mind kept reverting to the fact that Kendall had said that he was too busy but Logan, James, and Carlos weren't too busy to talk to me but somehow he was. It made no sense. I don't see how they could keep in touch with me but he couldn't. It all just seemed so illogical. I groaned and grabbed out my laptop out of my computer bag and started writing down my thoughts on the subject matter.

Soon there was a tap on the driver side window of my car. I looked over and saw Kendall standing there. I glared at him at him and pointed down to the locked door. He frowned and I smirked. I went back to my laptop and started typing away again when I heard another tap on the other side of the car. I glanced over at the window and saw Logan standing there. I reached over and unlocked the passenger side door and he got in the car locking the door behind him. I smiled a little at him which didn't happen very often. He smiled his signature crooked smile and said, "Kendall is like really sorry he caused you to cut and sorry that he stopped talking to you."

"Well he can shove it because I hate his guts now and i don't think that he is truly sorry!" I yelled while closing my laptop and facing Logan.

He looked me straight in the eyes and responded, "Well he came out here just to see if you were OK. He truly cares about you and is worried about your health. He told me tht he is afraid that his best friends since you guys were in diapers is going to kill herself. He can't stand the fact that if you keep cutting that you are going to die."

I sighed and told him, "I don't see why he would care about me because I don't matter to him. He had to of stopped talking to me for a reason and I would like to know his reasoning. I loved him, Logan and he never noticed me. He was too busy with other girls to realize that he had someone who really really liked him right in front of him."

I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt something wet hit my hand. I reached a hand up to my face and noticed that my face was now stained with my tears mixed with makeup. The passenger door opened and someone got out of the car and someone else got in. I didn't even glance up to see who it was. I just put my head in my hands and continued to cry. I didn't like to cry in public but I was hurting and needed some release. I felt someone's hand on my back and I looked over and saw Rachel. I smiled at her and wiped my eyes really fast and drove off towards the hotel.

When we got to the hotel, we headed upstairs to our room. Once we got to our room Rachel suggested that we go swimming. I agreed to go with her and went through my overnight bag. I pulled it out and went to the bathroom to change. I quickly change and took the little bit of make up left on my face off. Once I was done, I left the bathroom and put my board shorts on over my black and white zigzag bottoms and i put my flip flops on. When I was ready to head down I saw Rachel dressed in her purple pansy bathing suit with matching board shots and flip flops. Upon being ready to go, We went down to the pool. Once we got to the beautiful oasis, I went over to a pool chair and sat down with my music blasting in my ears.

I had been sitting in the chair for quite a while when suddenly a ginormous shadow loomed over me. I looked up and saw Logan, Carlos, James and, he-who-shall-not-be- named. I glared at him and asked, "What are you guys doing here?"

"We are staying at this hotel for a few days and why aren't you in the pool,Missy?" demanded Logan.

"Well um... I would rather sit by the pool is all. Is there a problem with that?" I questioned while taking my headphones off.

They all shrugged while they watched me put my iPod away. James and Kendall lunged forward and grabbed my limbs. I was squirming in their grasp and yelled, "My cell is in my front left pocket and I would appreciate it if it didn't get wet. So could you PLEASE PUT ME DOWN!"

Kendall just reached into my front left pocket and tossed my phone to Logan. I glared at Kendall and the next thing I knew my body was breaking through the surface of the warm water. I felt myself slowly being dragged below the surface. I swam towards the surface and screamed, " Y'all are assholes. I hate you except for Logan and Carlos 'cause you guys really didn't do anything."

They all laughed and I slowly made my way to the side of the pool. I pulled myself out of the water and looked down at my red and burning wrists. Kendall crouched down beside me and asked, "Was I really the one that caused you to cut?"

I simply nodded my head and got up off the ground. I went back over to my seat and sat down quietly. Shortly after I sat down my phone buzzed and I looked at Logan. He handed it to me and I saw that it was a text from my mom.(M=Mom, K=Kura)

M: Hey Sweetie. How was the concert?

K: OK, I guess. I mean I saw the jackass and well he found out about my... never mind.

M: Your what?

K:Ummmm.. well I um... started cutting?

M:Honey, I thought everyone knew that? You started when Kendall stopped talking to you right?

K: Yeah,Mom. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I thought that you would have been mad but i can stop anytime, I swear.

M: I know and I'm not mad at you; I am mad at Kendall for doing this to my baby. By the way I want you to go to the dancing studio over there tomorrow.

K:OK, I can do that. Thanks for understanding. Logie, Carlitos and Jamie say hi. I got to go though. Bye, Mom.
M: Bye, Honey. Tell them I said, "Hi!: back and I will see you tomorrow.

K:See you tomorrow.

I put my phone back in my pocket and said, "I am going to go back up. I gotta wake up early. I have to head somewhere early."

The guys nodded their heads and I dried off the rest of the way before leaving to go up to the room. Once I got up to the room, I changed out of my bikini and into my pajamas. As soon as I was ready for bed, I went over to one of the beds and quickly fell asleep.

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