A/N: When the gang reaches the theatre there will be four previews. Two of the previews are sequels to movies that technically came out in 2010, which is the year this fic is technically in. Like I've said in countless other fics, however, this is fan fiction. Brian and Amanda may be given their own Scream fic (minus the original characters of Woodsboro High), but that will be decided pending on how Stab 7 performs.
The Following Morning…afternoon?
Brian's head pounded to the point where he tried not to think. He opened his eyelids and the small amount of light that entered his pupils made him shield his eyes. He had such a killer hangover right now. Through the alcohol induced cloud over his mind, he felt something warm pressed against his chest. He opened his eyes again and saw a half-naked Amanda sleeping soundly on top of him. Brian's blurry sight shifted back to normal and as it turned out most if not all of the Stab-a-thoners were sprawled out in the hay.
What happened last night? He thought moving to get a better look of things. He heard Amanda's purring moans and watched her stir awake.
"Morning Brian," she said. "It is morning right?"
"I have no idea what time it is," Brian sighed lying back in the hay.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Amanda asked making circles on Brian's chest.
"Well…oh man," he said as Amanda dug her fingers into his skin. "We ran out of beer and I said I'd be right back with some more."
"What were the rules of surviving a horror movie again?" Amanda asked kissing Brian's neck.
"You can never do drugs or drink," Brian said rubbing his hands across her bare back.
"Strike 1," Amanda breathed.
"Never ever say I'll be right back," he said moving to unclasp her bra.
"Strike 2. What was the third one?" Brian didn't answer and pulled Amanda's lips over to his.
"You can never have sex," Ghostface answered for him.
"Jill? Don't be such a buzz kill!" He shouted as Ghostface looked over them.
"Can you not yell Brian? My brain is swimming right now," Jill said on the other end of the room.
"Wait. If you're there then who's…?" Brian slowly looked overhead. Ghostface was holding a knife.
"Strike 3 and you're out!" Ghostface yelled.
Brian shoved Amanda off him and dodged Ghostface's knife. Hung over and dazed Brian was left to Ghostface's mercy. He stepped on Brian's ribs and knelt down to his level. Ghostface turned around and smacked away Amanda, who was trying to do a surprise attack. He looked back at Brian and stabbed into him with his knife.
"No!" Amanda screamed then her hands took hold of the sides of her pounding head.
Brian looked in horror at where the knife was…that is until he saw it was bending against his skin. Brian reached out and ripped off the Ghostface mask. Charlie burst out laughing and Brian fell back to the floor.
"You dick," he groaned.
"Man if only you could see the look on your fa…" Amanda slugged Charlie.
"If only you could see the look on yours," she said tending to Brian. "Are you ok?"
"I'm hung over as Hell and my blood is racing through my body at unsafe levels. Other than that I'm fine," Brian said. "What the Hell was that all about Charlie?"
"Sorry. It was a joke and…owww," he said rubbing the part Amanda hit.
"Any reason why you pretended to attack us?" Amanda asked him; helping Brian up into a sitting position.
"1) because you were awake unlike the others. 2) Because Randy's Meeks' 'successor' broke all the rules in the span of a few hours. Something tells me he'd be disappointed if he were alive to witness this."
"Who died and crowned you the king of the movie nerds…? That did not come out right," Brian said. "For this little stunt you pulled you're paying for both mine and Amanda's ticket to Stab 7 and you know I can back up my threats," he threatened.
"Why don't we continue this later when Brian is sober," Amanda slurred and dropped down catching sight of something strange. "Is that a penguin?"
"Squirrely! Get down from there!" Niley ordered.
1 month later
"Run faster guys!" Brian, Amanda, Stephie, Jill, Kirby, Roy, Charlie, Robbie, and Niley were booking it to the theatre after having to park away five blocks. All the spaces at the movies were full.
"I told you we should have left earlier," Amanda complained.
"Don't blame me! Blame Niley for having us come over to her house and help find her penguin!"
"Leave Squirrely out of this!" Niley snapped at him. They stopped at the ticket counter sweaty and out of breath.
"3…3…3 tickets for Stab 7," Charlie panted. If he didn't have something to drink soon he'd pass out right here right now.
"Will that be for the 3D or 2D showing?"
"They put it in 3D? Why in the name of Hell did they do that?" Roy asked.
"As punishment for people that boot leg movies," the ticket girl commented sarcastically. Charlie rolled his eyes and snatched up the tickets for him, Brian, and Amanda.
"Let's roll everyone. We have 2.5 minutes to get snacks and find a seat before the film starts and I would like to see the previews," Kirby said paying for her ticket.
"The previews don't matter, Kirb. All they do is give away all the best parts of the movie," Jill said.
"Not all previews do," Kirby countered. Jill raised her eyebrows. Kirby tilted her head then entered the movies.
The theatre was packed to capacity. There were hardly any seats left except for the dreaded ones at the front of the theatre.
"No. No way are we sitting at the front," Jill said. "See any spots?" They scanned the theatre as fast as humanly possible.
"Doesn't look like it. We need to hurry. There's only a minute left…guys?" Niley was alone.
"Over her Niles!" Robbie waved her over near the middle of the theatre.
"That was fast." Niley got moving when a second movie goer at the other side of the theatre met her gaze.
Their heads shifted to the empty seat. They blasted up the stairs like rockets. The other girl rudely pushed and shoved her way past everyone else. Niley hopped up on top of the seats and maneuvered her way across to the spot next to Robbie. Jill observed the other girl and stuck out her feet to trip her. The girl jumped over Jill's legs and was feet away from the seat. Niley took a leap of faith and dove for it. She crashed to the floor and bounced up to her feet in the girl's path.
"This seat is mine," she wheezed.
"Who says?" The girl asked.
"I do," Jill responded. Her fist whipped out and the girl saw stars. "Save my seat please," she requested the group; lugging the unnamed girl by her feet to the front seats.
"Ok. Jill officially scares me now," Roy said keeping his voice down in case she heard him. The lights grew dim and the theatre grew quiet.
Your movie will commence after the following previews. Enjoy the show.
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR ALL AUDIENCES
*epic background music starts to play*
2 years ago one rock band inspired a new generation of music lovers. And that band was
Kim Pine: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1, 2, 3, 4!
*We are Sex Bob-omb plays in the back ground*
Announcer: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The Universe!
*'Universe' echoes in the theatre's speakers*
Knives: Woohoo! Sex bob-omb!
*Cut to Scott facing Nega Scott*
Scott: Nega Scott!
Nega Scott: Long time Pilgrim.
Scott: I thought we were friends now.
Nega Scott: That was before the writers made a sequel.
*Nega Scott plays his bass and the shockwave blasts Scott through a solid wall!*
NEXT YEAR THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH!
"That Asian girl look like me," Stephie noticed.
"You look like Knives Chau?" Charlie asked.
"I don't see it," Roy said. The others nodded in agreement.
*The Summit logo fades into view. "Calamity" by "Two Steps from Hell" begins to play*
*Edward Cullen and Bella Swan walk into the forest hand in hand. Edward pulls her close to him and she loses herself.*
Edward: Isabella Swan. I promise to love you every moment. Forever.
*He embraces her*
Edward: Nothing will ever come between us.
*Bella looks noticeably worried.*
Bella: What about the Volturi?
Edward: If they want you they'll have to go through me first. I'll protect you no matter what.
*They lean into kiss. A dark shadow passes over head.*
Bella: What the Hell was that?
*A large white feather descends from the sky. Bella picks it up and looks over it.*
THE TIME HAS COME
*Cut to the interior of the Cullen home*
Edward: There's something out there in the woods.
*An unseen figures sprints through the trees. A blur to the viewer*
Carlisle: What?
Edward: I don't know. I can't lock onto its thoughts.
FOR THE CROSSOVER EVENT
Jake: One of the pack is dead.
Bella: What? How?
Jake: That's what we aim to find out.
OF THE SUMMER
*A vampire crashes through the forest and impacts against a tree. Close up of the vamp. It's Victoria! (played by the original actress)*
Victoria: What are you? Now human can harm me.
*Cut to the face of Victoria's attacker. The music halts.*
Max: I'm Max; Maximum Ride.
*Max reveals her wings and flies off into the sky. The scene fades in on Bella's face covered in blood. Someone grabs her neck and hoists her into the air.*
Jake: Stay away from her!
*The attacker turns around and Jake sees he is an actual werewolf. He let's out a powerful roar. Jake transforms into his wolf form and attacks.*
Bella: JACOB!
MAXMIMUM TWILIGHT
From the bestselling novels written by James Patterson and Stephanie Myer
"The only thing on Earth that can get me to go see a movie involving Twilight again," Jill said.
"I'm confused. Was this supposed to happen before or after 'Eclipse'?" Niley asked.
"Obviously before," Kirby said. "How else could Victoria be alive?"
"But Edward's first lines was the same thing he said in the last movie," Niley said.
"The only explanation I can offer is that it takes place in another continuity separate from the main one," Brian said.
"Like an alternate universe?" Amanda asked.
"Yes. I've seen it happen thousands of times on this one particular website," Brian answered.
"This site have a name?" Amanda asked him.
"Yes, but...I can't remember it for the life of me."
*The Dimension Logo is on screen. Like something out of Stab a phone rings off screen.*
Ghostfreak: Hi.
Victim: Hello. Who is this?
If you think you know what movie this is…
Ghostfreak: Have you checked the caller I.D.?
Victim: … Caller I.D.?
*Record scratching noise*
Think again!
Shawn: There are certain rules to abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie! Rule number 1!
Know how to use a gun!
Victim # 2: Now I've got you.
*Fires gun, but it doesn't work. Ghostfreak sighs*
Ghostfreak: Allow me.
*Takes the safety off*
Victim # 2: Oh thanks.
Ghostfreak: You're welcome.
*Ghostfreak takes the gun and shoots her in the head. Cut back to Shawn.*
Shawn: Rule number 2!
Make sure the killer is dead!
Victim # 3: Is he dead?
Victim # 4: I'm sure got him in the heart. Relax.
*Gunshot. Victim looks down and sees a bullet hole where the heart actually is.*
Victim # 4: Damn it.
*Cut back to Shawn*
Shawn: And most important of all!
DON'T BE BLACK!
Shawn: Wait! What! ?
*Ghostfreak tackles Shawn through a window*
Announcer: Dimension Films presents!
*Ghostfreak pulls back his cloak revealing a bunch of labeled slasher weapons. He tosses aside Jason's machete, Michael's kitchen knife, Freddy's glove, until he gets to his knife.*
Announcer: No mercy! No shame! No sequel!
*Cut to Ghostfreak*
Ghostfreak: Yeah. Right.
SLASHER MOVIE!
"It was a matter of time before someone decided now was the time to parody the Stab flicks," Charlie sighed shaking his head. "That's what happens when a good franchise hits rock bottom."
"Would it kill you to be a bit more open minded when it comes to movies?" Roy asked. "A parody doesn't mean a movie franchise has gotten too ridiculous. Witness that it's being released by Dimension Films. If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?"
"Well spoken," Brian agreed hi-fiving Roy. The last trailer started to play.
*The New Line Cinema Logo fades in. Playing is the theme to a Nightmare on Elm Street.*
How long has it been?
*Freddy drags Nancy's mother through the mirror. Nancy screams as her mom is taken away.*
Since you were last on Elm Street?
*Nancy walks into Quentin's hospital room*
Nancy: I saw Freddy again.
Quentin: That's impossible. We killed him.
Nancy: Did we?
*Nancy wakes up in Freddy's Boiler room; She places her hand on one of the pipes and feels it cold; very cold. She finds a small girl huddled up against the wall.*
Girl: I knew you'd come for me Nancy.
Nancy: Kristen?
One, Two, Freddy's Coming for you
Nancy: I can't explain it, but I think Freddy wants Kristen more than he wants us.
Quentin: But why would he want her?
Three, Four better lock your door
*Kristen nervously walks over to her closet and opens it.*
Freddy: BOO!
*Kristen falls down screaming.*
Five, Six grab your crucifix
*Kristen makes a run for it.*
Seven, Eight gonna stay up late
Nine Ten
*Nancy finds herself standing in the middle of the ocean.*
Never Sleep Again
*Running from this Nightmare by Tuesday Night plays*
And, I'm running, running from this nightmare
*Nancy struggles to break out of Freddy's grip.*
Running, running from this nightmare
*Kristen whimpers against the wall as Freddy closes in on her.*
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Elm Street's Last Brats
Freddy: Sweet dreams little Nancy.
Kristen: NANCY!
Coming Soon
Little girls: 1, 2, Freddy's Coming for you.
"They did it. Damn them to Hell. They made a fucking sequel!" Charile fumed.
"What did we just get through telling you about being open minded," Brian argued.
"Shut up 'Meeks'," Charlie ordered putting quotes around Meeks.
"No you shut up. You're just jealous that I'm the better film expert."
"Can you back those words up?" Charlie asked getting serious.
"Pay up Jill," Amanda said holding out her hand.
"Pay up? For what?" Brian asked.
"We made a bet about whether or not you two would argue before the movie even started and I just won," she said smiling.
"You owe me 20 bucks, Charile," Jill grumbled.
"I want the both of you to calm down and enjoy the movie in peace or else," Kirby threatened.
"Or else what?" Brian asked.
"Or Stephie will go all kung-fu on your asses."
"What's with the stereo-type Kirby?" Niley asked.
"You've never seen Stephie fight have you?" Kirby asked.
"Will you guys shut up! ?" Someone behind them shouted.
Stephie got up, grabbed the guy, and tossed him out of his row and down the steps like he was a piece of paper. Niley was bewildered at what she witnessed. Stephie glared at Charile and Brian, who both gulped.
"Sorry Charlie."
"I'm sorry too Brian."
"Good boys." Stephie smiled and went back into her seat.
A/N: Contrary to Jill's belief neither trailer for Maximum Twilight and Elm Street's Last Brats gave away the best parts. That's because they are two of my own stories.
The Maximum Twilight trailer was fabricated with only a fraction of it matching up with the real story. I started Elm Street's Last Brats months ago, but didn't get it off the ground. Writing Stab 5 renewed my 'Nightmare on Elm Street' mojo a little, however.
For those of you, who never saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Ellen Wong plays Knives Chau in that movie. In Billy Bob D's Woodsboro High Ellen Wong plays Stephie, but no one notices that they look alike.
Next chapter Stab 7 officially begings!