On we go with our story! Thanks for coming back everyone!
Roxanne awoke slowly with a mild headache and feeling quite confused about where she was. The unknown place seemed dark and stuffy, and smelled terrible... an oddly familiar smell, like stale corn chips and dirty gym socks.
She turned her head to look around but realized in an instant that something bulky was draped over her; no wonder it seemed so dark and stuffy in there. Making an attempt at reaching up to pull away whatever was covering her head, she became aware of the fact that her hands were tied behind her, locking her in place. Oh my god, where the hell am I?
Refusing to allow her still muddled brain to panic, she forced herself take a deep breath and focus, to retrace her steps. Okay, the last thing I remember is I was at home. Phone, dinner, flash of blue... oh no...
"Megamind! What do you think you're doing? This is supposed to be my day off, dang it!"
Her irate greeting was met with silence, which further infuriated the already raging reporter.
"Megamind! You'd better answer me! And get this nasty bag off my head before I puke! Where do you keep this thing, anyway? In the bottom of some old gym locker underneath all the sweaty jock straps?"
From out of her shroud of darkness came the sound of laughter, and then her captor spoke. "No, no, no... No puking in the control room. Nothing says spoiling my Thanksgiving dinner like Roxanne Ritchi vomiting all over my floor."
With that, the disgusting bag was whisked away to reveal her abductor, standing directly before her and leaning forward, his smug blue face gazing down at her with a superior smirk.
"Ah, okay... so you can ruin my Thanksgiving but I can't ruin yours, is that it?" she snapped angrily.
"Well of course! You're the captive; I'm the villain. That is the natural order of things... you've been at this game long enough to know how this is supposed to work, my dear."
"I'm not your dear first off, so stop calling me that. And second, what do you think you're doing; sweeping me away on my day off... MY DAY OFF, Megamind! This is the one weekend a year I can look forward to some peace and quiet, and now I don't even get that!"
"Oh my, such a sad story... but I'm afraid your whining hasn't moved my black heart in the slightest."
"My... my whining? Oh-ho, you'd better thank your lucky stars you have me tied to this chair Megamind!"
"Ah, temper, temper… now is that any way for the Golden Girl of Metrocity to behave? Now, enough with the complaining!" he responded in a superior tone, and then as a maniacal grin settled across his face he continued on with a wicked purr, "I think it's about time we get on with things. Are you ready to face the certain destruction I have planned for you today, Miss Ritchi?"
"No, I'm not ready! I distinctly remember you mentioning something weird about a 'Kidnapping Package' when you roped me into this whole abduction, good versus evil, rule the world farce, and you specifically told me I could expect Thanksgiving weekend off... well, I want my weekend off, right now!"
"Well that's just too bad." snapped the villain indignantly. "I'm in charge here; we're playing by my rules, not yours... all you get to do is play along like a good little victim whether you like the rules or not. And just so you know, my rules state that I reserve the right to revoke Kidnapping Package privileges whenever I see fit."
"Oh really. Hmmm, and when did you come up with that little gem of an excuse to drag me out here and harass me when I should be home getting a much needed break from you and your genius plans?"
"When you decided I was the most predictable man on Earth, that's when!"
Roxanne looked at him blankly for a moment. Did he really just say that? No, he didn't... did he?
"What?" she hissed, still having a difficult time accepting that even Megamind would come up with something so ridiculously petty. "You're kidding, right? You just came up with this brilliant plan on the fly because I called you predictable?"
"That's right, and you're just about to find out how un-predictable I am!" blustered the blue devil in a self-righteous tone.
He watched her for a moment as she stared at him in silence, a look of utter disbelief on her face. Mistaking her lack of response for admiration, awe, or even fear, he puffed himself up pridefully and continued on in an arrogant tone, "Oh, just you wait until you see what I have planned for you, Miss Ritchi. Never have you suffered through a more fearsome trial in the name of e-vil than the one you're about to experience. Imagine, dangling... "
"No wait, don't tell me. Let me guess," she interrupted. "It's Thanksgiving, so I'm gonna say this has something to do with turkey... Oh! You're probably calling it Turkey of Terror! Oh yeah, that'd be perfect. I'll bet you're going to hang me from some kind of rope or chain... of course it can't just be any chain, it has to be about to break, right? Gotta make it more exciting; get that element of racing against the clock in there. So, I'm hanging above some big caldron of boiling tar or some other sticky stuff, and somewhere along the line there are feathers involved... does that sound about right so far?"
When Roxanne paused in her prediction, it suddenly became Megamind's turn to stare speechlessly, his emerald eyes wide and his mouth agape with shock.
"Well? Did I hit the mark? Come on, how close did I come to getting it right so far?" she teased.
The instant she started describing her guess to him, she could tell that she was hitting pretty close to home. That infuriatingly smug grin he used when he thought he had one up on her drained away, and his mouth began to open and close wordlessly, reminding her of a fish out of water. It had taken an extreme amount of self-control to maintain a steady voice throughout her narrative and keep herself from laughing.
Megamind couldn't believe she'd come so close to guessing... well, in all honesty, she did guess up to that point. She had paused before she could continue on, but he suddenly had no doubt that if she did finish her prediction, she'd certainly figure out the giant roasting pan on the conveyor belt that lead to the flaming oven of doom that he and his more industrious brainbots had quickly whipped up as a terrifying finale before he left to snatch her... it was amazing what some spare parts and a little creativity could do in a few hours.
Drawing himself up to his full height and glowering at her dangerously, the short and temperamental alien pointed at her accusingly and snapped, "Well, whether you guessed it or not doesn't really matter... the point is I surprised you by showing up on Thanksgiving! Ah-ha! See? As un-predictable as the day is long!"
"Ha, ha, ha! That's gotta be the funniest thing I've heard all week, Blueberry."
Oh, I HATE it when she calls me that! Megamind took a step closer to his captive and bent down to look her square in the eye."Go on, admit it! You were shocked to see me show up and spray you in the face with the knock-out spray!"
Roxanne glared as she set her jaw stubbornly and leaned forward in her chair, further closing the distance between them, and shot back, "No way!"
Just when their quarrel was becoming heated and the two of them were set to engage in a throw-down argument that would live on in infamy, they were pulled from their exchange by the sound of a door creaking open at the other end of the room, accompanied by the clunking of heavy, robotic footsteps. Within seconds, the control room was filled with a deliciously savory smell that had been lingering discretely in the air when the irate reporter arrived, but she had been too distracted to notice.
The tempting aroma suddenly reminded Roxanne just how hungry she was, and she could feel her empty stomach begin to growl and rumble.
As she looked toward the source of the sounds and smells that had drawn her attention away from her opponent, she saw Minion appearing from around a large bank of controls, sporting a festive, fall colored apron and smiling cheerfully. The surprised captive had never had the opportunity to see Minion's more domestic side, and had to choke back a laugh in an attempt to prevent herself from embarrassing the friendly fish... he was beyond adorable.
"Okay Sir, here I am. Sorry it took me so long; getting the brainbots to cooperate instead of scrapping with each other or trying to play fetch with the silver wear I took out to set the table with was almost impossible! I wonder what's gotten into them today? Anyway, I think I'm finally ready to help you out with whatever you needed me for, but I don't have much time. I just put the potatoes on the stove to boil and... "
Minion froze in mid-step when he looked up and saw their unhappy guest sitting bound to her usual chair and looking incredibly angry. It was obvious that she had been in the middle of a heated debate with his boss when he walked in. They were both leaning toward one another in what appeared to be the throes of a terrible argument, their faces no more than a foot away and both bearing an expression that bordered on extreme rage; especially Roxanne. Oh wow, it's a good thing she's tied to that chair... I wouldn't want to be in Sir's boots right now.
When the surprised fish recovered a little from the completely unexpected sight of their captive of choice sitting in their control room when she should have been at home enjoying some much deserved time off, he asked in a bewildered tone, "Wha... Miss Ritchi... what are you doing here?"
"Well it's not like I just decided to drop on by for old time's sake! Ask HIM, he's the one who brought me here!"
Minion looked at his master, who had straightened himself and was standing with his arms crossed, looking defensively at the fish with temperamental pout.
"Sir! Oh no, I was afraid of this… what in the world are you doing? It's her day off! And I don't have time to help with a plan today... I have all that food cooking, and it'll be ready in about an hour."
"Listen, I'm the villain here! I get to decide when she gets her days off, and today is not that day. And don't talk to me about Kidnapping Packages and promises... Who was it that came up with that ridiculous idea anyway?"
"You did Sir, and I would think that you would want to follow your own rules."
"Well FYI my finned friend, rules are made to be broken, especially that one... and when it comes to breaking the rules I'm the best there is!"
"If you go ahead with this plan you've cooked up without me... wait, what is the plan, anyway?"
"Oh, it's a goody, Minion! He's calling this one Turkey of Terror... pretty original, huh? Who'd ever guess he'd come up with a plan involving turkey on Thanksgiving Day? Oh wait, that's right... I did!"
"I never said that's what I was calling it!" Megamind huffed, not even bothering to deny that she was right about the content of the plan; she was about to find that out anyway. "You know, you're far too acerbic for your own good, Missy! You ought to... "
"Hey, can I just get a word in edgewise here? I was trying to say that if you go ahead with your plan right now, all that food I've been working on all day will be ruined! And honestly, Sir," Minion turned away and continued on in a softer voice out of the corner of his mouth, trying to ensure their reluctant guest wouldn't hear, "I do feel a little sorry for Miss Ritchi. Everyone needs a day off every now and then, and she works really hard at being a good captive!"
As Minion spoke, Megamind stole a glance at the lovely woman as she sat tied to her chair and felt a sudden pang of guilt. Well, he does have a point, she really is amazing. And so cute... Maybe I shouldn't have... No! Wait, what am I thinking?"
Instantly rebelling against the oddly compassionate tendencies that crept up on him out of the blue and had sneakily stolen their way into his thoughts, he stuffed them back down and responded with a hissing whisper, "Works really hard? Good captive? Minion, she won't even scream for me... how exactly is that good, you tell me?"
"Well no one's perfect! Besides, you must think she's pretty darn good; I don't see you running out there to capture anyone else!"
Knowing his henchman was right, Megamind had to think fast to turn the conversation in his favor. "You know why we capture her... she's the key to our future victory! And as far as her day off, well it's too late for that. She's already here, and it's not like I can just turn around and say, 'Oh, sorry Roxanne. You can go home now and let's just forget this ever happened'. No, we're on a one way train now... this has to happen today. Besides, don't you remember what she called me?"
From the discomfort of her chair, Roxanne watched as the villainous duo continued on with their whispered conversation, casting quick and sneaky glances back at her intermittently. Despite her irritation, her curiosity was getting the better of her and she soon found herself leaning forward in her chair, straining her ears to catch a hint of what they were saying.
The apparent course of their conversation somewhat surprised her. It almost looked as though the two mischief makers were arguing. She had seen Megamind snap at his friend before, but she'd never seen Minion fight back. And Megamind... when he glanced back at her just a moment ago, he almost looked as though he felt... remorseful? Guilty?
Now this was an unprecedented glimpse at a side to these two that she had never seen before. Despite her irritation at being captured, her natural need to know everything was beginning to burn hot and bright now, consuming her thoughts and compelling her to try even harder to lean forward against her restraints to catch a snippet of their conversation. In fact, her nosy mind was so consumed with curiosity, the only thing that seemed to be dampening her growing need to know was the nagging empty gurgle in her stomach that was mercilessly egged on by the heavenly smell that continued to drift enticingly throughout the control room.
Minion looked blankly at his master and asked, "What she called you? Why, what did she call you?"
The confused fish paused momentarily as he tried to think back to their more recent adventures. Judging by the tone of Sir's voice and the stricken look on his face, it must have been something really bad! Maybe he'd missed something when he had stepped out on an errand for his boss in the middle of one of their schemes.
As his sharp mind cycled back through the past couple of weeks, he stumbled on the memory of Roxanne teasing his boss about being predictable. He'd thrown quite the little hissy fit when he'd heard that one, still was complaining about it actually. That's right, he'd just been talking about it again that morning as a matter of fact... but, that couldn't be it. All that fuss over such a little thing?
Oh… yep, there it was. That same pout he'd worn earlier when he'd asked Minion if he thought he'd had become predictable, too.
Minion took a step back, and with a look of disappointed astonishment, he said, "Sir! Is that what this is all about?"
Megamind glanced at Roxanne, who was watching the exchange intently, and then looked back at his henchfish with same sheepish expression as a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But… why should he feel guilty? This was all Roxanne's fault! If she hadn't run that sassy mouth of hers and insulted him in such a belittling way, he never would have found it necessary to take such drastic measures. Determined to defend his decision to teach his victim a thing or two, he drew himself up to collect his damaged dignity, and opened his mouth… only to be interrupted by an odd noise before he could even get a word out.
"What on Earth was that?" He asked as he looked around the room with a puzzled look on his blue face, trying to find the source of the strange, low, rumbling gurgle that suddenly echoed through the cavernous space.
Oh my god, how embarrassing! Thought Roxanne as her empty stomach decided it had waited long enough for the fabulous feast she'd been smelling, and figured that the quiet moment during the momentary lull in her captor's conversation would be a good time to begin its noisy protest.
She could feel her face begin to color in embarrassment as a flush of heat began to bloom in her cheeks, and her blue eyes snapped up to meet those of her abductor's, who was now looking at her with an expression of amused surprise. With her hands tied behind her back, she couldn't even wrap her arms around her stomach in an attempt to muffle the sound; all she could do was cringe in humiliation as her complaining stomach continued to growl noisily.
Megamind looked at her for another moment in silence, his eyes twinkling and the corner of his mouth twitching with hilarity, and then he suddenly broke down into a gasping mess of riotous laughter. The timing for that embarrassing moment couldn't have been more perfect, and he found himself completely incapable of holding back a good, hard laugh at her expense.
No worries, the story doesn't end here. Check back next week to find out what happens! :)
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