Chapter 2
Bring me to life
I left Tori nine months ago and never heard a word from her. She never tried to find me or our daughter. She wasn't there for the birth of our son. I have been living alone with my two children in our new home. It is a place that is full of life and happiness. There are times where I lie awake at night and wonder what happened to Tori. I find myself wondering if she is even still alive. After we left, she disappeared; no one knows where she is. She stopped touring and making music. I feel the tears fall when I think that she may have lost her battle with her demons, and they won the war she had fought so hard against in the beginning.
I lay quiet in my room and listen to the faint cries coming from my daughter's room, as she cries for the mother she will never see again. I become teary eyed when I hear my daughter sing. She looks just like her before the demons came to take her away from us.
Our daughter Catherine was named by our best friend Cat, who had moved to New York to follow her own singing career. She told us that now there will always be a Cat in LA.
I only see Cat once in a while, when she is touring on the west coast. She makes sure she can have time with her old friends. Her and Beck live together in New York and are back for the holiday season with their families. Even so, they made time to hang out with the rest of the old gang.
Trina and her husband had returned home, and Trina has made time to come out with us. I had often wondered if she blamed me for Tori's choices in life. Mr. and Mrs. Vega are watching the kids so I can join the gang at Karaoke Dokie.
My friends thought I needed time away from my life for a night. We all walked into the club that I have not been in since the night the Tori had made a scene in one of her drunken moods.
We found a table close to the stage, and the owner, to our amazement, was Hayley, who gave us all a hug in greeting. "I'm so glad that you all have come back after all these years!" she bubbled as she moved us from our table to a VIP table on a balcony overlooking the stage. "I only let the best use this table, and so far, you are the first. I will send you a waitress to take your order. You will be her only table." Hayley quickly turned, calling for a young girl to take our orders.
"Well, at least we don't have to have another sing off with her," Andre said, before telling his new wife about the night Cat, Tori, and me had pulled one over on her, and Tori sang Freak the Freak Out to win the bet.
"Yeah, but you didn't have to deal with them afterwards. I, of course, made it worse for them. By the time they came over, I could have taken care of myself. After they came in the house, I thought 'What would Jade do?' And I made their night a living hell." She smiled at me with a sad look in her eyes. I know she missed Tori very much. "Sorry, Jade. This is supposed to be a fun night, not a night of bad memories." She took my hand and I could see the tears threating to fall.
After we got our order, the lights died down as someone took the stage. The music was not what you would expect to hear here. It definitely was not that upbeat pop stuff that Tori was famous for.
'How can you see into my eyes, like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb, without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home'
I looked at Beck, who was watching the stage with wide eyes. I closed my eyes. I knew that voice, and I wanted it to be true. But I was scared to look. I opened my eyes when I heard a guy's voice.
'(Wake me up,)
wake me up inside
(I can't wake up,)
Wake me up inside,
(save me,)
Call my name and save me from the dark,
(wake me up)
Bid my blood to run,
( I can't wake up)
Before I come undone,
( save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
There she was, on the stage with some guy. I had to do a double take. She didn't look like My Tori. But she didn't look like that monster that she had become, either. She moved closer to the guy and sang with sadness and anger. The passion she sang with, I haven't seen in a long time. It sounded like the old Tori.
'Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real, bring me to life'
''(Wake me up,)
wake me up inside
(I can't wake up,)
Wake me up inside,
(save me,)
Call my name and save me from the dark,
(wake me up)
Bid my blood to run,
( I can't wake up)
Before I come undone,
( save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
She looked out over the crowd, like she was searching for someone. Her eyes finally looked up to us, and our eyes locked. Part of me wanted to run to the stage and take her back from him. Hold her like she was still mine.
'Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
(All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me'
'I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems)
I've got to open my eyes to everything
(Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul)
Don't let me die here
(There must be something wrong,)
bring me to life
'(Wake me up,)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up,)
Wake me up inside,
(save me,)
Call my name and save me from the dark,
(wake me up)
Bid my blood to run,
( I can't wake up)
Before I come undone,
( save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become Bring me to life, I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
Bring me to life'
They finished the song and she looked back to me one last time, before throwing the microphone to the stage and walked off with such attitude.
Looking around to the rest of the table, I could tell that my friends had no idea that she would be here.
"Jade, are you okay?" Cat murmured, and reached for me. I gently but firmly brushed her hand away from my shoulder.
"No, Kitty, I'm not." Taking her hand, I locked eyes with her, but talked to everyone at the table. "D-Do I go after her?" I stuttered with emotion.
"I don't think you have to babe," Beck said, pointing to the opening of the balcony. There stood the woman that I had once loved with all my heart and soul. I looked her up and down, taking in the woman standing before me.
She still had her long hair, but it looked healthy again. And it was black, a surprising change for so subtle a difference. She was dressed in black, too. Her shirt was tight fitting, long sleeved. Gone were the skinny jeans, in their place was black leather pants with a silver studded belt. She had black biker boots that were opened at the top and folded over. Behind her was the guy she had sang with. He stood close to her with a protective stance, and watched us over her shoulder.
"So, how have you all been?" she asked, like she was joining us for lunch on a Monday afternoon back in school. While she waited for us to answer, she leaned back into the guy behind her.
"Where have you been?" Trina cried out as she stood up, going to her sister. "How dare you just show up, after all this time? We all thought you were dead! That you had killed yourself with all the drugs and booze!" Trina was openly torn between slapping Tori or hugging her.
"Yeah. Those were not my finest times. I hope you're all well," she looked around, like she was getting bored.
"I guess you are going to want to see the kids," Trina said, looking at me to see if I was going to say anything at all.
"Why would I do that?" she asked in a bored tone. I felt tears come to my eyes at her attitude about our children. Didn't she care how they are?
"Don't you care?" Cat snapped, trying to stand up, but Beck wouldn't let her. Cat had asked the question I couldn't. She reacted in the way I couldn't.
Tori watched the way Beck had held her and I saw that twinkle that would gave me just a little hope. "Yes I care but I can't see them now." She pushed the guys hand off her shoulder throwing him a dirty look.
"I can't do this." I moved to leave but Andre who sat on one side of me took my arm and sat me back down. "No Andre I have get out of here." I pulled my arm away and tried again this time Beck joined in with holding me in place from the other side.
Tori watch as the guys held me in my seat. She watched as they tried to calm me down but I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I looked down as she walked away from me again. Looking as close to her boots as I could as she made her way to the stairs I could see little scissors embroidered into the overturned tops of her boots. I followed her leaving the club with my eyes and then fell into Andre's arms as I watch Tori walk out of my life again. "She's gone." I cried into his shoulder.
As I gained some composure I reached down and took my bag. "Thank you. I have to go. Trina do you think your mom and dad would watch the kids until tomorrow?" I asked her with tears still rolling down my cheeks.
"Yeah they have mine too. I'm sure they love having all the grand kids in one house." She stood up to let Andre out of my way.
I walked to the stairs then turned back looking at them. "I just want my Tori back." Then I walked down the stairs.
Monday morning, I got Catherine ready for school and Blade ready for daycare. I was off to the studio for filming. I am not yet the big time director I wanted to be, but I am definitely paying my dues. I am the first assistant director on a major motion picture. So this means I get to do everything the director doesn't want to do, or does not have time to get done. I put in a lot of hours here and I am so grateful for Mrs. Vega. She picks the kids up from school and daycare and keeps them until I get done here. I have never kept the kids from them, even after I left their daughter. I was surprised that they understood me leaving. They both had told me that I had stayed longer than anyone else would have, including themselves. They love Tori with all their hearts, she's their daughter, but there is just so much a person can take. And watching Tori run that path for so long, they just couldn't take anymore. They were both willing to help me get back on my feet and help with the kids. When I first told them that I had left Tori, they both cried, knowing that I was her last crutch, and that they may never see her again.
As I was driving to work, the producer called and told me that there had been changes to the script and crew. I was nervous. I didn't know if I was going to have a job after I got to the lot. Driving up to the gate, I was checked off on the guards clip board and waved through. This was a good sign that I was not fired. At least, not yet, anyway.
I walked on set to see the producer stalking up to me with fire in his eyes. I stood there, trying to bring the old Jade out, but it didn't work. He threw his arms up in the air and started yelling. "Mother. Fucking. Director! Walked out on us, taking our leading lady with him. I have a new leading lady, but no fucking director. So it's up to you, Jade, until we can find a new one. You're running the show, so get the fuck to work." He whirled away and stomped off toward the exit, where the extras were streaming in for the day.
I was scared that I was fired, and now I'm scared that I won't do my job right! I think I have given myself the world biggest sphincter pucker known to man. I went to meet the new leading lady, and there stood Tori, with that guy. I feel myself start to sweat, which never happens, and I do believe my asshole has just concaved into itself. I acted like I didn't see her. That was after I stood in front of her, staring. I walked over to the crafts service table to get me some coffee, which I don't need, because after today, my ass will so tight I won't shit for a month. I do believe I could shove a piece a coal up my ass and get a diamond in ten minutes. Turning around, I run right into Tori. "Jade, are you okay?" she asked, the concern in her voice sounding genuine to my ear.
"I just became the director on this movie, and the new leading lady is you. How the fuck do you think I am? I'm going to need a colonoscopy to find my courage to go on." I stare at her, like I was expecting her do anything else besides laugh. Which, of course, she did. Right in my face. "How the hell did you get this job?" I didn't want to sound mean or disbelieving that she could do this movie. I just didn't want to have to deal with a Lindsey Lohan actress wanting to be doped up all the time. I felt like things could one of two ways; we get along and the movie turns out great, or we fight all the time like Liz and Dick and still get a great movie. Something tells me it's going to be the latter, because here comes that guy again!
I started to walk off when I hear him ask her if she was alright. Why wouldn't she be alright? She wasn't the one lying awake every night, listening to our daughter cry her eyes out, wanting her mother. She isn't the one having to raise two kids on her own, while holding down a full time job and going to school online at night. She was the one who thought partying and pumping everything under the sun into her arm was a great idea. So, yes, Tori should be just fine. Thanks for asking, dick.
I walked over to where the crew was gathered, letting them know that I was taking over and that I was ready to get started. "Okay, let's get started. Call places, please." The call was made and the actors made their way to the set. "Quiet on the set!" As the bell rang, I looked into the monitor. Tori stood waiting for me to call action. "Light. Playback. Action!" I yelled, and watched as she hit every line, every mark. She seemed to be very focused on her acting, and through the monitor I saw it. I saw the old Tori. Her passion, wit, and grace that she had had before she got lost. Her leading man, on the other hand, sucked whale penis. If we were going to make a great movie, Tori was going to have to carry him, because we can't get a new leading man this late in the game. "Cut!" I yelled, walking onto the set. "Tori, you were great. Very focused and on point. Bruce, please take the time over lunch to learn your lines, and possibly take an acting class." After talking to the actors, I walked back to my chair. I started looking over the film clipboard and I noticed that guy walk back up to Tori. "Seth, run sound," I told my sound guy and pointed to my headset. I listened in to what they were talking about on the set.
"Tori, are you okay?" he asked her. I'll give him this, he did project caring. About my wife.
"Yes, but I feel a little out of place. What do I do?" What? Why would she be asking him that? And who the hell is this twit?
"Just breathe. And remember to count and focus." Right, so she can fuck up her lines, because she is focused on counting. This guy has to go. I don't want him on the set, distracting my actors.
"Seth, cut sound. Tori, can you come over here, please?" I asked her. She nodded and trotted over and that little puppy is following her. "I need to talk to you, so can you put your puppy in his kennel, or does he need walking first?" I said, looking at the guy. Tori gave a little giggle before pointing to the wings. We walked off the set to talk, and here he comes! Following us like he is stuck to Tori's umbilical cord. "Tori, please. I want to talk to you without your tumor hanging around."
"I can't do that, Dave," Tori said in a very even voice, and I do believe my brain has fallen through my body, and is now stuck in my closed up ass.
"The hell are you talking about?" Please tell me that she is being funny, because I can't handle split personalities today. "Are you Dave?" I ask the guy who is now laughing at me.
"No, Jade, this is Michael. He is my drug sponsor," Tori laughed with him.
"Then who's Dave?" Then it hits me. She was quoting Stanley Kubrik's 2001: A Space Odyssey. Well, if I don't look like the dumbest person alive. I shake my head and blow out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, so the Odyssey aside, we need to get back to work, and if you could stay close Mike, but not in the way, that would be great." I want this to work for her this time. I want my Tori back. And if I have to put up with Mike, then so be it. As long as Tori comes out of this on top.
A/N I hope you liked this and hope to receive reviews. I have been working on the sequel to Last Kiss and hope to have it ready to be posted after the New Year.