A/N: My first angst one shot. Bit of a depressing one, but I think the ending is quite touching in itself. Focuses more on his feelings than actions - the opposite to 'Perfection' in almost every aspect! I'll make sure to make the next one extra fluffy to make up for it.
What Could Have Been
Lapping tentatively at Chuck's heels, the water coursed its way between his toes and seeped into the slushy sand below. Chuck looked out blankly at the waves hovering on the horizon, as the sun shrouded itself behind the clouds above. He'd lost it. He'd lost his one chance to be with the girl he loved, the girl he'd dreamed about meeting for as long as he could remember. She'd given him the opportunity to run away with her, to be with her. And he'd turned it down for a job as a spy which he clearly wasn't capable of doing. His mind focused on the tall grass which sprung up defiantly amidst the sand, the breeze buffeting it every so often. He was alone, like he had been before he'd ever met her. He almost wished he hadn't – if he hadn't met her, he wouldn't truly appreciate what he was missing. Rolling up his shirt sleeves, he planted himself in the wet sand as a fresh wave crashed on the shore, its water surrounding Chuck and soaking his clothes through. He didn't care. Each breath was laboured, and each heart beat seemed wasteful; he saw no point in carrying on in a life without the girl he wanted – the girl he'd always wanted. And she'd wanted him. She wanted him so badly that she was willing to go on the run, become a fugitive, just for him. And he'd abused that; he'd taken it for granted, and now he had nothing to remember it by but the hazy memories of her voice; the way she used to smile; and those perfect clear blue eyes.
If only, he thought, he could have had both. The job and the girl. It seemed the game of life he played was different to the one everyone else did. His life revolved around his job, and it had been messed up because of it so many times. If it wasn't for his stupid job, he would never have met Sarah Walker; never have kissed her soft lips; never have experienced her for what she was – absolutely brilliant. But this was all six months ago, he thought, I should move on. As with all memories, those of Sarah faded in his mind, he could barely remember what she looked or smelled like now, but one stayed clear – the kiss they'd shared, when they both thought they were going to die, when the timer on the container reached zero and they expected to be obliterated – but they weren't. That kiss was the reason he still came to this beach, the reason he still sat, staring into space, thinking about what he'd lost. It had been, in no small terms, the best moment of his life. Everything had been so perfect – the fact that they could have been moments from imminent death didn't even seem to factor into it.
He let out a deep exhale, which carried with it the last shreds of hope he'd been holding onto that he would ever see her face again. The breath dispersed in the wind and he eyed the ground. He came to this beach because he knew she was out there – somewhere – the ocean providing the proof of that. He fondled a pebble and continued to reminisce, before his eyes widened. Gardenias, she'd liked gardenias. Getting to his feet at once, he sprinted across the beach, leaving haphazard footprints in the sand, which were slowly eroded by each coming wave.
The visit to the flower shop had been brief; he'd found the flowers soon enough. The smell was enough, and he'd purchased them hurriedly, before leaping back into his car and returning to the beach. Walking somewhat more conservatively this time, he returned to his previous spot with the flowers, his indents in the sand a visible marker of where he'd been. Sitting back down, the wind picked up and clawed aggressively as his face, the chill reaching his very spine. Defiant, just like the tall grass, he rested the gardenias gently on the sand, watching as the energetic sea took them for its own. To Sarah Walker, he mused, wherever you are.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! It was quite heartening to write. I suppose it goes AU after 301: Chuck vs. the Pink Slip, when Sarah offers to run away with Chuck. I'll have the next one shot up soon; probably will be a fluffy one.
I need ideas, however! I'm working on the third but any ideas of what you would like to see, fluffy or angst, I'm open to all :-)!