Disclaimer: Glee belongs to people that aren't me.
Brittany was worried. She'd woken up earlier than her girlfriend because she had to leave for school. As usual she had taken a few moments while still in bed, to appreciate the dark haired beauty and watch her sleep. However it was clear to her that Santana had not slept well. In fact it looked to her as if she'd been crying. And the fact that Santana had cried during the night while Brittany had been right there and she had not woken her up to comfort her well it made B even more worried than the fact that Santana had been crying. Not that she wasn't concerned about that. She was more concerned about that than the new relationship Lord Tubbington was getting into with one of his feline gang members.
Brittany expected not being told by her best friend that she was upset from closeted Santana. And yeah she had loved closeted Santana - she loves all Santanas. Well not every Santana in the world obviously because one was definitely enough and it's not like there was another Santana like her Santana anyway. Or anybody like her. God she loved her, Brittany sighed losing her train of thought but quickly picking it up again as she glanced at her bed.
So yeah she loved closeted San but out Santana was getting more and more comfortable sharing her feelings (with Brit anyway) and Brittany absolutely loved that. So maybe Santana had been having a nightmare and she hadn't even realized she had been crying and that's why she didn't wake her up to help. Brittany knows sometimes she dreams and doesn't realize it's a dream and she's reacting in real life. Of course usually it's a sex dream about Santana and she has an orgasm by the end of it but maybe it could happen with nightmares and crying?
Either way Santana had been crying and she didn't like it one bit. She'd love to talk to her girl about it now but she had to go eat breakfast and leave for school so she grabbed her bag, softly kissed Santana on the lips melting a bit inside at the small sleepy mumble uttered from pouty lips and with a whispered 'I love you' she left the room.
Santana groaned as she sat up and stretched when she woke up a couple of hours later. She just wanted to sink back into the smells-like-Britt bed sheets and never leave. This was not going to be a good day. In fact this was probably going to be one of, if not the worst day, of her entire life.
And when you know that going in you really just want to stay in bed.
But she forced herself to get up. She had a plan and she had to follow through. So Santana stood up and started to get ready for hell. She had trouble picking out an outfit she hadn't really brought anything for a bre- for a sepera- for well what she was going to do. Santana shook her head at herself. If she couldn't even think it how was she going to do it? She finished dressing and headed to the bathroom walking in a kind of numb trance not allowing herself to think about anything. She took a look in the close up mirror and she could kinda tell she had been crying last night and a sob escaped her as the reason why was brought to the front of her mind.
No.
She wouldn't go there. She wasn't allowed to cry till it was done and she was alone. She had to be strong about this. This was the right thing to do.
It better be.
She finished getting ready while blocking out her surroundings. Then she went around putting all of the things she brought with her in her bag. She decided while she was doing this she might as well do it right and she started taking back all the stuff that was hers that she had left behind over time even though with every item Santana grabbed it felt like a stab to her already destroyed heart.
After a couple of trips in and out the house she had everything in her car. She went back in since she had left her cellphone in Britt-Britt's room and with one last check was sure she had left nothing else behind. She wanted to take a minute, sit down on the bed, just look around the room and remember but Santana knew she would break down if she didn't keep moving so with a whispered 'Goodbye' she left.
She dropped off everything at her home and ultimately decided not to eat breakfast. She really wasn't hungry. It may have something to do with the fact that her heart was broken and the shattered pieces had obviously impaled everything inside her since it all ached.
She wasn't even trying to be melodramatic (like a certain midget she knew) she really just felt like that.
Since she was already feeling beyond horrible she might as well get the ball rolling. She typed out the text that would really confirm to herself that she was doing this. After literally staring at the 'send' button for more than 15 minutes she tapped it, resisting the urge to throw her phone on the floor.
Santana then decided to go get some coffee. An idea that was inspired due to the fact that she had time to waste and also that her movements felt lethargic more so than she actually wanted something to drink.
So she headed off to Lima Bean and once she entered it was just her luck to be spotted by someone she'd rather not talk to right now.
Brittany put away her crayons. She'd deduced that the teacher for English was colorblind or he'd have understood the symbolism she had been trying to get across through the color choices she used. She didn't want to be mean and rub his face in it so she decided to just write out in black pen what colors were chosen and what they represented in the film. During her tutoring sessions Mr Shue and Ms Pillsbury had told her it wasn't correct to write in crayon anyway.
She was just about to start her essay plan when she felt her phone vibrate so she pulled it out and smiled when she saw she had a text from her girlfriend.
From Sexy-San: 'Hey B. I wanna see you. Meet you in the choir room during break?'
Brittany replied and just as she had pressed send she heard the teacher call her name out and the class turned to look at her. She looked up at the teacher.
"So Brittany do you want to tell me why you felt you just had to use your cellphone during class? What is the emergency?"
"San asked if she could see me. And I don't know why she wouldn't be able too? Am I invisible? But you can see me. Is it because you're color blind and so your other senses are heightened?"
The teacher just stood there gob smacked, not knowing where start, while the rest of the class snickered at the blonde. In the end he just shook his head and returned to the board.
'You kept your phone and made the English teacher speechless. Genius.'
Brittany smiled as she heard Santana's voice in the back of her head remembering when a similar thing happened last year and she looked at the empty seat next to her with longing ignoring the laughter she heard directed at her from her classmates.
Santana understood her. And Brittany understood Santana. What she didn't understand was why Santana wanted to meet her in the choir room? Why she wasn't just waiting till after school? Why the text had been so direct without any of her usual xoxoxo? Why San was crying last night?
She was smart enough to have an idea of why but her brain rejected the idea immediately. No way.
"Santana!" Mrs. Pierce called and waved as she saw her pseudo daughter enter the cafe.
Santana sent a strained smile back. Susan motioned for her to join her. Santana hesitated. She really didn't think she should but she couldn't think of a good excuse not too. 'How about cause you're going to break her daughters heart later today?' Santana thought bitterly but she couldn't exactly say that out loud so she just nodded and motioned to the counter meaning she'd join her once she placed her order.
Mrs. Pierce nodded. She watched Santana concerned. The moment she was sent that smile she knew something was wrong. And the longer she watched Santana the more obvious it became.
Santana felt Mrs. P's eyes on her and unconsciously folded her arms. She was somewhat used to the piercing Pierce gaze but she really didn't need that right now. She felt her phone go off and happy for the distraction she opened her text and read it.
From Britt-Babe: 'Hey Honey. English is so lame. :( Of course I'll meet you in the choir room! My super hot, super smart, super awesome, college girlfriend is visiting me at school there is no way I'd say no to seeing you. :) Love you. xxoo'. Now she needed a distraction from her distraction and luckily one came, as she had to step up and place her order. Once she paid for her drink she took a deep breath and headed over to Mrs Pierce.
She looked so much like Brittany that Santana had to look away as she sat down.
Still avoiding eye contact which may have been rude but which was needed Santana started the conversation.
"Hey. You busy working?"
Susan would have chuckled at how determinedly Santana was avoiding looking at her if it wasn't so troubling. "Nope. Right now I'm taking a little break to talk to my daughter's girlfriend."
Santana tried her best not to have a reaction to that and managed to only wince a little.
Susan still noticed.
"I can go if you need to finish." Santana said maybe a little to hopefully. She loved Susan Pierce but that was part if the reason she wanted to get away. Susan was just a reminder that she'd not just be losing the love of her life but her second family.
Susan however did not reply till Santana finally looked at her. "No way. I'd rather spend some time with you. I miss you, you know. Everybody does."
Susan could see that something was seriously bothering Santana and she hoped that what she said could maybe comfort her. She knew better than to push her to confess what was wrong.
Luckily for Santana her coffee was dropped off right at that moment and she took a big gulp to spare herself from having to reply.
Mrs. Pierce laughed. "That's the Santana I know. Still not a morning person I see."
Susan smiled, as her mind drifted to all the mornings Santana would come down to breakfast mumbling and groaning about being awake. Her eldest daughter would just have to kiss the dark haired teenager on the cheek and then Santana would have a small smile on her face while eating her breakfast, complaining completely forgotten, while her daughter sneaked glances at her with an adoring look. It was entirely too adorable. Of course there was another way that Brittany made sure that Santana was happy in the mornings but she would really really rather not think about that.
Santana had smiled a genuine (albeit small) smile at Susan's words. Santana knew what Susan was doing. It was pretty late in the morning and Santana would be up by now no problem and she knew Mrs. P knew that. It was clear that Susan was just giving her an out for acting strange by blaming it on the morning. So she took it gratefully.
"Ugh yeah. You should see me at college. I have to get up ridiculously early for cheer practice and the place I go too pick up my coffee has memorized my schedule so that only managers are working when I come in. I made three of the newbies quit. I lost count of how many cried." Santana said with a roll of her eyes and a sip of her coffee.
Mrs. Pierce laughed at the girl's antics. She really had missed her.
Santana took another drink of her coffee before she spoke again. "So how's the new book coming along?"
Mrs. Pierce's smile widened. "Oh really good. It's actually turning out to be one of my favorites. I think the kids will love it."
"Don't they always? I know I do. Just don't tell anybody that." Santana said with a smirk.
"Are you ashamed of reading my books?" Susan asked Santana and her smirk immediately dropped.
"No I just-reputation ruined-I'm reading children's books-sorry-I didn't-" Santana stumbled out flustered but she stopped once she saw Susan laughing at her.
Her daughter's girlfriend was such a dork sometimes.
"Mean." Santana mumbled taking a sip of her coffee and looking down, avoiding eye contact again, this time to hide her blush.
"So you excited for dinner tonight? Tom is making your favourite before you have to leave tomorrow. Oh and your mother asked if she should bring any food for tonight and I told her no but you know how she is so..." Susan trailed off at the look of discomfort on Santana's face.
Santana was having an internal freak out. She'd totally forgotten about the dinner tonight. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuckin' balls. Shit. She'd been so focused on what she was going to do to later everything else had slipped her mind. Shiiiiiiiit.
"What's wrong darling?" Susan asked softly. She didn't want to push Santana but she felt she should ask.
"Ummm" Santana took a steading breath, "Ok I'm really sorry but I got a call from my cheer coach and I have to head back this afternoon. So I won't be able to make dinner." Santana explained totally lying.
"Oh," Susan said disappointed "I guess that's alright, can't be helped. We will just have to postpone it. Or maybe we'll have it anyway. Since you are leaving early, Brittany might need cheering up."
You have no idea, Santana thought sighing internally.
Susan wondered if that was why Santana had been acting so dejected this morning. It seemed like there was more to it though...
Santana decided to bail before Mrs P. realized what was really going on. She anyway had to meet up with the band geeks to get them to help.
"I have to go. I'm meeting up with Britt in the choir room to say goodbye." Santana said standing up.
"Oh. Well we all love you so come back soon okay?" Susan said also standing up and encased the other girl in a hug. She looked like she really could use one.
It was just meant to be a quick goodbye embrace but Santana hugged back holding on tightly. "I love you guys too."
Mrs. Pierce hugged the teenager back surprised by the intensity. The girl wasn't exactly known for sharing out the love. Not that Susan minded in the least.
They broke apart after a few seconds more with a sniffle from Santana. Before Susan could sit her down and ask what was going on Santana had started walking away with a small goodbye thrown over her shoulder. Now it wasn't only Brittany Pierce that was worried.
Brittany had been dreading this moment as she walked towards the choir room. Which was freaky since she can't ever remember dreading to meet San. She opened the door and put on a smile.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Sophomore year I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you'd smile at me, and I'd die on days that you didn't. I miss this place so much. It's where we fell in love. Where I could say things with music, when words just weren't enough. And I need to tell you something that I don't know how to say."
What Santana was saying was really sweet but it was just making Brittany more apprehensive. She had a horrible feeling about all of this. Especially about the whole 'I need to tell you something' part. Before she could process everything the music had begun.
Santana tried to take in a breath but it was shaky so she just started. She reminded herself - she was not allowed to cry. She had to be strong.
"You were in college working part time waiting tables. Left a small town never looked back. I was a flight risk with a fear of falling. Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts."
Brittany pulled her lip into her mouth to stop herself from interrupting at this point. Their love would always last. San just couldn't give up.
I say can you believe it, as we're lying on the couch. The moment I could see it. Yes. Yes. I can see it now. Do you remember we were sitting there by the water you put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter-
Brittany moved around just managing to check herself in time from leaning over and hugging Santana till she stopped what she was trying to do. Instead she shot Santana a small smile even while she was breaking inside.
You are the best thing that's ever been mine. And I remember that fight 2.30am when everything was slipping right out of our hands. I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street. Then you took me by surprise. You said I'll never leave you alone.
Brittany blinked away the tears threatening to emerge at this point. Don't leave me alone she thought desperately.
You said I remember how we felt sitting by the water. She is the best thing that's ever been mine.
Then don't do this to me...to us Brittany tried to tell Santana with her thoughts.
Oh Oh Ohh. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine. Do you believe it?
Brittany sucked in her lip again to stop herself from replying. She just nodded instead.
Were gonna make it now.
Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't going to actually do it Brittany hoped smiling.
And I can see it. I can see it now.
Well there goes the whole no crying thing Santana told herself as she wiped her eyes.
"Wow sad songs make me really sad and I don't want to be sad", Brittany said while wiping her eyes. What Brittany really meant when she said that was 'I don't want to be sad. Please don't make me sad. Don't do what I think is happening.' Santana who was fluid in Brittany knew this. She also knew this long distance was already making Brittany sad. So she pulled together whatever strength she had left and started her speech.
"I haven't been a good girlfriend to you. I can't come home on the weekends and pretend that things are the way they were because they aren't. And I don't want to be like all of those other long distant relationships that hang in there for a few months and then break up when someone eventually cheats or things get weird." Santana explained. Brittany who was fluid in Santana knew what she actually meant.
'I haven't been there for you like I need to be. I really don't want to be Kurt and Blaine or Finchel.'
"I would never cheat on you." Brittany had managed to hold her tongue up until now. She needed Santana to know she would never.
"I know. I know. And I would never cheat on you either. But if we're being completely honest I had, ah, I guess the best way to describe it would be an 'energy exchange'. I was cramming for this really boring sociology class and I looked up and this girl was staring at me. She smiled a little too long which means she was either crazy or a lesbian, and judging by the stack of Virginia Wolf she was reading she was into me, so I smiled back. I had an attraction. And you, you may have had one. Or you might have one. And that happens.
'This college isn't for me - the classes aren't working. I miss feeling that energy between us. I feel guilty. I don't want to become an obligation to you.'
Santana decided to move closer to Brittany and took her hand. She resisted the urge to sigh at the contact.
"Lets just do the mature thing here ok?"
Brittany shook her head. That is the last thing she wanted to do. Beside this wasn't the mature thing. This was the stupid thing. The most idiotic thing ever.
"This is not an official break up, but lets just be honest. Long distance relationships are almost impossible to maintain because both people are rarely getting what they need. Especially at our age.
'I don't want to lose you but honestly I feel this needs to happen. You deserve to have somebody who can be here when you need them. Especially this year.'
Santana was using every ounce of will power she possessed. She had no idea how she was getting through this. Seeing Brittany cry and watching her chin tremble as she tried to stop herself was hurting her very soul. It was like finding a unicorn. Then getting that unicorn to fall in love with you. Then punching that unicorn in the face. Except worse. A million times worse.
"This sounds a lot like a break up to me."
"You know this isn't working." Brittany didn't say anything back to that. She was trying her hardest to hold back her tears. This couldn't be happening. This was not happening.
"You know I will always love you the most." This was happening. And that made Brittany's tears start to fall.
Santana who could see that Brittany was about to start to really cry knew she wouldn't be able to handle that. She was barely holding it together. She'd crumble and beg for Brittany to take her back and tell her that she didn't mean any of it. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment.
She leant forward and softly kissed her goodbye. Brittany kissed her back relishing in the feeling of San's lips on hers. It ended way to soon. Once Santana pulled back Brittany sat there with her eyes still closed. All she wanted to do was get her hand out from underneath Santana's, grab her shirt and pull her forward pushing their lips together until San took back everything she had said. But she couldn't move.
When Santana took back her hands and put them around Britt's neck hugging her, Brittany automatically lifted up one arm and returned it. The feel and smell of Santana surrounded her and she barely managed to get out "I love you too" choking back a sob on the last word.
AN: Thanks for reading :)