A/N: English is not my mother language, so be polite with my grammar, dictionary mistakes and lack of variety in words.
Warnings: Drug addiction, use, torture, shounen-ai, yaoi.
Break My Fall
Chapter two
Dear Agony
Max's POV
I woke up shivering. When I opened my eyes I was still laid on the cold floor of the bathroom, and my head was aching really bad, like every morning…
From the pale light which was coming in from the little window, I could guess it was really early… The water was closed. I don't remember when I did this, but sure it was me who did it, since the door was locked from the inside, just as I left it. I groaned and used the bathtub for support to roll over and stand up, only to end on my knees, leaned over the bathtub and before I had come to my senses I started throwing up.
I panted loud and opened the water once again to wash away what had come out of me. I didn't know why this happened… It was too early for a withdrawal; I just had my use some hours ago. My throat was sore and burning and I had a bitter taste in my mouth. I stared the water drag away every proof and I sat on the edge and looked down at the ground to see what I had to hide.
First of all I lifted the syringe and wrapped it in toilet paper, hiding it well, before throwing it to the rubbish bin… My headache hadn't stopped… Actually I think it was getting stronger, in every move I was forcing my body to make… Something didn't go well… Or I was just used in this much and needed more to affect me…
I shook my head rough fully in the thought, only managing to make it hurt more… So I got undressed and sat in the clean now bathtub… I opened the water once again, but this time it was running on my naked skin, relieving pain a little. When the water ran on my face it was like blessing… My hair sank back from the water, and I laid my head back relaxing… I needed some normal sleep… Passing out after the end of the effect of my medicine, wasn't what I needed… Actually, it wasn't what I wanted…
I had plugged the hole of the bathtub, so it soon was full, and I was relaxing perfectly and calmed… I let myself slip in the water fully. I was under the water for a while… My eyes closed, my ears covered with water, any sound I would make wasn't to be heard… I was too relaxed that I could have let myself drown without noticing… The again… An image of my friends and family crossed my mind
"Ah!" I sat up suddenly, panting, and splashing around the room with my sudden movement. I sat still panting, horrified by my own action. Yet why? That was what I was doing… I was killing myself… Slowly… Day by day…I had to admit it… And I had to stop it…
A whimper escaped my lips and I pulled my knees to my chest hugging them. I started crying soundlessly, gripping my own hair when I heard a knock on the door and jumped a little.
"Max?" it was Kai… He didn't sound mad or anything… Just his usual voice… "Are you ok?" or maybe… a little concerned?
"H-Hai!" I said doing all I can to keep my voice steady, although not just my voice, but I myself was shaking "I'm just having a bath… You wanna use the bathroom?"
"Again? No, I can wait…" with this he walked back to his bed.
I got up and pulled the plug out, so the water would go down, and I stepped out of the bathtub, wrapping a towel around myself and looked around. My clothing was wet from my panic attack before… so was half the floor, so I had to clean it... But first I had to get dressed and all…
I unlocked and walked out of the bathroom, with my hair still flatted on my head, dripping to my neck and chest. I still had a towel around myself, when I was in the bedroom and walked to my bag, quietly.
Kai's POV
I managed to sleep only late… I was very troubled by what I had found out… And I fell asleep only to wake up at 6 in the morning with a thumb at the bathroom. I immediately got up, but before I reach the door I could clearly make out the sound of Max vomiting and panting loud after and I bit my lips… He was probably worst thank I thought he was….
I heard water and guessed he was cleaning… I decided not to announce my presence then, so I returned and sat to my bed.
From the sounds I got, I realized he was having a bath for real this time. I got up again, only when I heard a violent splash and got worried. I stepped out of the door and was about to knock when heard a whimper, and then silence…
"Max?" I asked "Are you ok?"
"H-Hai!" I heard the trembling response of his "I'm just having a bath… You wanna use the bathroom?"
"Again?" Idiot… He wanted to convince me last night that he had a bath. And right now it was 6:30 in the morning… He was so naïve, and innocent after all "No, I can wait" I finished. I didn't want to panic him with my suspicions or he wouldn't get out of there… And I didn't want him to feel trapped so I walked back to my bed.
Soon after, the door of the bathroom opened slowly and he stepped out.
I lifted my gaze to his white figure. He had just a white towel around him… The difference between the towel and his skin wasn't so big I must say… And also, I was right. He had lost weight… Actually with his baggy clothing I couldn't see it. But now it was clear. He was skinny and… kind of femine…
He made his way through the room to get some clean clothes from his bag, as his hair and he himself was dripping to the floor, but I didn't say anything, even if he glanced at me worried a couple of times.
He walked in front of the wardrobe and opened its door, so I wouldn't be able to see him while he was changing.
"It's not like I'll see something I haven't seen before" I said before I could stop myself. But it really seemed funny to me. Ray was changing really carelessly in front of me. And the blushing virgin here was something new. I shook my head. I didn't really cared but I felt like he wanted to hide something from me… Maybe his weak body? Or the holes of the needles?
He never answered my comment. After a little, he sat to his bed, dressed in clean clothing.
"You slept well in the bathroom's floor?" I asked and he lifted his wide innocent eyes to me. Good god… He always looks so freaking innocent; I can't believe he's in something like drugs… He's a child… And a very happy child… What led him there?
"I didn't sleep on the bathroom's floor… I came out and back in while you were asleep…" lies do not suit him…
"When?" I asked coldly, which I regretted, because I felt like I was pressing him against a wall. He was griping and letting his blanket nervously, his ocean blue eyes staring at me.
"W-when you were sleeping…" he repeated...
I couldn't control my glare, in his childish reaction; I sat up to my bed, facing him.
"So, between two and six. You came out of the bathroom. You got your sleep, and got up to take a bath, huh?" I keep pressing him, but I don't do it in purpose… "Did Ray tell you I'm torturing the people who share a room with me?" I asked hoping he will be less scared. Because he was very scared… Even someone blind would be able to see it… He had stuck his spine against the wall, his eyes were wide and filled with fear, and he had curled up his knees and held his blanket in front of him, as if he expected I would get up and hit him any moment.
"N-No…" he mumbled in a whimper. Such a little puppy…
"Then?" I asked him. Sounding again harsher than I wanted. Max was terrified and I only made it worst.
Just then, we heard a loud knock on the door and turned to the door. Max ran and opened at once, grabbing the chance of skipping to answer me.
Max's POV
Kai had literally stuck me against the wall… Why was he making all these questions? I got really scared in the thought he might knew something. My life would be destroyed -even more-. So when the door knocked I was more than willingly opening in the next moment, only to face Ray.
I smiled "Good morning, Ray!"
He smiled back, gently, his pretty amber eyes staring at me "Morning Max, Morning Kai" after a nod to Kai's direction he looked at me "…Your hair is wet".
"I got a bath…" I replied smiling sweet.
Ray raised his eyebrow "Again? When we seek for you yesterday evening, Kai said you had a bath yesterday too"
"Ugh… Yes, but…" I mumbled trying my best to think an apology, which at the end came from Kai.
"The genius here got covered with chocolate milk, just when he woke up" he answered lifting an empty bottle of milk.
I stared at him, speechless for his lie, to cover for me… I couldn't imagine what was going on in his mind… But it saved me, although Ray didn't seem really convinced…
"Alright…" he replied "In an hour we'll go train" I was surprised Ray gave such an order, since Kai was our captain, but I nodded and looked at Kai.
Kai had his eyes straight to Ray's and they stared each other for a moment before Ray walk out. And then… I was again left with Kai… I feared he would start the questions again, but he didn't. He just got himself ready and walked out of the room, telling me where to meet them when I was ready, which I actually was... I took a look around the room, placed my Beyblade in my pocket and followed Kai.
Kai's POV
Ray was suspicious. He knew the reasons I had gave were lies. And very bad lies. He knew back then I covered for Max with another lie and he wasn't happy by this, although I wasn't sure about what he thought I was planning for Max. But I couldn't let the truth out... Not yet, I hadn't talked with Max… and I didn't when Ray left either. This wasn't the right time… In the evening… when we would return to sleep I was going to talk to him… When his need will be back and he'll seek for his poison. That will be the moment. Until then, I would just keep my eyes on him.
We were in the training room, a couple of hours now. Max and Tyson were battling with their blades lively, teasing each other while their blades were rough fully hitting each other.
I and Ray were standing behind Kenny, hearing Dizzy's comments during the battle. She said Max's power seemed lower and lower every time they trained and she was checking on him…
It was to be expected… What he had been doing to himself do not had momentary effects only… It also had more ones which lasted, and they were showing now…
"Come on, Max! Wake up, wake up!" Tyson yelled and I looked at Max. He smiled and ordered Draciel to attack, looking lively but I could tell he wasn't. If I didn't believe pitying means lack of respect, I would say I pitied him… He was in a hell. And wouldn't decide to come out.
Ray's hard grip shook me out of my thoughts. He caught me off guard and dragged me out of the door of the training room, closed the door and glared at me.
"What are you doing?"
I raised my eyebrow "What am I doing?" I asked honestly.
"When I came in the room, Max was panicked… And I'm certain you lied about him a lot. I don't snore! You did something to him?" he tightened his grip on my arm. It didn't hurt but it started getting annoying.
Is he serious? "What do you think I would do to him?" I replied to his answer with an answer, staring calmly at him.
"Kai… What is going on?" he growled.
I stared coldly at him, yet I was thinking of telling him what I found out… No, I couldn't… I didn't have this right. Not before I had some talk with the child.
"Something…" I answered, staring his eyes. This time it was no cold. It was simple concern. I felt his grip soften on my arm and fall.
"What?" he asked, calmer too.
"Something bad…"
I heard him swallowing as he stared at me, and kept quiet for a little, then he turned his gaze away.
"You have noticed it too, haven't you?" I asked.
He turned his cat like eyes to me again and nodded slowly "I thought it was just my imagination and I didn't paid attention…"
"Can you keep Tyson and the others busy tonight? I wanna look at it a little…"
He nodded slow… I was sure he would ask something else but he just walked back to the training room staring the ground.
I stay still there for a while and sighed. My arms her in my pockets, something I rarely do and I felt Max's poison to the corner of my fingers, which was still there…
I walked back to the training room.
Max was sitting next to Tyson, drinking some cold drinks. They both looked cheerful, although Max was looking really tired. I looked at Ray and he was watching Max worried. He really did notice the signs that sth was wrong with him too now…
By the afternoon, I had regretted telling Ray that something was wrong. He kept his eyes stuck to Max who had started having withdrawal symptoms.
When we sat at the hotel's restaurant for the last meal of the day, Ray kept asking Max, now and then if he was ok, if he needed sth and stuff like that. Max thought kept answering him cheerfully that all was ok and that he shouldn't stress himself.
I got a cup of coffee, because I had guessed a long night was to come… And it would probably be just the first of many… Gladly, Ray stopped being so obvious after some hours. In contract with Max's withdrawal. Every time he lifted his spoon or sth his hands were shaking too much.
Tyson on the other hand was full of appetite which he was pleasing with half the table. He stopped now and then to make a silly comment, when Hillary was glaring at him with her arms crossed and was taping her foot.
I was concentrated to Max's reactions. And I am pretty sure, from the tapping of Hillary's foot, to the munches of Tyson, they were driving him crazy… He needed his poison and I knew he wouldn't be as patient as yesterday to get it… His eyes looked pretty different and scary. Not innocent at all, as he stared the sources of the sounds, with wide eyes. Ray's attention was taken from Kenny, and he didn't notice this scary sudden change in the angel of the team… Who obviously was fallen long time…
Max's POV
Ray's overrated, and without reason I might knew concern, was nothing in front of this. This was mad… Every freaking sound made in the room sounded as if someone had turned the volume to lever for breaking glass. But instead it was pounding in my head. I couldn't take this. I needed relief. Every thought I had the same morning of quitting was just a blurry memory that didn't mattered right then. I needed my medicine. And I needed it Now.
I got up with a smile "Guyyyyys! I'm going up" I said loud so Tyson would hear me through his obsession over food.
"Already?" he asked muffled but I understood it, and after he swallowed his huge mouthful, impressing me "It's early you big baby!"
I stuck my tongue out at him "If I wait for you to stop eating, I'll never sleep!" I giggled and walked out of the restaurant.
As soon as I did I started running, and was too soon rushing into my room. My heart was racing, my body was shaking, my breath was running but I didn't care. Actually all I cared once again was this.
I started madly looking through my stuff. Practically, I threw the inside of my bag out, and soon rolled it over, searching… But it was nowhere. I was sure I had a second syringe with me… I didn't know what I would do next, but this one, I had to take it! When I couldn't find it in my bag, I unthoughtfully started messing the room, looking at every corner with no logic, when I heard the door open.
I wasn't thinking… Not clearly at all, my mind was blurry, and I couldn't understand I was depending more and more on it… I couldn't think any of that then…
Kai stared at me, still for a moment… After he closed the door and glanced around at the messed up room, and back at me calmly "Looking for something?" he asked.
I stood up, shaking "…"
Then he took sth out of his pockets. It was my gold! He had taken it! Can you believe this! My eyes widened in the sight of it, and I jumped toward him, screaming "Give it back!" I jumped against him and he stepped back. Surprisingly, even in my condition I didn't expect that. I was to reach what I needed, but I didn't need to… Kai… My crush, just help the little pack in front of my face.
"Here" he said coldly. I couldn't and didn't want to read him then. I just raised my hand to take my medicine. Behind the gold liquid I saw then fearful his angry red eyes. I started shaking more. My hand was touching my need, but I was scared…
This was Kai… Kai, my teammate, my captain, and big-time my crush… And he knew the other side of me now. My eyes widen staring at his. Then I just grabbed my gold and ran as fast as I could in the bathroom, I closed the door fast and tried to lock it, but I was thrown back, I tripped over the bathtub and fell in it, hitting my head back, but not hard. I raised my eyes to the doorframe, where my captain had just kicked the door open, throwing me here… And he looked mad….
Kai's POV
I never expected this to be so bad. When he grabbed the pack I was caught off guard. I didn't expect he would do this… But he did. This thing had taken over him, and he couldn't help that he needed it anymore…
He ran to the bathroom, trapping himself like a little child who just broke a vase and didn't want to be punished, so it hid in the closet. But no. He had broken sth much more important. He had broken himself. I only hoped it wasn't too late to place the pieces back together…
I ran to the bathroom door before he had the time to lock it and kicked it hard. From the weight I pushed, I could guess, Max was pushed back kind of rough. I stepped in only to see him thrown in the bathtub, staring at me with fear.
First things first. I thought and grabbed what he took from me just minutes ago.
"No!" he screamed, as I threw the liquid in the toilet and flushed as fast as possible, and I threw away what had remained.
He jumped up and tried to take the needle, hoping to get some relief of the remains. But it never came to his hand again. He screamed loud when he realized he couldn't have what he needed, which once again, caught me off guard… Just a day without it, and he was in such condition… How could he handle more?
I gasped when he jumped to him me, but he was light and weak, so I easily grabbed his wrists and pulled him against the wall, making him let a cry.
He stared at me horrified. His body was already complaining badly, and I could see it clearer than ever. But what worried me most was how bad his mental damage was from the lack of heroin.
Tears start shape rivers on his, once rosy cheeks. His once adorable, lively, innocent eyes, were now just empty and pained, as he started sobbing, I stared at him.
"Why…?" he whimpered "Why? What have I done to you?"
It's been long since the last time I felt my heart ache… I don't know what was worst. The fact he was so hurt, because of that shit? Or that he really seemed to believe I threw the heroin away, because I wanted to hurt him…
I could feel my blood pressure rising as I was staring at the fragile form crying in front of me. As I could feel him shaking at the end of my hands, while I was holding his wrists tight. I was pissed, but not by Max himself. I was pissed at what he had done to himself. How he kept hurting himself until now…
I gritted my teeth, and pushed him rough fully close to me, I turned his back to face me, and wrapped one hand around his waist to keep him to me, and the other was on his neck to chin, forcing him to look front, when I turned around to the mirror.
Max's POV
His grips around my wrists, hurt much, but the way he forced me to look into the mirror and his words hurt me more.
"Look at you Max" he growled to my ear, as I felt his chest on my back and his hand kept me looking at my reflection…
I looked pretty older than 15 and I kind of reminded me corpse… My hair was a mess. This morning it was washed and looked shiny and fresh like usually, but now it looked like the color had faded out, and it was messed in a way that reminded all but myself. My eyes were swollen and darker than usual. I could see the fear in my own eyes, even if I could also feel it… My skin was paler than ever, and my body had taken the shape of what there was under my skin…
I could also see Kai's reflection over my shoulder. His angry determined eyes, staring at me from the mirror, his strong arms keeping me still… He's so strong, I wouldn't have any hope if I tried to escape from this grips. Although I tried to turn away from the horrible sigh of myself, which only made him force me harder to look at the mirror.
"Look at yourself Max. Look at what, this thing turned you to! This is not you, Max, you know it!" he said trying to convince me, and only managed to hurt me more.
"You don't know me!" I yelled, and my eyes which had just stopped filling tears, they filled again and I looked down crying. Thankfully this time Kai, didn't forced me to look up. And soon he also wouldn't be able. I could already feel my knees weakening… At the same time, I had difficulties breathing because it had got really fast, and the air wasn't enough to fill my lugs. The most I cried, the less I could breath, till Kai, pulled me back and let me kneel, falling on the four, I took some desperate breathes, but it wouldn't get better… Then I felt Kai's warm touch on my chest, giving me a pace which I tried and slowly followed, so I could breathe again normally…
"Good boy…" I heard him whisper to my ear, as he was pulling me to a sitting position on my knees. I felt his chest rising a lowing once again against my back. I felt so weak, and pitiful. And Kai was so easily handling me… As if I was some kind of puppet… but somehow in his hands I didn't mind much… I had thought all my pain was gone at that moment, then I realized everything was becoming dark, the room spinned and soon faded in black. I fell to nothingness.
Kai's POV
"You don't know me!" he yelled and brusted into tears again, sobbing hard. My arms around him loosened a little and I felt his weight on my arm as his powers were giving up of him.
I didn't know if he was right when he said I didn't know him... I had wondered that before, myself, but this wasn't the right time to worry about how well I knew my teammates. I had one of them in my hands and he was in terrible condition… I could feel him suffering just by trying to breath. I made him kneel really easy, since he had practically left himself to my control. I pushed him to lean front, and he supported his body up, with his palms on the floor. I leaned over him and placed my hand to his chest, giving him a pace to breath (I could feel his bones under his shirt), and I was relieved he actually obediently set his rhythm to the way I was moving my hand, on his chest… Soon his breathes were coming out normally again.
"Good boy…" I whispered this silly comment, hoping he would calm and trust me.
I sat up and pulled him along. Once again he didn't tried escape from me; he left his back, rest against my chest. It didn't take me long to see that he didn't have a choice… He was slowly passing out… Soon I was holding his unconscious body, laid on my lap… I slowly got up, lifting his skinny figure. His limbs hanged unconsciously to the sides, and his head fell back. If I couldn't hear his weak, tortured breathing, I would think he's dead. I stepped in the bedroom and laid him slowly to his bed. After I sat to mine and watched over him till the first daylight stroked his face… His nightmare had only begun...
To Be Continued...
Chapter two end... I hope you liked and that the two sided point of view isn't too tireing... please R&R
Beyblade (c) Takao Aoki
Dear Agony (c) Breaking Benjamin