I just want to thank you all for the AMAZING support you gave this story. I am totally humbles by your amazing reviews and encouragement. They have meant so much to me.

I was planning to post a chapter for Darkness and White tonight but I just didn't feel like it was done yet, so here is a long chapter of Grey Streets and I hope to post D&W this week...

Please review... You gave me well over 100 last week and it really got me writing up a storm!

XOXO PPP

Dear Diary –

I am an idiot. I mean a serious idiot. I watched C&L together all damn summer, always the third or fifth wheel. Always pining away like an idiot. And now they break up, finally after a summer of torture and he still won't look at me. I mean how stupid can I be. Why would he want to be with me when the whole female population is drooling to be with him, even if just for a few hours. I know I was stupid to think that he would be single and come running to me. I know. But I held out this small hope. I should know better. Mr. Hyde says that boys are stupid and never see a good thing when it is standing right in front of them. God, why can't all guys be like Mr. Hyde.

My mom is being a huge pain in the butt, she got a new job and is expecting me to get the kids ready for school in the mornings. Like I don't have enough to do in the mornings already. I am seriously hating my junior year already and it has only been two damn days!

Oh well, nothing I can do about it… C can screw his way through the year and I can just ignore it.

XXOO - A

Chapter 2: I Don't Love You, But I Always Will.

Christian relished the sounds and smell of his childhood home; they almost drowned out the noise and sadness from his years before he was a Grey. The house had not changed much and there was much needed comfort in that fact, hell it was the reason he was back in the first place. He craved constancy and comfort and not just for Luke. If not for his first five years Christian had an idyllic life. His mother Grace was an ER nurse who always managed to work a crazy schedule but be there for her children and Carrick was a lawyer in town, closing mortgages for the local banks. They lived simply and it suited their family of five. Elliott and Christian were half-brothers by blood, the same mother but different fathers. Mia was just a baby, barley out of diapers when Grace took the battered boys in from the ER a rainy night many moons ago.

That night haunts Christian; it has seeped into every detail and crevice of his life, with the exception of his son.

Luke wandered around the first floor for a while, taking it all in. There was stuff everywhere, books and magazines filled the built in shelves, and scattered framed photos filled the empty spaces. His eyes darted around the room looking for a still place but he couldn't find one. Luke was used to the structure of his house in Calabasas, the lightness, the order. His mother Leila was not a fan of having too much stuff around, she too liked an orderly life. He felt a wave of panic in his head, like a ringing in his ears but through his entire body. He clenched his fists together and wanted to cry. He missed his mommy and his house, he missed his yard and he missed Taylor and Gail and the rest of the security team.

"You hungry Luke?" Carrick asked his grandson softly, remembering that sudden loud noises could trigger him. The hunger in his belly pulled him out of his brewing panic. He looked down at the floor, resting his hands on his belly and took a long deep breath that devolved into a soft sigh.

"Yes, grandpa I am." Luke always spoke slowly, each word well placed and thought out. He walked over to his father's side, wanting to be close to him. His lips pursed in a fish face, nervous habit that came after he stopped biting his nails. Gail wouldn't give him any stickers if he bit his nails and the more stickers he had the more things he would get to do. Five stickers meant he could have some of his special cookies. Ten stickers meant he could play his video game, twenty meant he could go to the movies. All he had to do to get the stickers was follow the rules.

"I got some steaks this morning; we can put them on the grill. How does that sound." Luke nodded looking forward to using the grill, he liked steak even though he knew it came from cows. Cows were nice.

"Thanks dad steaks would be great." Carrick nodded at his son and made his way to the kitchen. He was always worried about his grandson, remembering a time not too long ago where he couldn't be held or even touched. When he would scream and cry for seemingly no reason at all.

"Your brother is picking up some potato salad and corn, all gluten free of course. He should be here in a few minutes. All the Grey men can eat together. Your mom is working an overnight, if we would have known sooner you were coming she could have taken off." He called out from the kitchen as he washed his hands. Carrick was shocked that Christian had decided to come home. When he got the phone call the week before he was over joyed that his son and grandson were about to be part of his daily life, that he would see Luke grow up.

Christian and Luke made their way into the small kitchen. He lifted his son up and sat him on the kitchen counter so they could watch Carrick prep the steaks. Christian smiled realizing that it was the exact countertop he sat on watching his father when he was a child and was grateful that he was in a place to share this with his won son.

"Those look good dad." He patted his father on the shoulder and his son on the knee and for a monet all felt right with the world, with the exception of Ana.

"Heck yeah they do, I got them from the butcher." Carrick held the cutting board full of porterhouses out so Luke could get a better look. "I spoke to Mia this morning. She will meet you guys at the Inn tonight."

"How is she doing?"

"Good, real good. Her internship is going well. Your mom is so proud, keeps saying that Mia will be running the hospital one day. I worry though that she spends too much time saving lives and not living her own."

"Dad!" Elliott called out from the front door, causing Luke to jump.

"We're in the kitchen." Christian made his way towards his younger brother, excited to see him. So much time had passed between them with such little contact but they had a bond built on a shared history that could never be broken. They hugged, Christian lifting Elliott up slightly as they laughed.

"You gained some weight there Elliott." Christian teased placing him back on the floor with a thud.

"Nah you're just getting weak in your old age is all. Where is my godson?"

"I am here Uncle Ellie!" Luke smiled broadly, happy to see his uncle. He was the one who took him to see the stars. Luke couldn't figure out how they got the stars inside the building but he was glad they did. Elliott handed the shopping bags to Christian, and tentatively extended his hand to Luke, knowing he needed permission if he wanted to be touched. Luke took his uncles hand and shook it firmly, not looking him in the eye. Elliott looked at Christian, who smiled and then raised his eyebrows, shrugging his shoulders. His unspoken way of telling Elliott to give it a try.

"Can I get a hug Luke?" Elliott asked softly. Luke looked up at his father with question in his eyes.

"It's up to you buddy, Uncle Ellie won't be mad if you say no." Elliott cringed at the word Ellie coming from Christian's mouth. The teasing that came the first time Luke called him that was incessant and downright mean but that's how it was between them, brutal but honest. Luke looked back at Elliott and shook his head no, before turning and walking back into the kitchen.

"Hey, I got a hand shake, I mean considering..."

"Yeah, I guess. I am just worried, he has been good. Too good even. I am wondering when the ax is going to fall."

"Maybe it's just the new meds you were telling me about."

"Maybe, but I feel like he is in shock or something. His occupational therapist said to keep a close eye on him. I think I am just going to stay in tonight."

"Christian, everyone under the age of forty is headed to the Inn to see you tonight."

"No pressure."

"Look I hear ya, but get it all over and done with tonight and move on. Kate is going to be here at nine, so you have until then to decide but I think you should come. Mend a few fences..."

"I tried that already and it didn't go well."

"Ana?" Christian nodded.

"Well you fucked that up royally. And as usual your timing is impeccable. She and Jose broke up last week."

"Yeah dad filled me in, what he knew anyway."

"I wasn't there that night but Katie told me that he proposed, at the Inn in front of God and everyone. She said no, he got mad. They fought, he broke up with her and they have been apart ever since."

"Yeah dad said the same thing. Jose should have known better, Ana has said a million times she does not want to get married and for him to ask her in front over everyone was just proof that he does not know her at all."

"What and you do?"

"Yeah El, I do. I know her better than anyone." It was true; at least it used to be true. Ana and Christian were connected though tragedy but also through an unseen bond, a force that wrapped around them. It would stretch and pull over the years but Christian always thought it could never be broken,. That no matter what they would always be connected. After their argument he was no longer sure of that fact it is shook him to his core. Nothing made sense without Ana in his future, nothing would feel right without her, of that he was certain.

"Then you should have known that cutting her off like you did was going to have a have consequence."

"Yeah, but I was not expecting what got, Ana seemed… I don't know. Different."

"Ana has been off, I mean the last few months."

"McQueen maybe?"

"Ahhh she told you about that did she? I wanted to tell you but she threatened me with bodily harm. No I mean maybe that is part of it, but since Saint Paddy's day she has been... sad...very sad..."

Sad… Christian repeated, wondering if he played a part in her sadness, knowing he did. He could remember a time when sadness wasn't ever present in her blue eyes, a time long forgotten. A time when they were young and free before the reality of life reared its ugly head fucking it all up. A time that he wished he could get back and do everything differently.

It was bright beautiful September morning in Edmond. The early morning sun mixed with the cool air, the cloudless blue sky and the rustle of the leaves in the breeze made for a perfect day. With a cardboard tray coffee in hand Ana charged thru the front door of her next door neighbor's house not knocking, she even had a key. Mr. and Mrs. Grey often joked that they trusted Ana more than their own children.

"Elliott, Christian let's get a move on we're going to be late for class" Ana bellowed up the stairs annoyed. It was only the second week of the year and they had made her late almost every day. If this kept up the Grey Brothers were going to be walking to school. Carrick took their car away after they got pulled over for joy riding over the summer, they would be wheel-less until they both brought home A+ report cards for the first semester.

Christian was making his way down the stairs, pulling a t-shirt over his head as he descended. Ana took a moment allowing her eyes to take in his taught summer tanned stomach. He was perfect; at least that's what everyone said about him. He was tall at 6'3 and lean, his frame was his best asset and it came naturally to him. His sandy brown hair had a touch of copper that glowed under the summer sun always fell into place, a mark or pimple never graced his chiseled features and he always had just the right amount of stubble. Ana had never allowed herself to crush on Christian the way everyone else did, she knew him to well for that. Okay, she crushed on him from a distance and thought of him often but she knew deep down they would never be. He had a type, tall, thin, dark hair, dark eyes and perfect with a mean streak. He would never admit it but he liked the drama of a crazy girl like Leila, she was a great distraction from his own thoughts and she was just damaged enough that he could do with her what he pleased. Ana was her total opposite shorter, athletic and lean with wild hair, deep blue eyes and a kind and sensitive heart. She knew there was no point in wanting what you couldn't have and she knew she could never have Christian. But she did take the time to enjoy the view. And this morning she did just that.

"Here you go guy. I figured you would need some after the last few days." She said handing him a cup of coffee from her paper tray.

"Thanks Ana." He said flashing his famous panty dropping smile. He blew into the cup and took a sip. "Mmmmm, just how I like it." His praise made her cheeks flush and she bit her lower lip to stop herself from saying something stupid. She had known Christian, Elliott and Mia her entire life; they grew up next door to each other. Mia was in the eighth grade and took the earlier bus to school with Shane and Claire. Elliott and Ana were both juniors and Christian was a senior and spent the summer working with his dad's practice and screwing his girlfriend Leila Williams. Now that the summer was over Leila wanted to start her senior year off fresh and dumped Christian in front of the whole school at the end of summer bonfire. Unfazed he ended up fucking two girls that night just to prove that he could. It cut him deep that Leila would just up and dump him but he had an image to promote.

"So any word from Leila?

"Naaahh, it is what it is. She has been avoiding me at all costs and honestly that is a good thing"

"Well she heard about what happened at the bonfire and then there are rumors about you and what's her name getting it on in the locker room on Monday so…"

"I am a free agent now Ana, I can fuck who ever I want…"

"Jesus Chris, language! My virgin ears." He looked at her intently for a moment and wondered if she was in fact still a virgin. She was hanging out with Elliott a lot over the summer and they seemed cozy but then again Ana was one of the good girls.

He plopped down on the sofa, grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Ana watched him for a moment, she could tell he was hurting but he was doing everything possible to hide it, but that was his way and she knew when to push and when to leave him be. Looking at her watch she turned her attention back to Elliott.

"Seriously , we are going to be late for class." She yelled up the stairs as loudly as she could. The brothers were total opposites. Elliott facially looked like his older counterpart but was tall and lanky, with golden blonde hair and pale blue eyes, instead of sports and girls, his interests were computers and math. Elliott was three and Christian was almost five when the Grey's adopted them. Elliott was lucky that the memories that kept Christian up as night never touched his dreams.

"Hold your horsy Ana I will be right there. Much to do this morning." She could hear him banging and shuffling around upstairs. He was always doing something. Always taking things apart and putting them back together better than before. He was the sole reason her old beat up pickup was still running.

"I have done more this morning then you will do all week. I have been up since five this morning, went for a run, helped my mom get the kids ready for school, took McQueen for a long walk , went home showered, got your lazy asses coffee and still got here ON TIME! LET'S GO!" Ana turned her attention back to Christian.

"Has your brother ever been on time for anything? EVER?"

"Nope, never." Christian answered flatly, taking a sip of his coffee He was watching the morning news but chuckled at Ana. She was always the over achiever. He wondered when Elliott was going to get his head out of his ass and finally ask her out. She was cute and sweet and funny the kind of girl you want to go for long drives with and talk about everything and then kiss for hours. The kind of girl who would bake you things, hang out with your boys and not bitch about it. Ana was the kind of girl who always remembered your mother's birthday and reminded you and maybe if you're lucky buys you a card to give her. He just watched her for a few minutes, the longer Elliott took the angrier she got, it was entertaining. The furrow of her brow, her arms crossed her chest, foot tapping.

"Holy Shit! Ana, Elliott get in here there was a huge accident on Pacific Highway!" Christian watched in awe as the traffic helicopter showed two cars sprawled out in the middle of the road and the raging inferno that was going on between them as the fire department tried to put it out. She flew into the room and sat next to Christian and Elliott quickly followed. They watched in shock as the news unfolded before them. Ana was in tears her body reacting to what she was watching in a most unexpected way. Christian's instinct kicked in and he put his arm around her.

…The emergency team at the scene of the accident is reporting that there are no survivors…

They watched for the next twenty minutes as their coffee turned cold and their thoughts of school vanished. And then Ana saw the image that would forever change her life. Her hands flew to her mouth to stifle her scream. They looked at her, question in their eyes. She was in shock and for several moments said nothing.

"That is my mother car." All they could do is watch as Ana's world crashed down around her. Her mother Carla, beautiful, strong, graceful mother was gone. This couldn't be happening; this was a dream an awful dream. She tried to hear her mother's voice in her head, laughing with her that morning and their last hug standing in the kitchen packing up Clare and Shane's lunches.

"Christian, did you hear me that was my mom car" Her voice was on the edge of frantic, her world spiraling out of control

"Ana are you sure." He wanted it not to be true, wanting this not to be happening to her.

"Yes I am sure the plate… look at the plate it says Steele5." Elliott grabbed the remote control and rewound the news, hitting pause as the camera focused on the burnt carnage of the Nissan Altima. Oh my god I don't know what to do" He could see her shaking and starting to fall apart, he wrapped his arms around her and held on as hard as he could. He knew he had to do something to control this awful situation.

"Just breathe, Ana Ok. Look at me and breathe. Elliott, get on the phone and see what you can find out. Let's go to the Wander Inn and find your dad."

The Wander Inn was the small local dive bar that Ana's father Ray owned, it was where all the locals would end up for a cold beer and the best burger in town. The two mile drive seemed to take forever, he watched her as he drove, and she was rocking herself with tears streaming down her face. He pulled into the parking lot she barely let him stop the car before she ran out and burst into the door. It was still early the only people there were her dad and one of the barkeeps. Her father was sitting on a barstool hunched over crying.

"Dad." She said softly putting her hand on his shoulder. "Dad?" She was looking to him for strength and comfort but again he didn't respond. Finally with all the strength she possessed she yelled "RAYMOND STEELE!" That finally broke through to her father and he turned to look at her, tears streaming from his eyes. She placed her hands on either sides of his face and kissed him on the forehead. Christian watched this tender moment between the father daughter and the back of his throat started to burn, as he fought back tears of his own.

"Daddy." She whispered, trying so hard to hold it together.

"She's, gone baby doll, the police just called me… there was an accident." Ana watched as her father broke apart into a million pieces all his strength gone. Everything was different now, everything was about to change.

"I know, I saw it on the news. Listen , Daddy. I am going to go get the kids from school okay." Ray nodded and grabbed Ana into a huge hug.

"What do we hell them Ana?"

"I don't know. We will figure it out. Just go home okay and I will see you in a little while."

Ana wanted to scream, cry, fall apart and have her father make everything ok, but that was not going to happen. She had to be strong, she thought about her mother and how she was a warrior and she was going to be the Jose . In that moment Christian watched her transform, he could almost see her stuff down all her feelings. She wiped away her tears and didn't say a word. He went with her to pick up her brother and sister from school. Shane was eleven and Clare was nine. Ana couldn't imagine telling them what happened, where would she find the words, the strength. She felt adrift, like she was floating, with no control over her direction or path.

"Christian , how do I do this. How do I tell them that mommy is gone" He could see he crack again but as soon as the kids were in sight her wall went back up and all the weakness went away. The wall began that day, brick by brick she surrounded herself. The wall had one singular purpose to keep new pain from finding its way in and to keep old pain close.