A/N: This was never actually meant to be a chaptered fic, but I literally woke up this morning with the first few lines repeating in my head, so here you are! Not sure if there will be anything more on this though. I'm trying to get back to writing a little here or there, but mostly these character POV things are what have been easiest for me. Sorry for all of you that are waiting for more of DoMI, or like, anything a bit more structured... _
Kakashi was angry. If there was one lesson he'd beat into the heads of his cute little students, it was teamwork. It was never leave a team mate behind. It was that team was family, (albeit a strange one) and they covered each other's weaknesses, both in battle and outside of it.
Perhaps he should have seen this coming, should have known that the boy's anger and impatience wouldn't give Kakashi the time he needed to get those important lessons to stick. Perhaps he'd never stood a chance no matter how much time he'd had, not with Orochimaru involved.
Kakashi felt guilty, (he always felt guilty, why change now) he'd never wanted a team, never wanted to lose a team again. His brats hadn't even made it past genin and they were being taken away from him – or left, which was even worse.
Sasuke had done far worse than abandon his team though – he'd actively tried to kill them. Such behaviour wasn't unusual for the Uchiha boy and it made Kakashi doubt not just himself for once, but the village's decision to leave that boy alone after the massacre. To his own discomfort Kakashi even thought that giving the boy to Danzo would have been a sound idea – not a stance he ever thought he'd have, but turning Sasuke into an emotionless weapon would have been better than what he was now.
From a village stand point Kakashi knew he was in the dog house for losing a valuable resource and bloodline. Not to mention the damage that Sasuke and his exfiltration team had inflicted on the shinobi sent out to retrieve him.
But for all that he blamed himself for failing again, Kakashi knew he wasn't the only one who had failed in this. Most of the village had in truth – letting the boy get away with so much, allowing him to retain his sense of entitlement within the village. To most it'd seem harmless, and typical to his clan. But allowing the boy to presume himself so superior over everyone else only emphasized how worthless they were compared to him. Not to mention the boy's disregard for anything but combat – it wasn't unusual for children to see the life of a ninja as all about flashy ninjutsu, but Sasuke had disparaged anything non-combat related. A boy from a prestigious ninja clan would have known that ninja were more than just front-line fighters, and yet it was a reality Sasuke had refused to accept.
Honestly though Kakashi didn't want to think about Sasuke's mental issues (obsession, denial, selfishness and disassociation to name a few) but the thoughts kept intruding no matter how busy he kept himself, how hard he worked. Not even summoning his pack and working (playing) with them helped.
The copy-nin had no choice but to endure his failure. The pack had helped him through it last time, (along with the Sandaime but he was dead, just another failure of Kakashi's to keep his precious people safe) and they would help him through this too.
He was out on another mission now (there always seemed to be another mission, when would he get to go home?) an assassination in Wave. It was Anbu so at least he was saved the awkwardness of seeing people's faces or having to deal with anyone who had opinions about Sasuke's defection. Anbu missions were silent, and frankly none here would try that shit on him anyway – not after his years of service to Anbu, including personally training many of the newer members.
He would have felt bad for not standing with his team against the village's stigma, if not for the fact that his team wasn't his any more – Naruto was gone, Sasuke was the cause of this whole mess in the first place. As for Sakura he just couldn't face her, but he had a list of failures with her already so he doubted she expected much from him now.
Sakura was the most well-adjusted of his team and because of that and the status of the two boys, he'd neglected her in the hopes of bringing the boys into a functional state. She was loyal already, (unlike Sasuke) had friends within the village to give her support and connections (unlike either boy) and had a skill set that quite frankly, could wait. She'd needed to work on her stamina and chakra capacity, things that took time, and she was only a civilian girl – she'd been at the bottom of the priority list. To be honest though, Kakashi hadn't wanted her on the team at all at first. She was a silly girl with no drive to get better – he hadn't known how to cope with her, with anyone who didn't want to be a ninja and work towards that goal. Even his own genin team had drive, if not competence, and that was about the limit of his experience with children.
Kakashi wondered again why he'd been given a team at all. Even the easiest member had been let down by him. And now he was too much of a coward to stand with her. Tsunade had taken over her training – the drunk Hokage could do better than he could.
Being a sensei had been an experience that Kakashi had enjoyed, but also hated. He wished it had never happened, that he didn't have these memories (even though he held on to the good ones tightly). At least now he wouldn't be asked again – as if his reputation before all this hadn't been enough, no one would trust him with anything but training Anbu now – he was very good at that, at least. He would never be given a new team, not after having taken his old one away from him (or what was left of them).
He should be relieved. So why did he feel disappointed?