Editor s Note: *facepalm* Way to be efficient, Molly. Although, technically, I m editing it in English as well. However, because I am beast, I am always efficient. I didn t tell you, but when I participated in the blood drive this year, they held me longer because, contrary to popular belief, my veins were NOT too small to extract large volumes of blood, but rather full of the most rare blood type of all...BA! Whoa, I just went way off topic. Anyway, back to the story.
Chapter 1: Living With the Pain
Shinji s POV
I sat next to Hiyori s bed. It had been one week since the winter battle and she was still not awake. Mashiro is awake. Why can t Hiyori be awake? I felt tears try to break free, but I held them back. All of us switched off watching her so she would not be alone when she woke up. It also forced me to eat and sleep. I sat staring at her unmoving face, hoping and praying that she would wake soon. I felt numb, like I could not think or feel without her glaring and yelling at me. After the first night after the fight, I felt as if all the emotion had been drained from my body. I felt as if time was frozen without her and would never restart. I had learned to live with the dull persisting pain that Hiyori s absence had inflicted upon me. I faked my usual aloof, happy, and indifferent personality around the others. I had nothing left without her and I would never have anything again if she did not wake up. All that held me to this world right now were Hiyori s painfully forced breaths.
I suddenly heard the click of the door and turned to look at Rose entering the room.
It s my turn to watch her. Wow, you look awful. Go get some rest or you are going to collapse Rose said, concern laced into his voice.
I can t get sleep. I feel so guilty for what happened to all of you, especially what happened to Hiyori. How can I sleep when I don t know if she will survive? I should have been able to protect all of you. I am our leader. I am responsible," Shinji explained, the pain he felt lacing into his voice.
Okay, Shinji, you are not Superman. You got hurt badly, just like us. You are no more responsible than any of us. You need to cut yourself some slack! There really was no way we could have done anything. Also, remember that it could have been any one of us. Stop beating yourself up and get some sleep. Oh, and eat something too. I know you have not been eating nearly enough," Rose reasoned.
I stood up, walked out of the room, down the hallway, and into my room, shutting the door behind me. I fell onto my bed. Rose does not understand, none of them do! I am in love with her. My entire world and existence becomes meaningless without her. I need her in my life. I need her to live. My bond with her is so much more than what they have with her! Why, why Hiyori? Why won t you wake up!Please wake up.
Tears began to fall once more. Shit, I thought I had already gotten this out of my system. Oh well, I guess this proves how much I truly care about her. Soon I felt my eyelids drop with the need for sleep. As I drifted off, I thought I will just have to learn to live with the pain and emptiness. Life goes on... no matter how painful it has become. With that, I let myself fall into unconsciousness.
A/N: Sorry it is a really short chapter but chapter three will be up soon. R&R Please I will give you homemade virtual cheese cake! Oh yea. The final weeks in school kill your
mind. With finals coming up, it may be a while till I update, but when school gets out, I will update faster and more often. Anyways, see you next time. -Molly