A/N: Warning this chapter contains mild sexual themes, adult humor , cross-dressing, along with some quite obvious Relena Bashing. However I must state again I am an equal opportunity basher, so who knows who is going to get it next? I obviously don't own the Gundam boys, so don't sue me I only own the poem below, because I hate math. I will also be introducing a few OCs cause there aren't enough teenage girls in Gundam Wing. Don't worry I won't make ether of them unbearable and without purpose. If you are not mature enough to handle my crude humor please turn back and watch Hannah Montana or something.
Milliardo's Got it Going on
Calculus, Oh Calculus
The class I'll never have to take
Oh calculus , Oh calculus
Instead ill bake a cake
Heero just stared at the board in his calculus class and wondered, why the hell is there a poem up on the board? Then all of a sudden….
" Relena-sama! Oh, how exciting it is to have math with you again!" Heero heard a voice right behind him, pondering regarding the words the others had used to describe them he decided to wait a bit to conclude if they were true.
" Dorothy what a relief it is to see you !" A voice he assumed to be Relena "You'll never guess what my onii-sama did!"
"Oh don't tell me!" Dorothy's eyes brimmed with excitement "He brought that woman over again!"
"It's not just that it's even worse…." Relena Sighed.
"Ooh, what could it possibly be?" It was almost if Heero could see Dorothy's exuberated eyebrows popping out of her head with excitement.
"Well I was up last night and I heard a rustling so I figured someone was inside the house, so I followed the noise and it seemed that one of our spare rooms was occupied! You know the one with a big queen size bed and a leather couch_!"
"Oh you mean the one with the big heart size bed and all the leather!" Dorothy interrupted.
Relena cringed and continued "Well yes I don't exactly like to call it that, but I could hear noise coming from within it _"
Once again Dorothy interrupted "So big whoop your Onii-san fucked Noin again it's no surprise! You should stop being so curious about Milliardo's sex life"
"Dorothy….. I swear this is different I mean I could hear another woman from within_"
"So your Onii-san cheated on Noin?" Yet again another interruption
"Well...I mean. No!" Relena was a second or two from snapping "I could hear Noin too_!" **1
"Settle down class!" their conversation came to an abrupt end as the teacher banged a yardstick against his desk! There was an abrupt laughter among students and the professor came to the conclusion that something was wrong… very wrong. He turned around discretely and came to face with his greatest fear. Noticing the poem; along with some stick figure caricatures of the notorious professor handing out F's with an evil grin and hell breaking loose in the background. Not this again!
"Will some-one please fess up and tell me who did this!" He exploded angrily and banged the yardstick across his desk knocking down picture frames of his ex wife and daughter, along with a stapler and a few pencils.
"If no one tells me who did this I will double your homework load!" His face was practically maroon and smoke was coming out of his nostrils.
A young boy raised his hand up cautiously and stated "Well It seems to be that the culprit is not taking your class..."
"Hhm… "The teacher replied bluntly "And what makes you think that!"
Relena then interrupted and said "Well the poem clearly states; oh calculus, oh calculus the, class I'll never have to take."
"Then who the hell is it!" the teachers face was still booming with anger and his hair still in flames from his explosion.
"Well it appears to be that it is a student who is taking a cooking class." Heero blankly stated.
The professor began to think harder and harder until! Bingo! A face popped in his mind one of a student who he had had in his class last year for Algebra II. A girl who despised proofs and theorems with a passion, a girl who complicated his life!
"Curse you, Alice Dix!" the professor screamed roaring in ager and in complete rage. "For making my life more difficult you all shall pay!"
The students eyes widened, and they all froze in place. Except for ….well… Heero. The professor stared at them with his beady eyes and declared "I will assign you the worst possible combination of assigned seats!"
After a long silence the professor had manage the students to scramble all around the room in a ridiculous seating. He had seated a random nerdy kid with huge glasses and pimples next to some ginormous monster with huge muscles who was eating paper. The prissy with the purity ring right in between Goth Boy and ... well I'm sure you get the point. And worst of all Heero was stuck right in between… you guessed it! Dorothy and Relena!
"Settle down!" The teacher screamed still banging down his yard stick. He swiftly wiped down the board and wrote down, Mr. Louis
"We will now begin to discus functions **2 Class …"
Mean while at the Peacecraft Mansion
Noin Yawned steadily as she woke up in between Zechs and Lady Une, Treize was crawled up in a ball next to her feet. She rose carefully as not to wake the others and cautious not to trip over the beautiful blonde man that had been sleeping next to her. Her bare foot caressing the carpet as she searched for the leggings she had wore that previous night along with that pencil skirt and blouse she had worn on her way back from the office. Tiptoeing over to her brief case where she daintily typed in her password. Clicking the keyboard subtly; with her finger tips barely touching the keys until she found what she wanted to see.
"Wake up." She motion silently to the brunette lying on her side gently nudging her.
"…..ughhh" groaned Lady Une "What is it Lucrezia?"
The scent of alcohol was still on her skin and her hair was beginning to wave around the ends while Lucrezia's stuck out at the back much like a chicken's ass.
"Remember that bet we made we made with Zechs , Lady" Noin said smirking with an evil smile.
"The one on Miley Cyrus not being a virgin?" She replied sleepily.
"No don't be silly, everyone knows she's just a whore wearing a purity ring!"
"The one with the Jonas brothers being gay?" Still waking up
"They all can't be gay, but you're getting closer…" She said with a smirk.
" Justin Bieber?" she asked.
"Bingo!" Noin gave her a thumbs up .
"That's great we should make Zechs treat us to lunch again!" Lady Une said bouncing from excitement.
"I have a better idea !" she said shushing the lady, whispering a few words in her ear until her eyes brightened.
"Shouldn't we involve Treize in this?" She asked with a puzzled face
"No or he would just say the same thing you said earlier"
So Lady Une smiled to herself while reaching over the night stand for her glasses and carefully placing them over the bridge of her nose. Her beady eyes crinkled as she adjusted her bra and slipped on a red dress. Her final transformation was finished though when she began braiding her hair in its usual fashion. This was going to be fun.
Heero had made it safely over to fourth period Advanced Computer Engineering with Miss. Sally Poe. He sighed silently to himself and sat down in front of a computer. At least this class had to be fun, considering calculus had been a pain in the ass due to a certain annoying teacher and the two girls trying to get him to pass notes back and forth. His two last classes hadn't been as bad. He had AP Lit with Trowa and AP Government with Hilde and Wufei.
"Oy, Heero!" He heard a familiar voice " So how are you liking your classes?"
He looked right next to him and there he was, Duo with his same old dinky smile and sparkly cobalt eyes.
"Meh."
"Heero, what did you do !" Hilde ran all the way and sat right next to him " Relena won't stop talking about you!"
He froze for a sec, he hadn't even spoken to her that much really in fact the only words he had ever spoken to her was "hn…"
"I didn't really even speak to her" he paused. Duo's eyes were wide open he knew how Relena could be about crushes at times.
"Really?" Hilde's eyes were wide open "Well she won't stop talking about how nice and tight your pants are, to leave it at that!"
Heero was too tired to possibly process that information, hold on a sec. He had overslept this morning and he grabbed the quickest thing he could find… Oh no don't tell me. He looked down and noticed he had picked his tightest pair of pants and they were tightly wrapped around his goods nice and snug.
"Damn it!" Heero sighed and banged his head on the table barely missing the key board.
Wufei walked in curiously and said "What did I miss?"
Heero glared at him and Trowa laughed silently, surprisingly no one knew when he had entered the room. Duo just smiled with his lips spreading from cheek to cheek.
"Class I am Miss. Sally Poe but please call me Miss. Sally." The voice was coming a woman "Today we are just having our basic introduction, going over our syllabus, after that we have lunch, and when we come back you are free to go online and play computer games."
So she followed with standard classroom procedures and everyone began to doodle on the borders of their notebooks having absorbed that information from previous classes, except one person… Wufei
Duo being himself, got bored of doodling having done it all day coming out with a few ridiculous outcomes, dinosaurs eating clowns, clowns eating dinosaurs, penises… you get the point. He began to look around. Hilde was strangely doodling hearts on the borders of her note book which was odd, considering he always thought of her as a tomboy. Goth boy had fallen asleep and was mumbling something about weed. However one thing had caught his attention Wufei was staring dreamily… That seemed strange for some reason, considering last time he checked. Since when did Wufei have a thing for a teacher?
The bell rang and it was off too lunch, where the boys ran to their usual table having already gotten lunch and surprisingly they found Quatre. Which could only mean one thing….!
"Hilde sit with us!" That familiar voice could only belong to one person, Dorothy Catalonia.
Well she always sat with the boys so why could it possibly hurt to eat lunch with other girls once in a while. She ran over to the table and sat her lunch tray next to the blonde.
"Hilde all your friends seem to be friends with the new boy!" Relena said with startling curiosity
"Yeah, but please tell me you girls aren't going to start talking about his ass again." Hilde sighed
"Actually we just wanted to invite you over to a sleep over at Relena's house." Dorothy smiled "We were wondering if you could come"
"Alright I guess" She shrugged considering she didn't have much Friday and she wanted to get out of the house
Beep, Beep … Relena's phone rang and an envelope appeared. Clicking on it to reveal a text message it was from Milliardo's phone, it read:
Don't worry about Pagan picking you up on your way to school sweetie!
Your beloved One-sama is picking you up 3
How strange Relena thought to herself she didn't have an older sister. Did Milliardo have too much to drink again?
Time passed and the bell rang while the students made their way back to their classroom and the boys got well acquainted with their desktops playing computer games, and Wufei stared dreamily at Miss. Sally. Then it was off to the next class, and the other until the last one came.
Heero had managed to survive the whole day! Well almost, he still had Spanish 4 with Duo and Wufei. He walked in the room and guess who was standing there … you guessed it! Relena! Thank God the bell rang! He made his way over to an empty seat right next to his two friends.
"Buenos Dias!" exclaimed a short Mexican man "Me llamo Pedro Fabian Claudio Esteban Alfredo Martinez, y yo sere su maestro de Español!"
Everyone just stared blankly at him …
"Today I will skip that other ridiculous bull shit your other teachers made you endure and I will cut right to the chase!" he explain waving his arms eccentrically "We are going to study conjugations and many aspects of the Espanish language but before I want to test your knowledge of the Espanish by grouping you off in to groups of four so you can make a video"
Yet again professor Martinez continued to get more blank stares from his students as he moved on to explain the following points. He would pick the teams of four, and give them a setting, a list of vocabulary he wanted them to use, and he would allow them to borrow certain props from his classroom. They had two weeks to film the video, and he went on to explain how he would grade them… rambling off about points such as good acting and enthusiasm. He went on and off with his typical speech until he decided to pick groups.
"Okay so Goth Boy, Juanita, Kumiko, and Bob are in group one," He began "Alice, Johanna, Chucho Armando, and Fred are in group two. Oh and you three boys and that young lady are group three!"
Relena's face beamed with joy, Wufei rolled his eyes and avoided her glaze, Heero sighed, and Duo practically almost fell over his chair.
"Group one your setting is Espain and you will be flamenco dancers" He said handing Goth Boy a list of their vocabulary "Group two your setting is in Colombia and you have the choice of either being drug dealers or Fidel Castro's minions!"
He handed the list over to the infamous Alice as she looked over at the list curiously. Group three stared agonizingly at the professor hoping that they couldn't get anything as bad as Colombian drug dealers or anything as embarrassing as Flamenco dancers.
"Group Three your setting is South America; since you are explorers, you have to choose up to three countries to explore!" Mr. Martinez said handing the vocabulary over to Wufei.
Hero thought well this can't be too bad I guess.
"You can discuss your projects tomorrow; right now I want to discuss the fact that I will give you Espanish names!"
The students sighed hoping that they would at least pick the names out for themselves… wrong! At the end of the day Heero was Heraldo, Duo was David, Relena was Rutilda, and Wufei was Walberto. All the students cringed in embarrassment as they received their new names Juanita and Chucho Armando were lucky enough to already have Spanish names; Alice got it of easy and got Alicia.
Luckily enough for them the bell rang and they made a dash for the door grabbing all their belongings and running down till they found a bench to sit on. Trowa and Quatre were nearby having a conversation of their own until a CLK550 White Mercedes Benz convertible none of them had ever seen before approached the school. A stunning young blond woman stepped out of the car, she was wearing bleached denim shorts which showed her curves quite well, a small pink T-shirt draped over her large round breasts, and her long platinum hair was up in two pigtails curling slightly at the ends. She seemed like an angel.
Heero's mouth dropped, and then Duo said " Oh… My "
The Blond woman made her way over and pointed over to Relena " Hey sissy get in the car your One-chan is waiting" Relena's eyes widened as she made her way over recognizing the vehicle.
Her voice was so wonderful…. Wait a sec… Relena had a sister!
Gazing from afar Lady Une, Noin, and Treize broke down in hysterical laughter this was the best plan they had ever come up with. Especially since their co worker had lost the bet. All they had had to do to go through with the plan was to give Pagan the day off, wax Zechs' legs, dress him up in Noin's old college clothes along with one of her bras stuffed with tissue, curled his hair in to pigtails, and apply some make up. He did make one hot sexy babe ;)
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(1) Zechs and his fellow co workers are swingers
(2) Functions are this stupid Calculus thing I know absolutely nothing about
AN: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. Keep in tune cause there is surely more chaos to ensue our favorite Heero (no pun intended) ;). Now do not feel offended by any of my racist humor. I am not racist I hate everyone equally. So until then Ja ne