She wasn't dead, she wasn't. Daryl repeated over and over as they drove back to camp, a horrible silence fell over them that even Judith seemed to keep. They had made it out all of them because of her, she couldn't be dead, he had wanted to check, but he was just believing in false hope, they had seen her jump and the walkers swarm there wasn't any way she could survive it. She was gone. Yet they never saw her body, so he just couldn't believe it. Her words repeated in his head as he closed his eyes picturing her face.
'I love you'
He bit hard on his thumb to stop himself for yelling out. Why did she have to do that, they would have found a way to rescue them. If she only just waited, if only.
"Daryl…"
His eyes snapped open seeing they had arrived back at camp everyone was out, leaving him to himself apart from one. Carol. The last person he wanted to be around right now.
"Are you okay?" She questioned placing a hand on his arm, he jerked it away glaring at her.
"Kayla is dead!" He snapped before storming out of the car. It wasn't Carol's fault but he still blamed her. If only she had stopped her, if only she had left him alone rather than bothering him then Kayla wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea, and she'd still be alive. He didn't love Carol, he never once saw her that way despite how hard Carol pushed it. He was gentler on the woman, tried not to snap at her because she had it rough as it is, but now because of her Kayla was gone.

'No because of you Kayla is gone'

He punched at a tree hearing the bark crack slightly and his knuckles sting. It wasn't Carol's fault it was his. He had yelled at her earlier he had told her they weren't friends, he didn't mean it, he was just angry he didn't think his last conversation with her would have been that. Slipping in to his tent he fell to the ground staring at the tent wall in front of him. She couldn't be dead, he just wouldn't believe it, he was hoping it was a nasty dream and she'd walk in to is tent and tell him to stop sulking and get out and socialize, but she wasn't coming because it wasn't a dream.

Sighing he lowered his head, placing it in his hands as he stared at the ground. She wasn't coming back and it was his fault. As he stared hard at the ground he noticed a piece of paper, that wasn't his. But it wasn't the paper that made him scramble for it, it was the writing.

It was Kayla's.

He had seen her write many times didn't understand why she did it, but apparently it calmed her. She had been writing earlier the day. He had watched her. He picked up the paper the first words catching his attention. 'Dear Tarzan' He scoffed at the word 'Tarzan' she always called him Tarzan saying he lived in the forest and that's what he reminded her off, at first he hated it, but now he knew he was going to miss it. Shaking his head he continued to read.

Dear Tarzan
I'm not good with words, you'll probably laugh at that, i know i never shut up but it's true i have a hard time getting out exactly what i want to say, which is why i'm writing this to you. I've always liked to write it's how I let everything out. It's so much easier then talking, because you just write and write until your hands hurt and everything you wanted to say is out and you don't have to lie. I suppose you're wondering why I wrote this, well you know everyone's story so here's mine. My name is Kayla Fitzpatrick I'm twenty-nine years old, I used to work for a rich family as the gardener nothing important, but I liked it, it was a quiet job and I was paid a fair amount enough to raise my son off. Yes i had a son, i know i never told anyone, but i never had the courage to admit what happened. Kyle, my baby boy I love him so much. He was my whole world, he had the bluest eyes and the cutest smile, if i ever had a bad day he'd always be there with a smile and a hug, it was like he always knew. He was only three years old when well when the world turned. My mum was looking after him, I remember the news had said that things were bad but i didn't believe them, that was my biggest mistake, that i wish to no end i could take back. I remember Mrs Clark my boss ushering me inside showing me the news and telling me to hurry home. I did just that, I rushed right to my mum's house, I could hear him screaming and crying for me, but I couldn't get inside, I didn't have a key I kicked and kicked but the door, it just wouldn't open, his screams had stopped but I could still hear him crying, I throw a lawn chair at the window and climb in, but I was too late, my mother was eating him. I didn't know what to do, but I managed to get him away from my mother and I ran and hid, holding him why he died and you know what he said while he died? My baby told me he was sorry. He told me HE was sorry, i don't know what for because he died right after, in my arms. I should have told him that, not him. I failed my baby and now he's dead and his own grandmother did it, it was my fault i should have been there, and maybe he would be alive today. The news they talked about people coming back and that's what was wrong, I didn't want him to come back as a monster so I made sure he couldn't. I stabbed him. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I still hate myself for it. I hate myself for not making it in time, I hate myself for not saving him and I hate myself for ending him, It haunts me every day and night. I wanted to join him you know, end it then and there but when I was about to my phone rang, my sister, I told her about mum, and Kyle, I guess she knew what I was thinking because she begged me not to leave her alone, she was crying so hard and said she needed me because she was scared. She hadn't said she needed me since she was eight and there was a thunderstorm. I didn't want to live but I couldn't leave my sister alone. So I headed out for her, i didn't make it in time, when I got there she was dead as well. That's when I met you guys. That's my story you know the rest, but I don't know what it was that made me go with you, to keep living for that while longer but something did. I'm not going to lie it didn't change anything I still wanted to die, to join my family and have some peace. But I didn't because of something you said to me once. 'I won't stop fighting till I'm dead' I tried to do just that. I know you probably don't even care about any of this but I have to tell you. You inspired me, and I grew to care for you a lot, you became my reason I wanted to live for, I used to crave talking to you, just to hear your voice because something about it would put me at ease. It was selfish of me to bother you because of my own needs my own selfish delusion that I could get you to love me like i do you and I'm sorry. I know you'd never care for me like you do to her, I've seen the looks the private moments you two share, and i'd be kidding myself if i told you i wasn't jealous. You're probably think I'm childish for this or just a stupid girl, but I guess I am. When we make it back from our scavenge trip I'll be gone. Don't come looking for me and make sure no one else does either, because I won't be found, I found my peace.
I love you though your a really great man i know you don't see it, but everyone else does. you just as good as everyone in the group, and to me you were so much better, survive and have a great future.

I love you
From Kayla

He stared at the paper in his hands letting the words sink in, there was so much he never knew, so much he couldn't have guessed, he had thought he knew the girl but he didn't and now she was gone. His Kayla was gone. He closed his eyes gripping the paper tightly in his hands his body shaking and did the one thing he promised himself he'd never do.

He cried.