In Sickness and In Health
Christian and Syed are characters belonging solely to the producers of the BBC's EastEnders.
Author's Note: Again, since the episode aired while this was in progress, I incorporated some original dialogue but all the rest is my own, along with my own particular twists. Just want to take this opportunity too, to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing and hope you continue to enjoy.
Chapter 2
For one brief, heart-stopping moment, Christian had dared hope Syed would stay in his embrace. That perhaps, this time, his young lover would have the courage and not be ashamed to be found in his arms, no matter who it was coming in.
But it was not to be. As soon as the clippity-clop of high-heel shoes was heard coming down the stairs, he felt Syed pull away. So, he had let him go; turning away and shoving hands into his pockets.
"Amira!"
"Syeeeed. Christian. I thought I saw you two boys rushing in here," Amira gushed, in that 'girly' way of hers.
"Amira! Princess!
"So…what's the big emergency? What are you two in cahoots about?"
Sometimes, Amira was just too trusting for her own good. For if she had even half an eye, she'd have seen the anxious and some might even say, 'guilty' look, her fiancé immediately shot to Christian. Of course, it was her own level of excitement, over wedding preparations that blinded her to any other possibility. "I know…don't tell me. It's about the wedding. You're planning a surprise."
Christian, for his part, remained stony-faced and tight-lipped at yet another untimely interruption. He just hated the way Syed would turn on the smile for her, whenever she appeared; turn on the smile, when he answered his phone, to hear it was her on the other end, even though she couldn't see him. He could. And his heart would take another dive because he knew it meant their time together would always be cut short, in her favour, in order to appease her; that when Amira was on the scene, he would always come second.
"Yeah. That's what we were doing, when you came in…planning a surprise. Isn't that right, Christian?"
The sheer relief on Syed's face was palpable, which was perhaps what Christian found the most heartbreaking. And right at that moment, just a little hard to take; considering their intimacy just moments before and what he was going to dare risk saying; prompting the retort of dry sarcasm. "Yeah…we're full of surprises!"
It washed over Amira, of course but landed bang on where it was intended. The pair shot each other a testy look.
"And you want to know, the biggest surprise! Your fiancé and I…are having a love affair. Because, Amira…deep down, he's gay…and it's me he really wants. Yeah, we get 'down and dirty' as often as possible. And yeah…he is crackin awesome in bed."
He thought it; he so thought it and he so wanted to say it. But he knew it was only the frustration in him; the frustration of constantly having to be careful what he said, how he behaved around Syed now, when others were there; of constantly having to bite his tongue. It was frustration, it was jealously and yes…it was love that was making him behave this way. And he couldn't stay here another minute.
"Well, I see I'm not needed any more. So…if you'll excuse me…"
"Opps, hope it wasn't anything I said," Amira giggled.
"What!" Syed could only watch helplessly as Christian left, wanting so desperately but not having the courage to call him back.
"Hope I haven't ruined what you two were planning."
"Yes. I…I mean, no," Syed flustered and then fixed a smile. "Of course not, Princess. I…just wanted to let him know…how things…were progressing! We weren't…planning on staying long anyway."
"Oh good. Well now you are here…what I really need to talk to you about, Syed is……."
But he was only half listening and now had to endure Amira wittering on about some dance or other.
The following afternoon, Christian was already working in the Unit when Syed came in.
Glancing furtively towards the office, to make sure his mother stayed where she was, he adjusted his apron. "Sorry about, yesterday…not being able to meet up again. But you know…Amira…!"
"Yeah…I know," the Walford caterer returned dejectedly, then took a measured breath. "So…you hear anything…!"
Syed shook his head.
The next while was spent in work; chopping and dicing, stirring and preparing and with Zainab hovering in the background, there was little or no time for talk. It was Zainab though, who was to prove unwittingly useful with her next interruption!
"Syed, I forgot to bring the Accounts Book in. Would you go home and get it for me, please. Oh and would you pleeease stop by the café on your way back and get me one of those…." And here, she practically salivated. "….big custard tarts."
The two boys shared an amused grin; few and far between these days.
"Sure you wouldn't rather have a fairy cake instead, Zainab?" Christian couldn't help ask, cheekily.
She shot him her speciality droll look. "No, Christian…I would not rather have a fairy cake. A custard tart is what I want…and a custard tart is what I'm going to have."
The strapping EastEnder held up his hands in mock defence. "Never argue with a pregnant lady, that's what I say. And…guess it beats jellied eels and ice-cream!"
"Or a chop," Syed smiled in amusement. "Okay, I'm on my way." Taking off his apron, he gave Christian that sexy eye-brow raise.
"Don't be long," she called out after him.
And it was then, Christian realised his chance. It was time for positive action.
Syed had left his phone in his apron pocket, so while Zainab was again occupied in the office, he quietly retrieved it and set about accessing the text messages. As he did, the phone indicated a new one had just come in; which had him grimace and glancing furtively towards the office, in case Zainab had heard. She hadn't.
He stared at the screen, for what felt like ages, before finally letting out a breath; a breath of disbelief at what he read, at what it had to mean. It couldn't be; surely it couldn't be. But in his heart, he knew; there was just no other explanation.
He was so engrossed he didn't hear Zainab come in.
"Christian…how far are we with that last batch?"
With his back to her, he was quietly able to slip the phone into his pocket without her seeing. He half turned, to greet her with a smile. "Almost done, Zainab…be finished by the time Syed gets back."
"Good, good. Then he can help clear up and help me with the accounts." And she went back to the office completely satisfied.
And that suited Christian perfectly well, for he had plans of his own for later which, didn't include the young Masood.
Once he was sure Zainab was safely settled back in the office, he pulled out the phone and resumed his intent, of sending back a reply. And all the while, as his thumb worked quickly over the keys, he desperately hoped he was wrong.
Once finished and having made sure the message was sent, he then deleted both; erasing all trace of the new text and reply. It wasn't that he wanted to deceive his young lover in any way; far from it. It was his intent only to protect him, to find out who was persecuting his lover like this; making his life hell and deal with it because he…cared. Alright…because he loved the man. Because he knew Syed would probably just go on giving in to the blackmailer's demands; to keep everything from coming out and he was just not prepared to let that happen any longer. And now, because he had to be sure first his suspicions were right. He put the phone back in his own pocket, just in case the 'blackmailer' should sent another message.
A short while later, Syed was back. Thankfully, there had been one last custard tart left in the Café, so his mother was now happily ensconced in the office with her 'guilty treat'. But as he came into the work area, he was clearly worried; patting at the apron pocket before he even put it on.
"You looking for this?" Christian asked, pulling Syed's phone out of his pocket.
The young man let out a long sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. I thought I'd lost it somewhere outside."
"You left it in your apron." Christian lowered his voice, as he handed it over. "Thought I should keep it. Just in case…there was a call!"
"Good thinking…thanks. Forget my head, if it wasn't screwed on."
"And what a handsome head it is," the muscular caterer smiled flirtatiously.
And Christian left him coyly embarrassed yet again. He had a habit of coming out with such compliments, just off the cuff and he always knew that's when Christian was happiest. The man wore his heart on his sleeve and wasn't afraid to show it; not like him. It scared him sometimes though, never knowing just when Christian might throw 'one out there', yet he couldn't help be secretly thrilled.
A subtle glance at the clock, minutes later and Christian was peeling off his apron, coat and caterer's blue hat; telling Syed, "gotta run, got things to do". He paused a few steps later though and turned. "….Sy, try not to worry. Trust me…okay!"
And before Syed could even begin to wonder what Christian meant by that, he was gone.
**********
"You won't find it."
She jumped at the familiar gravel-toned voice. "Uhh….Uncle Christian! Wh…what are you doing here?"
"You won't find it, Lucy. There is no money," he repeated dryly, his face a mask of stony anger.
He had been observing her for the past few minutes, as she rooted around in the bushes behind Arthur's Bench in the Square's communal garden.
"I…I don't know what you're talking about, Uncle Christian. I…I was looking for my phone. I thought I might have dropped it here."
"DON'T LIE TO ME, LUCY….." And he was just getting started; just getting wound up nicely, when…!
"Are you alright, dear? Is this man bothering you?"
He knew that look; that look of utter distain. He had got it often enough from those who took the moral high ground and appointed themselves as the only 'keepers of decency'; as judge, jury…and executioner, if they could get away with it. And he was getting it now from this woman; prim and proper, in her mid-fifties, taking it upon herself to intervene in something she knew nothing about; something that was none of her business. It was obvious she thought him some sort of degenerate pervert and it grated on him. Nevertheless, he tried to be polite.
"Excuse me. I am her uncle…and this is a private conversation."
The look again said it all, as if the word 'uncle' somehow, had dirty connotations.
"Yeah…he's my uncle. Now, bugger off, you nosey cow."
Christian forced a smile. "Stroppy teenagers, eh!"
"Well…really." And 'Mrs Do-Gooder' flounced off.
Much as he may have secretly agreed with his step-niece's sentiment, in seeing off 'Mrs Do-Gooder', it wasn't going to make him any more favourable towards her. He was just too angry for that right now and in truth, Lucy really didn't expect him to be anything else.
By now, they were sitting on the seat; Christian hunched forward, his face a study of serious anger and Lucy, pensive and wondering just what he knew.
"I know you were looking for the money, Lucy. I saw the text on Syed's phone. I know because….." And here, he turned to look at her. "….it was me that sent the reply. And…here you are!"
His mind went back, first to what he had read.
Nice bracelet, Bad Boy.
Does Amira know!
Does mummy know who
gave it to you!
And his reply.
Plz don't tell.
I'll leave £100
in the bushes behind
Arthur's Bench in 1 hr.
"Oh, bugger…the bracelet!" she muttered.
"Yeah, Lucy…the bracelet. You looked in the box, didn't you? You saw the bracelet…in the flat…when you came round, just after I got back with it, didn't you?"
There was silence.
"DIDN'T YOU?" he asked again more forcefully, making her jump and eliciting a shaky "y…yes".
Christian closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "And then you saw Syed wearing it. That's how I knew it was you. God, Lucy…I didn't want to believe it. I so didn't want to believe it was you. And I confided in you, Lucy…told you about 'that special person'…what I wanted, what the problem was…." He turned to look at her again, heartbreaking disbelief clouding the handsome features. "……and all the time…all the time, you knew. You knew it was Syed…you knew we were together. It was you that had seen us."
"I…I know and I'm sorry, Uncle Christian….."
"Sorry. YOU'RE SORRY! But why, Lucy? Why, for god's sake?"
"I know how unhappy you've been. And I just thought…."
All the time, Christian was turning the broad-banded ring on his finger. "What, Luce…what'd you think? That the way to make me happy was to persecute the man I…." He paused and then took a breath. "You know, it's not long ago, people like me had to hide what they were….afraid to be ourselves, in case we were locked up…beaten…remember, Luce….or left ourselves open…to blackmail!"
"It wasn't like that. I just thought…if I put a bit of pressure on him…."
"PRESSURE!"
It was inevitable the youngster would start to feel defensive at some point. "He was stringing you along…acting like a coward…"
"What do you know about it, Luce? I mean…what do you know about anything?"
"I did it for you."
His anger was far from dissipated. "DON'T LIE. You did it for yourself…and you did it for…money! Now, whatever Syed is…or isn't, whomever he loves…or doesn't…it is for him to decide. Not you…not me, him. You got that? YOU GOT THAT?" he repeated again, when there was no immediate answer and making her flinch.
"Yes."
Christian drew a deep measured breath and held out his hand. "Okay, give it me." He turned to look at her. "The phone, Lucy…give it to me."
"Wh…what are you going to do?"
He remained silent, continuing to hold out his hand, until the youngster was compelled to hand over the phone.
"This it? The phone that all the texts were sent on…the picture was taken with?"
And she couldn't now help but be embarrassed. "Em, no…it's…it's a new phone."
"Didn't wasted much time, did ya, Luce…spending your ill-gotten gains!" The tone was heavy with sarcasm. "But it is the same 'sim', right?"
She nodded. And when he started opening up the phone, her eyes went wide. "Uncle Christian…what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing, Lucy?" He took out the small 'sim' card, pocketed it, put the phone back together and handed it back. "Oh…and I suggest you get back whatever money you can for it…because you're going to pay back Syed, every penny you took from him.
"But…but I won't get what I paid for it and…."
"Then I suggest you work your little ass off in the Café, until it's all paid back. I don't care how long it takes." Another breath, because he hadn't finished yet. "And the picture…it's still stored on your laptop?"
She nodded.
"Then you'll bring it round to the flat later…and you'll delete it. I want to see you delete it." He got up. "You know, I can't even bear to look at you any longer. You make me sick."
Lucy swallowed hard. She had never seen Christian this angry. He was the one person she truly did like; the one she felt she could go to, if she needed to talk; to stay over even in his flat, if she needed space. But now she had made him angry and she was truly regretting her actions.
"Are you going to tell him?"
He stopped and pondered for a moment, then turned. "You'll have to wait and see, eh. Taste of your own medicine."
It was done. Christian turned and walked away.
**********
"You know who it was! You know who's been doing this!"
To say Syed was a little irritable, on first hearing Christian had gone ahead on his own initiative and dealt with the 'blackmailer', only to then not tell him who it was, was an understatement. But he had pressed and pressed, until the hunky caterer finally told him. Christian could understand, to some degree but it hadn't exactly been a picnic for him either; finding out it was someone from his own family, or as near as and it had truly sickened him. He thought Syed would have been just glad it was all over and there was nothing more to worry about.
Eventually, both calmed down though and were able to appreciate just how hard it had been for the other.
"You really think she'll keep her mouth shut?" Syed asked hopefully.
"She will, Sy…she will. I've read her the riot act and she knows she's done wrong. And she'll pay the money back…I'm seeing to that."
The younger man nodded. "Well…I suppose I should get going then."
"Aren't you going to stay awhile?"
Syed fidgeted awkwardly. "No. I…eh…I need to get going. Amira will be waiting."
And Christian felt that all too familiar stab of pain; forcing a tight smile, as he watched his young lover leave the flat. "Yes, of course."
He had damn near begged Syed to stay; something he'd promised himself he'd never do. He'd never begged any man in his life, bar being in the throes of heightened passion but that is what this dark and sultry, beautiful young man was almost reducing him to. So, another lonely night spent because…it was all that was on offer.
The following morning, Christian had picked himself up, dusted himself down and went to the Unit to begin work. It was a new day; perhaps things would be different. Today, they were free of the blackmail; Syed was free from the worry of any more 'texts' and not knowing who they were from. Yes, today was a new day and maybe they could begin to relax a bit more.
Luckily they had the place to themselves when Syed arrived and with Christian already having done an hour's work, he felt entitled to a little break. So, when Syed came into the work area, donning his hair-net cap, Christian, from behind, playfully slid his arms around the young Masood's waist and began pressing kisses to his neck.
"Hmmm…even with these hideous outfits Ian makes us wear, I still fancy ya. You're still the most incredibly beautiful man I know."
It definitely took all of Syed's resolve at that point to resist and he skilfully shrugged out of Christian's embrace. "Christian…please, don't."
And he knew immediately there was something wrong, for he had been 'here' before. Hurt and perplexed, Christian tried to make sense of what had just happened.
"Sy…what is it? We're alone, aren't we? You know I'm not going to fool around like this, if we're not!"
"I know. It's…it's not that."
"Then what! Tell me, Syed…just tell me." The tightly clenched knot in his stomach though, just got a little tighter.
He didn't want to hurt this man he had come to have such deep feelings for; he didn't. He just didn't feel he had any other choice. Better to do it now. "I'm sorry, Christian. I just can't do this with you anymore. We have to stop…now."
His worst fears were realised and the breath was literally taken from his body. "……but why! I told you, Lucy was going to keep her mouth shut. We've nothing to worry about, Sy."
"Yeah….this time. But what about next time, Christian? What if somebody else sees us…and decides to have a go! And they're not so easily shut up!"
"Sy…you can't live your life by, 'what if's'. We'll be careful, okay?"
"We were careful…."
"Okay, more careful then," Christian assured; desperation, mixed with frustration, creeping into his voice. "Sy. Inside the flat, when it's just you and me…we work!"
"Yeah, Christian…inside the flat. But I still have to go there. People see me go often enough…and they might begin to wonder! And it's when we're outside…the way we look at each other."
"What! You don't want us to look at each other…we're supposed to ignore each other completely! Sy…it's because of the way we feel about each other."
"Exactly. You can't help the way you look at me. And I…I can't help the way I look at you. Someone's going to notice….someone who really doesn't give a damn whose lives they ruin."
"And you think, saying we're through, is gonna change all that! Sy…you know you can't just switch off your feelings like that. We tried…remember!"
"I know. But what else can I do, Christian? I just can't risk it anymore."
It was one last ditch attempt. "Look, Sy…I know you're scared, with all that's happened but I thought we were getting closer. We feel something for each other, we both know that. And yeah, it's scary…it's scary for me too. But isn't it worth hanging on to?"
There was a pause.
"I'm sorry, Christian."
Christian stiffened; feeling his whole world begin to crumble around him again. "Don't do this to me, Sy….not again."
"Don't do what?" Zainab's dry tone resounded from the entrance to the work area.