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"Are you taking these?" Meredith asked.
"No, those are Owen's," Cristina replied.
"Right, but they are in your drawer." She argued.
Cristina sighed, "He puts them there because he knows I like to sleep in his shirts when he is not home. Just…leave them. OK?"
Meredith put the pile of shirts back into the drawer. "Anything else?"
Cristina gave the apartment a once over.
"No, that's all I need."
"Wow. Two duffle bags and one box, you are a minimalist that is for sure." Meredith tried to joke as she and Cristina descended the stairs.
After loading the bags and box into the back of Mere's car Cristina suddenly said, "Crap I forgot something. Stay here, I will be right back."
She ascended the stairs alone. Walking over to Owens nightstand she pulled out an envelope with his name on it. She set it on the surface. Then she slid off her rings, one by one, and placed them on top of it.
Exhaling, she turned to walk away, but not before grabbing one last thing…
Owen stayed at the hospital as long as he could. He wanted to avoid coming home. As much as he was angry with Cristina, and as hurt as he was…he didn't want her to leave.
He knew he messed up, he knew she deserved better, but he also knew that if he had to watch her leave he would try and stop her. And that…well that wouldn't help anyone.
She was right, they were miserable together. Since the day they went to counseling, he could not bring himself to speak openly. He had been so hurt by the fact that she wouldn't even give him a reason that she didn't want children, that he clammed up into an emotional stone. She kept trying to reach him, but in his mind it was too late. Her chance to talk had come and gone and she had watched it fly past her.
As he ascended each stair he thought of the actions that had brought them to this place:
She denied him a choice.
He kicked her out.
She had the abortion anyway and he held her hand.
He put her in an impossible professional situation.
She lied to him and laughed at him.
He screamed, "You killed our baby!" in front of their friends.
She begged him not to hate her.
They went to counseling.
He cheated on her.
As he reached the loft he felt more than ready for a drink.
He walked over to the fridge and got a beer. As he was about to open it he decided that tonight was a whiskey night. Putting the beer back in the fridge he went about pouring himself a generous 3 fingers worth of Jack Daniels.
He walked to their bedroom to his side of the bed, sat down and stared at the wall. As he slowly brought the whiskey to his lips he had a memory hit him like a lightning bolt.
"Welcome Home!" She said as she popped the cork on the bottle of champagne. "It's ours. We bought it – well I bought it but it's for the both of us."
Owen walked over to her slowly with a confused look on his face.
"I don't know what to say…"
"Our house has a fire pole in it what else is there to say?"
"You said this morning-"
"I don't care where we live. I really don't. But you do. You love this place… and I love you. "
As his mind drifted back to reality the memory of his reaction was in the front of his mind. He had kissed her senseless that night. Giving everything he could the best way he knew how.
That night was more than the first night in their new home, that night turned a page in their relationship. Cristina had taken a leap of faith. To most people it wouldn't seem like a leap, but he knew what a big step it was.
Only a couple weeks before she had handed Owen her wedding ring in tears because she was so afraid of losing herself. That day she was putting her name on a document that tied them together. A mortgage may not be romantic to some, but Owen felt touched by it.
Only, he couldn't tell her how happy it made him. He lacked the words and the eloquence. So he had kissed her instead. Willing his lips and hands to convey his love and appreciation. After all, actions speak louder than words. Right?
But that night was a lifetime ago. Before the abortion, before the disrespect, before the fighting, and before the cheating.
He took a long swig of whiskey and squinted as the liquid burned his throat.
Something on the nightstand caught his attention. It was an envelope with his name on it, written in familiar handwriting. On top of the envelope were two small white gold rings.
Setting his whiskey down, he gently moved the rings aside and picked up the envelope and opened it slowly.
Inside there was a business card and a piece of paper. He set the card aside and began to read:
Owen,
This woman is a lawyer who can represent both of us. You can have whatever you want. I want this to be over quickly. Text me if you want me to make an appointment.
Cristina
He picked up the business card. It read:
Josafina Diaz
Attorney at Law
Family Law - Divorce – Child Custody
The cheating.
After everything they had been through: the choking, Teddy, the abortion, the mockery… the cheating was going to be how their story ended.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and composed a text message.
Then he went to the kitchen to pour himself more whiskey.
Cristina and Meredith pulled into Mere's driveway. Meredith put the car in park and got out. Grabbing Cristina's belongings from the back, they made their way into the house. Derek came down the stairs with Zola.
"Hey Cristina," he said, "how are you holding up?"
Cristina dropped her bag and took Zola from him, "Auntie Cristina is doing fiiine," she swung Zola around, "just fine…right baby girl?"
Derek looked at Meredith who looked at him and shook her head.
Derek nodded in understanding, "Well, I think I am going to grab a drink with Mark and let you three ladies do girly things."
Meredith glared at him, "What? I thought Mark was on call tonight."
Derek turned around, "Um well…I guess not. Cause we are going…out….for a drink." He was turning red and Mere knew there was more to the story, but her husband was not her biggest concern right now.
Cristina, still holding Zola, took her chubby arm and waved to Derek, "Say bye-bye daddy! Bye-Bye."
Zola smiled and Derek kissed her cheek, then Meredith's, then gave Cristina a squeeze on her shoulder.
"I won't be too late!" He said as he walked out the door.
Derek threw his car into park, walking up to the door and turned the knob. It was unlocked. As he ascended the stairs he heard a guitar being strummed. He intentionally made his feet fall harder on the last flight of stairs as too not surprise the occupant.
"Hunt?"
Owen stopped his strumming and looked up from his corner on the couch, "Shep?"
"So…at least you made it six months huh?"
"I see you got my text message." Owen stood up and carried his whiskey glass over to the breakfast bar, put it on the counter and grabbed another for Derek.
"Was that the whiskey typing or were you serious?"
Owen didn't respond, but handed Derek the glass of whiskey and walked into the bedroom, returning with a paper, a business card, and two rings.
"I know about the cheating." Derek held his hand up as if to say he didn't need to read the note.
Owen picked up his whiskey drained his glass and placed it down hard on the counter.
"I fucked up, Shep. I really fucked up." Owen looked down at the empty glass, "Have you…have you seen her? Is she alright?"
"I saw her a few minutes ago. She's…holding up pretty well. Brought a bunch of stuff with her so I am assuming that she is staying." Derek paused, "She's hurting, she doesn't want anyone to see…but she is hurting."
"She's furious." Owen argued.
"No, she is hurt," Derek sipped his whiskey and grabbed a stool to sit on, "Cristina is not exactly emotionally healthy if you haven't noticed."
Owen scoffed and nodded.
Derek continued, "Every emotion she has she immediately tries to hide, and what she hides behind is anger."
"She announced my cheating to an entire trauma room today." Owen said, "I am pretty sure that is anger, pure and simple."
Derek raised his eyebrows, "That is what the text was about? She berated you so you are resigning?"
Owen nodded, "That is part of it. Then there is the part where a resident had to take the lead on one of my trauma patients because I was too busy fighting with my wife to scrub in." he signed, "The last part is that I know that my life is going to be shattered for a while…and I am going to need real work to bury myself in, not paperwork."
"Fair enough." Derek said as he took a long sip, "but you need to trust me on this. Cristina is hurt. I know because I know her…I have known her even longer than you and have seen her react to many situations using anger instead of sadness. Also," he paused trying to find the right words, "I have been her."
Owen looked up with his eyebrows raised.
"Yeah, uh my first wife Addison cheated on me."
Owen nodded as if that had jogged his memory, "With Sloan right?"
"Right," Derek continued, "so I have felt the betrayal, the anger, the hurt…it messed me up for a long time."
"You two tried to make it work after that didn't you?" Owen asked.
Derek nodded, "Yeah, to no avail. By that point I was head over heels in love with Meredith. The love between Addison and I was gone way before the cheating ever happened."
Owen nodded and looked down again, spinning his glass with his finger, "She wants a divorce." He pushed the paper toward Derek.
Derek glanced at it then asked, "Well, what do you want."
Owen smiled in spite of himself, "Her."
He pushed himself off the stool and started pacing, "I just want her, and…" he took a deep breath, "kids…I want kids. I want a life, a family. I want stories to tell and grandchildren to tell them to."
Derek frowned, "I don't think that is what she wants Owen."
Owen nodded and continued to pace, "I know. That is what this is all about isn't it? The fact that I thought she would change her mind…I thought that I could change her mind…and that was one thing she told me never to do. I love her so much that I wanted to believe that she could change."
He walked back over to the counter, "I have to let her go. She deserves a life that she wants. I have been selfish."
Derek maintained his frown but shook his head, "Owen you were not being selfish. You are just in love. Real love is blinding and all consuming…to the point where you don't look to the future because you are so enamored with the present."
Owen sat back down on the stool and buried his head in his hands. "I love her, can you just…if there is ever a time when you think she needs to hear that, I want you to tell her, OK?"
"OK."
"And you can have the Chief position, I don't want it." Owen lifted his head up.
"Hell no. I am going to shove that off on Mark." Derek smirked and sipped the last of his whiskey, "It'll be fun to watch."
The men shared a smile.
A week had passed since Owen's revelation. He had informed the board of his intention to step down. They were disappointed but understanding. When Owen recommended Mark as his replacement they were very receptive and asked Owen to do a proper turn over of duties over the next two weeks.
Cristina had mostly avoided him, however it wasn't always possible. When they did meet, she was professional and courteous, but she never made eye contact. When she was close, the smell of her hair burned his nostrils and stung his eyes. She always used this citrusy conditioner. He loved it and always took the opportunity to bury his nose in it, but that was before.
Today was a slow day. Sloan was covering all of the chiefly duties and Owen was there merely as a consultant. He took a minute to stand in the middle of the catwalk and look out over the lobby. It wasn't his hospital anymore, but that was ok. It was in good hands.
"Hey," a small hand touched his shoulder and made him jump. He turned to see his wife before him and withheld his desire to reach out and pull her to him.
"Dr. Yang," he said as upbeat as possible, "what can I do for you?"
"Um, you never answered me about that lawyer. I checked your schedule and you are done at 1:00 on Mondays right?" she said quietly as she lean against the rail and looked out the window.
"Yes," he replied as he copied her pose.
"I made an appointment with the attorney for 2:30 today," she stopped to inhale slowly. "I just want to be done with this whole mess before I have to take my boards, you know?"
He felt a sharp pain in his chest, "She thinks of us as a mess." he felt himself die a little on the inside. He gave himself a few seconds to gather strength and said, "That's fine. Should I meet you there?"
She nodded, "That's fine."
"Ok, see you there. It's uh…," Owen paused, "on Clark right? Across from that pizza joint you like so much?"
"Yeah," she allowed herself a small grin, "yeah…the one where you can draw on everything."
Owen pushed himself away from the railing and gave her a sad look.
"So I guess I'll see you there," and she was gone before he could respond.
At 2:00 Owen pulled up to the building that housed the attorney. He knew he was early, but he was afraid if he detoured anywhere after work he would convince himself not to come. Lose he nerve, so to speak.
It was a beautiful sunny day in Seattle, so he decided to take a small stroll. He walked along the street until he got to a park. It was more like a courtyard but it was beautiful. He walked over to a bench and sat down to people watch.
After a few minutes he heard a familiar voice, "Punctual as usual I see."
He squinted as he looked up to see Cristina, "Well, you know me."
She nodded, "Yeah, I do," she walked over to him, "Can I sit?"
He scooted over, "Of course."
She sat down and silence ensued for a time. It was a comfortable silence though, neither felt an overwhelming desire to leave.
"I need to know," Cristina said.
"Know what?" Owen asked.
"Everything," she stated, "Who she was, where it happened, what you did…all of it."
He shook his head and exhaled "Cristina-"
"Owen, please."
And there it was, the eye contact that he had been thirsting for. Only it was not a refreshing drink of water, but a deserted field. The life in her eyes was gone, and it was his fault.
He sighed and began, "It was a Wednesday night. I had a patient I had worked on from a car accident. She came in with a friend. Her friend was 25, blond, pretty…" he stopped.
"Go on," she urged.
He looked at her with anguish, but continued anyway, "she hugged me when I came and told her that her friend would be ok and then she asked if she could buy me a drink."
He shifted uncomfortably as he continued, "We had more than one, I was…very very drunk. I walked her to her car and I kissed her."
Owen stopped and looked at Cristina, "I wish I could take it back."
Cristina ignored his last statement, "There's more, right? I want to hear it all."
Owen inhaled slowly, deeply "She needs to hear this, it is how she will get past it." He thought to himself before he continued.
"It got," he searched for the right word, "heated. Um…from what I remember we…we uh…got into her backseat. It was rushed, fast, really fast…" he paused and looked at her. She was listening intently while staring out across the street.
He took a deep breath, "We both finished and I started to feel awful, I don't know if it was the sex, the alcohol, the guilt, but…well I opened the car door and vomited."
Her eyebrows raised and she looked at him in question.
He nodded, "Then, well…then I went into the hospital, slept it off in an on call room."
She waited for him to speak again. When he didn't she said, "What was her name."
Owen spoke softly, "I don't remember."
Cristina looked down, "Did you wear a condom."
His mouth dropped open as he turned toward her. She brought her eyes to meet his, and they were pleading for an answer that he couldn't give.
"I don't remember."
That had been furthest from his mind. He had no idea if he had or hadn't.
Cristina rocked back and forth on the bench as she stood up. "I am going to head in."
"I'll be right behind you," he said. But he gave her a head start to get in front of him so that she could have her privacy before he followed.
"Hello, we have an appointment with Ms. Diaz. I am Cristina Yang, Owen Hunt is right behind me, he's just parking."
The secretary smiled sweetly and looked passed Cristina "You are Owen?" she questioned the man who came in the door.
"I am," he nodded. He stopped just behind Cristina.
"Well, Ms. Diaz sends her regrets that she will not be able to meet with you today. She has been called out of the office on an emergency at the last minute. She does have 3 openings tomorrow," the secretary looked up hopefully.
Cristina sighed, "Unfortunately I will be our of town for the next week," she looked back at Owen, "when do you want to reschedule?"
He stepped up to the counter next to her. Never. "Ummm, same time a week from today?" he asked the secretary and looked at Cristina. They both nodded.
"Perfect! Thank you very much. See you then."
Cristina walked out of the building quickly. Owen followed behind her. When she noticed he was following her she only walked faster.
"Cristina, wait!" he called after her.
She didn't stop, she didn't look back. So he ran.
"Cristina," he grabbed her arm but she shook him off.
He grabbed again, more firmly this time and placed his body in front of hers. Her eyes were full of unfallen tears.
He did the only thing he knew, he held her close. She fought his embrace shoving him away from her and hitting his chest, but he didn't move. And eventually, right there,in the middle of the sidewalk in Seattle, Owen Hunt held his wife close as she cried. He rocked her slowly back and forth, and after a time he realized that she was still clinging to him, he picked her up and walked to his truck.
Please review if you have time! I like reading them!
Those of you wanting an explanation about Cristina's behavior, don't worry. It's coming.