(Clare's POV of Chp. 1)
It's been a few days since I told Eli that we should take a break. I'm starting to regret it, because I feel like I should've listened to my heart. Which was currently aching. But yesterday I met Adam at The Dot, but Drew tagged along, since he apparently needed to get out of the house. Though once I got there, I kind of just exploded onto Adam. But he ran to the bathroom when he felt sick from something that he ate. So for about 15 minutes, I vented to Drew, who seemed like he wasn't as interested, but he listened anyway. I was so distraught that I almost bawled right there. He handed me a few napkins and hugged me tight. It immediately didn't feel right, so I slowly pushed him off. He looked at me odd, but apologized, and stayed quiet until Adam came back.
Fast-forwarding to today, I was sitting on my bed, on the phone with Alli.
"I'm just saying. If you regret taking a break, talk to him and...Revoke it or whatever." Her voice was loud and she sounded annoyed. I couldn't blame her. We were going back and forth on this for an hour.
"I know, Alli. I've been thinking about that. I'm at war with myself in my head and I don't know if-." Jake came in and he looked at me and mouthed 'Thoughts on dinner?' I sheepishly smiled and mouthed back 'Takeout.'. He nodded once more and quietly left.
"CLARE." Alli shouted into my ear. I nearly dropped my phone, since her shrill tone scared the living shit out of me.
"Jake was in my room! He asked what I wanted for dinner!" I shot back, probably sounded just as annoyed as she did.
"Whatever. But seriously. I don't think he'll be staying for long. What if you realize this 'break' was a mistake? He'll be back in New York before you will get to say something. You'll be one of those shitty clichés that we see in the movies." Alli didn't sound as annoyed. She leveled her tone and I agreed with every word.
"And if the break isn't a mistake?" I quietly asked, looking out my window, then my clock. Wondering how late it was. If it was too late.
"I think you'll know. But make sure he knows. Anyway, I have to go. The TV is calling my name. Good luck! Tell me how it all goes." We said our goodbyes and I hung up. I walked downstairs, and told Jake that I was going out. He nodded once again and before I knew it, I was driving to Eli's parent's house. Somehow, I knew he'd be there.
Once I got there, I knocked on the door and Cece was standing at the door with a warm smile on her face.
"Clare honey, you look beautiful. I'm assuming that you're looking for Eli. I'll go get him for you." I thanked her as she went to go find Eli. I played with the locks of my dark haired wig, hoping that it would soothe me. It didn't. But when I looked up, I saw him standing there. His short, curly hair was getting into his deep eyes.
"I hope I wasn't barging in. You told me that you were staying for two weeks, and. Well, we need to talk. Is now an okay time?" I shifted stances, not knowing what he would say, but he came toward me and took my hand in his.
"Yes, yes of course. Let's go outside. We can talk there, okay?" Eli softly replied as he guided me out of the house and he sat down on the sidewalk. He looked up at me with those eyes, and smiled at me as he pat the spot next to him. I didn't exactly smile back, not wanting to give him the wrong idea, even though I didn't know what the fuck the right idea was. I also folded my hands into my lap.
"Eli," I began, while my voice cracked. What was wrong with me? What was I even doing? I don't even know what my intentions are. And he's looking right at me, probably expecting me to just come out and say something already. "I wish you could tell me that all of this never happened. But I know that you can't, as much as that honestly pains me to say." I continued quietly, with my eyes watering already.
"Clare?" Eli whispered as he put his hand on my knee. I had to look away, not wanting him to see the cool tears that ran down my hot face. I opened my mouth, about to continue, but the sound of my phone ringing interrupted me. I ripped my phone out of my pocket and saw that it was Drew. I quickly shoved it back into my pocket, not wanting to talk at the horribly timed moment.
"Anyway, uhm," I sniffled, not knowing where the hell I was going with this. More cool tears streamed down my burning hot face as I looked out to the road. I couldn't do this, even though I didn't exactly know what I was supposed to be doing. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." I got up quickly and ran to my car, starting it, then driving away. I looked at my rear-view mirror and saw Eli sitting there. He looked absolutely heartbroken. That tore me up inside. I would never forget the look on his face. I did that.