Chapter Summary: When Rose and the Doctor decide to spend the December Earth-bound, tensions and insecurities surface.
Notes: As always, immeasurable thanks to my marvellous betas Rose_Nebula and mrsbertucci. You listened to a lot of whinging today, and I appreciate it!
The song the Doctor plays for Rose is Christmas Without You by a dear friend of mine, Tori Hathaway.
December 24th, 2013
Dear Father Christmas,
We decided to come back to Earth early this year and spend Christmas in our little blue house. I love the exploring and adventures, and not that I would ever want to give up the traveling, but sometimes I just miss the simplicity of being Earthbound. Sometimes I miss my beans-on-toast life. And I miss the house. There are so many memories we made there. It wasn't easy to convince the Doctor to take an extended shore leave. It took a lot of persuading (and there were lots of rows), but eventually he agreed this would be a good holiday for all of us.
And it has been good… mostly... I suppose. We've been here a month now, and I've been settling right in to a proper domestic life: baking biscuits and decorating the house for Christmas. The Doctor's been champing at the bit, though. Restless, he is. We've both been helping out at Torchwood, and that's kept him somewhat entertained, rummaging through all the new artefacts that've turned up. But I caught him wiring one up to the TARDIS, last week. He nicked it! Slipped it out, right past security! I insisted he had to take it back. Blimey, what a lot of whinging there was. Eventually he did as I told him, but he did it on his own terms: he told Dad he was just checking the security systems, seeing if he could get away with it, and clearly security wasn't "up to snuff". So now, not only have I been hauled in as a consultant to review the current security policies and suggest upgrades right before Christmas, but I have to listen to that plonker use his new favourite catchphrase, "up to snuff", at every possible opportunity.
Well, hopefully his Christmas gift will be up to snuff. I convinced Dad to give me the gadget he'd filched. Of course, I had to go through a pile of paperwork to get it released, and all kinds of scans and safety checks, owing to the upgraded security procedures that I was stupid enough to suggest. All I can say is he better appreciate everything I went through to get this for him.
Hope's been enrolled with the nursery group at Torchwood while we're both at work. That caused another row between me and the Doctor. He wanted her with him, exploring all the artifacts and "helping out" in the labs, conducting experiments. I mean, I get it, she's a smart cookie, but she's only twenty-one months old! And when we're on the TARDIS, that's okay. I mean she's learning about aliens and the universe and stuff, and that's great, but I'm worried she isn't learning how to be human. She needs to interact with other children her own age, and not just blue bubble-children from Bluftrig 4.
So, of course, the first few days of nursery were awful: tears and tantrums. And that was just the Doctor. Fuck! (oh, God, sorry Santa! Excuse my language!) But seriously, I've never heard so many I-told-you-sos in my whole fucking life. We had a full-on domestic right in front of the nursery doors, about a week in, over Hope not getting along. It wasn't pretty, and I'm kind of embarrassed by the whole thing, to be honest. Anyway, Hope took it upon herself to toddle in and start reading stories to the other children whilst we shouted down the walls. Just as well, because the nursery supervisor called security on us (and naturally, they cited more of the new regulations at us…) and Dad hauled us up to his office to rake our arses over the coals. He put a formal reprimand in both our files, and as soon as we got home, Mum called and started in on us.
God, it's been frustrating. We're supposed to be hosting Christmas tomorrow and I don't know how we're expected to pull that off when we're barely talking to one another. I didn't think being grounded for a bit would be so stressful. I guess I underestimated the Doctor's ability to adapt. He did fine before we had our TARDIS up and running. Now, it's like he resents me… us. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm seriously afraid he'll run off, or something, with Hopie, and I'll never… never see…
Blimey, this letter got off track. I swore I wouldn't cry. I must look a sight, and I've got to run. The nursery is doing a little "Frosty the Snowman" play with the "four and up" children. (We eventually decided to put Hope into that group as she seems to do better with the older kids.) She's doing all the narration! I decided it'd be easier just to stay here at Torchwood until it started (so I'm dictating this letter from work.) The Doctor went home. He said he saw the dress-rehearsal this afternoon. He sounded a bit chuffed about Hopie's performance, but said he thought it would best if he just stayed away tonight. He's probably right. We'd just have had another row. Mum's meeting me here, which I'm dreading. No doubt, she'll have a go at me about the Doctor, and I don't think I'll be able to take it.
I wonder if everything will be better when we go off in the TARDIS again. I doubt it. I don't really think this is about him being Earth-bound. What if he doesn't love… I mean he's slept alone in his study for the last two weeks. We used to be a team. We did everything together and now we... I miss him, Santa.
(Right, pull it together, Tyler.)
Santa, I'm signing off. You don't need to hear all my crap. It seems the things I really want for Christmas these days aren't things you can give me. And this year, I just want our little family to be a family again. Thanks for listening, anyway. I hope you and Mrs. Claus and the reindeer and elves have a lovely Christmas.
Love, Rose
P.S.: I just had to give you an update! Mum drove me and Hope home after the play (Hope was brilliant, by the way! Stole the show!) Anyway, Mum was really quiet the whole way, which was kind of unnerving; I was expecting a lot more shouting. So when she pulls up to the house, I get out and she says she'll bring Hopie in. And I'm just up the steps, fumbling with my keys, when she speeds off down the drive. There was nothing much I could do about it. Hope was safe with her Gran… but I had to be alone with the Doctor. God, I was dreading opening the door; I'd rather have faced the entire Slitheen family than the man I loved with all my heart. I remember thinking there were pretty good odds he was holed up in his study, and I could sneak upstairs before he even knew I was home. I obviously was a bit delusional, 'cause looking back, it was clear I'd been set up. Big time!
So I tried to sneak in, but there he was, standing right there waiting for me. It's still all so clear in my mind. He had candles lit everywhere, and the fire was going, and I could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. He was playing a really pretty Christmas song, Christmas Without You, I think it's called. It all reminded me of the time when he was trying to apologize to me a few years back, after he refused to come to our first ultrasound appointment. When he finds an approach that works for him, he sticks with it, I'll give him that.
Course, I come straight out and ask him what the hell's going on. I was really, really trying to be pissed off, but he was standing there wearing that bloody red cashmere sweater I gave him last year, and his hair was so fucking touchable, and his beard was this gorgeous scruffy stubble, and that pouty lower lip… guuuuhh, you should have seen him! Then, he just holds out his hands to me, and tells me we need to talk.
Well he got that right!
We didn't exactly talk though… not right away. But we made good use of the nice soft rug in front of the fireplace, and we might have said something about how much we missed each other, and we both said "sorry" and "I love you". And then, I couldn't help it: I blurted out how sometimes I was frightened he would leave me. He vowed he never, ever would. He was so upset I had ever thought he might, he was crying. We both were, actually.
Well, Mum brought Hope back after a bit, and looked a little too happy to see me dressed in nothing but the red cashmere, and didn't even try to wind up the Doctor about only wearing his pants. She said she would've given us the whole night but reckoned we wanted to have Hope spend Christmas morning at home with us.
After Hope hung her stocking and finally fell asleep (it took four chapters of Treasure Island and a reading of Twas the Night Before Christmas to settle her she was so excited), me and the Doctor finally got around to eating that fantastic dinner he'd made, and we really talked. Turns out he thinks I'm right: we should spend more time on Earth for Hope's sake, for all of us. Not all the time, but more than we have been. He reckons being stuck with me and Hope here on Earth's not so bad. We decided we'd just play it by ear and work out the details as we go along.
Looks like it's going to be a happy Christmas after all!