LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

THE (BELATED) STAG DO

PART 1

Rory held his drink warily. He couldn't help but look but really didn't want to. The Doctor was dancing again and this time it wasn't at home where at least only he and Amy could be embarrassed by it, this was in a nightclub.
"Live a little Rory!" called out the Doctor as he shimmied along the dance floor; his gangly arms and legs looking like they were making patterns in the air. Rory was just cringing on the inside.
"I'm fine Doctor." he said. "I…I really am." he added as he sipped his drink. He really didn't want to drink too much as he had work in the morning but in the circumstances felt like it was needed. The Doctor being the Doctor felt that he had always let Rory down on one thing and that was him denying Rory of his stag do. He'd arrived in that cake many years ago during the party and then whisked Rory off with Amy to Venice. The rest was history but the Doctor never forgets and tonight was the night he was making it up to his great friend. Rory wasn't too keen on the idea though, but was impressed that the Doctor had picked somewhere on Earth - that had been a pleasant surprise.
"Rory!" called over the Doctor once more against the loud backdrop of thumping music. "Come on, have some fun. It's your stag do, let your hair down!"
"Doctor I'm married." said Rory bluntly.
"And I'm a slightly strange looking fella in a bow tie but you don't hear me complaining…" retorted the time lord as he grabbed Rory by his free hand; a slosh of Rory's drink spilled out of the glass and onto his jeans. "You're having fun! I'm making sure of that!" the Doctor then said loudly as Rory just looked at the damp patch on his jeans.
"Yeah…of course. What about Amy?" he then asked.
"What about her?"
"You never said what she was doing tonight. I'm not staying here if she's on her own at home."
"She's fine…" said the Doctor with a wide smile on his face. "She really is…"

"So when the Doctor said it was an emergency with the cubes, I didn't expect this…" said Kate Stewart as she put her coat down on a bar seat next to Amy.
"Yeah," smiled Amy awkwardly. "The Doctor lies. Sorry about that."
"Oh, not at all. I needed a break from work. Looking at those things can give you quite the headache." smiled Kate. "Cubes, there just boxes but 3D. There's something up with them, but we don't know that. Where is the Doctor anyway?"
"With my husband," informed Amy. "He's giving Rory his belated stag do. They'll be fine." she then dismissed. "Well, I hope so…"
"The Doctor is always fine," said Kate as she got the attention of a barman. Amy nodded in agreement. "What do you want then? I'm paying…"

Rory was dancing. Badly. He was enjoying it to some extent but with the Doctor right in front of him doing some of the weirdest dance moves he'd ever witnessed, Rory wasn't exactly comfortable. He was getting into the spirit of things at least and the Doctor was smiling because of it.
"See!" he said loudly against the music. "I said you were going to have fun. Happy stag do by the way!" he then added before swaying wildly to one side and doing air kisses either side of Rory's head.
"Yeah…stag do!" said Rory unconvincingly as he continued to dance, or what thought was dancing. Rory did like to dance, but only really with Amy. As he carried on, the Doctor disappeared to the bar and up come a young woman to him.
"I think you two make a really cute couple." she said as she pointed to Rory and the bar-bound Doctor. "It's nice to see people being open. You don't always see it." It took Rory a few moments to realise what had been said.
"Oh er no…" he said. "We're not a couple. I'm married…to a woman. He's er not…" added Rory as he tried to explain things clearly. However, making things clear without adding the fact that the Doctor was married to his daughter who looked older than him was always a tricky business. Saying that the Doctor wasn't married always made things easier. "He's a friend…" Rory eventually added but the woman looked confused.
"So you're not a couple?" she said. "Oh god, that's a shame. You suit each other so well, it's clear to anyone looking on." she added before quickly making her way to the other side of the club. Rory just dismissed her and kept moving about to the tune of the music. The Doctor then arrived with some drinks.
"I charged it your card if you didn't mind." he said. "I took it out of your back jean pocket as we danced. You didn't notice." Rory didn't even bother to respond and quickly took a glug of whatever the Doctor had bought. It tasted very strong.

"Ah!" exclaimed Rory. "What's in that bloody thing? Urgh god, that's horrid."
"I added a teeny-weeny bit of space beer to the mix," said the Doctor with a wide smile on his face. "A sip can get you drunk inside a few minutes." Rory was already beginning to feel the side-effects of the addition. His head was swirling…

Kate and Amy were also in a dancing mood in another club and were just chatting about things as they jigged along to the music on show. For Amy, it was a chance to get to know Kate better, while for the UNIT lady this was a chance to relax. Kate's phone was ringing constantly, she assumed it was to do with the cubes, but she was ignoring it. She wanted a break from it all.
"The cubes can wait. Even dad could afford for some fun every now and then." she said to Amy as the pair danced about, attracting the attention of two young men who walked up to them.
"Who knew angels could have red hair?" said the one with his shirt wide open, revealing a mass of chest hair on show. He had a whiter than white smile too. Amy just smiled at him. "You come here often?" the man then asked.
"No, said Amy. "First time here. My husband's elsewhere."
"Yeah, course he is." smirked the man. "If you're married then why isn't he here? Is he cheating on you? What exactly is he doing?"
"Good question…" said Amy simply. "I really don't know…"

The answer was simple; Rory was being kissed by the Doctor. Again. The addition to the drinks had got the Doctor very drunk very quickly and he was now kissing Rory and kissing him very well. Rory had been kissed by the Doctor before, but that was only a momentary thing, this was a few seconds, possibly more. The Doctor wasn't a bad kisser by any stretch of the imagination, it was just odd for Rory to be kissed by him in such a public place. They were outside the club now but even so people could see what was happening. Eventually, the lip lock ended and Rory was relieved. Out of nowhere the kiss had happened and thankfully it was over now.

"You brush your teeth well…" said the Doctor in a jokey way before dropping his head onto Rory's shoulder like a child on its parent. Rory's head was still swirling about and knew he needed a clear head for work in the morning. The issue was that whatever the Doctor had added to his drink was so strong. Things weren't quite focusing correctly all of the time, but it was a fairly short walk back home, so Rory, with the Doctor slumped on his shoulder, began to make their way home. "I want to go swimming…" the Doctor murmured to Rory. "Let's go swimming, I like swimming. You're good at swimming…I think."
"We'll see…" said Rory warily as he struggled to keep upright on the walk back. Rory was so out of it that he couldn't even read his watch correctly. Was it 11pm or 1am? He really didn't know.
"Oh by the way Rory," the Doctor began with a glazed look over his face. "What I added to the drinks has memory properties to it. It means we won't remember all of this when we're sober."
"So, it's like any other kind of drink then?" asked Rory.
"I suppose it is!" exclaimed the Doctor as the sight of the Pond household was just in front of them. "I never thought of it like that." Rory just smiled and walked the Doctor through the house and into the garden where the TARDIS was. After what seemed like half an hour of trying to turn the key in the lock correctly, the pair were inside. Rory immediately held onto the handrail but the Doctor now seemed fine. Rory was confused.
"I thought you were drunk?" said Rory who was now very clearly feeling the effects of the drink additive.
"I was, I still am." answered the time lord. "There's something in the air of the TARDIS that can clear my head a little in an instant. I think you have to whistle to make it stop, but I won't." he continued. "Anyway, time to go swimming!" said the Doctor as he took off his tweed jacket, shirt and trousers before running out of sight, presumably to the pool. Rory, who began to pick up the Doctor's clothes, really didn't have a clue what was happening.