Sonic Screwdriver Setting 42: Still not mine, as much as I would like David Tennant.
The TARDIS whooped uneasily, hitting the ground with a thunk that usually preceded the announcement of some broken part.
Rose swallowed, popping her ears automatically. She released her death grip on the nearest bit of alien machinery – whoever had designed the interior of the TARDIS had apparently been seven feet tall and three inches wide. "That sounded… not good."
The Doctor shrugged, throwing on his trench coat. "She should work," he said, sounding nonchalant. "Besides, we're in London! All sorts of repair shops in London." He grinned widely at her – the one that meant he was wildly BS-ing and hadn't a clue what was going on.
Grinning, Rose shook her head. "If you say so."
A loud crack split the air. Rose spun towards the instrumentation. "What was that?" She would hate it if something else broke – for all the Doctor's apparent nonchalance, they really had no way to fix any major problems.
"Them," the Doctor said dryly. "That's new."
Rose raised her eyebrows. "What's new?"
"I believe this is the first time that anyone has appeared into the TARDIS. They certainly have left her against their will" he and Rose shared a glance, "and the TARDIS herself can disappear and reappear, and we've had more than a few experiences of people appearing near her, but this is the first time anyone has actually broken into her."
Rose sighed, smiling sardonically. "We just can't get a break, can we?"
The Doctor grinned, a real one this time, not a cover for something else. "Could be worse – could be Daleks!"
This, at least, was manifestly true. The three new inhabitants of the TARDIS were human – or mostly so. Certainly, as they began pulling themselves, moaning, upright, they appeared fully human, with no strange protrusions or missing limbs. They were, however, all wearing long solid-coloured robes.
"I think something went wrong, Hermione," one of them, a ginger boy, moaned.
The sole girl tucked bushy brown hair behind her ears. "At least we lost Yaxley."
"Yeah," the black-haired boy agreed, "but we don't know where we are!"
The Doctor grabbed Rose's shoulder and pointed at the red-head. "Why couldn't I have looked like that?" he whispered in an agonized tone.
Rose laughed. "Dunno. Better luck next time, I guess."
"Who are you?" the black-haired boy demanded, shoving his glasses up his nose. His companions flanked him, pulling straightened sticks out of their robes.
The Doctor smiled brightly. "I'm the Doctor. Ah, would anyone like a cuppa?" It was, perhaps, typically British that no one saw anything odd with being offered a cup of tea after arriving in an alien spaceship.
Nodding, the red-haired boy said, "Yeah, sure. But Doctor who?"
The Doctor ran his hand through his hair, glaring at Rose.
"Always," Rose giggled, "that's always the next question they ask."
Ignoring the question – and the commentary – the Doctor directed his attention to the black-haired boy. "What day is it?"
The boy blinked. "September 2nd, 1997. And – hang on a minute – you look familiar." The boy frowned. "No! No, no, no! You're dead! I watched you die! Or, not die, but you're soulless! You shouldn't be able to do this!"
The Doctor frowned. "I don't think I regenerated here," he whispered to Rose, "but time gets all… confused. I could have, but then he'd think that the one before me had died – unless this body dies here…" He trailed off. "That's disturbing. Why would I come back, to before now? It doesn't make any sense."
"Harry?" the girl asked. "Who is he? Is – is he a Death Eater?" This started out in an anguished half-yell, but rapidly turned into a harsh whisper.
The boy shook his head, pulling out a stick of his own. "It's Barty Crouch Junior. Looks just like him, only… Only more sane." He paused, shaking his head. "But none of this makes any sense!"
The Doctor ran his hand through his hair again. "No, it doesn't. I've never gone by Barty Crouch in my life – why would I? Awful name, I mean, honestly! Who would name their child Barty – short for Bartemius, I guess, but really, that's worse." He paused, thinking. "On the other hand, we're only four days off!" the Doctor yelled, grinning maniacally. His hair stood erratically on end. "We can wait four days! Not bad for doing it half asleep, eh?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "I don't think we've ever spent four days anywhere. Not willingly, at least. Honestly, have you ever spent more than a week in one place?"
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, thinking, and brushing, perhaps inevitably, his hair the wrong way. "Maybe? Once? When I was young?"
"My point."
He shrugged. "There's got to be something going on, right?" The off-handed way he said this told Rose that he was terrified of being anywhere for four days straight.
"Er… Hello? Sir? Where are we?" It was the girl, this time, and she looked somewhere beyond terrified.
The Doctor blinked bemusedly. "That's a good question. Let's have a look, then." Opening the door slightly, he stuck his head out. "Ah – well, it's not London."
Rose ran over. "Let me have a look." The Doctor was right – London had never contained the wide hills, scattered rocks, and sheep. Or the mountain. "Wales, I think."
"Snowdonia," the girl pronounced, with an odd glance at the Doctor.
The Doctor shrugged. "So, what's that – four days and two-hundred odd miles? We'll have something to do, at least." Closing the door, he turned around to face the three newcomers. "So who are you lot?"
"Ah…" The black-haired boy beckoned the girl back to him. "I- I'm Vernon Dursley."
The Doctor raised one eyebrow. "Are you then? Which is why your friend over there calls you Harry. And – ah, more to the point – we're in Wales, of all ghastly places, and not in Cardiff, which I find rather nice, and its 1997, or so you say, but given those two things, I don't think those robes are in fashion."
"And what's with the sticks?" Rose threw in, curious.
The trio looked bemusedly at each other. "Er… Aren't you wizards?" the red-head finally asked.
The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. "That's a new one," he muttered to Rose. "Ah, yeah. Yeah, we are."
Rose tried belatedly to look wizard-like, whatever that was.
The trio exchanged glances again. "But you don't know who I am?" the black haired boy said slowly.
The Doctor pursed his lips. "Ah – no. Not a clue."
"Um…" the boy with glasses got out, swallowing hard, "but you are wizards, right? With wands and magic and things?"
It was Rose and the Doctor's turn to glance at each other. "Unless we somehow managed to pick up a group of really determined LARPers," Rose said slowly, "I think we missed a dimension as well."
"Well," the Doctor said. "Four days, two hundred miles, and a dimension. Could be worse, could be worse."
"The TARDIS isn't meant to go between universes," Rose reminded him.
The Doctor shrugged. "She's not seriously broken. I can do basic repairs while you go watch that funeral of yours and then we can leave." He had that look on his face again – this one said that he was terrified and worried and nervous, but if Rose wanted to do something, then he would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
"Can someone explain what's going on?" the girl demanded.
Holding out one hand, the Doctor said, "If one of you can oblige me for just a minute, I think I can figure out what went wrong." He was trying to smile nicely, Rose could tell, but something about his face just made everything look demented.
Again the exchange of glances. Finally the black-haired boy stepped forward. "I will. And – and, I lied. M' name's not Vernon. I'm Harry. Harry Potter."
"Nice to meet you, Harry. I'm the Doctor." He and Rose grinned at each other, remembering when they had met. "I just need to touch your head for a moment and then…" The boy – Harry – was backing away, looking nervous. "Oh, bugger it," the Doctor swore, and leaped at Harry, pressing his fingers to the boy's head.
They fell to the floor with a loud thump, only narrowly missing the central bank of instruments. The girl shrieked and ran forward. Rose grabbed her arm. "No! Wait! He knows what he's doing." The girl was strong, but Rose had been travelling with the Doctor. It only took an extended foot, and the girl fell to the floor as well, tucking and rolling. The other boy didn't move, just stood there, trying to decide whether to help the girl or Harry.
Laying on top of Harry, the Doctor looked up, grinning. "Got it! Oh, that makes so much sense. Why didn't – Oh. There's someone else in here." The grin fell from his face.
"Doctor?" Rose jerked the girl back, crouching beside the pair on the ground. "What's happened? Where are we?"
Standing up, the Doctor held out a hand for Harry. "You've had a bit of a rough life. You were right, Rose – we hopped dimensions again. But," the grin reappeared, "I've been to this one before. This world's so close to ours, it's not even really a rift. Just going in a direction the TARDIS was never meant to. It'll be easy to get back. And," he clapped his hands together, grinning wider than ever, "I think introductions are in order, don't you?"
"At this rate, we're never going to get anywhere," Rose muttered. "I'm Rose Tyler," she said in a normal voice.
The Doctor grinned. "And this is Ron – or Ronald – Bilius Weasley – that's a truly horrific name, by the way, Bilius," he said, pointing at the red-head, "and you are Hermione Jean Granger – which is slightly better, although a type of trousers," this directed at the girl, "and that is Harry James Potter – finally a normal middle name – who's going to save the world in a couple months."
Rose blinked. "Don't we do that every week or so?"
"Aw, not quite that often," the Doctor drawled. "Every other week?"
"Depends on how you're counting," Rose said.
Hermione frowned. "Are you always this off-topic?"
The Doctor and Rose grinned simultaneously. "This is a pretty nice conversation, actually," the Doctor said. "And aren't we on topic?"
"Not really," Rose said, "but we've got four days."
Ron frowned. "You're both daft."
The Doctor grinned. "Ain't it great? Nah, but I know why the TARDIS came here. He's got to save the world – this world," he corrected, pointing to Harry, "but there's something keeping him from doing it, and it's from our world."
"What?" Rose asked.
"Dunno," he said, grinning, "but we're gonna find out."
"Look, Rose," the Doctor said, pulling open a panel and sticking his head inside, "last incarnation, er… No. The time before that, before you, obviously, I was here. TARDIS got a bit wacky again, was really just here for a couple hours, enough time for a cuppa, then jumped home again. Met this fellow, nice guy really, name of Harry Potter, gave me a cuppa tea. That's him over there." He pointed over to the trio, who were huddled in a clump by the door. "Where did we put the tea kettle?" He jerked his head up. "Ow! Bloody hell!"
Rose pulled open the next panel, shuffling through assorted junk. "I thought you put it under here. And what do you mean, you've already met Harry?"
"Well, it's not there. What about this panel?" He pointed vaguely to the right.
"No, remember, that's where we hid that one time my mum got in, remember?"
"Got it!" The Doctor popped up, grinning, a tea kettle in his hand. "And it's already boiling!"
"How's that work?" Rose asked. "And answer the first question, please."
The Doctor frowned at the tea kettle. "I dunno. And we don't have any cups, do we?"
Rose shrugged. "Not last time I checked. Hang on, why do we have a tea kettle and no tea cups?"
"Good question," the Doctor said. "And, I had supper with Harry Potter, except it was 2016, Earth time, not 1997. But he didn't recognize me, he didn't know I was the Doctor. So we can't tell them anything, understand?"
"And don't wander off," Rose muttered.
He grinned. "That's right. Right, so recap of the war: 'Bout, oh, I dunno, sixteen years ago, this big evil dude with an unpronounceable name –"
"By your standards?" Rose questioned. "Must be horrid."
"It's French," the Doctor explained, sighing. "Anyway, he wanted to take over the world, partly by exterminating anyone who didn't fit his standards of blood purity."
"Sounds like a Dalek," Rose muttered.
The Doctor grinned. "It's a very popular theme. Right, and Harry there's parents were on the list. There's also some junk with a prophecy, and a bunch of things that only matter in this world and we don't care about anyway. So this big bad takes out Harry's parents, tries to take out Harry, and it doesn't work."
"Pretty crap shot then, isn't he?"
"Well, that's where this gets odd – ah, odder, because he did hit Harry, and for some reason, it – the spell, I'll explain that later – rebounded and killed the big bad. Well… Mostly."
Rose snickered. "Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do."
The Doctor beamed at her. "Go through his clothes and look for loose change." He pulled out a coffee mug. "This'll work. How many we need? Three?"
"Five," Rose sighed.
"That's right. Five. So, a couple years ago, the big bad comes all the way back to life. The war starts up again, and the big bad is after Harry – partly because Harry's the one the prophecy says can beat him, but mostly because Harry made him look like an idiot all those years ago. The big bad's come up with a way for him to live forever – don't worry, Harry's got that bit covered – but there's a problem with his army. Two years ago – I think, I'm not very good at that – oh, look, there's another mug."
Grabbing the coffee mug out of his hands, Rose sighed. "Keep focused please, Doctor."
He shrugged. "Fine. There was a bit of a fight, in the Ministry of Magic –"
"What's that, like the Ministry of Agriculture?" Rose interrupted. "And I found another one."
"Focusing, right?" the Doctor asked. "And yeah, I guess so, the memories were a bit fuzzy. He doesn't like to think about it. Anyway, big fight, but Harry, and a group of five teenagers were able to hold off the best this guy had to offer. Two years later, the army of the big bad attacks the Ministry itself – not like the time before, where they were after Harry and his buddies, they attacked the government itself – and it goes down in minutes. But why?"
Rose blinked, still trying to process all this. "He got help?"
The Doctor frowned. "Now there's an idea. But who would help him?"
"I – I dunno." She froze; this was a world like nothing they'd ever seen before, and she couldn't even fathom what could possibly be helping a man like that.
The Doctor nodded, pulling out two more mugs. "Right. So we're going to his base to find out who."
"Oh good," Rose muttered. "Run straight towards the biggest source of danger here."
He grinned at her, the daredevil one, ready to take on anything. "Yep! That's me!"
Locking the door of the TARDIS behind him, the Doctor turned around and grinned. "Right. So, here's the plan. Ah – we go attack him?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "You can't plan worth your life."
"And you're any better?"
Rose ducked her head, smiling. "Not really, no."
"Could – could I propose a new plan?" Harry asked.
The Doctor grinned and raised his eyebrows. "Go ahead."
Harry frowned. "So – what if, we – ah, Ron, Hermione, and I – went Horcrux hunting – ah, you know –?"
"Found it in your head, yeah," the Doctor replied.
Harry gulped. "Right, so, the three of us go Horcrux hunting, and you two go deal with the Death Eaters, okay?"
Rose frowned. "They're, like, the big bad's army, right?"
The Doctor nodded. "Yep."
"Big bad?" Harry asked. "You mean Voldemort, right? 'Cause we've got a bit of a problem, if you mean someone else."
The Doctor grinned. "Yeah, that one. Ah – Harry? Don't forget the one in your head. That'll be important."
"Doctor?" Rose tried, not entirely successfully, to keep the fear out of her voice. "We've already got a problem."
"What's that?" The Doctor spun, looking around. "Ah. Them."
The black-robed men had appeared far enough away that their arrival was silent, but they were advancing rapidly on the small group.
"Death Eaters," Hermione whispered. "How'd they find us?"
The Doctor shrugged. "The TARDIS is probably eliminating the aethermetric readings within about, oh, a thousandth of an astronomical unit or so."
Hermione blinked. "I'm sorry, what was that again?" She sounded confused; Rose didn't blame her. Even for the Doctor that made very little sense.
"Ah – she's broadcasting a null field for the nearest – er – ninety thousand miles, give or take a bit," the Doctor said, running a hand through his hair. "She does it any time we're in a hostile situation; you just don't notice, because only – ah – I use that frequency. And, you know," he waved a hand vaguely, jerking his head slightly, "the Daleks." Which was a classic Doctor avoidance-and-anxiety-driven tactic. They were edging around something he didn't want to talk about.
Rose poked him. "Doctor? The enemies?"
"Ah. Right then." The Doctor frowned, and ran a hand through his hair. "You lot. Leave. Go on, shoo!"
Rose sighed. "What, you're making them leave? What about us?"
The Doctor grinned. "They're leaving, because they can't be hurt here, it'll mess up the story. We, on the other hand, are staying, because we have to go find this big bad, and his minions are the best way to do that."
"This is new," Rose said. "Usually we run."
The Doctor scoffed. "Not always. Sometimes we surrender. Like now. And you lot – why haven't you gone yet?"
Hermione squeaked, and grabbed Harry and Ron. "Ah – we'll just go, then."
"Good," the Doctor said absently. "Toddle off, and we'll deal with these – whatever they are." He patted his pockets. "I've got – ah – sonic screwdriver, psychic paper – ah – we need anything else?"
"I hope not, 'cause we just ran out of time," Rose said. "Here they come."
There were seven of them, all robed in black, hoods pulled up over their heads, faces covered in silver masks.
"On my word!" Harry yelled.
The Doctor turned and looked at him. "Haven't you three gone yet?"
This was immediately followed by the Death Eaters shouting strange words, accompanied by bolts of light from their sticks.
"Fire!" Harry shouted.
Four of the Death Eaters immediately focused on the trio, and a fire-fight of bolts of light began. The remaining three turned on the Doctor and Rose.
"Doctor? Why isn't the TARDIS translating what they're speaking?" Rose gave him a look that said, quite clearly, why haven't we surrendered yet?
The Doctor frowned. "They're spells, words that call power to them and shape it into a given form. They don't have a meaning to translate."
A spell shrieked past Rose's head. She yelled and ducked. "Can we surrender now?"
"Nah, nah, just wait a moment, I'm on the edge of something…"
Rose glared up at him. She was crouching behind his legs, choosing that as the safest place in the battle. "Please?"
"Aha!" the Doctor yelled, a wild grin on his face. "I've got it!" Calming down, he shook his head despairingly. "Honestly, humans. A whole new universe for you lot to play in, with new rules, magic even, and all you can do is invent a new form of gun. I should replace them all with bananas." Looking around, he frowned. "Haven't you lot gone yet?"
"Harry!" Hermione yelled. "Grab my hand!" A loud crack split the air, and the trio vanished.
The Doctor bent down. "Ew, that's disgusting." He lifted up a chunk of flesh, and licked it. "Human, male. Ronald or Harry at a guess. Must have gotten left behind."
Rose stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Why do you have to do that?"
He shrugged. "Oh! And, ah, we surrender." He smiled brightly and held up both hands.
Rose imitated him. "Feels odd not to be running," she muttered.
One of the black robed figures walked up to the Doctor and poked his stick in his face. "Where have the other three gone?" The others circled around them, not seeing the TARDIS.
"Haven't a clue," the Doctor said cheerily. "You're an intelligent one, aren't you, though? Didn't even think to put up an anti-Apparation ward."
"What's that?" Rose asked. The Doctor ignored her.
The stick was jabbed into the Doctor's chin. "Don't be cheeky! Right, we're capturing you and taking you to the Dark Lord. Maybe he can determine where you're from."
"Excellent!" The Doctor grinned. "Just what I wanted."
One of the dark-robed figures sighed. "You're an odd one."
"Shut up, Nott," said the one with his stick on the Doctor's cheek. "Dolohov, Rookwood. Pick one of the prisoners. I want them Apparated directly into a prison cell. The rest of you, we're headed back to the Dark Lord to give our report."
The other one scoffed. "Who put you in charge, Malfoy? Last I heard, you were in disgrace!"
"Shut up, Nott!"
A/N: For those who are less obsessed than me, David Tennant is the Tenth Doctor, and played Barty Crouch Jr. for about five minutes, hence Harry's confusion. And yes, Voldemort is the one word in the multiverse the Doctor can't say.