The EP - Big Time Rush Fanfic by fckyeahcc
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the show or anything, nor is this based on any of the singers' real life. I am not responsible for you being disgusted with slash and/or homosexual pairings. Also, I'll be adding an OC, but it will not affect the pairings (hopefully), if you do not like, oh well.
Summary: What happens when the moment you sleep with the wrong person, your world begins to fall apart? Jarlos, Kogan, Lomille, Kenjo, Kenlos, Jagan, Carlos-centric. Story inspired by "Doll of Fun" by ReadingAddictWeirdo and How to Love by Lil Wayne
Lyrics Featured:
How to Love – Lil Wayne (Covered by Carlos and James)
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol (Covered by Kendall and Logan)
Come Home – OneRepublic (Covered by James)
She Is Love - Parachute (Covered by Kendall)
Thinking of You – Katy Perry (Covered by Carlos)
A Beautiful Mess – Jason Mraz (covered by Logan)
(You should totally listen to these songs as you read this)
Carlos/James, Carlos/Kendall, Kendall/Logan, Kendall/Jo, Camille/Logan, James/Logan, Carlos-centric
(James' POV)
"Gustavo I need tickets to Minnesota."
For the first time in so long, the fat man actually showed an ounce of rage towards me. He stood up, papers flying around like confetti as Kelly looked amused. His face then distorted from a rage to an eerie calm, before settling down in his chair. Ok. Now this was just flat out creepy.
"I am assuming this is about Carlos, isn't it?"
"I need to see him. I just…I need to go and make things right."
I thought Gustavo was going to laugh at me, but instead he ordered Kelly to go fetch the tickets he needs. I was bouncing up and down with joy, screaming with happiness until my manager demanded that I shut up and stop jumping before I make another hole in the floor like the one Jenny Tinkler had previously made a while back.
"Look pretty dog, I am letting you go so you can fetch reckless dog, ok? I need my band to be happy again, and happy means work is being done which means we'll be making money. I know that sounds selfish, but that's fame right there. Besides, it is hard working with a bunch of boys who are miserable with one another. I'm leaving that for you guys to fix since it is not my place there. Now go get your boyfriend."
I reddened at Gustavo's rant but it is nice to have his support.
Getting back to 2J, I had a small whistle in my step. I can't believe that I am going to go through with this. Getting to my room, I passed by a bemused couple that were cuddling on the couch. I made haste as I dumped all my Cuda products and clothes into a luggage. I heard feet stepping behind me. Kendall and Logan were both at my door.
"Going somewhere?" Logan asked.
"To get my boyfriend of course." I replied, throwing in my boxers.
"And Gustavo is fine with this?" Kendall questioned.
"I'm leaving tomorrow." I muttered, finishing packing.
I am going to need a lot of beauty sleep for when I see him tomorrow.
(Carlos' POV)
Nervous. Nervous. Nervous. Really nervous. Extremely nervous. Unbelievably nervous. Mucho grande nervioso. My phone was clenched in my right hand, sweat coating the edges of the iPhone as I gripped it roughly, dialing each number painstakingly slowly. It was James' number. Should I call? Should I text? Maybe email…
I don't know how to approach him, how to say that hello I need to say.
But I do know that I just need to talk to him again, to hear his words, maybe his voice.
As long as I know he is there, maybe my heart will stop being so stupid.
Pressing the green square below the eight button, I held the phone against my face. The dial tone began its toll. Then his voice broke through after the eighth ring.
"Hi, this is James Diamond-"
"James, I-"
"I'm not available right now, probably doing who knows what with Carlos or the guys. Leave me a message and I'll try to get to it later."
I dropped my phone on the hard wooden floor of the now-desolate kitchen. Damnit. Collecting my phone, I drifted lifelessly to my old room. I fell down onto my bed and sighed. I heard a small knock on the door. To my surprise, there was dad, holding a puppy. It was a tiny golden retriever.
"I got him today as a gift from Antonio; apparently his partner volunteers at the local pet shelter and was asked to look after a liter, and well he was trying to get them adopted, and Antonio thought I would like one. I was asked to name him on the spot though, and well…his name is Remington."
Papá handed the puppy to me. It blinked before yapping happily in my hands. The dog does look like a Remington. He licked my cheek and papá grinned.
"He's yours to keep son. And if Ms. Knight is fine with it, you can take him to LA when you come home."
I said my goodnight to him before placing Remington down in my room. The dog went berserk with joy as he sniffed his way around, poking his small nose into my sneakers to my bookshelf, barking ecstatically to himself. He then proceeded to jump up against the bed on which I lay upon. Plucking him, Remington snuggled into my arms, a content murmur coming out from him.
"You seem very happy to be here Remy, like the one from Harry Potter! That is your new nickname!" I cheered, poking his head. Remy nodded with enthusiastic agreement.
I miss James. I miss his smile. I miss his voice. I miss his obsession of Cuda products, and his desire to be famous and his cheerfulness because sometimes I swear, he is more cheerful than me, and I miss him. I miss when he holds me at night, when he nudges me down the swirly slide or how we are Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood. Looking back into my old yearbooks on the shelf, I remember all the fun times we've had together during our old lives here. All the pranks we pulled on teachers, all the punches we threw when idiots harassed Logan, even the broken bones we had when we were playing hockey. Thinking about it, I miss the fun we had. The fun that we once always had.
I love him. James William Diamond, pretty boy wonder of Big Time Rush, is the only boy who possibly, maybe…ok might have my heart. But I do love him as a friend. When I see him again, I swear I'll do everything I can to make things right, to make him happy again.
I promise you that James. I swear on it.
Remington yawned. I think it's adorable when puppies yawn. I wonder if James thinks the same thing. Then again, I don't think he likes dogs. I'll have to ask him sometime.
If he ever talks to me again.
"Have you ever been in love Remy?"
The dog barked confused-like at me.
I take that as a no.
(James' POV)
Today's the day.
"Well, I hope things work out James." Logan said after hugging me for the billionth time. I think I saw Kendall cast a small jealous glance at us each time we hugged. Though I will admit, Logan is cuddly. Ms. Knight had already bid her farewell since she was in a frantic search for the bathroom. Just like the last time, this airport was bustling with business and people going places. Though this time, a few took notice at us with their coy smiles and faux-innocent gestures.
Not that I mind; I'm hot. I like the attention.
Katie walked up to me, with that casual smirk of hers.
"Go get him tiger."
"Thanks Katie. I owe you." I remarked, hugging her smaller frame.
"Don't worry, remember that contract you signed!" She giggled before joining her older brother. The four of us walked towards security, and the guard who was there during Jo's departure was there again, smiling at Kendall. I turned to my friends to see them smile for the last time.
Off to find Carlos.
"Due to temporary problems with the engine, the plane will be making an emergency stop at Des Moines International Airport in Des Moines, Iowa. We are sorry for the inconvenience." The plane's captain announces. The whole plane shook with an aggravated sigh. Are you kidding me? An emergency landing?
The plane descended into the airport and as we ushered out of the plane, were stationed to wait in the seating area. The airport was somewhat decent. Not as many people as LA but still crowded. I groaned against the window I had leaned upon.
After sometime, a flight attendant had appeared before us, and her face wore exhaust and disbelief.
"I am sorry to inform you, but due to all other flights being delayed or out, we will not be arriving to St. Paul until tomorrow, most likely in the very late evening at earliest. We will assist you in any way to find food and a hotel to stay in until then."
No. No, no, no, damnit, no! I cannot just wait for some damn plane! I have to see Carlos! That's it. I'm going to take matters into my own hands. Storming out of the crowded mess of an airport, I was able to rent a car. Luckily, before LA, I used to go with my mom on business meetings Des Moines, so I have somewhat of an idea how to get to Saint Paul. If I take I-35 north, that should do it…
Hopefully.
I also hope that Gustavo wouldn't mind covering my sorry ass in the event I get into an accident since I am, and Logan can verify this one hundred and ten percent, that I am a crappy driver. The man behind the counter earlier gave me an anxious look as he handed me the keys to an old Nissan Sentra. The car was in decent shape, and it even had a GPS in it as well.
Starting her up, I sped down the roads of this Midwestern town.
Carlos, here I come.
(Carlos' POV)
-Dream-
I was at home. No, not in Minnesota; my home is back in LA, in my room, with James there. Leaving the comfort of my bed, I stepped out to find just James. The two of us seemed to be alone, with the others out of the apartment. We decided to watch TV, and as we lay upon the orange couch, we inched closer to each other. Our legs brushed together. He smiled foolishly and then reached around me. Something inside of screamed that I should get up and move. This wasn't right. But then there was the other half of me, who whispered for me to stay where I was, in his arms.
Maybe it was my heart telling me to stay, I guess.
The news came up and apparently someone was giving Big Time Rush a positive review, with a picture of James popping up as the band's pretty boy. Said pretty boy then jumped up, letting me thud against the cushion as he did a small victory dance. I chuckled at James, and he smirked at me before pouncing on me.
The two of us tumbled off of the couch, knocking into the coffee table. I got James by the hair, and to my dismay, he didn't let up as he flipped me over, forcing my grip to loosen. With my wrists bound to my back now, James was clearly the winner.
"Ok, ok you win Jamie!"
"That's right, don't touch my hair again."
Getting up, the taller boy pulled me up, and we were standing a little too close to one another, and I caught his eyes looking right into mine.
I've never noticed how pretty those eyes really were.
He has the cutest nose.
James' lips trembled, like he wanted to say something, but I didn't know what it was. Did he have something to tell me? I didn't know what it was. James didn't have to hesitate. He could tell me anything! After all, I'm his best friend!
"James?"
"I, uhhh, never mind. Forget it Carlos." The pretty brunette said, slowly walking away from me. I watched him leave. Please don't go…
Just as he was about to walk into our room, I grabbed his wrist gently, pulling him back towards me.
Something inside of me must have snapped because in that particular moment, I pulled him towards my face, and I kissed him, my lips fitting just right and heavenly against his own pretty ones.
-End of dream-
"Son, get up, we got an emergency." Papá urged, shaking my shoulders rather harshly. I woke up, realizing that I was in my own bedroom in Saint Paul, Minnesota, and I was dreaming of kissing my best friend. Opening my eyes, I saw dad standing over me, and Remington was yapping and jumping excitedly.
My room was barely lit, but I felt hot much like I did as I had James close to me. I still could taste him against my lips which now were glossed with saliva, and I just wish I had more time to sleep and dream dreams like that.
"What's wrong papá?"
"It's James, he rented a car and it broke down on the freeway near Faribault. Your phone woke me and your madre up. Come on, we got to go get him. The police station has a tow truck we can use."
I must have looked really stupid for my dad to pluck me from my bed, chuck me a sweater and mutter random Spanish since I didn't respond but I was so choked up; James is here?
(James' POV)
Hanging up, I watched as the screen of my phone blackout, a meek beep squeaking out before it bleeped into a useless piece of plastic and metal. I was standing outside of my car, having called Mr. Garcia after checking the engine before realizing that the car was actually just out of gas. Should have filled it up before heading to the freeway.
I went back into my car, shutting my eyes a little. It was a little after one in the morning by now, and the speeding lights of cars were slowing down, probably due to traffic.
Sleep slipped me soundly and sound became simply silent as darkness slithered softly. Sometime later a small tap was hit against my head and I jolted up, accidentally honking the car's horn. I saw my best friend's dad outside with a warm grin, and Carlos next to him with an anxious look.
Mr. Garcia was muttering Spanish at Carlos, pointing towards the Sentra and then at me. Carlos yelled back. I have never once seen Carlos yell back at his parents. This was a first yet again.
(Carlos' POV)
"¿Por qué diablos?" I shrieked violently, my dad and my friend looking at me with surprise. Don't get me wrong, I love James and my dad…but I don't think I'm ready to be around James yet. I am happy that he's here to see me but…I'm not too sure about this.
"Hijo, no hay espacio en el camión de remolque. Te necesito para viajar con James como remolcar el coche. A menos que esté bien conmigo te vas por la autopista solo." Papá defiantly, his glare not shaking as he stared hard at me. James just stood by his car with a baffled look while my dad and I argued over this.
I don't want to be alone with James, yet. How I am to survive this weekend will be something. Sighing with frustration, I watched my dad stroll back to the tow truck, whistling a happy tune. He looked surprisingly fine, having driving here from Des Moines. Making sure that the car was connected, I got into the back of the Sentra with James, pouting a little.
Me.
James.
In the back of a car, in the middle of the night.
Just me and him.
The car was surprisingly clean, and the back was roomy and stainless. James was fiddling with a button on his shirt while smiling sheepishly. Suddenly an obnoxious honk was cracked from beyond the window, and I realized that there is traffic. A lot of traffic.
"Carlos?"
"What?" I didn't mean to be rude about that, I guess the tired me made me snap. James flinched, and I saw a little hurt in his eyes. I don't want to be the reason he hurts. When James is hurt, it hurts me too. But I'm still burned by what he said to me before I left. I have never been more humiliated or bashed than that night James yelled he regret kissing me.
"I'm sorry Carlos."
"For picking you up? No, it's fine."
There's that puppy dog look, the one that I taught him and he's using it against me, but overall, just the way he was looking at me. It was like he wanted to say something so important but I scared him from actually saying it. Damnit! Damnit, damnit, damnit! What is the matter with me?
I'm a horrible boy.
James lifted his head a little, like he was leaning forward, and then…he pulled away, sinking against the window. We didn't talk. The car barely inched after rejoining the flow of traffic. He kept his legs folded with a regal poise, and all I could feel off him was hurt. Closing my eyes, I let out a rugged breath. I might regret this later, but I searched in the dark of the automobile for James' hand. I held his soft hand.
And an uncontrollable sniffle came out of my mouth along with a tear going down my face. I couldn't stop myself; I just cried. I let his hand go and felt James hold me, and he too cried. I missed him. I did, and I just can't be feeling like this. I want him to be close to me. I want him to hold me and make me feel special the way he does and just see his smile. I want James to be the one kissing me. I want James to be the one I hold and be the one I get to laugh and flirt all day with.
I am mad at James still, and pained by him to, but I love him.
It's going to take time, but something tells me that this is more important.
There was no need for words, just breathing in and out between each hiccup. I'm a stupid, stupid, stupid boy. There was a small ker-plunk of rain pelting the window, and a storm had begun.
I have always hated storms.
I felt safe in James' arms, and as the splashing of rain came down, the torrent did not scare me as sleep came over.
My whole body shook, and gravity began to pull on me, waking me up from my slumber. I glanced up to find a drowsy yet somehow stable James carrying me up the stairs bridal-style. In that particular instance, I seriously imagined what our wedding day would be like.
I like the idea of James holding me like this.
Laying me on my bed, it came to my attention that I was a little soaked. It must be raining hard since the downpour is still continuing and I am now wet. Without sound, I watched as James changed in front of me, his back turned. Lazily, his hands lifted his shirt, and revealed his back which gleamed in the light of the room. The next thing that totally caught me off guard was that James pulled down his black jeans, and even with the dim light, I could see he was wearing no underwear.
I felt my member throb to life, and I blushed furiously as my friend remained oblivious to me staring at him. I groaned helplessly by error, and the minute James turned around, I shut my eyes, praying to God that he thinks I'm just talking in my sleep or something. I felt his presence leaning over me before padding back to his suitcase on the ground which I failed to notice. Cracking my eyes open again, I saw James wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt with a smiley face on it.
I turned to face the other side of the room, just to stop myself from raping my best friend anymore with my eyes.
James' hands began lifting my clothes! Oh shit! Ohshitohshitohshitohshit keep your damn eyes shut! I didn't know whether to panic or to kick his pretty face (which really, I do not want to do). Article by article, I was having my clothes removed and the feeling of terror washed over me as I now was buck naked on my bed with my awkward excuse of a friend standing over my nude body.
Out of nowhere, a soft fabric covered me, and soon more of layered itself on me. A shirt slipped over my head and shorts were pulled up against my legs. James was just changing my clothes. Thank God!
Fluttering my eyes, I saw James laid himself on the floor and when our eyes saw each other, he sheepishly smiled. My bed was too small for me, let alone having two people sleep on it. I rolled over, falling over the bed. James got out of the reclining position he was in and tried helping me up but I flashed a goofy smile, getting closer to him despite looking so stupid.
Neither of us wanted to talk, just listen to the sound of us. I was making myself comfortable, and now, my backside was against James and he hugged me at the waist. His breath was tickling the back of my neck. Turning around, I snuggled into his chest, inhaling the subtle smell of Cuda and sweat, and to most people that'd smell disgusting but to me, it smells nice.
Really, really nice.
For some time, we just remained like statues, and then I felt James snore. I smiled, before going to sleep.
(Kendall's POV)
"Logie, I think we should go on a date. A legitimate, actual, and definitely outside of this apartment date."
The two of us were in the living room part of the apartment again, watching a third Spongebob marathon, and even though I love the little sea critter, if I have to hear that moronic laugh once more, I am going to explode. I want some fresh air! That and a something to eat other than macaroni and cheese (Logan is an awesome cook, I just want something else is all).
It sucks being sheltered in; especially with all the pestering paparazzi that linger around occasionally. There are more of them since James departed to fetch Carlos. Not only that but I heard that Jo might be returning to town for a small vacation.
To make matters worse, while mom is being supportive of us, she doesn't want us doing anything remotely PG-13 or higher. Which means no kissing, or groping, or licking the back of Logan's neck or getting hickies from him, and damnit, I just want to be romantic with my boyfriend!
"It's about time! I was wondering when you'd say something." Logan exclaimed, and I perked an eyebrow at him.
"Really?"
"No. I don't know if I'm ready to go out public or not, I mean I don't care if this causes publicity for the band; it's just I'm not sure if I want the whole world to know quite yet Kendall."
"C'mon! It will be fun! Think about it; candle lit dinner, followed by a walk in the park?"
"You watch too many chick flicks dude."
"Hey! It's not my fault that Katie and my mother like them!" I defended.
"Well Logie, I don't hear a "No,"."
"I said no!"
I pouted at him, and soon it became a stare down as I glared hard and long at Logan, waiting for him to cave into me. In staring contests, I always win. After a minute or so, Logan blinked and before he could have a rebuttal, I snatched his arm and dragged him to our room. I threw a pair of grey jeans and the cute black cardigan he wore that one time we were on live TV. He started dressing, lest I strip him and do it myself. Though, that wouldn't be such a bad idea.
After all, I do miss the taste of his skin since mom is on us like a sharp hawk. Smiling happily, I shooed my boyfriend of the bedroom so I can begin getting ready. I am so excited! Even if this seems to be a last minute date. Slipping on my favorite pair of Vans and an onyx button-up vest, I hollered to Katie to let mom know we'd be out late.
To Logan's dismay, I was the one behind the wheel. If anything, I think Logan is afraid of not being the person driving the car. He's already terrified of James'…questionable skills (and I don't blame him) but really now; I'm not that bad of a driver. I was able to book a table at some restaurant called Yamashiro, which is a famous Asian cuisine joint in Hollywood before starting up the Big Time Rush mobile.
"Kendall, it's reckless of you to drive while on the phone!" Logan exclaimed, gripping onto the car with sheer terror.
Dude. I'm just backing out of the parking spot so I can leave the Palm Woods. With a Cheshire grin, I sped down the road.
The restaurant I pulled up to was something I was not expecting. This looked more like a palace than it did as a restaurant. But nonetheless it did impress Logan who gaped in awe at the Japanese architecture. The tiled roof was elegant. Paper lantern with Japanese on them fluttered in the small evening breeze and the sound of people enjoying themselves was loud.
"Kendall, how on Venus did you get reservations for a place like this?"
"Oh, you know, Gustavo. And who says "How in Venus?" I coolly replied. Which reminds me; I owe him. He may not be paying for our dinner but Gustavo was able to buy someone out of their reservation with just one phone call.
"It looks so…exorbitant!"
"In English?"
"Expensive; will we be alright?"
"Of course Logie!"
"Hey! You know how I feel about you calling me that in public!"
Chuckling, I tugged Logan with me, and a waitress blushed but served us happily as she led us towards our table. To our surprise, we saw Katy Perry there too. The woman before us laid our menus down on a table that was in a ring of tables along the border of a Japanese style garden. The humming of a koi pond's pump was soft and the scent of pine was pleasant.
We ordered calamari tempura as an appetizer, and Logan ordered some Asian BBQ ribs (I think that's his Texan stomach mumbling) while I ordered their famous American Wagyu Steak. Food after food, it was phenomenal! I am usually not a big fan of Asian food but wow that was just simply amazing. We laughed towards our pigging out, me especially since Logan kept making funny faces as he indulged in his ribs.
"Hey Kendall?" Logan asked, after wiping his slips clean of the barbeque sauce.
"Yeah?"
"What are we gonna do when Carlos gets back? Don't you think he'll be caught off guard by us being together? And not only that but with what has transpired, shouldn't we apologize to him or something? I think we should do that, at least. Still, I have no known idea what to tell him."
"I think all what we can do is just apologize to him and just tell him. Besides, I'm sure he'll be with James, so it'll even us out. And I know he'll support us anyways."
Paying the check, we got up to leave when out of the blue a horribly blinding light pierced my eyes. To my horror, the paparazzi decided to mob us.
"Look there's Katy Perry and Russell Brand!"
"Oh my gosh, Kendall and Logan are dating each other!"
"Kendall, how long have you been seeing Logan?"
"Logan, do your parents know about Kendall as being more than a friend?"
All the screaming and banshee noises blurred into a horrid voice as me and Logan bolted for the car, slamming the doors shut as I tried to speed away, nearly backing into the growing crowd that had followed us.
This is not going to end well.
Not in the least bit.
(Carlos' POV)
Morning. Thursday morning to be exact.
The sweet, whistle like sound of chirping birds rang true. James still had his arms around me, face so peaceful looking. I wanted to stay this way and be close. Except, I really had to pee.
Lifting his arms with the best precision I could give, I waltzed over to the bathroom, and alas, my bladder was no longer hurting. Tip toeing back, I was stopped by my dad who already was wearing his uniform.
"Son, I'll be going to work now, do me a favor and talk to James."
I blushed at how fast and how unexpected that greeting was but I nodded in compliance before going back to my room. I crawled back next to James, and I felt himself wrap his arms around me again while I reclined into his hold. James was so comfy. A part of me wanted to go back to sleep since it was a little early and the other wanted to remain awake to enjoy this just a little longer.
James missed me to some degree that was certain since he's being his affectionate self again, but something tells me that he's still hurt. Maybe…he's just doing this for a kick and then when we return home, he'll forget about me. I don't know. I just don't think this will last long at all.
I do love James. I am scared of being more, but I want to be his boyfriend. I really do! Maybe we should stay friends for a little bit longer. It won't help with the fact that I want kiss him but it would be healthy for our relationship maybe.
Have you ever been in love but afraid because of what your past is made of? Because right now, that's what I am going through. James had thrust his hips upward a bit, and I felt his morning junk press into my butt. It felt…nice. Curiously, I gyrated my hips against his hard member, accidentally earning a moan out of James. The taller boy bucked his pelvis into me again, even rougher than the last time and oh God, it felt so good.
Before I had a chance, James grabbed both of my wrists, holding me down as I got on top of me with a devious smile.
"J-James?"
His lips smashed themselves against my own. I tried to pull my wrists away but instead, James used one arm to subdue both of my arms before using the other to explore the contents of my shorts. I moaned sinfully, my face reddening uncontrollably as James fondled my cock. Pleasure and terror chilled down my back.
Suddenly, flashbacks of Kendall soared before my eyes. I can remember all the touching, and the begging and the confusion. All of a sudden, I could remember all the hurt sex has put me through, both physically and emotionally. All I could see was Kendall. All I could hear was his ragged breath. All I could feel and smell was lust and I don't want that.
No, I can't do this.
"Kendall stop! Please stop! Please, no more!" I screamed horrifically, thrashing with fear so frenzied, I was able to overthrow James. I kept kicking, flailing, trying to run away. My mind was blind with a montage of James and Kendall obscuring my vision, and I don't want to be touched anymore, I don't want to be kissed anymore, I don't want to be around Kendall anymore!
(James' POV)
"Carlos! Please come out! I'm sorry!"
In reply, I just got a bunch of Spanish gibberish, and I couldn't understand a single thing he said other than the mentioning of Kendall's name, that was it. Damnit! I shouldn't have done that! I should have remembered that Carlos was still fragile from everything; that was the reason he left in the first place. Carlos has been in the bathroom for nearly two hours now. All my knocking and pleading has gotten me nowhere. There was no convincing Carlos out anytime soon.
I sat against the door, and waited. Closing my eyes, I relaxed, breathing soundly. Sometime later, the door fell backwards, and so did I. I didn't even know that I dozed off. I was now looking up at Carlos, who wore a saddened and scared look. I just wanted to hold him and comfort him; I should never have kissed him like that. Sitting up right against the sink's lower cabinet, Carlos closed the door before huddling next to me.
"Carlitos, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry."
"James?"
"Yes Carlos?
"I think we need to stay just friends."
I didn't think it was anymore possible for my heart to shatter but it did; Carlos doesn't want me. I know that I shouldn't be surprised, but I really thought maybe I could have a chance. Whatever. Carlos wants this, and I want him to be happy. I have no choice but to respect this decision.
"I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship yet. James, I'm sorry, I just need time to adjust to things. In addition to that, I don't want to damage our friendship yet. I don't know if I want to date boys, I don't even know if I want to date girls. I just don't know, ok? James, I do love you. I don't know if I'm in love with you though. I don't want to rush into saying that and then later…not mean it. You're my best friend in the whole world James. I don't want to lose that. Give me time please; I just gotta put myself back in order."
He was speaking so fast, but I couldn't catch on. His first words kept ringing in my ears. Just friends. I know this is his decision. I can't fight that. But I don't want it to be this way! He's supposed to love me and we're supposed to be happy and all couple like. If anything, I feel my trip home has now become invalidated. I felt so awkward and unneeded now. I feel like all the hopes I had inside of me now melted away and down the drain.
"Then friends it is." I forcefully said.
I hugged him, and even though he couldn't see it, a small drop of water corned itself in my eye. I don't want to accept it, but this is for the best. Even though I would rather have it my way (because then the both of us would be happy and all that chizz), Carlos needs this. Letting him go, we left the bathroom, settling in the family room to play videogames. Before we could get started, the house phone rang, and Carlos fetched it.
I stared at his face as he chatted to what seemed to be Logan, yet something in the tone of his voice gave that something was gravely wrong. Carlos saw me and flashed a smile at me, but I knew it was a fake smile. Getting off the carpet, I placed my hand out, wanting to talk to Logan. Carlos shook his head and instead, I took it from him before he could say anymore to the genius.
"Logan, it's James. What's going on?"
"Griffin is threatening to drop us off the label unless you two get home now. The four of us are in major trouble."
(Carlos' POV)
Have you ever felt like a stranger in a place you once called home? Have you ever stood at the front door of a place you once walked a hundred times through before, and had all the memories come rushing back? Stripped of the thick attire that I had back in Minnesota, I stood in front of 2J, hands clenched nervously. By now it was almost nine; they must have either eaten dinner or are relaxing. James yawned, waiting for me to open the door. The flight back was unbelievably the worst flight of my life. I couldn't relax. I couldn't sleep or eat snacks on it. Because the fate of our band was strangling me on the inside. We are back now.
"Hi Carlos! Hi James! I haven't seen you two in a while."
Taking to my side, I saw Camille standing there with her brilliant smile. She was actually the first person to have greeted me asides from Bitters' nonchalant nod. James smirked but waved at Camille. She still looked as beautiful, though eccentric, as ever.
"Hey Camille, it's been a while."
"Where did you go? Big Time Rush has been all over the news! There's been so much drama from what I hear, though I didn't want to butt in cuz well you know, you guys are friends, and it is not my place to butt in."
I shook my head, more to myself than it was to her as a reply.
"Camille, a lot has been going on lately, and it's hard to explain."
"Oh, well Carlos, can you do me a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you tell Logan that…that I miss him? I know it's not like me to be asking you a favor like this but lately, I haven't seen him. And I miss him. It'd mean a lot to me if you could."
Asides from risking a brutal slap and a nasty red mark on my cheek, it is hard for me to say no to Camille. I smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah, I can do that. See ya."
"See ya later Carlos. Bye James." Camille bid before turning around towards the elevator.
"Are you really gonna do that?"
"I don't know. Should I?"
Sighing, I opened 2J's door.
Kendall and Logan were sitting on the couch, hands clenched in fists as they looked anxiously at the news on the TV. Striding over, I didn't know what has the two so nervous until I saw it. Kendall and Logan caught kissing at some Japanese restaurant, and people arguing between interviews whether or not the photos were real. The two were awfully close to each other. Hands held too. So they were real, and the two are a couple.
I'm so happy for them! I mean well, I'm happy that they are together. But I'm uncomfortable with the idea. I don't know why or what is it that's making me feel this way. Maybe it has to do with Kendall being the first person I was remotely sexual with. It might also have to with Logan abandoning me at the airport almost a week or so ago, when I needed him the most. But they deserve to be happy.
"Ahem?"
"Carlos! You're back!" Kendall noticed excitedly, and both he and Logan got up, embracing me tightly that almost all the air was out of me. James took our stuff to our room while I was trying to catch up with the two.
"So what is exactly going on? Tell me what all that news was about?"
"Well…Logan and I went on a date," began Kendall, who was twiddling his thumbs slowly, that isn't like him. "We were having a good time until the paparazzi got pictures of us, including one where we kissed. We didn't even know about that one. Griffin got word, and for the most part all we know is that we might be dropped. But we don't know for sure until we go down to the studio tomorrow."
"Ok, so I get that. So you guys are a couple now?"
"Yeah, we are." Logan said, holding Kendall's hand.
"I'm fine with that."
"Really?" Kendall said.
"Really. You guys deserve to be happy." Logan hugged me again, and I laughed, messing up his hair before he mumbled something about helping James, leaving me and Kendall alone.
"So things with Logan, they are real? Not like what we did…right? Kendall, I swear, if it's like that, I am going to kick your-"
"Carlos, it is. I swear it is. Look, when I say this I need you to just listen. I…I had sex with you because I was really running away from my feelings for Logan. Really. I did what I did because a part of me thought that maybe, it'd be better for me to be with you. I wanted to fall in love with you. I tried to convince my heart of that. But I couldn't. I love Logan. I am in love with Logan. I never meant to hurt you. Something rationalized that losing you wouldn't be as bad as losing Logan. I kept telling myself that this was all a phase but it wasn't; it was real. I'm sorry for hurting you, and for everyone."
I stared at Kendall for a second before punching his arm, sporting a faux-hurt look at him.
"What the hell is the matter with you? Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place? I could have helped you know!" I said speedily, "I would have done anything to get you two together! Now I want my virginity back you twat!"
I actually laughed, considering I used yet another one of Logan's fancy words.
"So you believe me?"
"Kendall, you are my friend. I won't lie, it's going to take some time to adjust and be normal again. Trust me, there was an incident before me and James returned. You've hurt me in ways a friend never should hurt another. But in a way, I forgive you. Because you are my friend, no, my brother in a way. And the band is important to all of us! We have to forgive each other at some point right? I just don't want you touching me anymore."
"I can do that!" Kendall said, jumping up and hugging me again.
"Ahem?"
"Sorry, force of habit. I love Carlos, thank you so much!"
I watched the band's leader skip back to his room, looking for Logan, and I saw James stepping out, heading towards the kitchen. I followed because I heard my stomach demand for some food. We didn't feel like talking, but I grabbed some cereal while James, who caught on, got the milk and bowls. Handing him a spoon, I poured some of the S'Mores into his plastic bowl. In return, he poured the milk in mine. As we munched on our evening snack, I couldn't help but stare at James.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to try something? Certainly I won't rush it like James did back in Minnesota, but maybe…maybe we can try and date.
I'll talk to James about it tomorrow.
"Ok dogs, it is time to get on that EP. The title of it will be Big Time Covers since we'll be covering a lot of artists. Here are the lyrics for each of your songs." Gustavo barked, his glasses gleaming nonchalantly at the light of the studio. His step was much bouncier; in other words, he seems happy today. This is a first for us. The stack of lyrics each of got were thick.
Checking the first page, it was labeled with my name on top of it, followed by which songs I had. I got some song called "Thinking of You", then a duet version of Lil Wayne's "How to Love."
"Our fan base wants more acoustic songs and less auto-tune stuff, we'll do an acoustic version of these song."
"Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
oh won't you walk through and bust in the door and take me away,
oh no more mistakes cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..."
As I finished up that final note for the fourth time, I peeked over at my shoulder to see James so focused on the piano sheets since he was providing the background music for me while Kendall strummed along with his guitar.
Before we even had a chance to begin singing the next song, Griffin had stridden in, with beautiful girls; one with a vicious and bitchy look while the other tired and shy. I glanced over at Kendall and Logan who shot spiteful glares as they huddled close to one another. James and I both looked confused at Griffin. Who were those two girls? Why are they staring back at me and James?
"Gustavo, I need to speak to James and Carlos, alone."
"Griffin, we are a band! We have the right to hea-"
"Kendall, if you know what's good for your "band" I suppose you leave then."
The three of them left, Logan snatching Kendall's hand despite Griffin's disapproving glance.
I've never felt more nervous in front of an old man before than I am feeling right now right here. Griffin always had wacky shack ideas on his mind, and worse, we're his favorite lab rats. I could not keep still. Something tells me that these girls are more than interns.
"As you two are aware of, there's been a scandal recently, involving Logan and Kendall. Since I want to protect Rocque Records along with my business' image, I have took it to my responsibility that everyone is, how you kids say, "taken," and not single. Carlos, James, meet Charice and Marla. They will be your publicity girlfriends. What you do in your apartment is your call. But when you are in studio, out on the streets or on tour, they will be the girls you are both seeing. If you two do anything to compromise that, the consequences will be fatal."
…Publicity girlfriends?
(Logan's POV)
I cannot believe Griffin. If I had the willpower and the necessary materials, I would force feed him sodium hydroxide for what he is planning on doing. He's bringing back Jo. Bringing her back to date Kendall. MY KENDALL. I didn't even have half the heart to listen to the rest of Griffin as Kendall and I looked appalled by this dastardly maneuver. Jo is coming back. I could not focus on the drive home. All of us were locked into our own little worlds of angst considering all the bad news that has gotten to us. Griffin bringing Jo back, Carlos and James being forced to date complete strangers and then…
He's threatening my position in the band if I don't go out with Camille.
When Kendall and I got to our room, it was sometime in afternoon and we both sat on the sides of our beds, staring hard at the carpet. We either go out with our exes, or risk losing the record label.
Before leaving, Gustavo and Kelly overheard Griffin's plans of making us date people we don't want to date, and they tried to defend us. They really did. For Gustavo to do something like defending what is for our best interest was phenomenal. But that didn't stop Griffin as he threatened their jobs and their employment liability. That sneaky weasel!
I crawled over next to Kendall, and I placed my arm around him, because I know this is hard for us both. Just when we had it right, something got in the way, and now we have to go back to not being together.
"So are you going to talk to Camille?"
"No, not yet. You ready for Jo to come back?" I asked back.
"No. I want to be with you."
"But we have to, for the band."
"I agree. Maybe until Jo gets back we can enjoy just us for a little longer." Kendall mumbled.
"Yeah, Kendall?"
"Yeah Logie?"
"I love you."
"I love you too. Logie, can you promise me something?"
"Yeah?"
"If you have to kiss Camille, please wash your mouth afterwards so I can kiss you. I don't wanna taste method acting when I kiss you."
"Of course," I chuckled "If only you promise to wipe your lips after kissing Jo. You know how I hate lip gloss."
I felt Kendall hug me tighter. I love him. I will not tolerate sharing him. I wanted to cuddle, but the mood seemed to kill it.
(Carlos' POV)
"Hello, is this Charice?" I shyly ask.
"Hi, this is. May I ask who I'm speaking to? Wait, is this Carlos? Hi Carlos."
I'm glad that out of the two girls, Charice chose me, or rather got stuck with me since Marla has a thing for pretty boys. Charice seemed to be the laidback and relaxed kind of girl. Though that isn't my type, maybe, I should get to know her more. I love James, but I said we need to be friends. Just friends. Nothing more until I figure things out. If I do.
Dating Charice might actually do me some good. I might be able to figure out if I want to date James or if I want to still see girls. If I can do things right with Charice but not feel the same, then maybe I can try with James! Wait, what am I talking about? I should give Charice a chance. Actually get to know her. Maybe even grow to like her…
There is a possibility that maybe dating Charice might give me a normal life.
I don't know.
"Hi Charice. I was wondering if you'd like to go on ummm out to a movie?"
"Are you doing this because Griffin is making your or because you want to?" I felt some doubt in her voice, like she didn't think I liked her. I am going to prove her wrong!
"I want to. Now what movie do you want to see?"
The movie we saw was Friends with Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. It was a cute and sexy movie, despite being somewhat predictable as two friends who enter a sexual relationship fall in love. Charice and I were laughing throughout the entire movie, giggling even more so as she commented on the predictable while I noted on the stupid stunts that I'd do in real life that I saw in the film.
Leaving the movie theater, we were walking towards a local park. By now, it was a little afternoon. It was then I began noticing the way she looked. Her hair in order without a strand out place, and eyes bright with a gentle hazel color. She walked with a sway that screamed with swagger. Although she has a somewhat quiet demeanor, Charice seems so happy and cheerful. As I asked questions about her, the girl answered with a confidence that was high up; in a way that was almost like a subtle way of saying she is the best.
In a way, this girl was like James.
Not that it matters, because seriously, I shouldn't compare her to James.
She lived a couple blocks away from the movie theater we were at, and as I walked her up towards her door, she hugged me tightly. She smelled like vanilla and apples. When our eyes met, we both blushed until suddenly, I felt her lips against mine.
I do not know how to describe this kiss. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't exactly good. It was coy, humble as she traced my lips with her tongue before darting away, pressing her glossy lips against my own again. I tried to kiss back, but something made me stop. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't really kiss back. She then stepped away and whispered good night before shutting the door, and I stood there silly before I began walking down the stairs of the apartment complex.
"I'm home!" I screeched as I got back to 2J. I think everyone was still in shock at what Griffin is making us do since he told us yesterday. No one was in the kitchen or the living room area. The sun was peeking through the window shades. There was a note on the fridge.
"Carlos,
Logan, Kendall, Katie and I went to the mall. James is taking a nap. Try not to break anything.
Ms. Knight."
Thinking about it, I do remember James muttering something before going back to our room after he saw me getting ready for my date with Charice. Crumpling the note up, I went to get some water. The apartment was eerily silent. Putting the glass away, I was going to my room. Just when I was about to turn the doorknob, I stopped. I heard a small whimper.
"Why? Why would he do that? I love him…"
It was then that it came to me that James was the one crying with a conscious whisper. Did I do something again? What is it? All I did was go out on a small date, and get to know the girl that Griffin is paying for me and him to see. Well that, and kiss her. I heard the bed creak with a defeated squeak and I swiftly bolted away from the door, trying to look all casual and (what was that word) non-chilled? I think it was nonchalant.
"Sup buddy." James said, and already I can see the false enthusiasm.
"Hey."
"How was the date?"
"Good! We saw Friends with Benefits, and then we walked through the park a little before going walking her home. Then she kissed me."
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I shouldn't have said that. I regret saying that because now James just walked out of the room yelling about running out of Cuda shower gel and I didn't even get the chance to say how I even felt about that kiss.
I never want to hurt James again. Something instinctively told me to never, ever, ever put myself in a place where I hurt my best friend in the whole world. Being with Charice hurt him. Being with Kendall hurt him. Being away hurt him. I don't want to hurt James anymore.
Now I know for certain. I do love James. I am in love with James. He was there for everything, as I've said before. When I look at other people, I think of him. When I smell Cuda, all that comes to mind is him. I want James certainly now. I don't think I've ever felt more certain than I have now. I don't care about girls. I don't care about guys. I just want James. I just want his touch and his happiness again. I want his kisses and touches. I just want everything I could get from him, as long as it is from James. I want to love him in the way he wants me to love him.
I love James. No more confusion. No more games.
He's been gone all evening, and it was almost 10 PM now.
The moment he walked into the bedroom, I pounced right on top of him, making him drop his Cuda crap as I stared him hard in the eyes before placing a sloppy and very amateurish kiss on him while wrapping my arms around him. I knew that the kiss was messy. I knew that James is a better kisser and that he has had better than me. But that isn't going to stop me. I felt my heel pop. I felt his lips quiver with amazement. My arms came undone, and I let myself roam, my hands patting his touch and his neck and his cheeks as I felt his mouth against my own. His arms encircled my body. Please don't let me go.
This kiss felt right. This kiss felt like James should be the only one kissing me. It felt like no else but James belongs here. Kissing James has never made me feel this alive before. Just kissing him puts all of my experiences to shame; being with Kendall and Charice, doing those stupid stunts for a cheap thrill, becoming a Jennifer, all of it not being comparable to this. There were no sparks, no stars clawing their way around the darkness of my close eyelids. Instead, I just felt a heartbeat, tapping in time with my own. James' heart beating with my own racing heart. And instead of having the chills or passionate lust, I just felt truly at home. I felt safe. I felt happy. I felt a rush of emotions that I can't explain but I knew that only James could ever make me feel this way.
A part of me finally does believe James. That he does love me.
We both let go, and just gazed at one another.
And then he grabs me, pulling me for another kiss, a rougher kiss, a better kiss. I felt my eyes lull backwards at the way James swirled his tongue inside of my mouth after prying me open. Moaning, I clutched onto him, just for safety.
"Don't ever leave me." James' whispered faintly against my lips.
"I promise. No more mistakes, please, no more. I love you."
(Logan's POV)
When the four of us returned home, the apartment was oddly quiet. No obnoxious commotions indicating that our reckless Latino was scheming up to something. No hissing of hairspray cans meaning that James isn't doing anything either. The apartment was in a gentle ambiance, which isn't normal. As Ms. Knight retired towards her room, Katie, Kendall and I began investigating. We scavenged the pool, the lobby (making sure to avoid Camille while at it) and even the rooftops of the Palm Woods. Then it came to me that we didn't check one of the most obvious places; their bedroom.
Getting back there, the three of us were surprised to what we have found. Carlos and James holding each other, blanket covering them as they slept. Cuda products were scattered about on the floor along with Carlos' repulsive helmet.
Closing the door, I smiled at the two.
Finally.
(Carlos' POV)
I remember last night. I remember James kissing me.
I think I got it figured out now. I want to be with James, taking it slow. But I know that I love him. I really do love James, meaning in love. I don't even care that we have to play the secretive game by dating those girls, as long as by the end of the day I get James. Suddenly my phone was ringing annoyingly and both James and I moved. Reaching over for my phone, I forgot that these beds were tiny and ended up knocking James to the ground. The caller ID read Papá.
"Hello?"
"Son, I just wanted to call and see how are you doing? Remington misses you!" Dad yelled happily. I heard some rather disappointed Spanish in the background, dismissing it.
"I'm fine papá! I'm so sorry but I am busy right now, and I gotta go. I promise to call you tonight!"
"Well ok son. Bye!"
"Love you dad!"
Hanging up, I looked at James before pulling him off the ground.
"James, can we talk?"
"Oh god, are you regretting what happened last night? Please don't. Please, I ask of-"
"I was going to say do you wanna get McDonalds later. You and me?"
"You know I don't like fast food."
"Then Qdoba? I want a burrito."
"Wait, wait, wait, you're like asking me out on a date or something?"
"No, I'm just asking my boyfriend out for a burrito."
"I'm your boyfriend?"
Is he not listening? I gripped his shirt, kissing him, teasing his mouth as I nipped at his lower lip softly. I licked around a bit, just exploring the outside parts of his mouth, until his jaws parted way and his tongue played along my own. If I can kiss him without confusion, without fear, I think that truly says something…
I hope.
James stops kissing and looks at me.
"Burritos it is."
Walking into Rocque studios, I felt like I was walking into enemy territory. Today was James' turn at recording with Gustavo, and Griffin is calling a mandatory date with Marla afterwards, much to my distaste. Marla kept daggering her eyes at me, like I was trying to steal James away. Which in a way, I kind of was stealing him considering I wouldn't leave James' side and insisted on being helpful.
Griffin also had the same piercing look at me. Is he suspicious of James and me? Well I gotta be more careful then.
"Everything I can't be is everything you should be,
and that's why I need you here, so hear this now,
come home, come home cause I've been waiting for you for so long, for so long."
James tore away his gaze from the piano as he looked up towards me, and I felt my face reddened. It feels so nice being serenaded. I was fighting the feeling to gush as I watched behind the recording glass with Gustavo and Kelly. The two eyed at me weirdly while I just smiled gleefully at my secret-boyfriend on the other side. I could feel Marla fuming in the far distance.
"Ok wrap it up pretty dog!" The lone wolf barked.
James rolled his eyes before hitting the final note of his cover.
"Carlos, relax dude. I'm sure James is fine." Logan preached, but I felt uncertain. I don't like feeling uncertain. I kept pacing back and forth in Logan's room. Kendall was asleep and I kept thinking about what horrors James might be facing considering that unlike my date, his was forced. I hope James is alright; if she did so much as to mess up his hair, she'll have to deal with me.
And when I have my hockey stick, I am not to be messed with.
James then walked through the door, and I never thought I could hug someone as tightly as I hugged him considering I nearly got his sweet cheeks purple.
"Ok buddy, you can let go now," my boyfriend muttered through a ragged breath.
I slackened my grip, but refused to stop hugging my boyfriend.
"I don't wanna lose you. Especially since she's pretty." I whined back, breathing in the sickly sweet smell of Cuda on his vest. I heard Logan go awe in the background followed by Kendall groaning in his slumber. Way to ruin the moment bro. I felt James pat my back. I glanced back up before making a cheeky look at him.
"So how was the date?" Logan asked.
"Horrendous. She made me go thong shopping with her and modeled the clothes, and then we saw this horrible movie." I wanted to hug him more if it wasn't for the fact that I was now imagining James in pink lingerie. Logan was snickering. It did sound like a bad date.
"Whatever, you're home! Let's eat some corn dogs now." I insisted, and the three of us went towards the kitchen for dinner. James didn't let me go though, clutching my hand with his own sweaty ones.
I didn't mind.
I just like holding his hand.
(Kendall's POV)
Jo came back today. She is to temporarily stay with Camille until her family has everything settled in their old apartment. Logan left the apartment sometime ago to talk to Camille. I was debating whether or not to go see her; that is until the door rang. There stood a familiar blonde. Jo looked as bedazzling (one of Logan's favorite words) ever, but it wasn't the same. There was no connection, no feelings left for her. She just seemed to be like any other girl.
"Hey Jo."
She didn't say anything, but instead hugged me, sighing into me and I wasn't too sure whether to let her hug away or stop her.
(Logan's POV)
4J.
It is Camille's apartment. I knocked a few times, hoping she wasn't on the other side. The door swung open, revealing a rather cranky looking girl.
"Logan?"
I know I am going to hate this, and I know that what I am about to do is for the sake of the band. I grabbed her hand, pulling her into a small, shy kiss. It felt like the same as before; just lips meeting. No romantic zing in it. Nothing special. Camille didn't force herself on me. No tongue diving. Just kissing back. I wonder what Kendall is doing right now. He could be talking to Jo since she's back. I'm going to hate it, but it's for the band. I have to remember why I am here with Camille.
"Camille, I left you because I don't know what it is that I am feeling. But I think I want to try again."
"I ummm I don't know what to say to that."
"Just think about it."
With that being done, I left, hoping that she wouldn't have to think long.
(Carlos' POV)
As the weeks progress, thinks with everyone got irksome. James would come home cranky from Marla, Logan and Kendall would be depressed because the two ex-girls they are being forced to see and I'm feeling awkward around Charice now. I want to do something to make things better except, I don't know how. I offered to go bandana shopping with James and to that Venus exhibition with Logan and even tried getting Kendall to pull a prank or two on Mr. Bitters. Ms. Knight is becoming worried again. Even Katie is worried.
Surprisingly, I'm not being so pressured by things. Sure, Charice is a lot more clingy around me, but I remember exactly what it is between us; business. She's being paid by Griffin to date me. I love James. I'm seeing James. It's simple as that. Though, I wonder if that's how the other three are seeing it. Maybe it has to do with the emotional ties, at least for Logan and Kendall. I wonder what it is that's sinking James down.
But then I remembered something that was unbelievably random. Ms. Knight's birthday is nearing.
Getting up super early and spending my own money, I was able to pull off the biggest splurge in spending. I got a hundred dollar cake that had a picture of Ms. Knight's face (cost me a lot considering these take a few days usually). Then I got a piñata filled with plastic dinosaurs and fancy chocolate ($45). I also spent fifty more on decorations and themed plates. Finally, I got a lot of breakfast foods considering that Ms. Knight loves breakfast! And that is perfectly fine (after all, eggs do sound so nice right now). I got all these party stuff, and the piñata was hung awkwardly and there were streamers all over the room.
Maybe this party might help make things happier around here! After all, as a party king, it is my duty to cheer them up. They seem all so sad and down, and well…maybe a celebration may help.
It is time to go wake them up.
Snatching my alarm clock, I was able to hook it up to one of the speakers. Covering my ears, I blasted it.
I watched them race out of their rooms, with Ms. Knight yelling like a banshee while my three friends stumbled in each with the same expression; drained.
"Carlos, what on earth are you doing?"
"Today is your birthday Ms. Knight, and no one did anything so I decided to do something. I even got a piñata and cake." I said thoughtfully. But instead of compliments, I was being given stupid looks.
"Carlos?" Ms. Knight started.
"Yes?"
"My birthday isn't for another week actually. That's why no one has done anything."
What…
Really? I feel like I'm having that Emma Stone moment when she said that to Ryan Gosling (don't ask why I watched Crazy, Stupid Love; let's just say I was curious). Nobody was saying anything.
"Well ummm…let's celebrate anyways. I got everything ready and I don't want it to go to waste. Besides, I'm going to admit it; everyone is being sad. We just need to do something to cheer us up! Remember, we're Big Time Rush! Not Big Time Mush or something like that."
Oh god I sounded unbelievably corny, but I had a point. I felt everyone look at one another before James grinned and got himself a plate of pancakes and bacon.
I think it's the first genuine smile I've seen in a long time
"So how did the double date go?" James asked. He and I were eating some macaroni and cheese and Kendall and Logan both walked in, looking exhausted. Camille and Jo must be taking a real toll on them. Logan had lipstick marks all over him Kendall looked like he was about vomit, which isn't good. The two boys collapsed on one another as they headed to the couch.
"It was exhausting. The Ferris wheel broke down and Camille went crazy all over Logan. And then in the tunnel of love, Jo kept cuddling against me and all I could do was smell that over-sweet perfume she wore. We gotta do something." Kendall said with stress.
I don't blame him.
(Kendall's POV)
"All that I am,
all that I ever was,
is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see."
I sang, strumming my guitar. I could feel Gustavo and Kelly drilling holes into us anxiously, considering that Griffin was looming over them. James was in the recording room with us, providing backup with the piano. I watched Logan shift awkwardly next to me, and I stared deeply into him as I serenaded him. One thing I learned about Logan is that he loves being serenaded.
It was now Logan's turn to sing back, since Gustavo made this a duet.
"I don't know where,
confused about how as well,
just know that these things will never change for us at all."
Logan batted his eyelashes at me, and the words that poured out of him were simply more than just lyrics. If anything, it felt like he was singing to me about my past with Carlos. That even though it happened, he won't let it change us. I really don't deserve Logan. Sometimes, I feel like I've never deserved him actually. Logan does deserve better than someone like me.
"If I lay here,
if I just lay here,
would you lie with me and just forget the world?"
The two of us sang that last note, and when our eyes met, I could feel the heat in his dark brown eyes. If there wasn't an audience here, I honestly would have just pounced on Logan, kissing the wind out of his beautiful body. Our eyes were so locked that it took Gustavo blabbering into the PA to us of our heated gaze. Well it's time to let James and Carlos record.
As our two friends went in, I shoved Logan into Gustavo's office, kissing him passionately against the wooden door. I don't really wanna have sex right now actually. I just want to be close with him. I want to feel Logan moan in my mouth and clutch onto me. I don't want him to let go. As his lips slipped away, we gazed at one another again.
"I love you Kendall, and I don't want you to ever doubt that."
"I love you Logan. I will always love you."
(Carlos' POV)
"I always thought of you, you know."
I have to wonder why that just came out of my mouth. It was a decent Tuesday afternoon, and James and I were down at the pool of the Palm Woods, enjoying the sun. I wasn't a big fan of tanning but since it's with my boyfriend, I may as well go. Oh wait. I know where that comment came from. I was thinking of the song I sang for the EP, and it reminded me of how all the times I was with Kendall, I thought about James.
"What?"
"I was thinking about the song I did for the EP and it reminded me of something important. James, the few times I was with Kendall, I thought about you."
"Oh."
"What do you mean by oh? Is that a bad thing?"
"No Carlos, it's just…I really didn't know that."
"I just thought-"
"Carlos, I thought you loved him."
"Jamie, I…I love you."
I knew there were other people there. But why should I care? I reached over, kissing my best friend on the cheek, his skin warm and welcoming. I could feel the eyes lingering. I could feel the Jennifers looking over, the strumming of Guitar Dude's instrument stopping and even Bitters' mumbling stopping as he chatted on the phone. I parted, looking at James as his face just smiled foolishly like my own.
I really do love you.
"James, I don't think I like boys. I think I just like you."
And I kissed him again.
I was stumbling. I couldn't walk properly. James kept kissing my neck, and I was blushing as he shoved me into the elevator. I failed to notice that James even ushered Camille and Jo out as he used my ass to somehow mash the button for the second floor. I like his quick kisses though. The floor shifted. The lights dinged with the passing floors. We were so wrapped up in our kissing that James kept mashing the buttons until the elevator broke. The lights flickered with unease and I stopped kissing him to realize we stopped.
"James stop, I think we broke the elevator."
(James' POV)
The elevator…broke?
Don't panic. James, whatever you do, don't panic. Just keep calm. Just breathe and keep calm. Don't hyperventilate. Don't freak out. Just…keep…
!
I had to get out of here! The last time I got trapped in an elevator was bad. It was really, really, really bad!
-Flashback-
"Mom, hurry up!" I asked eagerly! I remember there was a book fair at school, and mom owed me a new bedtime book since she didn't take me the last time. This was when I was nine years old. I remember, we were at mom's office building, and at the 14th floor, I was so eager!
"Son, go ahead of me to the limo, I'll catch up with you in a bit." My mother shouted, her arms full of boxes of makeup. I liked exploring mom's work. Diamond Cosmetics has done a lot for my upbringing. I went towards the closes elevator, bouncing up and down. As the steel door shut, the last thing I saw was my mother's smile before I descended.
The metal box lurched violently, and before I knew it, gravity began to disappear as I free floated for a moment in the elevator. I screamed, and when I landed, I heard a small crack in my chest. I wanna get it now! I tried to get up, but my breathe was sharply short, and I couldn't breathe.
I could only scream as I fell again.
I glanced at the number that lit up, and the last floor I was at the seventh floor. I wanted to go home. I wanted Carlos to be there. I wanna be hugged and I wanted out.
There was a faint ringing, and I glanced towards the control panel. Beneath it was a small box that read emergency phone. Yanking the door open, I answered it.
"H-Hello?"
I was not expecting his voice to be the one answering me.
"James! Oh boy, wasn't expecting you to answer! I was on my way to get you for the book fair!"
"C-Carlos! Get help! Please, the elevator broke and I'm scared!"
The elevator kept creaking and I was too terrified to even focus with what was going on around me. I was clinging to the rail. I felt the box descend but I was scared to even move. The moment I got out…I saw Carlos and I wouldn't let him go. For days, I was scared to go up and down floors without him.
-End of Flashback-
"Carlos, please don't let go of me." I murmured quietly. My hand clutched his tightly, and I am so scared right now because even after so much time since that incident I have not gotten over it. With every shake of the elevator, my hand tightened up even more.
"James, I know you are scared but you need to relax! Please, for me?" Carlos whined.
I looked at him, and…something told me to trust him on this.
(Carlos' POV)
I need to distract James. I need to take his mind off the elevator or otherwise it is going to be a repeat of what happened years ago at his mother's office. Hatching the emergency phone line open, Bitters immediately answered after the first dial to check up on us. Unfortunately, the elevator won't be functioning for another two hours.
"James, what do you do to calm down?"
"You're going to laugh at me if I tell you." My boyfriend muttered with angst. I smirked at him.
"James, you do a lot of weird things. You spent a whole day orange. On Halloween, you literally think you're a vampire. I think your third love interest is Cuda products after me and then Logan and Kendall. James, I won't laugh. I promise."
James wasn't one to hesitate easily. But I watched him pull something out of his pocket and the way he looked, it made me a little nervous. He took my hand and placing inside of it was his lucky comb.
"When I'm really nervous and I'm alone, I comb my hair. Mom did it for me when I was younger and got nervous for things."
This was…cute.
Oh crap.
I snorted.
"You broke your promise!" Jamie screeched, yanking the comb back. I am going to pay for this later if something isn't done.
"James I wasn't laughing at you, it's just…I find it cute. Let me comb your hair." Once again he was reluctant but slowly I started to fiddle with his hair. The way his hair was in my hands, it was pleasant. I gently weaved the comb in and out, and the way his locks felt, I wish I had hair like that. I felt him loosen up. I like it when James is mellow. I needed him to be like this. I don't know how long it has been since we've been in here. James was lying down, his head on my lap and as the comb repeatedly brushed his hair, I felt slightly drowsy. Looking down, I saw James sleeping. Is it weird that James purrs in his sleep? Cuz the way James' cheeks hummed against my lap was really pleasant. That surprises me because he doesn't get tired easily. Usually it's I who gets easily tired but I guess it's due to my constant bouncing around. I kissed his forehead before closing my eyes myself.
(Logan's POV)
"Bitters, how much longer will it be before they are out?" Kendall incessantly asked for the 11th time. I love him, but Kendall can be really impatient sometimes. It's been nearly two hours since the elevators broke and our weirdoes got trapped in them. We were looking around, seeing that a lot people were staring at us. Watching Bitters' monitor, we also saw James screaming before Carlos got him calm.
After sometime, the elevator finally rang and the door opened and our two idiots appeared before us. The mechanics took much longer than necessary. It was about nine in the evening and mostly everyone has departed to their apartments. The two were cuddling with one another.
"Go grab your idiots. The mechanics ain't cheap and they are in the way." Bitters muttered. Kendall, to my astonishment was able to lift James up while I got Carlos by the shoulder. They snored as we traversed up two flights of stairs. Mama Knight was watching another episode of Oprah before shifting up to see our two tired friends.
"Finally! They are out, which means I can go to the vending machines now."
"But mom, there are stairs?" Kendall said. Why is she concerned about the vending machines?
"I am lazy. Just because I am a mother doesn't mean I don't have lazy moments every now and again. Besides it's that time of the mon-"
"Ok mom! We get it!"
As we dragged our sleeping companions, the last thing I could hear was Ms. Knight's gentle chuckling before turning off the TV. Tucking the two in their beds, it was Kendall and I's turn for sleep. We got a long day tomorrow.
Luckily, Kendall's good night kisses help me sleep.
(Carlos' POV)
As time goes on and fall arrives, I think things are getting better. The leaves changed colors. The streets are not as hot as they used to be. My "secret missions" with James are a lot of fun, despite how hard it is to escape the fan girls that we encounter from time to time. I know Gustavo would have our heads if he caught wind of us dating in secret. Not that he'd really care, but his job is on the line. The pressures of Hollywood seem to be somewhat lighter now…
But that doesn't mean that our troubles are gone, because they are not.
As time goes on, I had to break up with Charice. James, by force of Griffin, is still "seeing" Marla, who is as controlling as ever. He'd even come home with bruises and black eyes occasionally which really scared me. Don't get me wrong, I know that I can trust James and what he is doing, and if things get too out of hand, he'll stand up for himself but not physically hurt the girl. Still…I am just worried for him. If I could, I'd be throwing sharks and piranhas at that fudge bag!
As time goes on, the animosity between Kendall and I began to cease. I don't feel so tense around him. I don't feel so scared or anxious like I did before, even though I never seemed to talk about it. It was something I kept within. I don't feel nervous or awkward, because most the time, I had James with me, and if not, there was Logan. But the few fleeting moments where it was Kendall and I, I sometimes caught him looking every now and then. Not lustful, just curious, I guess.
As time goes on, began to worry for Kendall and Logan's relationship. Camille and Jo were becoming more intimate towards us, their advances always ended the same; with a flustered Logan and a jealous Kendall arguing in our apartment. My boyfriend and I know that they always make up happily in the end, but the fact that they are arguing, it's bizarre. They used to never be so. They both always had a well composed way of behaving but now, it's like Camille and Jo are the ones putting them at ends. Sometimes Logan would yell about how Jo would be groping him and Kendall had to defend himself. Sometimes Kendall was the starting accusations, especially with the rumor circulating that Camille is no longer a virgin. They fought with love and even though it scares all of us, in the end, love fought through.
"See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart,
never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out
how to love, how to love."
"See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever,
now you in this corner tryna put it together
how to love, how to love."
Strumming his guitar along with us, I noticed that even though rap isn't our forte (it's more of Logan's thing to rap actually), James and I did amazing on it. I am nervous. I have decided that today, I confront Griffin. Normally, it's something Kendall would do, but he was threatened with the band…maybe I can do something about it. As our song came to an end, I smiled at James, but sadly he and Kendall both were sourly staring at the recording window, with Griffin behind it. Gustavo rushed me out as he threw Logan in, muttering about Logan's solo now. I gave him a thumbs up before following Griffin to his upper office.
Well here I go.
I strode down the hall after seeing that it was clear, the self portraits hanging menacingly in their gold tinted frames, and even the sunny reflection of the neighboring buildings could not enlighten this corridor. The carpet was worn down though it did not show the prints of someone powerful. Just before turning right towards the way Griffin went, I saw immediately that someone walked into his office which lay down at the very end of the turn.
"What are you doing?"
Immediately I jumped up, back arching in surprise. Turning around, it was James.
"D-dude, you s-scared me!"
"That doesn't answer my question." The pretty boy said in a sing-song-y voice.
"I am going to confront Griffin."
"Wait, Carlos-"
I didn't really wait around for James' reply, because I had to do this. I don't want us to be under his(Griffin's) complete thumb; I just want us to be free to see who we want. Even each other.
I barged in, and immediately my eyes saw someone I did not want to see.
(James' POV)
"M-mamá?"
I heard Carlos shouted incredulously. I bolted in too, now finding that there stood Carlos' mom, her sad eyes fixed on the two of us. I love Carlos, I really do, but I am hoping that Mrs. Garcia doesn't do anything to persuade Carlos into doing something he's unsure of. Carlos…can be a bit of a mama's boy. Don't get me wrong; I can be one too, but it's different with Carlos – asides from the guys and I, Carlos didn't really have any friends. His mother and father were the only ones really there for him. It was that bond that well, gives his mother a good grip over what Carlos wants and right now, I am afraid of what she might have to say.
"Ahhh so good to see you two, I was about to call the two of you up. Carlos, your mother and I have been discussing this so-called relationship with James. Break up."
Before I could even interject, the woman began talking.
"Son, I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss hearing your voice over the phone and all the pictures of your crazy adventures. But this needs to stop. Carlos, I did not raise you to be like this; to follow the heathenness path. I gave you the proper upbringing any mother could, what did I do wrong? What is that I did to make you become a sodomite? Son, stop this nonsense. Break up with James. Don't even talk to him."
"Mom, James and I didn't even have sex ye-"
"Carlos, this isn't right. You don't love James. If you wanna stay in Hollywood, you will break up with James. You will stop being selfish. Now."
I wasn't sure if I should yell or scream or run or throttle Griffin and Mrs. Garcia out the window but I am hoping that Carlos makes the right decision.
(Kendall's POV)
"Through timeless words and priceless pictures
we'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides ‒ they turn ‒ and hearts disfigure
but that's no concern when we're wounded together.
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
but it's nice today. Oh, the wait was so worth it."
I wonder where James is, considering he's supposed to be supporting Logan with piano. Although Gustavo is giving a rather pleased look, James should have been here. Oh well, I bet he's off with Carlos. I smiled at Logan as he gave that last note with a fantastic crescendo. Gustavo actually did a good job at picking out these songs, and regardless of them being covers, we actually sounded surreal in them, despite not even using auto tune like we usually do for some of our synthesized songs. I noticed that Griffin wasn't hovering over Gustavo's slouching shoulders. Getting up, I kissed Logan, and laughed into Logan's cute lips as Gustavo made a small gagging sound over the intercom.
Just then, I saw Carlos burst in the door, dragging Logan out with him.
I followed.
"I don't know what to d-d-do! If I don't b-b-break up with James, I have to leave Hollywood, and if I do b-break up, I…I don't want to lose him! I had j-just begun realizing and l-learning how much I really do love James! Yes, love! I don't want t-t-t-o lose that…" sniffled the Latino as Logan awkwardly patted his back. Hearing Carlos ramble frantically over the affair with Griffin and his mother honestly riled me up even more.
"Carlos, first you need to calm down," Logan said with serenity "You need to give them your answer. You weren't really being forced into anything; you were just being given your options."
Now I am confused.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, and Carlos nodded like a lost puppy.
"Griffin and your mother gave you a choice whether or not to stay with James. Just walk up to them and tell them what you feel. The thing is Carlos, this is affecting James more than your mom."
Seriously, I love how smart my boyfriend is. But first things first; we gotta help Carlos.
(Carlos' POV)
By the time I returned, James was gone.
My mother got off Griffin's chair.
I released the breathe I held.
"I love you mom, but no. Griffin, I love James. And I am not leaving Hollywood."
I found James standing on the roof tops of Palm Woods. He never comes up here unless he desperately wants to be alone. Maybe that's why I found him up here in the first place. The sun cascaded down the windows of the apartment as the happy inhabitants were splashing down in the pool below and the supple wind whispered through James' locks. I strode by him, and stood by his side though he didn't flinch or acknowledge my presence.
We just watched the sun set.
Turning to him, I pulled him into a kiss. A long kiss. A peaceful but needy kiss. One that defines strength and weakness, which defines us. My heel popped and I didn't want to let go. I felt his tongue caress my own and such a coy way that it didn't seem like James. It was the first time that I was holding him, not the other way around in a kiss. I mean I was the one supporting us, instead of James carrying me.
"I chose you." I faintly whispered beside the wind.
And he kissed me again.
Eventually, we were free of our bondage. Kendall and Logan broke up with Camille and Jo the day Griffin tested us to our deal; that if we came out publically, we would make even more money than before. And our words were true; despite the small fluctuation in our fan base for a moment, our profits soared high afterwards. The break ups weren't as messy as we presumed them to be, for Camille and Jo seemed to have gotten wind of it supposedly. James also dropped Marla to the curve, who gave him two black eyes before stomping off to terrorize whatever denizens of Los Angeles. As winter began to come, I haven't heard of my mother since her arrival to LA. While James' mom seemed ecstatic (James told her after we kissed on the rooftop so she wouldn't be mad finding out elsewhere), mamá returned to Minnesota in defeat. I wonder how papá putting up with it…
"And when that world slows down, dear,
and when those stars burn out, her,
oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here.
They call her love, love, love, love, love."
The masses of fans growled with enthusiasm as Kendall was finishing up his final song. We decided to debut the EP at the local mall, and a lot of people showed up. Even Jo and Camille came. The crowds cheered and we bowed, glowing at the joy of normality beginning to sink in again. It wasn't a drowning like sinking. It was a calming, returning kind of a feeling.
Turning the shower on, I began to relax.
It's funny. How coming into a shower can suddenly start a thousand memories come rushing back to your head with the intensity of a crashing waterfall. I began thinking of Kendall and the elusive encounters we had to abandoning Logan at the airport to James coming to Minnesota all the way to James and I becoming boyfriends.
I'm not sure what to make of it really.
Except…
A part of me is beginning to think that people make mistakes for a reason. I placed so much trust in my friends and in a way, they taught me they are not perfect. That trust can mold into an expectation and that expectations can hurt. It was the reason why I tried to convince myself that Kendall and I were just going through a phase of false love and sexual confusion. It was the reason why I nearly demanded Logan to board the plane with me. It was the reason why James had hurt me with the truth about love. We make mistakes to prove our love to the best of our degree, I guess. Maybe it's those reasons of imperfection and unmet expectations that make me love them in the end – because they are my friends.
Grabbing my towel, I whistled Halfway There as I began to creep onto my room.
Walking in was a sight to behold, and just looking made my towel drop as I stood at the doorway; there was James, wearing his black boxer briefs that were met at the middle of his thigh, and his cock, his big and I mean BIG cock in his hands, being stroked with leisure as he crooned with relief into our room. Maybe it was my own erection that made my towel fall, but I have never been this turned on in my life before. His dick glistened in the pallid lighting of the room, the sheets scattered abroad on the floor. I closed in on him, and before James had the chance to say something the minute his eyes darted at me, I took his cock into my hands, caressing it myself.
James groaned in delight, and taking that as a positive sign, rubbed even more so, adding a little pressure as my palm flirted with the head of his dick. Just touching him even had me shivering rambunctiously down my back. James squirmed helplessly under my touch, and I let my other hand ghost behind his head before yanking him into a sultry kiss.
The door remained forgotten and I pressed a finger into James' bottom. I don't know why but I just did. He was dry, and it may have been rough but I have never seen James look so enticing before. The heat caving around my finger was so foreign to me, and it scored a scream out of James who now bucked his bottom against my hand, pushing more of my finger into him. I added another and another, until I had three of my fingers in there, curling each one individually as James moaned higher and higher, nearly reaching his falsetto.
No words were needed to be exchanged because just being this close and this intimate was so good as it was that our actions said it all. I locked eyes with James, and the minute he threw his head back in the euphoria, I licked my way down, twirling at his pectorals before smooching each of his abs, one by one, enjoying the crevices they formed on the valley of his body.
I pulled away, and James got up, kissing me by the mouth first. His tongue did things I never thought a tongue could do. He wasn't sucking my face really, but it was such a passionate kiss that in a way, almost anyone would have had an orgasm just kissing this way. Or maybe that was just James' style of kissing. Doing so, he fondled my dick, and I jumped into his touch.
The brunette boy chuckled against my skin as he did to me what I had done for him. Slowly building pressure, slowly growing pleasure in every stroke, pumping me harder, hastier, making me scream so loudly I am sure there was some knocking from next door. I was becoming more animalistic as James stroked me. His hands were slick, so I am guessing that James is circumcised, maybe it had something to do with his Jewish heritage, not that I mind. The substance on him was warming and tingling, and my skin crawled with uneasy lust as I couldn't keep still to him.
"Hello." I heard behind me. Turning around, I saw Kendall and Logan there, with Logan covering his eyes while Kendall blushed. And then I remembered that I was still naked and now James was caught because the both of us were struggling to cover our crotches as Logan dragged Kendall towards their room, ranting about decency and whatnot.
"Ummm awkward." I decided to just pounce on my equally exposed boyfriend and kiss him.
"Who cares, I love you." I whispered.
And with that said, we kissed and touched into the night. I never thought I could be this hard, but I am. James stopped stroking me, and with the look in his eyes, the fiery bold look that screamed ravage me was all the convincing I need.
Grabbing the lube by his bed, I coated myself before sluggishly pushing in. It was the first time I saw James look so submissive. Ravishing. Innocent. Timid even. Once fully inside, I kissed him over and over, trying to kiss away the comfortless feeling he was enduring below. The ring of muscle began to lax a little, and then a sensual warmth came onto me. The feeling of being inside of James was like cuddling with the cosmos and running along the stars; it was out of this world and beautiful all at once. My eyes were skewered shut but when I opened my eyes, I saw James smiling.
"G-go."
Gaining rhythm, we tangoed in the bed, and our body sailed along the ripples of the stained sheets that was of James' bed. We twirled and spun endlessly, with each thrust forcing pleasure out of us like a fountain with a busted pipe, spewing our hollers like sparkling water.
My lover clawed at my back and to my hands upon his, and we scratched and bit wildly though lovingly. Despite the fact that Kendall may have taken my physical first time, emotionally, I was losing my virginity. Yet unlike most people where it was messy and uneasy and simply disastrous, this felt so right at all the right moments and all the sounds and I can't just stop babbling.
The pleasure was building up so closely. With the thrusts I was making, I knew I was close. My dick prodded James' magical bundle of nerves you'd call a prostate happily and he mewled mindlessly against my chest as his beautifully flushed face looked into my eyes.
I pulled out of him, and just by kissing him, we came.
Our panting still lingered, but the cum felt pleasant, even though I know James is the kind of person who dislikes messes. We glowed. We breathed. We felt it dry. We felt sleep come over us.
We slept.
We make mistakes.
We hurt.
We become sad.
But the best part of it is, is that we love.
Critic and review please!
Chrissy~