Chapter Four
Spike glared at the moaning humans that had interrupted the happiest night of his life and decided to risk a headache by jumping off the car and landing on the outstretched arm of the nearest boy.
"Was worth it," he mumbled, holding his head and getting into the car.
"What was?"
"Nothin', pet. Was fun to watch you in action. It's been awhile since I was just an observer."
"That's because you usually jump into the middle of my fights when I'm slaying," she pointed out with a small smile. "If you'd mind your own business and let me take care of mine, you could watch all the time."
"I'll remember that the next time a Fyral demon has you pinned against a wall," he grinned, reminding her of a narrow escape several nights previously.
"I was handling that!"
His snort of disbelief ended the brief conversation and she drove in silence until Spike asked in a subdued voice, "Why'd you do that, Buffy? Get in the way like that?"
"I don't like bullies either." She let that sit there; then glanced at his impassive face. "Did you really think I was going to stand there and let them dust you? What kind of friend would I be?"
"So, you saved me because we're friends – like I was any other Scooby?"
"Exactly. It's what friends do."
"Don't know about you, pet, but I think that 'just friends' ship sailed about the time I got my hand under your shirt..."
"That was just a... a..."
"If you're going to say 'mistake, just stop the car now and let me out." His immobile face and cold voice told her that he wasn't kidding, and she quickly swallowed the rest of her words.
She drove in silence until she reached her own driveway and stopped the car.
"I was going to say it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing," she offered softly.
"An' you think that heat's jus' going to go away because you're having second thoughts?"
"I'm not having second thoughts!" She sighed, her head dropping onto her chest. "I don't know what kind of thoughts I'm having. I... I wasn't expecting..."
"You weren't expecting what? That wearin' my favorite colors, leaving your hair down the way you know I love it and puttin' on raspberry lip gloss wasn't gonna have the effect you meant for them to have?"
Cursing Spike's refusal to let her wallow in denial, she fumbled for a response.
"I wasn't expecting... I just wanted you to kiss me again. That's all."
"Worked, didn't it? I think I kissed the bloody hell out of you." He smirked proudly.
Buffy rolled her eyes and glared at him, then her gaze softened. "You did," she agreed with a small smile. "Hence the heat-of-the-momentness of it."
When she didn't say anything else, he sighed and risked moving closer to her to that he could run his knuckles down her cheek. Her eyes closed briefly, and he was sure that he felt her just barely lean into his hand.
"Buffy... would never push you for more than you want to give me. Never asked for naught but a crumb, did I? If I never got to do any more than kiss you senseless every night, I'd be a happy vampire." When she raised her eyebrows dubiously, he shrugged and continued. "But I am a man, love. Not gonna lie to you – having you in my arms, kissin' you... I can't do anything about what that does to me. Want you so bad, it hurts. Can't help it and not gonna pretend I can. All I can do is promise not to push you. You want me to back off, just say the word."
"So, if I say 'stop', we stop – no matter what..."
"That's the magic word."
"Just like that?" Her tone indicated a complete lack of belief. "You're a vampire and you're going to stop going after something you want just because somebody says 'no'?"
"Because you say 'no', pet. Look, Buffy, I've been a vampire for a long time. I know how to control my demon; and thanks to the soldiers, I've had a lot more practice controlling it these last few years. Not sayin' I wouldn't accept more, if you're offerin', but I wouldn't try to take it. That's not my way."
"So, I don't have to give up kissing you? You're not gonna turn it into a big thing?"
"Bloody hell, woman!" The mercurial vampire exploded again. "I'm in love with you! Have been for longer than I care to admit. Never thought to have a chance to..." He stopped and took a deep, calming breath. "It is a big thing, Buffy. Maybe not to you, but to me it is. Touchin' you, kissing you, knowing you trust me enough to..." He stopped, and reached for her face again, sighing when she flinched away. "It is a big thing. But I can pretend it isn't, if that's what it takes to keep you close enough for... this..."
He brushed his lips over hers, so lightly that she almost missed it and was just beginning to respond when he drew away with a small smile.
"You decide what you want from me, love. I'm your willin' slave, but I'm not gonna beg. Jus' don't leave me wondering, yeah? Tell me what you want."
He ran his knuckles down her cheek again, hoping that he wasn't feeling that soft skin for the last time, and then opened the door. As he slid out and away from a bewildered Buffy, he said, "See you tomorrow, love. Sleep well." Closing the door gently, he forced himself to turn and walk away.
I hope I didn't jus' blow my only chance with her. Stupid git! Should have just kissed her again and kept it up until she couldn't think... No. No, this is better. Let her come to me. That way I can be sure... What am I thinking? This is Buffy. There's no way to be sure of anything.
Buffy was left sitting in the car, keys in hand, stunned expression on her face.
Did he just walk away from me? He didn't want to kiss me again? What the hell is wrong with him? He's got to be able to tell what he's doing to me. Stupid vampire! If he thinks I'm going to come to him...
She got out of the car, slamming the door with unnecessary vehemence, and stomped into the house without regard for the other occupants now sleeping. When a bewildered Willow opened her door to ask what was wrong, Buffy growled, "Nothing! Nothing's wrong. Spike is teaching me to drive. That's all!"
"Okaaaay," Willow crooned as she began to close the door. "Learning to drive is good. You can tell me all about it in the morning..." She closed the door on Buffy's still-angry, but apologetic, face and went back to bed, frowning at the thought of Spike's having been the one who had kept Buffy out so late. She made a mental note to talk to Xander and Giles about the amount of time Buffy seemed to be spending with Spike lately, then shut her eyes and willed herself back to sleep.
In her own room, Buffy threw herself on the bed and went over the events of the evening.
Got better at driving a car – a good thing; had ice cream – more goodness; got lots of yummy kisses – goodness squared; beat up some bullies – all good; got Spike to promise he wouldn't take advantage of the way his kissing turns me into hot-to-trot Buffy – definitely a good thing; good night kiss and promise of more kisses – no – complete lack of goodness. Stupid vampire. If he thinks he can wait until I come to him, he's got another think coming. I can hold out longer than he can... I think...
With a sigh, she stood up and took off her clothes, dropping them on the floor as she bent down to pick up her pajamas. She quickly ran through her nightly ritual in the bathroom, pausing as she realized that for the first time since her resurrection, she was actually worrying about how she looked. She examined her clean face in the mirror, frowning at what appeared to be a baby pimple, then quickly raising her eyebrows to eliminate the frown lines.
I am NOT worried about looking pretty for a stupid vampire who loves me anyway. I'm not. And I'm not going to ask him to kiss me, either. We'll just see how long he can stay away from me. Stupid vampire.
Putting on her best imitation of Willow's Resolve Face, she stomped back to her room, just barely remembering not to slam the door behind her. Sleep, once it came, was full of erotic dreams in which a certain blond vampire was prominently featured, leaving her almost more tired in the morning than she was when she went to bed.
Back in his crypt, Spike was having no more success finding a restful sleep than was Buffy. His mood alternated between elation that she had willingly kissed him and allowed him to touch her warm body, and fear that he would never get to do either one again if he insisted that she initiate any future physical contact.
This is the Slayer, you git. Got enough pride for ten ordinary girls. Not to mention the way all the men in her life have treated her. It's no wonder the poor chit is afraid to let down those defenses.
She's above me. Said it herself, didn't she? Wouldn't even be sharing the same air with me if she wasn't feelin' so not like herself. Can't wish she wasn't here again – but never wanted to see her as down as she's been since Red decided to play God. If I thought that anything I could do would make her feel better... would turn myself inside out if I could take that broken look off her face.
He went over the events of the past two nights, remembering how she had laughed with genuine glee when teasing him, and how elated she'd been at her success in steering the big vehicle around Sunnydale.
I can do this. I can keep my bloody dick in my pants if that's what needs to happen to stay around her. I make her laugh, make her forget for few minutes how unhappy she is. She doesn't deserve to have that mucked up because I can't keep my hands off her. I did the right thing. Let her come to me. Don't push her.
Telling himself that leaving Buffy to decide how much, if any, physical attention she wanted from him was the right thing to do, he took himself downstairs and threw his now-naked body across his bed. He did his best to pretend his left hand was Buffy's warmth as he sought relief for his aching cock.
Chapter Five
As sundown approached, Spike began to pace restlessly around his crypt.
Told her I'd see her tonight, but was too stupid to say when. What if she's expectin' me to patrol with her? But if I show up and she wasn't planning to see me until later... Fuck!
Unable to bear hanging around his crypt on the outside chance that she would come there first, he pulled on his duster and swept out the door, pausing to sniff the night air before heading towards Revello Dr. He was still a block away when he saw Buffy walking towards him, her head down and her gaze on the sidewalk. He could tell the instant she felt his presence – her head snapped up and a stake appeared from nowhere as she scanned the street.
Before her eyes even landed upon him, she relaxed and smiled with recognition. She had picked up on his unique signature almost as quickly as she realized that there was a vampire in the area. He couldn't prevent the little burst of warmth that went through him at the thought that she could recognize his signature so quickly – and that it made her smile. He waited patiently until she reached him, then turned and fell into step at her side.
"What's the plan, love? Patrol first, driving lessons last – or do you want to try it the other way around tonight?"
"You mean drive now?" She gestured around them at the still-busy streets, her eyes wide and panicky.
"Well, since now is when there are other cars on the road, I was thinking that would be your best shot at learning to drive in traffic..." He elbowed her playfully, earning himself a glare that didn't actually carry to the rest of her face.
"Yeah, traffic. Kinda the point I was making," she said, elbowing him back. "I thought you didn't want me to get in a wreck and get killed."
"Alright, love," he laughed. "But you've got to do it sooner or later."
"Later. I'm voting for later," she said firmly. "Slay now – drive later."
They continued to walk in companionable silence, strolling into and out of the first four cemeteries on Buffy's usual rounds before finding anything to slay. When Spike's hearing told him there was a fledgling rising, they walked to the new grave, sitting on a flat tombstone and waiting for the new vampire to emerge far enough for Buffy to reach his heart. The fledgling struggled from the dirt surrounding him, pausing to blink in surprise when he spotted the two people waiting for him.
Too new to recognize that the one with no audible heartbeat and no warm scent was another vampire, he focused on Buffy, his fangs dripping saliva as he renewed his efforts to get out of the grave. His eyes lit up with joy when the meal he was anticipating walked up to him. She waited until he tried to grab her, then plunged her stake into his chest, turning back to Spike before his bewildered dust had fallen back to earth.
"He wasn't very smart, was he?" she asked seriously. "Nothing that stupid should be allowed to live."
"I'm sure that's what the vamp that turned him was thinking, pet." Spike agreed with a grin. "Doin' the world a favor there, you were."
"Yep. That's me. Buffy, the stupid vampire slayer... er... the slayer of stupid vampires." She glared at him, anticipating his quick response to her slip.
"Not sayin' a word, pet," he said, dodging the half-serious punch she threw at his laughing face.
"You better not," she pouted. "It was just a slip of the tongue."
"You want to be slippin' your tongue on things, you just come right over here and do it, Slayer," he said, curling his own tongue up behind his teeth.
"Very funny, Spike." She rolled her eyes at his blatant leer.
With a sudden change of demeanor, he said softly, "Wasn't bein' funny." When she whispered, "You weren't?" and licked her lips, he reached for her hand and tugged her towards where he was still sitting on the big stone. "Was just offering a suggestion for what else you could do with that tongue." As he finished speaking, he pulled her non-resisting body onto his lap and brushed his lips across hers, increasing the pressure until her rigid body softened and melted into him. Once again, they lost themselves in kisses that were rapidly becoming less experimental and more familiar.
Already, they were becoming adept at reading each other's desires and preferences; probing and teasing, nipping and licking as though they had been kissing for years. When Buffy grabbed Spike's lower lip in her teeth and bit down gently, he growled, tightening his grip on her hips. The vibrations from the growl ran through Buffy's body, pulling an involuntary whimper from her throat.
Her whimper brought another growl, followed by a groan as she ran her hands up his chest, scratching lightly on his tee shirt.
"Jesus Christ, Buffy." His heartfelt gasp made her smile against his mouth, and she flicked one fingernail across the nipple poking up through the soft fabric. So wrapped up was she in the effect her actions were having that she didn't notice what his own hands were doing until his hand was cupping her bare breast and his thumb was stroking her nipple.
With her sweater pushed up to her neck, he had complete access to her upper body and he took full advantage, unfastening her bra with one hand while the other continued to knead and stoke first one breast and then the other. When he dropped his head to fasten his mouth on one rosy nipple, she gave a small cry and arched into his mouth, sending them both toppling backwards off the narrow piece of granite.
"Ooof!"
"And oww," Buffy responded, rubbing her breast where he'd accidentally bitten her with his flat, human teeth.
"Sorry, love." He smiled up at her, not happy to no longer have his mouth on her pert little breast, but enjoying the way she was lying on top of him and making no attempt to get up. "Wasn't on purpose, you know."
"If I thought it was on purpose...," she started, her voice trailing off as she realized that she was lying on the fully aroused vampire with her bra dangling from the straps and her sweater pushed up past her armpits. The moon provided enough light for her to see the look on his face as he focused his eyes on her bare chest and licked his lips.
"What are you doing?"
What was intended to be an indignant and rhetorical question came out in a breathy whisper that ended with Spike's lips on hers. The kiss lasted long enough for her to forget her question, falling instead into a lust-induced fog in which nothing crossed her mind except good kisses, hard body, hard... body part, hard body feels good, must feel more hard body...
With Spike's hands roving freely over her bare back and dipping into the waistband of her pants to cup the globes of her ass, and his mouth and tongue keeping her brain on kissing overload, Buffy had completely forgotten where they were. The newly-risen fledgling that had come looking for his friend had pulled her off Spike and was reaching for her throat before it registered that she was no longer kissing her vampire, but was now pressed against a much less attractive and definitely dead-smelling body.
"Ewwwww!" She elbowed him in his ribs, hearing with great satisfaction a loud 'crack' as she did so. He involuntarily let go, only to refocus on her neck and throw himself at her again. He never made it. By now Spike was on his feet and had the inexperienced vamp by the neck. Even without having had any instruction in vampire hierarchies or etiquette, one look at the enraged older vampire facing him told the newbie that he'd just made a fatal mistake.
Spike's furious throw against the wall of crypt that was a good twenty feet away left the unfortunate vampire crumpled on the ground in an inert heap. Not waiting to see what might happen next, Spike covered the distance to the unmoving body in three strides, picked the unconscious vamp up and twisted its head completely off. He watched with great satisfaction as the head turned to dust in his hands and joined the equally dusty body on the ground.
He whirled, hearing sounds behind him, to find Buffy trying to pull her sweater back into place while she fought with another, older vampire that had followed the sounds of Spike's roars.
"Were you trying to look at my boobs?" she snarled as she yanked the sweater down. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Well, I figured if it was okay for Spike—" The rest of his sentence was cut off as Buffy's stake found its way into his chest. He disintegrated, his face still wearing the leer that had accompanied his words.
There was silence in the graveyard for several minutes as Buffy kept her eyes firmly focused on the ground. She reached under her sweater, trying to tug her bra back into position so that she could fasten it. As she struggled to re-do the clasp in the back, Spike stepped towards her saying quietly, "Here, love. Let me do it."
"Don't touch me!" She jumped away from the offered assistance, catching a glimpse of his shocked face before resolutely turning her back on him. She quickly changed her mind about trying to fasten the bra, instead squirming around inside her sweater until she had pulled it off. It dangled from her hand, the small quivering of the lace the only sign of how the hand was shaking.
"Buffy... don't... Look at me, love. Please?"
"Leave me alone, Spike," she muttered.
"No," he growled, moving until he was in front of her. "Not until you tell me what just happened here."
"What 'just happened here' is that we were all over each other in a public place. That my clothes were half off and..." She stopped and raised stricken eyes to his. "What if that vamp hadn't attacked me? What if he just went to Willy's and told everybody that I... that you... What if it hadn't been a vamp? Suppose it was Xander? Or Dawn? What if somebody else had seen us?"
"Which part of that has your knickers in a twist? That somebody might have seen you half-naked, or that they might have seen you with me?" His face had long since dropped back into its human features, but it was as cold and still as the corpse that he was.
"Wha...?"
"You heard me, Slayer. Is it that you're worried people might think you're starting to have a life again – or is it that I might be the one in it with you?"
"Spike, don't... don't do this..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Don't make me... choose."
Blinking back unaccustomed tears and fighting the urge to yell at her to stand up for herself, he took a deep breath and then nodded silently. He stepped closer, giving her time to back away before touching her cheek.
"I'm sorry, love. Not my place to be tellin' you what to do, is it? Got no right to..."
She raised her eyes to his and in moment of complete honesty she blurted, "You do have a right. I know that. I'm just asking you not to... not to insist on it. I can't deal right now with any more drama in the house."
"And you think knowin' that you an' me are more than friends might cause more drama?"
She just raised an eyebrow at him, evoking a sad laugh and a sigh.
"Yeah. Guess it would, at that."
"I'm not trying to blow you off," she insisted. "And I know that I started that... that..." At a loss for what to call what they had been doing, she waved the hand holding her bra helplessly, then realized what she was doing and dropped it to her side, blushing all over.
"Guess the mood's gone now, eh?"
"Ya think?" They chuckled together and, without conversation, turned and began walking towards Revello Drive.
The short walk to Buffy's house was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Their shoulders and arms brushed frequently and he was encouraged when Buffy didn't seem to flinch away from the regular contact. However, when he tried to link the fingers on the hands that were touching so often, she gave him an apologetic smile and shook her head.
He bit back his growl, grateful that he had, when a few seconds later a car pulled up beside them and Xander leaned out the window to say, "Hey, Buffster. I heard you wanted to learn to drive. Came by to see if you want to have a lesson tonight."
Panic flew across the slayer's face, before she felt Spike stepping away from her. Without thinking, she grabbed the sleeve of his duster, holding him in place while she replied.
"Spike's been teaching me, Xan. I appreciate the offer, but he's doing a pretty good job. I can already parallel park and drive around Sunnydale without hitting anything. Except demons," she added when Spike snorted.
"Yeah, that's what I heard. Hence the offer of lessons from someone a little less... dead."
His eyes went pointedly to where her hand was clutching the sleeve of Spike's coat. Spike remained impassive, waiting for Buffy to decide what she wanted to do. The longer they stood there, Xander's car blocking the deserted street, the vampire and the slayer standing just far enough apart that there would be no reason for anyone to think they were any more than casual friends, the more awkward the silence became.
Finally, Spike took Buffy's hand and gently removed it from his coat sleeve. He gave her fingers a little squeeze, saying smoothly, "You go on, pet. Might as well let the boy do something useful for a change. I've got demons to see tonight, anyway."
Buffy gave him a grateful smile, asking too softly for Xander to hear, "Are you okay with this?"
"Your decision, Slayer," he said back. "Looked like you were havin' a hard time with it, so I thought I'd help you out." He leaned in, and in spite of Xander's stuttering "What are you doing?" he whispered, "Might want to hide that pretty bit of lace in your hand, though."
With a small "eep!" Buffy realized that she was still holding her bra. Fortunately, it was now wadded up in her hand rather than dangling from it, and she swiftly pushed it into the pocket of Spike's duster using her body to block Xander's view as she did so. She gave Spike another small smile, then turned to her frowning friend.
"Sounds like a plan, Xander. I'll meet you at my house, okay? Be there in a few minutes."
"I could give you a ride there," he said, glaring at Spike who was staring back at him impassively.
"Thanks, but I need to talk to Spike about something. Something... slayery. I'll be right there. You go on."
Shaking his head and muttering about evil undead creatures, he finally drove off leaving them facing each other on the dark street.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, love." He took a quick look up and down the street; extending his senses but hearing and smelling nothing but the girl in front of him. He brushed his lips over hers and with a quick, "Good-night, Slayer" he walked back the way they had come, pausing after a bit to turn around and pull the crumpled bra from his pocket. "But if you want this back, you're going to have to come and get it."
She sputtered indignantly; his laughter drifted back to her as he continued on his way. She finally shook her head at herself and jogged toward her home.
Chapter Six
Xander was waiting for her in the living room, jumping up with a guilty start as she entered. Buffy looked back and forth between him and Willow, taking in their uncomfortable demeanors and frowning.
"What's wrong, guys?"
They exchanged looks, then Willow took a deep breath and said, "We were just talking about how much time you're spending with Spike lately and we were wondering..."
"Wondering?"
"Why?" Xander said bluntly. "Why would someone who had been in hell for months want to spend even more time with a demon? Is there something wrong with you?"
Willow's angry "Xander!" was too late to prevent a gasp from the slayer and a narrowing of her eyes.
"You think something's wrong with me?" Buffy asked in a dangerously calm voice.
"Well," he gulped; then plunged ahead. "You hardly talk to us – your friends. You mope around like you're sorry to be here. And you spend way too much time with a vampire that's obsessed with you."
"Do you want me to do a spell?" Willow asked eagerly. "I could take away whatever's wrong."
Buffy met Willow's gaze coolly. "No, Wills. I don't want you to do any more spells. And just so you know? You can't fix what's wrong with me. But Spike helps me forget about it for a while. That's why I'm spending time with him. He wasn't part of—" She stopped and took a calming breath, still not ready to share with her friends that they had yanked her out of Heaven. "You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you two. Or to anybody. I'm a grown woman, I've saved the world a bunch of times, I've got a crap job so that I can pay for the house you live in, I'm trying to raise a teenage hormone bomb and my 'friends' think they have the right to tell me who I can see in my off time."
While Willow stared in shocked silence, Xander muttered, "You're 'seeing' Spike?"
Buffy stared back at them; then nodded her head as if coming to a decision.
"I might be. We're... we're working on it. I'm sorry if that doesn't match your plans for me, but I'm not all that interested in what either one of you thinks I should or shouldn't do. I'll do what I think is best for me, and if that means spending a lot of my time with Spike... well... I guess you'd better get used to it."
Ignoring their dumbfounded expressions, she walked to the door and opened it. "Don't wait up," she said tersely.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
"I have to see a demon about a bra," she said, slamming the door shut behind her.
"She has to see a who about a what?" Xander wasn't sure he'd actually heard what Buffy said as she left, but he was pretty sure he knew where she was going.
"A demon about a bra," Willow said flatly. "We need to do something. This has obviously gone further than we thought."
"Um, Buffy sounded pretty... slayerly... when she was telling us to butt out." Xander's innate distrust of Spike warred with his understandable respect for Buffy's temper and strength.
"We're her friends!" Willow protested. "If we'd 'butted out' when she was dead, she'd still be... be... wherever she was."
Awakened by the noise, Dawn had come down the stairs and listened to the loud conversation.
"I wonder where that was exactly?" she said quietly, startling the two older people who were sitting in her house and arguing over what to do about her sister.
"What do you mean, 'you wonder where she was?' She was probably in a hell dimension!"
"Probably? Or maybe? Maybe she wasn't in a hell dimension. Maybe she was somewhere... nicer."
"What? No! No, don't be silly Dawn. If she'd been somewhere... else, she wouldn't want to be... here... back in Sunnydale... with us... the people who brought... Oh. My. God."
Dawn watched impassively as Willow's face crumpled and she sank into the couch with a soft moan. Xander frowned, his eyes darting back and forth between Dawn and Willow as he tried to follow their conversation.
"What do you mean 'somewhere nicer'? What kind of a dimension would be a nicer one? I mean, you've got your hell dimensions and then you've got your... your not so much with the hell dimension..."
"AKA – Heaven," Dawn said flatly. "Gee, do you think being yanked out of Heaven and back to slaying, and back to being poor and having to take care of your little sister, and not having a mom anymore, and not having a man in your life and—"
Willow held up a pleading hand. "I get it, Dawnie. We get it."
"You think those things might make a person seem a tad ungrateful?" Dawn was relentless. "That she might rather spend her time with one of the two people in her life who didn't participate in her resurrection?"
"Dawn, stop it!" Xander had sat down next to Willow and was doing his best to comfort the now-sobbing witch.
"I'm just saying – what if that's where she was?"
Without another word, Dawn went back up to her room and slammed the door behind her. She stood on the other side, trembling all over. It hadn't really occurred to her until she started speaking that what was wrong with Buffy could be as simple as the fact that she had been yanked out of Heaven. Now that it had, she was convinced that it was the real reason for Buffy's unusual behavior. As she climbed back into her bed and snuggled down to sleep, she determined to confront her sister at the first opportunity.
Spike was lying on his bed, a bottle of JD on the floor within easy reach. However, rather than the deliberate attempt to drink himself into oblivion in which he would normally have indulged, he was sipping at it occasionally while holding Buffy's bra to his face and inhaling her scent. Not sure what to make of her tentative gestures of closeness in front of what was probably the least understanding of the Scoobies, he tried not to read too much into her actions.
Got a kind heart, my slayer does. Doesn't let me see it all that often, but I know it's there. She wouldn't hurt a friend – not on purpose, anyway.
His musings were interrupted by the sound of soft rapping on the door of his crypt, and he sat up, extending his vampire senses. When he recognized Buffy's pounding heartbeat and her soft footsteps, he smiled and sank back onto the bed, his game face fading into the achingly beautiful human one that he preferred to show her.
"Spike? Are you here?"
"Down here, pet. What's wrong? Wasn't expectin' to see you again tonight. Take it the lessons didn't go well?" He rose to his feet and was waiting for her at the bottom of the steep steps when she stepped on the last one.
"We didn't get that far," she said with a tight-lipped terseness that told him not to pursue it.
"Ah. Alright then." He waited patiently for her to explain why she'd come back to him. With her standing on the bottom step, they were the same height, and only his uncertainty about her reasons for being there kept him from kissing the angry face that was only inches away.
He was too surprised to react at first when she threw her arms around his neck and fastened her mouth on his, kissing him frantically and taking out her anger on his willing lips and tongue. Recovering quickly, he stepped closer and pulled her body against his, growling softly at the violence of her kiss.
He met her fierce kisses with an equal intensity; his demon was quivering with suppressed passion in the face of the controlled violence of Buffy's attack upon his mouth. When she bit his tongue, drawing blood and another growl, he reluctantly pulled away from her, holding her by the arms and trying to catch her darting eyes.
"Buffy? Not that I'm complainin', love, but..."
"Shut up, Spike," she growled, reaching for his mouth again.
"No." He couldn't have said which of them was more surprised by his refusal to continue what would have undoubtedly led to more. He moved back another step and was about to release her arms when her face crumpled and angry tears took the place of her single-minded determination to throw herself at him.
Immediately, he was holding her again while she sobbed out her despair, grief and immense sense of loss. In between gulping sobs, he could catch a phrase here and there.
"What gives them the right...? Haven't they ruined my life enough? You make me happy... can't they see that? I don't want to be here! It's their fault, and now they want me to give up the only thing that makes me forget for..."
Without releasing her, he walked to the bed and settled himself against the headboard, Buffy across his lap, her head buried in his shoulder while she ranted and cried until she was exhausted. Forgoing the temptation to mumble meaningless reassurances, he held her tightly and let her cry out the anger and grief that she'd been trying to suppress since she crawled out of her grave and realized where she was.
When her sobs had trailed off to hiccups and sniffles, he relaxed his arms just enough that she could distance herself if she wanted to. Instead of moving away, she snuggled closer, putting her own arms awkwardly around his torso and squirming until she was stretched out beside him. With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and let exhaustion take her.
When Buffy hadn't move for another two hours, Spike was very grateful that his blood didn't circulate and that he didn't need to move around. As wonderful as it felt to have the woman he loved sleeping trustfully in his arms, even his body was beginning to cramp up from remaining in the same position for so long. Moving as carefully as possible, he rolled onto his back, pulling her with him so that her head was resting on his chest. He couldn't hold back his smile when she threw a possessive leg over his thigh and wrapped her free arm around his stomach.
In spite of his vow to remain awake and enjoy every second of the unaccustomed closeness between them, his own eyes finally drifted shut and he dozed off feeling more at ease than at any time since he'd been chipped.
He awoke gradually, becoming aware first of the warmth all along his right side and the soft, contented sounds coming from the face nuzzling his neck. The events of the previous evening came back to him, and while he waited to see if Buffy was awake or just dreaming, he extended his senses.
Which told him immediately that there were human intruders in his crypt. Three heartbeats were going like snare drums, while a whispered argument was taking place upstairs.
"No, you can't go down there! You could be scarred for life!"
"I have a right! She's my sister, and if she's boinking my friend, I have a right to know."
Dawn's stubbornness was so apparent in her voice that Spike could picture her narrowed eyes and pouting lower lip. He lowered his head and whispered in Buffy's ear.
"Time to wakey, love. I think we've got company."
"Donwanna..." she muttered, squirming closer and tightening the leg now wrapped around his thigh. When he tried to extricate himself, she gave a credible growl and pulled him down.
"Buffy, love of my life, sweetness... you know I would never ask you to move from this position if there wasn't a really good reason for it, but..."
He hadn't finished his argument before Dawn tumbled down the steep staircase, landing in a sheepish heap at the bottom. Buffy raised her head and opened one eye.
"It's just Dawn," she murmured. "'s okay."
"It's not just Dawn, Slayer," he growled, giving the teenager a glare for good measure. He raised his eyes to include Xander and Willow in the glare as they came down and stood beside Dawn.
"I tried to stop them," she said. "I really did. I told them it was none of their business what you guys were doing, but they wouldn't listen."
"So, you were planning to stop them by being the first one to break into my crypt without knocking? And to fall into my bedroom?"
A now awake Buffy raised her head and added her glare to Spike's.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded, the evidence of her crying jag still visible on her face.
The three humans took in the scene – the fully-clothed and obviously just-awakened people glaring at them, the complete lack of embarrassment on Buffy's still tear-stained face, the protective growls coming from the vampire with his arms around her.
"I... we thought... we were afraid..."
"We were afraid that the evil undead here might be using your... your emotional state right now, to take advantage of you," Xander admitted, not meeting her eyes.
"Do I look like I'm being taken advantage of?"
"Well, no, not in the way I... but you're all with the horizontalness and the arms around each other..."
"In what way is holding my fully-clothed body while I'm having a breakdown and getting snot all over his shirt taking advantage of me?" Buffy gave Spike a comforting squeeze and sat up, crossing her arms in front of her chest and fixing all three of them with her best "pissed off slayer" look. Spike sat up also, leaning back against the headboard with his arms crossed behind his head and grinning at the discomfited faces in front of him. His grin faded as Xander continued to press the issue.
"Look at yourself, Buffy," he pleaded. "You're letting your... whatever is making you unhappy... affect your judgment. Going to a vampire for comfort? How wrong is that?"
"This vampire loves me," she stated quietly. "And he had nothing to do with bringing me back into this world."
There was a loud silence as she came very close to admitting that she wasn't happy about being back. Dawn studied her sister's face and then nodded to herself.
"I was right," she whispered. "I was, wasn't I? You weren't in a hell dimension."
"Why would she be, you gits?" Spike sat up, indignation radiating from him. He stopped Buffy with a curt chop of his hand when she tried to shush him. "Which part of 'Heaven's Chosen One' is too bloody complicated for you to understand?"
"Spike..." Buffy's voice held a warning that he ignored.
"Keep out of this, deadboy," Xander snarled. He tried not to see how Buffy leaned into Spike when he put an apologetic arm around her.
"No, I bloody well will not keep out of it. All you two have done since she got back is complain about how she isn't fallin' all over you with gratitude. You expected her to climb out of the grave – that you left her in, let me remind you – and go right back to her life like nothing happened? Even if you hadn't ripped her out of—"
Buffy's hand on his mouth interrupted his tirade. "Enough!" she said. "I think they get it."
"'bout bloody time," he muttered, subsiding to low growls and keeping his arm around her protectively.
Willow's face lit up, even as apologetic tears filled her eyes.
"I can fix it, Buffy!" she said eagerly. "I can do a spell to—"
"No!"
"No!"
Buffy and Spike spoke at the same time. "No more spells, Willow. You can't fix this. All you can do is get off my back and let me have some time to learn to live again. Is that too much to ask?"
Willow shook her head, promising, "Okay. If you don't want—but... Spike? Where does he fit in?"
Xander couldn't control himself.
"You don't need to do this, Buffy. Now that we know, we can help you. You don't need to run to the undead for..."
"He loves me," she said simply. "And he doesn't ask anything from me in return. Can you say as much?"
"You know what he wants in return." Xander refused to give up. "He's got no soul."
"And yet he loves me anyway," Buffy replied more calmly than she felt. "Even without a soul, he loves me. Pretty amazing, huh?" She beamed at an astonished Spike, and cupped his face with one hand. "Pretty amazing," she repeated softly.
Unable to speak, he placed a kiss on her palm, then pressed it back to his cheek.
She smiled at him, and then turned back to the three humans gaping at them.
"Face it, guys. I'm not like you. I'm not like Spike – but I'm not like normal people either. This feels right. And I'm going to enjoy it while I've got it. He's bringing me back into the world and helping me learn to enjoy it again. How can that be bad?"
"It's bad because he's evil, unsouled, and only wants..."
"Rhetorical question, Xander." Buffy's voice was hard and suddenly much colder. "Look it up."
Having recovered from hearing Buffy call him amazing in front of her friends, Spike stood up and walked towards the three humans. He gave Dawn a gentle smile, then his face hardened.
"If we're done here, I'd appreciate it if you closed the door tightly on your way out."
He stared into Xander's angry eyes, his own blue flickering with amber sparks.
Willow broke the standoff by taking her oldest friend's arm and tugging him to the stairs.
"Come on, Xander. We found out what we wanted to know. It's time to go home."
She pulled the reluctant boy up the stairs, sending Buffy a final heartbroken and apologetic smile before disappearing into the upper level of the crypt. Dawn glared at her sister, saying, "You could have told me, you know!"
"I'm sorry, Dawn," Buffy replied quietly. "But you were so happy that I was back... I just couldn't... I'm sorry," she repeated.
Dawn transferred her glare to the vampire. "Well, you could have told me! You're supposed to be my friend... my big brother. You could have told me."
Spike stepped back to Buffy's side and put a possessive arm around her.
"Wasn't my secret to tell," he said softly. "Love you to pieces, Bit. You know that. And it's got nothin' to do with your big sis having asked me to take care of you – would have done it anyway." He tightened his arm around Buffy. "But don't ever ask me to choose between you."
Dawn nodded, not really mollified but knowing when it was time to walk away. Telling herself that she could lay a guilt trip on him later when Buffy wasn't around, she mumbled her 'good-night' and followed the two Scoobies up the stairs and out of the crypt.
Chapter Seven
Spike slid his other arm around Buffy and let her turn to face him. Holding her loosely, he asked, "Are you alright?"
She nodded, giving a little sigh. "Yeah, I am, actually," she said with a note of surprise in her voice. "I guess I've been saving that up for awhile."
"They had it comin'," he said, pulling her closer.
She put her own arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then rested his cheek on it. Her hair tickled his nose, but he refused to move until she gave some sign that she wanted out of his embrace.
Instead of pulling away, as he'd expected, she raised her head and brushed her lips across his.
"Where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?"
"In dreamland, if I remember right. The both of us, I'm ashamed to say."
"Not exactly what I meant by 'where?' – and what do you mean you're ashamed?"
"Wanted to stay awake and enjoy every second of havin' you sleeping in my arms," he admitted, resting his forehead against hers. "Can't believe I let myself sleep through it."
"Well, yeah," she said with a mock pout. "How insulting is that? Shouldn't you have been all... I don't know... frustrated and horny? I was plastered against you like some... plastered thing." Her smile indicated that she was just teasing him, but he chose to answer her seriously.
"We've already had this convo, Slayer. I want you – don't know how you could doubt it, considerin'... But, I'm not some teenaged schoolboy. I can control myself. I don't just want to shag you, I want to take care of you, to be there for you, go to sleep next to you and wake up with you still there. I want to love you. All of you. Even your tears and the snot you got all over my shirt," he finished with a smile. "Which I'm taking off right now, if it's alright with you..."
He stepped away from her and raised an inquiring eyebrow. Buffy nodded, blushing with embarrassment at the sight of the wet, rumpled shirt. She flushed again when he skinned it over his head and threw it in a corner, her eyes drawn to his smooth, bare chest and the taut stomach below it. His jeans were riding low on his hips and she couldn't stop herself from staring hungrily.
Not noticing her glazed eyes or their focus on his body, Spike opened a drawer and pulled out an identical tee shirt.
"No! No, don't... don't put it on," she whispered, blushing but meeting his eyes firmly.
"No? And why would that be, pet?" His voice was suddenly pure silk as he picked up on her accelerated heart beat and increased body temperature. He glided towards her, shirt dangling from one hand and eyes never leaving hers. "If I'm gonna walk you home, I'll need to be dressed, won't I?"
"I... I wasn't planning on going home..." She gulped, swallowing hard as that muscular chest presented itself right in front of her.
"Gonna stay then, are you?" He struggled to keep his voice low and sexy, shoving away the hope and excitement and waiting for her to tell him what she meant.
"If you want me to," she responded, dropping her suddenly shy eyes and ducking her head.
"If I want you to? You can't seriously be wondering about that." He dropped his seductive voice, unable to contain his disbelief in her ability to be oblivious. He tipped her chin up and placed a lingering kiss on her mouth, holding it until her hands were skating up the planes of his chest, leaving warm trails behind, even as they made him shiver.
Buffy couldn't seem to stop her hands as they traveled over his bare torso. She ran them down his sides, running her knuckles lightly across the skin just above the waistband of his jeans before bringing them up to his shoulders. Tearing her mouth away from his, she ran her lips down his neck and chest, stopping to lick an erect nipple. She was rewarded with a heartfelt groan of suppressed desire, and she smiled around the nipple.
"Playing with fire here again, Slayer," he growled, running his own hands under her shirt. With her bra still lying on the bed where he'd dropped it when she came in, there was no barrier between his fingers and the smooth skin of her breasts. He pushed her sweater up until she had to break away from her gentle assault on his torso so that he could pull it off over her head.
Before she could go back to her exploration of his upper body, he had dropped his head and fastened his own mouth around one nipple, while kneading her other breast with one hand. He wrapped the other arm around her and lifted her far enough off the floor that he could walk clumsily to the bed and fall back onto the mattress with her.
Desperate for more contact, but afraid to overstep whatever Buffy had decided their new boundaries were, all Spike could do was continue to kiss her and let her feel what she was doing to him as she writhed against his body. "Oh, god, Buffy..." he moaned when she ground her pelvis against his. "Need you... want you so much..."
When her hand crept down to his waist and popped the top button on his jeans, he had to bite off his joyful "yes!" before it could escape. The sound of his zipper seemed to echo in the cavernous room, followed quickly by his whimper as she freed him into her hand. His immediate happiness rapidly gave way to dismay when her steady pumping had him exerting every ounce of self control that he'd learned in his over one hundred years as a vampire. He grabbed her hand tightly, pulling it away from his suddenly bereft cock .
"What's wrong?" Her surprised response to the unexpected interruption, and the uncertainty in her eyes had him babbling in reassurance.
"Nothin's wrong, love. A bit too alright, is all. If you keep that up much longer, I won't... I can't... Bloody hell, Buffy! I'm trying to preserve some dignity. Don't want to go spurting off in your hand like a teenager being touched for the first time."
She giggled, trying to grab him again while he did his best to fend her off.
"I am touching you for the first time," she said with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Where's that vampire stamina and control I've heard so much about, huh?"
With a growl, he flipped them over so that she was underneath him, his unconfined cock free to slide between her thighs, effectively wiping the grin off her face as it bumped against the damp crotch of her jeans. She ground against him, small whimpers emanating from her throat as he buried his face in her neck and sucked on the pulse there.
"I'll show you stamina, you little tease," he muttered. "We'll just see who has the control..."
Paying no attention to his challenge, Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and held him in place while she rubbed herself against his cock. Her breath came faster and faster as she felt sensation building up until she gasped and clutched him in a grip that would have injured a human man.
While she recovered from her first Spike-induced orgasm, his hands were busy unzipping her jeans and pushing them down her legs as far as he could get them. She shoved him off, causing a brief expression of panic to cross his face, before he realized what she was doing. As she sat up to kick her pants the rest of the way off, he leapt from the bed and dropped his own jeans on the floor, hopping back in before she could change her mind.
This time, when her hand reached for him, he lay back and allowed her to stroke his already hard cock until the precum was covering the head. She found that his panting groans and encouraging whispers were almost as arousing as the sight of his perfect body tensing and flexing beside her. When she couldn't wait any longer, she threw her leg over him and held herself above the smooth, pale column pointing at her so eagerly. Keeping eye contact with his awestruck face, she slowly lowered herself onto him, working her way inch by inch until his eyes rolled back in his head and he cried her name.
Filled in a way that she had never been before, she stilled, lost in the sensation and afraid to move and break the spell. Spike, however, had no such worry – his every wish having been fulfilled the instant she sank down onto him, and he began to move slowly. His hands went to her hips, holding her in place as he raised and lowered himself under her.
Buffy's little "oh, oh, oh" as she began to ride him in earnest, soon had them moving faster and faster. Her "oh"s became louder, turning into cries of surprise and pleasure, while his own mouth poured out a stream of encouragement and gratitude. Reaching between them, he pinched her clit, sending her spiraling into another unexpected orgasm that left her collapsed on his chest.
He quickly rolled them over, his hips still churning as he kissed her slack lips and urged her to come again. As the steady motion began to create new urgency, she began to move with renewed enthusiasm, once again wrapping her arms and legs around him and clinging tightly as they rode out their mutual release. His whispered, "I love you," was soft enough that Buffy felt she could pretend she hadn't heard it as he collapsed against her.
After several minutes of recovery time, she was breathing almost normally, and Spike had stopped panting with her and was back to his normal habit of breathing when he needed air to speak. He raised himself on his elbows and stared down at her flushed face.
"Wow," she said, blushing lightly.
"I'll see your 'wow' and raise you a 'bloody hell'," he said with a smile. He leaned down and kissed her with an aching sweetness that almost brought tears to her eyes; then he rolled off, pulling her with him so that she was snuggled into his side.
"Are you warm enough, love?" he asked, stroking her arm. Without waiting for an answer, he reached down and pulled the quilt up to cover them.
"Thank you," she said, nuzzling his chest and smothering a yawn. "It is a little chilly in here – now that we're not all..."
"Give us a sec, and I'll warm you right back up," he said with an exaggerated leer.
"Bragger," she responded, yawning again. "I'm still sleepy."
"Then go back to sleep. I'm not going anywhere."
"Better not," she mumbled, already closing her eyes.
He wrapped both arms around her warm body and closed his own eyes, praying that he would not wake up to find that he had dreamed the events of the past few hours. As he drifted off to sleep with Buffy curled into his side, he whispered, "Not a bloody chance of it."
The End