She flitted between feeling numb and anxious on the drive home, her mind felt like it was spinning, trying to keep up.

She stared glumly out of the car window, her head leant back onto the rest, it lolled to one side as she watched trees and landscapes pass by her. Occasionally she would hear the clipped tones of her mothers voices bickering with the exasperated sighs of her father.

She realised that she had never experienced this before. She had never had the comfort of being driven around like a child whilst her parents argued from the front seats. Growing up they often had drivers and the drives to social events usually involved Emily straightening Richards tie and then scolding Lorelai and laying down rules for the evening on how she was to behave and what she should and shouldn't say.

"Honestly Richard! Would it hurt to drive a little faster?"

Lorelai snapped back into the moment and smiled at her squabbling parents. There was something about it that made her feel an odd sense of calm.

She rolled her head to face the window as another wave of anxiety filled her and overtook the sense of calm she had been feeling a moment ago. The feeling lay heavy on her chest like Paul Anka falling asleep on top of her. His stifling weight and warmth of his fur suffocating her. She opened the window and a rush of cool air hit her face, she closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

She couldn't help feeling worried about whatever might be happening with Luke, there was so much to deal with and she didn't know if she would have the energy to trudge through their past. The thought of doing so exhausted her and filled her with dread, what if they couldn't get past it? She would be alone. She tried to remember what Rory had told her but still struggled to get of the darkness that engulfed her.

She opened her eyes, giving up on trying to calm herself. She noticed her mother watching her through the mirror.

"Lorelai? Are you alright?"

"Yeah Mom, I'm fine I just feel a little…" She couldn't finish the sentence, she let the end of the sentence float out of the open car window. There was something about her mother speaking to her with kindness and concern which made her feel exposed and raw to the core.

Her mother seemed to understand and nodded. "Lorelai, you'll come back to ours" she paused and looked at Richard, it was clearly news to him.

Lorelai could only nod, a sense of relief took over, she realised she wanted to delay her return to Stars Hollow and for once in her life she would rather go to her childhood home.

She followed them through the front door quietly. "I'm just going to the bathroom" She declared.

Emily and Richard stood united and watched her go.

When she came out she followed sounds to the living room where they were both perched on the sofa with a drink ready and waiting. She sat carefully and cradled the drink with both hands.

"Thanks" She couldn't bring herself to look at them, her parents who she had such a strained relationship with. Who had failed her, who had disapproved of her, who had surprised her, who had loved her. She felt a strange sort of gratitude towards them now. For once they were giving her everything she needed.

"How about some lunch? You must be starving after having such an early start! Gretchen?!" Emily called for the maid.

"Actually, Rory and I had a pretty huge breakfast"

"You made breakfast at 5am?" Richard looked astonished.

Lorelai smiled at her Dads incredulity "No dad, we ate at Luke's"

Emily's eyebrows raised at this "Oh…Luke's?"

"…but I could always go for something small"

The maid was called in and a variety of orders were barked to her by Emily.

Richard got up and came to sit by her. "Lorelai, your mother and I are….." He started.

"Dad….please I can't handle it"

"Handle what?"

"You and mom being so…." She hated to say it "…caring.." She knew it would cause them to yell at her but she didn't care. Maybe she wanted the distraction.

Her parents both looked affronted at the suggestion that them caring for their daughter was a rare occurrence.

Her mother stood and went to sit by Lorelai's other side, her voice was calm. "Lorelai, we're your parents…..we…." She hesitated before saying the next words but said them anyway. "We love you and want you to be happy"

Lorelai couldn't remember when they'd last exchanged the 'L' word. She was surprised by the under reaction. "Oh"

"Is everything OK? You seemed very distracted in the car" Emily was trying to raise the matter delicately.

Lorelai took a long drink from her glass finishing it and then placed it down with a clink on the clear table in front of her. She clasped her hands together nervously and hung her head. "I'm OK" barely a whisper "…there's just a lot going at the moment, Rory going and now…Lu-" She couldn't say his name out to them, she didn't speak to her parents about her personal problems and especially not Luke. Her voice choked on his name and she tried to stifle her cries but they came anyway and she put her hands over her face.

Emily and Richard exchanged wide eyed glances at each other over Lorelai's hunched frame. It wasn't very often they had seen Lorelai in such an emotional state, almost never had she been vulnerable in front of them like this. Richard put his arm around her frail shoulders and Emily did the same. For once Lorelai allowed them this physical affection.

"…Luke? Are you worried about Luke?" Emily asked with hesitation, she was aware of pushing her daughter to far and they had come so far.

After a few moments, with both Emily and Richard waiting with baited breath, she nodded into her hands.

"…But I thought things were better….after what happened at the party?" They waited for a response. They had both seen the moment between Luke and Lorelai on their way back to the car, they'd both assumed Lorelai would have been sad about Rory but exuberant about her reconciliation with Luke.

Lorelai pulled her hands away from her face and sat up a little straighter. Her parents weren't surprised at her tear stricken face, she was paler than they had ever seen her. She attempted to compose herself. "…you both saw that huh?"

They nodded. "We thought it was a good thing?" The kindness in Richards deep voice only served to make Lorelai emotional again.

"It is…it is" She let the tears come then but spoke rapidly through them. "Its what I want, its what I've always wanted. Luke and I, together, us, being together, living together, marriage and kids….all of it. We could have had it and it went wrong, something that precious and wonderful in my…." She paused and her teeth gritted together angrily "….stupid hands, and I wrecked it…we have so much to fix before we can be together and even then I don't know if well be able to….I ruin everything…." She was berating herself more than anything at this point. She stood with angry energy.

Emily stood with her, held her arm and guided her back down.

"Nonsense, Lorelai Gilmore, you do not ruin everything, that's a ridiculous thing to say" Emily reprimanded.

Lorelai chuckled tearfully to herself "Well I am ridiculous" she agreed.

"No Lorelai, you are a strong person, and you will get through this with Luke, and if it doesn't work out then I bet it will be nothing to do with you and all to do with him…that cretin!"

Usually Lorelai would step in and get angry at her mother in defence of Luke, but the way her mother was taking her side gave her a warm feeling. "…its not all his fault Mom" her voice was soft and resigned but she smiled.

Emily face remained stubborn "Well its not all your fault either!" She looked so stern and adamant that Lorelai wanted to laugh. Her demeanour changed immediately as she heard Gretchen in the dining room. "Lunch is almost ready, come on, try and eat something"

And eat Lorelai did, she was ravenous all of a sudden and at the table she devoured sandwiches and tiny pastries. Her parents watched in amusement but didn't say anything, they were relieved and comforted by the fact that she hadn't lost her appetite.

After eating Lorelai looked up at them sheepishly. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought" She expected her mother to sniff at her, but instead Emily's eyes remained soft.

"Do you want some more?" Emily asked as Gretchen began to clear away the table.

"No I probably shouldn't" She moved away from the table. She stopped as she stood up and then hesitated. "…do you guys mind if I stay here for a little longer? Maybe watch some TV or something? I don't feel like going back to Stars Hollow yet, and Babette doesn't mind having Paul Anka so…." Her rambling had come to an end, she waited for their response, she knew they would be surprised that she wanted to stick around.

Richard was the first to move as Emily sat rigid contemplating that Lorelai actually wanted to stay a big longer at their house.

"Why of course you can Lorelai" Richard sounded astonished but excited. She could see that he was thinking. "Why don't I get Gretchen to set up the DVD player in the living room and we can all watch something together?" He looked back and forth between Lorelai and Emily.

Emily kicked into action then "Yes…yes that's a wonderful idea. Lorelai?" She was waiting for Lorelai to disagree and make her excuses; her face was so hopeful that Lorelai could only nod in response.

Lorelai moved stiffly to the living room as her parents rushed around 'making arrangements' for their movie. She took a deep breath as she surveyed her surroundings. Everything was changing