I opened my eyes to the dingy mauve painted walls and the smell of staleness hit my nose. It didn't take long for me to remember where I was. I groaned and stretched before moving my feet to the pea green carpet. My new home looked as if it hadn't been updated since the '70s. Some of the walls even had shiny, slightly peeling wallpaper on them. My plan for the day was to clean and sanitize this house so that I could feel comfortable enough to start unpacking my things. I had managed to put most of my belongings into a storage unit back in Los Angeles, with the hopes that this would be a temporary move, but I did have a few boxes and bags with me that I needed to unpack.

I decided to make a coffee to give myself the jump start I needed to get the cleaning underway and searched the pantry, smiling when I came across an unopened can. Once the most important thing was taken care of I located the cleaning products and got to work. By 2 p.m. I had scrubbed and disinfected almost everything in the place and had just collapsed on the couch when Lorraine decided to wake up.

"Hey Ashley…. wow you've been working hard," my mother commented looking all around, "this whole house smells like bleach." She looked all disheveled and I assumed she probably hadn't gone to bed until right before I woke up.

"Yeah, I wanted to get it to a place where I was comfortable enough to unpack," I cringed thinking about the crap that had come off of some of the things I cleaned.

"Do you want coffee? I'll make some." she offered shuffling into the kitchen in her slippers and too short nightgown.

"No thanks Ma," I replied getting up and slipping out the back sliding doors to sit down outside in peace. It was hot stagnant air out there but worth the escape. I sat for a little while with the sun tanning my legs. It wasn't humid so it was tolerable for a while and even felt nice. I glanced around the small backyard which looked like an overgrown forest. Layers and layers of vines were climbing all over the fence along with various other plants or weeds or things that I really couldn't identify. The grass in the yard itself was almost a foot tall, with patches even higher in some spots. Everything about this house and town seemed so overwhelming.

When I was growing up here I loved it. It was before my mom started to drink. Actually she always drank only I never really noticed until after we moved. Maybe it was my dad's death that made her spiral into drinking all the time. Then failed relationships, living with a teenager, job stress, you name it she had a reason, an excuse. But anyways, I loved living here. I was little so I played outside all the time, I loved to go explore and pretend I was a princess of a beautiful flower filled kingdom or a knight in battle. I was an only child so I liked being alone. My dad was a mechanic and part of a motorcycle club. That's how my mom and Gemma became best friends, Gemma's husband at the time was part of the club. My dad would work all the time on his motorcycle in our driveway and then take me on long rides through the countryside. I had a bright yellow helmet and loved the feel of the air whipping my fine blonde hair all around, stinging my face. I was a daddy's girl. I did have a good relationship with my mom but mostly had stars in my eyes for my dad. I had a few friends at school, but their mom's wouldn't really let them come and play very often because my dad was a biker. I never really understood that much, maybe they knew my mom drank, I don't know. Sometimes you don't notice the bad when you are a kid. That's a quality I wish I still had.

The friends I did have were Gemma's son Jax and his best friend Opie whose dad was also in the club. They were a couple of years older than me though so they would usually want to go off on their own a lot too. But there were times when they seemed to forget I was a girl and let me hang out with them while our parents did whatever in the house. They would stick up for me too kind of like older brothers. One time I was riding my bike and I saw a turtle on the road. I pulled to the side and threw my bike down on the grass, rushing to move the turtle before a car could hit it. When the turtle had been rescued I turned around and saw Johnny Carlson taking off on my bike laughing. I screamed at him but it didn't help. I ran crying all the way home, tripping several times, getting gravel and scratches in the heel of my hand and my knee. The front door was locked so I had peeked through the window only to see my parents and their friends sitting at the table smoking, laughing and being loud. I wasn't sure all that was going on but they didn't hear me. I sat on the front stoop and cried. After what seemed like forever Gemma's son Jax came riding up in my driveway. He had ran over to me and put his arm around my shoulder, leaning me into him. As soon as I told him what had happened he took off on his bike leaving me alone again. Later that night once I had finally gotten in my house and bandaged my cuts my doorbell rang. When I answered it my bike was sitting there. The next day Gemma was telling my mom that Jax had punched Johnny in the nose and broken it to get my bike back. I pedaled so fast over to his house to see if he was ok and to thank him. That was the day….

"Hey, whatcha doin?" my mom called from the sliders interrupting my thoughts.

"Ah, just getting a little sun," I stretched and sat up.

My mom walked over and sat down next to me with her coffee and cigarettes. I shifted in my chair which consisted of an older plastic folding chair with strips of plastic weaved together. It had made big imprints on the backs of my thighs. I didn't feel very comfortable being near my mom lately. I was losing the respect I should have for her because of all she was doing to herself. I was always looking for things to do to not be around her. So her wanting to hang outside with me was not what I wanted to be doing.

"Gemma's coming over to help me unpack and maybe we'll go shopping to stock this place up," my mom informed me, "she can't wait to see you. The last time she saw you, you were just a kid, before you had perky boobies and legs up to your eyeballs!"

"Geez mom, don't talk about my boobs, that's just weird," I said. It would be nice to see Gemma though, it might improve this situation a little. Gemma smoked and drank too, but not like my mom, she could handle herself. She was tough but loving and she looked after everyone like she was the mother hen. Everyone knew not to cross her, or else they would find out the hard way. But she always had a way of making me feel comfortable and like I belonged.

"Ah be quiet, I can brag about you if I want. I did make you remember so you can thank me for those things." She responded pointing at said things, "besides, they will help get you laid and you could really use that lately." She stated taking a drag of her cigarette.

"Alright I am done with this conversation," I stood up and went back inside sighing.

As I walked back inside the doorbell rang. I walked over and opened it up knowing who was on the other side.

"Hey Gemma," I smiled opening the door.

"Wow, is that really you? Your mom told me you were all grown up now but you changed so much, come here," she said hugging me.

"You look exactly the same, except for the highlights, I love them," I stated pulling back.

"I guess that's a good thing. Ashley, we are going to have to toughen you up babygirl, these men in Charming are going to eat you alive." Gemma slapped my arm. Here we go.

"Gemma!" my mom had come inside and shouted at her friend. She ran over and they hugged.

"Lorraine, I am so glad you're back. It's been too long and I have been surrounded by too many men."

"That's not a bad thing," my mom responded. "You have to introduce me to them."

Oh boy, I thought. Well some things never change. My mom and Gemma sat around the kitchen table for hours smoking and catching up. I went to the grocery store to pick up food and other necessities and when I came home they were still there. I made a quick dinner for all of us and then excused myself to my room. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes dreaming of what I would be doing in L.A. I would save all my money from my waitressing job and then I would open my little flower store. I would go to work happily every day, smelling the fresh flowers, arranging them, dancing around the store. I would help customers pick out the perfect bouquet to bring a smile to their loved one. Then when I closed for the day I would…

"Ash, Ash?" my mom called through the door.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"We're going out, don't wait up," she informed me.

"Ok." I closed my eyes again. Shaking off any thoughts of her return later and the situation I was in.

…When I closed for the day I would go home to my adorable craftsman style house that was decorated almost like it was right out of a home decorating TV show. My gorgeous husband would be waiting for me. He would have ordered take out since we both worked a long day…