Disclaimer: All character and settings belong to JK Rowling.
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Once Severus had regained consciousness, Hermione floo'd to the Headmaster and asked him to step through into the dungeon laboratory.
As the green flames swirled in the fireplace, Albus was treated to the sight of Hermione talking happily to two familiar looking children on her knees and Severus sitting at his desk, staring into space and nursing a rather large tot of Firewhiskey.
"Hermione, Severus, what has happened? And who are these two little tykes?" His eyes were twinkling like disco balls, this un-nerved Severus even more at their situation.
Seeing that the Potions Master was unwilling to speak, Hermione stood and winced at the painful burn the stone floor had on her knee caps. "Well Headmaster, there was an unfortunate accident...we ended up exploding our two cauldrons..."
"No, you managed to explode our two cauldrons Granger!" Severus snapped out.
"Well it wasn't my fault Dobby appeared out of no-where and scared me! You were standing too close behind me!" Hermione was now livid, how dare he blame her for something she had no control over.
"Oh pu-lease. Silly girl. You were in a bloody dream all day! This is ultimately your fault, we could have been killed but instead now we're stuck with these two little shits of whom I can only guess are us when we were 7 years old!"
"Fuck you Snape! I never get room to breathe, you're always hanging over my shoulder. Were you trying to perv on me or something? These tits are not for your eyes!" she baited herself after that remark, she knew in her heart of hearts, she had in fact been the one being the pervert.
"Get over yourself Granger, I wouldn't ride you into battle, never mind want to fuck you!"
Hermione's retort was interrupted as the Headmaster hit them both with a silencing spell.
"That...is quite enough. I am ashamed of such behaviour and language being used by two of my best professors, and in the presence of two minors no less! Pull yourselves together, you have been snarking at one another for years and I for one have had enough..."
He looked at the pair and saw Severus sneering at him silently. At least Hermione looked apologetic and ashamed of her actions. A wicked and wonderful idea struck Albus at that moment.
"You will both take care of these children. We will tell anyone who asks that they are your niece and nephew. You can say your brother married, Hermione's sister Severus, or make something better up...I do not care. I will work with our counterparts at the Ministry of Magic to find a cure for this. It is obvious that the combination of the two faulty potions managed to split your inner child separate from your bodies. I believe this will be a good thing for both of you. Severus, you are much too serious for such a young wizard, I believe..." He turned to the small boy with a kind smile, "I'm sorry boy, what is your name?"
"Russie, Sir."
"Aah, of course, I believe Russie will allow you to loosen up a bit Severus. Hermione, you basically had your childhood taken from you the day you became a witch. Such responsibilities and pressure on one so young forced you to mature well beyond your time my dear. I believe...um...let me guess...Mya or Mione?" He turned to the bushy haired girl with chestnut brown eyes - she smiled and whispered, "Mya. Headmaster."
"Ah lovely. And you may call me Grandpa Albus! Delightful children! As I was saying Hermione, Mya will allow you to remember those care free days and perhaps loosen the tight knot you have become. Now, I am going to release you both from this spell, I want only pleasant language or I will silence you for the rest of the day, understood?"
Both Severus and Hermione nodded solemnly and with a wave of his hand, the spell was lifted.
"Now, Hermione, you're quarters will be joined to Severus's and you will take care of the children together until we can find a way to send them back and no Severus, this is not up for discussion!" Albus walked towards the fire place in a swish of purple and gold robes.
Before he left he smirked and said, "Besides, if you two find you're good parents, you'll maybe finally admit you want one another, shag like bunnies and pop out a few of your own. I'll be 10 galleons up, if you do. Good night children!...Headmaster's office." With a flash he was gone, echoing "Bye Grampa Albuuuuss!" ringing in the air.
The couple shifted awkwardly and wouldn't look in each other's eyes. This was going to be a long term - the student's were arriving in two days, they'd have to get their story straight.
The children stared at them with expectant faces, "Well..." Mya said with a sigh, "Can we go to the park and play?"
Severus rolled his eyes, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. Two Grangers living with me...how fucking wonderful. Perhaps I'll get a few perks and see Hermione in her nightie? Anyway it can't be that bad, I think little me will be worthy of my attention, bet he would rather read then go to the bloody park!
"Aaaw yeah! I want to go to the park too! Will you play football with me Uncle Severus or even Auntie Mione?" Russie asked with his big black eyes fluttering.
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and continued his inner monologue....Or perhaps he is just like them!This is going to be a long fucking term, that's for sure.
A/N: I will be adding to this story regularly - watch this space and I hope you enjoy it.