The characters and setting are owned by the Sci-Fi channel and L. Frank Baum.
The song this chapter is based on, "Starts With Goodbye" by Carrie Underwood, is posted at the end of the story.
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Starts with GoodbyeShe could see the flicker of a fire through the cracked door of the sitting room and knew what she would find on the other side, or rather, who. Peering in through the small opening she could see Cain sprawled out on the settee, duster and gun belt draped over the back and hat covering most of his face. Quietly she entered, hoping to go unnoticed and knowing it was unlikely.
Her bare feet slapped softly against the cold marble floor, he didn't stir. She knelt down next to him, he didn't stir. Smiling to herself she leaned forward cautiously, knowing that it was a dangerous path she was about to tread, one that could end horribly for her depending on Cain's mood.
The feel of his skin on her lips, lips that lingered far too long on his cheek, was overwhelming. DG watched the blush creep up on the exposed skin beneath the brim of his fedora which she was certain her own face mirrored, but he didn't stir. It was unnerving that he didn't wake. In all the weeks she had known him there was never a time when someone was able sneak up on Cain without him scaring them out of their skin with a six-shooter pointed between their eyes.
He was faking. She sighed deep in her chest, upset that he didn't feel comfortable enough to give her a piece of his mind, however harsh it might be. DG resigned herself to the fact that she would have to give her confession to him while he ignored her. She began to run her fingers over the smooth skin of his jaw line, trailing them into the short hairs around his ear. DG loved his hair, the short strikingly blonde hair that went so well with his ice blue eyes.
"I know this has been hard for you," she started her rehearsed speech and paused suddenly. It was awkward talking to someone ignoring you, but it had to be done. She had made up her mind that in a couple hours she would take her leave of Central City for good.
"Everything, I mean." And it was the honest truth. Losing Adora and Jeb when he was confined all those years in the suit; losing Adora again after only just finding out she had survived the Longcoat attack; getting Jeb back into his life; becoming a star of the OZ for his part in the destruction of the sorceress. It was a lot to come to terms with. Now she was about to add more and she hated herself for it.
"Adora was a lucky woman to have found you." There was no way those few words could make him feel the truth behind the sentiment. "I know I would be the happiest woman in the world to have you as mine, even if it was just for a day," God, how she wished for that. One day with Cain would be worth a lifetime of misery. If only he felt the same way about her -- a lifetime of misery would no longer be her future.
"This hasn't been easy for me either." Her voice quaked slightly. This was becoming more emotional to the youngest princess. She was certain it would come out in her timbre. "To watch you and know you will never return the feelings I have for you." Her voice broke at a couple points in the statement. During all her rehearsals she had never gotten this far, positive he would have interrupted her long ago in her monologue.
"Wyatt." DG couldn't stop herself from using the name she only ever said to him in her dreams. It felt so good rolling off her tongue. It had to be her favorite name in the whole universe, it was his and very few people ever used it. She wished to be one of the few.
"I honestly don't know when my feelings changed but I know it was inevitable." The tears began to flow and she knew it was reflected in her voice. The hand that wasn't fixated on his skin wiped them away from her cheeks, it was a fruitless task.
"How could they not." Again her voice trembled. "You're so brave and kind and comforting." She was sure he would be contradicting her words in his mind as he listened to her tick them off. "You don't know how much I've relied on you. I've been so alone. You're my strength, my rock." She giggled a little but it had no joy behind it like laughter was supposed to have. It was such a ridiculous phrase that she couldn't believe she actually used it.
"Just because you are surrounded by people doesn't mean they get you. You always seem to understand me." Honestly she didn't know what she would have done if he hadn't been there. The sisters were still getting used to one another and trying not to blame themselves for the troubles the other had been through. Her parents, while they were nice people, she had trouble calling them Mom and Dad especially since her robotic parents no longer remembered her; they were such special – people? And Glitch and Raw were great, but they were no Cain. They were more docile and Cain spoke his mind even if it was hard to hear. He kept her in line, something she needed.
DG laid her head lightly upon the side of his chest and gently placed her left hand over the one that lay on his stomach. Her fingers slowly wound their way between his finger and thumb, running her own thumb lightly over his wrist. The hand that had been exploring his facial features dropped to lie on his shoulder. She breathed deeply a few times, trying her best to gather enough strength to make her final and most important declaration.
"I love you so much."
The heart that had been pounding wildly in her chest began to slow. The worst was over. She had survived the experience, but she was completely drained. Her breathing began to even as she drifted off for a few hours of sleep before gathering her belongings, leaving Cain behind.
DG's eyes suddenly popped open, and for a moment she thought she would find herself back in that sitting room like she had two weeks earlier. Both relief and disappointment washed over her when she realized she was out in the woods with no one but a horse for company.
The chill in the air kept her from sleeping properly, not to mention the dreams. It had been growing colder each day since she left the confines of the city. She should have known things would only get worse for her after she made the decision to leave, not having a clue as to which direction to head. The silver lining of the whole experience lay in the possessions she managed to bring along.
The evening before her departure DG packed everything she thought she would need. Clothes, both for warm and cold weather; A thick bedroll she swiped from one of the guards' quarters along with enough freeze-dried food to last her for a month if she ate sparingly; And the horse from the stables in the alley behind the family quarters – that one had been the trickiest.
DG had left the evidence of her departure hidden behind a dumpster in the alley while she tried, unsuccessfully, to convince the guards that the Queen had in fact given her permission for a little outing. The only way they finally gave in was for her to take two horses, claiming that Cain was going along and waiting for her at the mouth of the alley. They really didn't want to piss off the former Tin Man having witnessed the wrath he had unleashed on another guard who had the audacity to second guess his ability to protect DG unaided.
Having tied the second horse to the side of the dumpster and retrieved her belongings she quickly mounted her steed and began off. Before she turned onto the street DG was thankful that she had gained fairly good control over her magic. She needed to change her physical appearance in order to ride through the city without fear of being recognized. Concentrating hard, allowing the light to flow through her as Tutor would say, she was able to change her look enough to disguise her during her escape. Her hair went from its usual dark tresses to a pretty golden brown, shortening to just below her ears and her eyes changed from their vivid blue to pale green. She had practiced this many evenings, trying out numerous hairdos and eye colors, before finally settling on one.
Running her hand through her newly donned hair as she lay in her bedroll, DG smiled to herself. She couldn't help but think that she had pulled off a magic trick very reminiscent of Tonks from the Harry Potter stories. Not that anyone in the OZ would understand her amusement, that is, if she had anyone to tell it to in the first place.
Idly she wondered what Cain would think of the change and silently cursed herself for allowing her thoughts to travel back to the man yet again. It was inevitable. No matter what was on her mind it always managed to somehow turn to the stoic Tin Man, the bane of her existence.
Leaving had been the hardest decision she ever had to make. The love she had for him was a stronger feeling than she could have imagined. The letter she left didn't do it justice and DG knew it, but it was all she could muster. In the short time that Cain had been a part of her life he had wormed his way so far into her heart that she was positive he would never be able to find a way out. It was something she would just have to live with.
After a long debate with herself she concluded that the only way she could move on, if it was possible, would be to distance herself from the man. And since she didn't think she could take waiting for him to make the decision to leave, it was left up to her. Somehow it made it more real that she was the one who finally took the harness of her life and guided it in a direction of her choosing.
The only thing that kept her from leaving the very moment she set her mind to do it was that she wanted to tell Cain how she felt first, see what happened. The thought that he would fake sleep hadn't occurred to her but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, she didn't have to hear his platitudes or anger at her profession of love.
The tears that came to her eyes were not seen, the quaking of her bottom lip went unnoticed and she was able to kiss his cheek for a moment or two without being pushed away. All in all it turned out as good as one could expect.
If he had sat up when she entered the room DG would have felt very childish crying through her confession and too uncomfortable to kiss him so tenderly, a feeling she'll never forget. And he would have cut her off at the pass, of that much she was certain. Half of her words would never have been heard, would never have been uttered, he would have seen to that.
DG wondered what was running though Cain's mind as she spoke to him the night before she vanished. Wondered if he thought her crazy or childish or completely insensitive to his situation for feeling the way she did. It wasn't the first time it had crossed her mind and she was certain it wouldn't be the last.
There was part of her that wanted to be a fly on the wall when he found her note to gauge his reaction, for she had no doubt the person to find it would be Cain. He had probably searched her out to tell her that he was the one that was cutting and running only to find she had beat him to the punch.
While DG could read his emotions well enough when he was in her presence, there was so much about Wyatt Cain that confused the hell out of her. Like his reactions to events that were out of his control. Had he been upset? Relieved? Pissed off? Concerned? She wanted to know, but at the same time, she didn't.
A lone tear escaped from her closed eyes and she hastily wiped it away. Sitting up in the bedroll, DG leaned her back against the trunk of a tree at the edge of the clearing she had claimed for the night. The distance wasn't a help, at least not yet. It took all her strength not to turn back around.
DG hadn't actually said goodbye, couldn't stomach the word, but her actions were enough to get her point across. She wouldn't return, refused to return, refused to look back now. It was done, it was over. Her hero-worship, turned crush, turned love was never to be and if she didn't accept it now she would never be able to move on properly.
As the first rays of sun peaked through the branches of the trees DG quickly, and somewhat gracefully, rose from her seated position. Gathering her things together she extracted a package of freeze-dried eggs from her pack and swallowed it quickly to avoid having to actually taste the awful stuff. She had made that mistake on the first day of her expedition.
Hanging her pack on the back of the horse, she untied her only companion and quickly mounted him. With a jab of her heel the horse trotted along the path in the forest. She had decided on a destination during her wakeful hours the previous night when she recognized the area in which she was currently traveling. The Realm of the Unwanted was not too far away and was as good a place as any for a runaway princess to reside, or hide.
Unconsciously she steered her horse toward a place she never wanted to see again, the cabin and grave of Adora Cain. Upon arriving at the gravesite, DG reluctantly dismounted and kneeled over the patch of earth that held the love of Cain's life. She ran her hands over the moist ground and felt tears well behind her lids for the time they had lost together.
Her heart ached for so many reasons. The guilt for that tugged at her insides, after all, she had been the one to hear the call of the witch; she had been the one to release her; she was the cause of the misery of so many, Cain included. Without another look she stood, pulling herself onto the horse's back and rode off with all due haste.
Riding bareback was difficult at the start of this journey but while she was getting used to keeping herself upright, her body pleaded with her to find a saddle. The riding was beginning to affect her, the way her body ached, especially the bottom half. Part of her couldn't wait to get off the blasted beast; the other was not looking forward to letting her only friend go free. From her one and only trip to the realm she recalled that the entrance was a trap door in the ground through which no horse could pass.
Sighing audibly DG patted the neck of her friend who neighed softly in response to the affection. If she went into the realm and wanted to eventually leave, it would have to be on foot.
It was early afternoon when the forest began to clear and a large meadow appeared in front of DG. Letting herself down off the horse she kept him by the reigns as she walked through the meadow with her head downcast. The grass had grown considerably in the time between her last entrance into the criminals' dream town and now but she vaguely remembered the direction of the trap door.
It took only a few minutes crossing the meadow to find her destination. The door stared up at her, both beckoning her forward and warding her away. Turning to face the horse she petted the beast along the side of his long face and nuzzled his nose into her forehead.
"You've been great these couple weeks, old friend," DG whispered, her fingers never stopping their consoling movements. "I know I've probably talked your ear off and that you are tired of hearing my voice, but I'm going to miss you."
Lifting her head from the soft nose of her horse she smiled and patted him one more time on the side of the face. "Go ahead, get going." Moving to the back of the animal she gave him a gentle pat on the backside and watched him trot off through the meadow. After staring at the disappearing stallion for a few moments she faced the trap door and, leaning down, opened the door before she could change her mind.
At the bottom of the ladder she was just as awe struck as the last time, at the sheer vastness and complexity of the place. Keeping her head held high she made her way through the crowd giving no outward sign of the nervousness she felt. A ratty old bar off to the right caught her attention and she darted past people to enter Renegade's Refuge.
Having spent much of her late adolescence and early adulthood as a waitress she figured she might as well return to something she knew like the back of her hand.
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Starts with GoodbyeBy: Carrie Underwood
I was sitting on my doorstep, I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I know there's a blue horizon, I guess it's gonna have to hurt, Time, time heals, I guess it's gonna have to hurt, Starts with goodbye, Starts with goodbye.
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a cross road
There's a choice you gotta make.
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
starts with goodbye.
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,