Star and Annalas: Assassins
Disclaimer: I don't own the PPC or Labyrinth.
"Statistics"
Star and Annalas were sitting down and relaxing in Headquarters, celebrating their first day as Assassins. Anna, as she preferred to be called, was using the desk to macrame on. Star was watching the Olympics on the mini TV she had, drinking soda.
BEEP!
"What's that" Star asked, cleaning up the pop she had spilled.
"Looks like an incoming fic" Anna replied, trying to figure out how to work the controls. "And it's a Bad one."
"How bad" Star asked, coming over.
"Self-insert bad" Anna said, scanning the summary and first page. "No disclaimer either. Oh, my freaking God! Edward Sissorhands! She not only put him into a Labyrinth fanfic, she didn't even spell his freaking name right! And Jareth as a Sith Lord! She's mine."
"We should go as goblins" Star suggested, trying to calm her partner down.
"Good idea" Anna said, calmed down. Killing someone always calmed her. Or at least planning it. Once the disguises were set, the partners went through the portal that appeared when Star pushed a button on the console.
"Where are we" Star asked.
"Looks like. . . we're outside of her house. She should be coming out after she wishes everyone away" Anna said, scanning the words. Just then, the agents heard someone shout.
"Goblin King, Goblin King, Wherever you may be! Take the people of this world FAR away from me"
Both assassins covered their ears with their hands.
"Okay, wrong words. Add that to the charge list. Here she comes now." Star warned.
The Mary-Sarah tiptoed outside and then hopped into the car, shouting in glee. There were no people in sight anywhere. The world was barren.
"Why did the cars stall" Star asked as Anna shrugged. "Okay, then tell me why the cars stalled, except for hers." Anna shrugged again.
"Maybe because the people that disappeared took their foot of the pedals" Anna asked, ducking a playful swing from her partner.
Jareth in owl form swooped down in front of the windshield. The Sarah had the nerve to turn on the windshield wipers and get Jareth wet. Jareth changed into his fae form and stared down at her.
"I'm adding that, too" Anna said, writing it down.
They watched in horror as he changed the Sarah's clothes with a wave of his hand and showed her the path into the Labyrinth.
"Oh, very funny" The Sarah said, referring to her shirt that the goblin king had given her.
"She's complaining about everything" Anna exclaimed. Star just nodded and read the words.
"When do we get to kill her" Star asked. Anna leaned over her shoulder to see better. Their faces got darker and darker with disgust, anger and rage.
"How about bringing Edward Sissorhands to the club and have him kill her there" Anna suggested.
"What club" Star asked, flipping through the pages.
"The one that she put in the middle of the Labyrinth for no apparent reason" Anna replied.
"Oh. Well, Edward Scissorhands wouldn't kill anyone, anyway. Unless they really provoked him. And I don't do well in nightclubs, even if a Sarah created them. Especially then. And I'm not even sure what Tron is. How about the Star Wars crossover part" Star disagreed. Apparently Jareth was supposed to become a Sith Lord, and battle it out with Kelli, the Sarah.
"No, how about something different all together? Like getting a starship from the Star Wars part of it and blasting her to pieces" Anna asked, the evil glint evident in her eyes. Star quickly agreed.
They used the teleportation thingie to go to the tunnel filled with neon light. Except they didn't end up there.
"You programmed it wrong or something, because this is not the tunnel" Star said as Anna looked around at the stone walls of the castle. They were in the throne room, with Sarah Williams and Jareth.
"Um, why is she here" Anna asked. Star sucked in a breath.
"Apparently, they're married. Sarah is the Goblin Queen." Star replied, working on the teleportation device before Anna could kill her.
"WHY are they married" She hissed.
"Doesn't say" Star replied meekly as she finished reprogramming it and they ended up in the tunnel. With no Sarah in sight. The Sarah had yet to come.
"Let's bag our starships while we still can" Anna shouted, and they raced down the tunnel to a star fighter. They got in and looked at the controls.
The Sue came out, and her clothes were changed to a skintight black catsuit. The song 'She's got The Looks To Kill' blasted all around. Both assassins checked in their bags, making a hasty scramble for some earplugs.
"Let's get her before her shields are up" Star screamed at Anna.
"What" Anna screamed back. Star wrote it down on her hand and showed it to her partner. Anna nodded.
As The Sarah's ship leaped up into the air, Anna hit what she hoped to be a button that communicated with the other ships.
"Hey, you! Mary-Sarah" Anna screamed at the girl, who looked at them in confusion.
Star read the charges off the charge list.
"Kelli whoever-you-really-are. You are charged on behalf of the PPC and Good!Fic everywhere as being a Mary-Sarah, a self-insert, making Jareth unrecognizably out of character, having a Jareth and Sarah relationship without explanation, not including a disclaimer, stealing things from other fandoms inexplicably, changing the Labyrinth completely and annoying us to no end. Oh, and standing up to Jareth. Any last non-gushy words" Star asked.
"You can't kill me! Jareth is supposed to make me a concubine at the end of the story. I want to be better then Sarah" Kelli screamed.
The assassins shook their heads as Star fired the joystick straight at her ship. The Sarah made a scramble for the shield controls, but it was too late. The ship blew into tiny little pieces.
Everything around them faded, leaving them in the empty ballroom where Sarah and Jareth had danced. They teleported to the Edward Scissorhands fandom, and dropped the tramatized character off. Then they teleported to Jareth's Castle, where they sent him straight to the Department of Fictional Psychology, where he was well known. Finally the teleported back to headquarters.
"That's it. I loved the way her ship blew up. It was like fireworks. Now we can relax and watch eat pizza until"
BEEP!
"Nevermind." Star finished as they got their equipment ready for the NEXT challenge. . .
A/N: I would like to say how much I am glad to get rid of this horrible Sarah. Soon, (I hope) I will get rid of yet another Sarah, and rid the Labyrinth Fandom of all Mary-Sarahs. However, as that is impossible, I will settle for as many as I can. I would like to ask that if you see or read about a Mary-Sarah, an OOC canon character, or bad slash, to leave a review telling me the title of the story and a brief summary.