CHAPTER TWO

Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroshitsuji or Tourniquet by Evanescence

Hello~. This is chapter two of Tourniquet, my very first fanfiction. Please tell me what you think. BTW thank you for reviewing. I reposted the chapter with your suggestions and Grell knows French because he is a very romantic person and French is the most romantic language. UT is going to speak French as well because another author I read had this really good theory about UT being French.

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I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more (so much more)

I lay dying, and I'm pouring

Crimson regret, and betrayal

I'm dying

Praying

Bleeding

And screaming

am I too lost

To be saved?

Am I too lost?

My god, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

- Tourniquet by Evanescence

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Grell arrived at work an hour early, to the surprise of William, who was the only one there at this hour of the morning. Grell kept his head down as he walked passed his surprised boss to his office, not wanting him to see the changes and question him. He couldn't deal with that now. He just needed to be alone and do his work. William stopped him before he could get too far away.

"Wait!" he called. Grell turned slowly, not wanting to see William's face or let William see his.

"Yes?" he stood in front of William with his head down.

"What's wrong with you today?" William asked, exasperated.

"Nothing to concern yourself with, love," Grell replied, trying to put his mask back up. William looked pissed.

"It is my concern if it affects your work. I can't have you slacking off more than you already do. You have an abundance of paper work on your desk that needs to be completed and I have no intention of working overtime for you," William finished his rant and looked at Grell over the rim of his glasses.

"Is that all you care about, William? That I won't finish my work and you'll have overtime?" Grell asked in a quiet.

"What are you talking about, Sutcliff?" William asked in annoyance.

"Do you care about me? At all?" Grell asked, curious and a little sad.

He knew William cared little about him, but he kept this hope in his heart that maybe William might care about him just the tiniest bit, just because they graduated together. But all hopes were dashed as soon William opened his mouth.

"I have never cared for you, why on earth would I start now? You are nothing but an annoyance and a waste of space and time. You are the stupidest creature I have ever had the displeasure of knowing and if you weren't so damn good at field work I would fire you so I wouldn't have to see your ugly face. No one could ever love you and no one ever will. In fact, I quite hate you. Now get to work, you pitiful excuse for a Shinigami!"

William's cruel words cut deep. Grell was having a hard time holding back his tears by the end of the tirade and he knew he needed a fix of pain. Grell looked William in the eye and replied, his voice deathly quiet.

"I already know how pitiful and pathetic I am, but you could at least try to pretend you don't fucking hate me. Whether or not you like me as a person, I am still your subordinate and a coworker. You are simply a heartless bastard, William, and I am tired of loving you."

With that, Grell walked away, leaving William in stunned silence from his words as well as his looks. Without all that makeup on, Grell was absolutely gorgeous. Suddenly, William felt foolish. He was finally seeing a part of the real Grell, and Grell moved on. William felt like hitting himself. He was so stupid. William thought back on the conversation they just shared and quickly grew alarmed. What Grell had said about being pathetic made William realize that the redhead wasn't as ditzy and vain as everyone assumed and it only made him feel worse. 'God, what have I done?'

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Grell walked into the bathroom by his office, fully intent on relieving his emotional pain with something a little more physical. He walked into a stall with his bag over his shoulder. Thank god he always carried a first aid kit on his person, to clean up any minor wounds he received in the field, though he never imagined he would be using it for this.

Grell locked the door and sighed when he realized he forgot to wrap his hand. Thank God William didn't notice the rather large gash across his knuckles. But then again, William didn't give two flying fucks about him, so he probably wouldn't give a shit even if he did notice. Grell pulled gauze out of his first aid kit and wrapped it around his knuckles.

With that done, he pulled the blade out of his pocket and rolled up his sleeves. He looked at his left arm, it was covered and there was no clear skin anyway. Damn! It looked like he was going to have to use his other arm for his relief. He switched the knife to his left hand and realized it was broken. Double damn! He was left handed. Oh well, he would just have to work with he had. He flipped the knife closed and brought his wrist to his mouth. Digging his fangs into his arm, he closed his eyes and jerked his arm sharply to the side. The pain that shot through his body was sharp and hot and he removed his arm to looked down at the bloody gash. The pain flowed through him like blessed fire and he sighed happily. It started to fade after a couple of seconds though, and he brought his arm back up to repeat the process. He ripped his arm open a total of thirteen times, careful not to overdo it, and wrapped it in a thick layer of gauze. After he came down from the intense high he was experiencing from the delicious pain he looked down at the floor.

"Shit!" He swore quietly.

He had a rather large puddle of blood pooling at his feet. With a sigh, he gathered some toilet paper in his hand and bent to clean up. After all the blood was off the floor he flushed the bloody toilet paper and watched the water turn pink before it disappeared. Grell stood back up and walked out of the stall then out of the bathroom altogether, making his way to his office.

Once there he sat down behind his desk and pulled his paper work closer, praying he would have no field work for once. He glanced at the clock and realized he had been in the bathroom for forty-five minutes, the clock read five fifty-five. Grell started in on his paperwork with his right hand, going a bit slower than he would have wished.

After four hours Grell was burning up. He removed his jacket carefully and set it aside on his desk. Looking down at his arms, Grell saw tiny bloodstains. Rather small in size, but glaringly obvious against the white background of his shirt. Grell glared daggers at the stains, but after his look unfortunately didn't set them on fire and make them disappear, he got back to work.

It was two-thirty before anyone bothered him and the person who did was the last one he wanted to see after his little outburst this morning. William looked positively astounded by the sheer amount of paperwork Grell had completed, and in such a short amount of time, that he didn't notice the redhead's heated glare, until Grell cleared his throat rather pointedly. Startled, William looked up and caught Grell's eyes for a split second before looking away again.

"I have an assignment for you," William stated.

He tossed the list of souls on Grell's freshly cleared desk. Grell nodded his head to show he understood and went back to his paperwork. William shifted awkwardly for a second before glancing down at Grell, noticing he was using his right hand when he was left handed.

"What is wrong with your hand?" William asked loudly.

"Nothing to concern yourself with, love," Grell repeated his earlier statement without even looking up.

William raised his eyebrow in disbelief. The office was silent for a few seconds before William broke it.

"Let me see your hand, Sutcliff," William said in a quiet tone.

"See?" Grell replied sarcastically, holding up his right hand.

"Your left hand, Sutcliff," William growled, starting to get annoyed.

"Why should I?"

"Because I am your boss and I told you to!" William replied, now seriously irritated.

Grell growled quietly and bared his teeth, but held up his left hand none-the-less. William was shocked to see gauze wrapped around the hand and bruising visible where the gauze didn't cover.

"What the hell happened?!" William almost shouted.

Grell was rarely hurt for more than a couple of hours, due to supernatural healing. The only lasting damage a Shinigami can sustain is if it was caused with a Death scythe or if it was self-inflicted.

"Why do you care, William?" Grell asked, finally looking up from his paperwork.

William was shocked back into silence just as he opened his mouth to reply. Running down Grell's face was a thin, raised white scar. 'When the hell did he get that?!' William asked himself in his head. On the outside he was calm and collected again.

"Because if it is hampering your work it needs to be taken care and I need to ensure it doesn't happen again. So I'll ask again, Sutcliff. What. Happened?"

William finished, gritting his teeth.

"I fucking broke it! Are you happy now? It is fucking broken and I'm still working fine."

"How the hell did you manage that?" William asked, his brow in his hairline.

"I punched a fucking mirror. Now leave me alone so I can work!" Grell snapped.

"Fine."

With that, William walked out. Grell looked down at his soul list and grimaced, he had to collect a child's soul. Fuck! He hated these assignments, they always depressed him. He'd just have grin and bear it until he could be alone to hurt himself again. Today really sucked.