"How did mommy die?"
The question lingered in the air for what seemed like an eternity. A thousand emotions flowed through Louis's mind, none of them pleasant. He looked away from his daughter, blinking away tears that he didn't know he'd shed. Louise quickly gasped, and ran towards him
"I'm so sorry, daddy," she said, taking his calloused hand in hers.
"No, it's okay sweetie," he dismissed, giving her tiny hand a squeeze. Louis looked out the door, where a small score of people was still milling about before calling it a day. He led the small girl toward her bed and placed a hand on her head.
"Do you really want to know?" he said finally, his brows knitted close.
Louise weighed his ominous question before slowly nodding, "Yes," she whispered shyly.
"It's not a pretty story like the others," he warned her, "and I'm afraid you might hate me afterwards," Louis added, almost as an afterthought.
Louise creased her brow and looked up at her father with a confused expression, "Why would I hate you, daddy?" she inquired innocently.
Louis closed his eyes, the weight of the world seemingly falling down on his shoulders. No matter how fast he ran, there seemed to be no escaping his past. "Because," he whispered, casting a sad glance at the girl, "It's my fault she's gone."
"Okay, tell me again," AJ said for the tenth time, furrowing his brow, "Why would Ross cheat on Rachel?"
Louis chuckled and shook his head, casting a glance at Clementine behind him. She was carrying little Louise in her arms, a worn blanket covering the baby tightly. My two angels, Louis thought pleasantly as he turned back his attention to AJ.
"But he didn't cheat on Rachel," Louis answered incredulously, "They were on a break, and she had called Mark over!"
"I still think that's cheating," argued AJ, shifting his gaze forwards and drawing his knife. He turned it in his hand deftly, years of practice paying off.
Louis scoffed and looked back at Clementine, "Babe, will you help me out here?" he pleaded, earning a chuckle from the girl.
"Nope, I'm not getting dragged into another one of your stupid arguments," she declared, fixing the blankets so Louise would be comfortable. "The baby needs sleep."
"Are you talking about yourself again?" Louis teased, slowing his pace so he'd be on par with his girlfriend.
"I'm talking about both of us, Louis," she corrected him, offering him a sympathetic smile.
"Alright, you win," Louis surrendered, yielding under her overwhelming smile. She knew it was his weak spot, and she wasn't afraid to exploit it. Suddenly, they heard AJ shushing them from up ahead.
Perking up, Louis rushed toward AJ, who was kneeling behind high ferns. His knife was in his hand, and he was looking straight ahead. Louis followed AJ's eyes and spotted a tiny house in the middle of a clearing. Four walkers roamed the outskirts of what used to be the front yard. The house itself was unimpressive in itself, with rotten wooden walls and boarded-up windows.
Clementine came up behind them, the sleeping baby in her arms, and inspected the area. She looked for weak spots in the structure, and made sure there weren't any lurking walkers hidden in the shadows. Once she had formed a plan, she turned to Louis and AJ.
"Okay, Louis and I will take them out and scout ahead," she told them, to AJ's dismay, "AJ, I need you to look after your sister, okay?"
"Aw Clem, why can't I go with you and Louis can take the baby?" AJ complained, pouting.
"Because I don't know if there's any more in there, and I don't want any surprises," she explained, placing a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder, "Tell you what, if we find any chocolate in there you can have it, deal?"
AJ seemed to brighten up at the prospect of chocolate and relented, extending his arms so Clementine could place the nine-month-old in them. Louise shifted slightly, and AJ instantly started humming a tune. The same song Clementine used to sing to him as a baby. Clem admired the scene for a second before turning to her expectant boyfriend.
"Alright, you ready for this?" she asked, raising her eyebrow and unsheathing her hunter's knife.
"Always," he replied, heaving 'Chairles' on his shoulder and nodding.
Once they'd agreed on a plan, they left AJ behind the ferns and charged at the walkers. While Louis swung the head of one clean off, Clem drove her knife inside the skull of another that got close to him. A third one took notice of them and started limping its way toward them.
"Pathetic," declared Louis, before bashing its skull in with his trusty chair leg. He heard the distinctive sound of knife on skin, and turned to see Clem standing over the last dead walker.
"Nicely done," she complimented, smiling.
"Right back at you," he said, glancing at the corpses. "AJ, stay back while we check out the house. Holler if you hear anything."
The nine year old nodded and stepped forward into the porch, sitting down on a small log that had replaced a bench. He kept his eyes trained on the tree line, and every now and then glanced down at the sleeping baby. They were lucky Louise wasn't a big crier, and would sleep most of the time. One of life's mysteries, Louis always said when Clem mentioned it.
Reaching for the front door, Louis stepped back, "After you, milady," he said, bowing after her.
"You're such a dork," she said, shaking her head and pushing on the door. It creaked open and got stuck about halfway. "Guess the owners have been gone a long time."
"Ten bucks says the owners were those smelly geeks we just offed," Louis put in, jabbing a finger in the direction of the yard.
Clementine nodded and slowly walked into the house, her knife raised at shoulder length and her eyes scanning the surroundings. It was a simple entrance hall, a coat hanger perched beside the door and a moth-eaten carpet decorating the floor. Past that was the living room.
It was definitely the largest space in the house, with picture-less frames hung on the wall and two couches facing each other. Scattered around the room were burnt out candles, pools of dried up wax dripping onto the tables they sat on. Louis saw a chimney on the back wall, and a small brazier to its left.
"You check out this room, and I'll go see the kitchen," Clem told him, already walking toward the archway at the back of the room.
Louis got to work, setting 'Chairles' against one of the couches and making sure there was nothing they were missing. Beneath a bunch of old newspapers he found a 'Mars' bar, and he cursed under his breath, "Damn, I wish we hadn't promised this to AJ," he said to himself, pocketing the chocolate and moving onto the chimney.
He looked up it, and whistled. It was pitch black inside and he could barely make out a tiny ray of light coming from its topper. "Echo!" he said, chuckling when his own voice replied to him. "Cool," Louis whispered, sticking his head back out of the chimney. He looked around for a while, but found nothing more than some empty shell casings strewn on the floor. There were about seven of them, he noted.
Louis then moved onto the hallway, where a set of stairs led to the first floor. He walked up slowly, inspecting the pictures on the walls beside it. They all depicted a family of three: a wife and husband, and what looked to be their teenage daughter. They look happy together, thought Louis ruefully. There weren't many happy families left anymore.
When he got upstairs, he saw a small hallway that had three doors lining the walls. He decided to try the one on the left, and walked into what he could only assume was the daughter's bedroom. On the walls were posters of rock bands and singers, their eyes looking far into the distance. There was a bed on one side, its covers thrown everywhere. On the other side of the room was a desk with a computer and some more pictures. These were of the previous owner of the room at a concert with her friends. Again, she looked happy.
Louis wondered whether they survived the outbreak, and if they were even alive now. He found himself wondering that same thing whenever they scavenged for supplies inside houses. He often found little mementos of what the owner's life had been before the world went to shit, and most times Clem would shrug when he showed them to her. "They're gone, Louis," she'd say every time. But that didn't stop Louis from wondering: What if.
He shook his head to keep his thoughts from wandering too far, and set to work, thoroughly inspecting every inch of the room. Unfortunately, the only thing he found was old magazines and a broken walkman. When he was done and found nothing else, he threw it across the room in frustration. They'd been having shitty luck for the last few months, and having to find food for the baby had been no easy task.
Louis ran his hands through his dreads, something he found himself doing every time he was agitated. He took a few deep breaths and nodded, forcing himself to push through and check the rest of the house. Walking down the hall, he opened the second door, which led to a small bathroom.
Inside, there was a cabinet above the sink and a bathtub with its curtain drawn. He went to the bathtub first, yanking the curtain back and checking for threats. The only thing he found was an old bar of soap and hair products, probably too old to use. Afterward, he opened the cabinet and inspected it.
Finally, he'd caught a break. He found a box of Band-Aids, only half empty. He saw a small bottle of peroxide, but it was unfortunately all gone. Beside it, however, was a box of something called 'Maxipad'. Louis read the carton and sighed, laughing. This would definitely come in handy for Clementine, he knew. He pocketed his new finds inside his coat and exited the bathroom, approaching the final door.
This was the master bedroom, which featured a king-sized bed, two wardrobes on each side and a door on the back wall. Decisively, Louis ransacked the drawers. He found nothing but old clothes, some of which might actually be of use to him and Clementine. The husband had been a beefy man, but he somehow had medium-sized pants in his drawers. Weird, thought Louis.
Once he had picked the room clean, he turned to the door on the back. He assumed it was another bathroom, so he opened the door with ease. Unfortunately for him, trouble doesn't always announce itself. In a flurry of movement, Louis was pushed backwards by a heavy walker that pounced on him, and he cried out from the shock. How it had stayed silent this whole time, he had no idea.
It took everything out of him to keep the fat corpse at bay, its teeth clattering as they tried to sink into his neck. Louis realized with a jolt that he didn't have his chair leg with him. Berating himself for being so stupid, he looked around for anything he could use as a weapon. The only thing he saw was a broom stick, lying under the bed. Careful not to give up any space between himself and the walker, he stretched his left arm and reached for it.
As luck would have it, his fingers barely scraped the wooden surface of the stick, so that option was out of the question. The corpse's teeth were barely inches from his face, and he was already grunting from the effort of keeping it off of him. With no weapon at hand, he cursed himself and took a deep breath.
Louis closed his eyes and focused his entire strength on his arms, pushing forward and his back left the cold surface of the floor. Finally, the walker was off him and Louis was breathing heavily beside it. With no time to waste, Louis heaved himself off the floor and made for the door. The monster was just as fast, however, and swung its rotten arm forward, tripping Louis on the spot. He fell on his knee, and immediately found himself in another struggle for survival with a very persistent walker.
Only this time, he had a better footing. Placing his entire weight on the balls of his feet, he pushed the walker off and sent it barreling toward the floor. He took a second to breathe before it could think to get up and bite him, but fate had other plans. At that moment, Clementine came rushing into the room, her knife in hand. She and Louis made eye contact for a split second before the worst happened.
She never saw it coming. A hand shot out from beneath her, shaking her balance as she plummeted to the floor. Before she had time to react, yellow teeth bit into her leg, and she cried out in pain. Louis's scream could have been heard throughout the whole forest.
He knelt, grabbing the knife swiftly and impaling the walker's skull repeatedly. Louis stood there, bloodstained knife in hand and too shocked to move. This was not happening. It could not be happening. It was a dream, it must be.
But it wasn't, and Clementine was just as shocked as he was, staring blankly at the bite mark on her right quadriceps. Thick blood oozed from it, and a tooth had fallen off the walker's mouth and landed on the floor beside her leg.
"No, this isn't real," Louis whispered at last, breaking the spell. "You're not bit, I'm gonna wake up and you're gonna be fine."
"It's not a dream, Lou," said Clem, her voice shaky but her words strong. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Sorry?" Louis repeated incredulously, "it's not your fault, Clem. It's mine, I should have been prepared. I should've –."
"Stop, Louis," she pleaded, making an effort to stand up. Louis shook his head and helped her up, offering a sad smile when she grunted in pain.
"Clem, what the fuck are we gonna do?" he said when he sat her down on the bed.
Clementine sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "There's only one thing we have to do," she whispered after a few seconds.
Louis rounded on her and almost shouted, "No! We're not talking about that."
"We have to, Louis," she retorted, the strength to argue about it seemingly having left her body.
They stared at each other longingly for minutes, not uttering a word. They didn't need to. No amount of words would ever express the sorrow and regret both of them felt, and each knew what the other was thinking at that moment.
"I – I can't lose you, Clem," Louis pleaded, his voice cracking under the stress.
"Neither do I, Lou," she offered, extending her hand and making him sit beside her. He did as she asked. She gingerly placed her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the tears come. Despite what many people would tell you, she didn't want to die, and Louis knew that. She'd finally found a family worth living for – a daughter worth dying for – and now fate was ripping them from her without warning.
They heard soft steps coming from the hallway, and they raised their head to see AJ standing at the doorway with Louise in his arms. He spotted the couple on the bed and raised an eyebrow, "What's going on?" he asked warily.
"Goofball, c'mere," Clementine said, wiping away tears with her left hand.
Despite the use of his very unwanted nickname, AJ obeyed nonetheless. He approached them and looked at Clementine, expecting an explanation. She didn't give one, however, but instead raised her right hand and revealed the fateful bite on her leg. AJ looked down and his eyes went wide as plates.
"No," he breathed, his knees weak. "No," he repeated once more, looking back up at Louis.
"Yes, little dude," said Louis apologetically. "I'm sorry," he added as an afterthought, looking down abashed.
"No, you're not bitten," AJ kept saying, his voice breaking, "please don't tell me you're bitten!" he screamed, finally waking Louise up. Her sobs were somehow not the loudest thing in the house.
"I'm so sorry, goofball," she offered, fresh tears filling her eyes, "I wasn't fast enough."
"But – but you can't die, Clem!" AJ's screams matched Louise's, and his eyes were misting over just as much as Clementine's.
Clementine closed her eyes for a second and glanced up at Louis, who was staring blankly at the wall. "Listen, AJ," she let out, making a commendable effort of keeping her voice even. "I need you to be strong now, understand?"
The boy sniffed loudly, but nodded at the request.
"You're a strong little man, the toughest boy I know," she told him proudly, ruffling his hair. "You're going to be just fine without me, I know it."
"But will I?" asked Louis suddenly, fishing back tears that threatened to destroy his composure at any moment. "How can I live with this? How can I go on after you're gone?" his questions rapid fired out of his mouth, anger boiling inside him. Anger at life for being so cruel, and anger at himself for being so stupid.
Clementine sighed deeply and turned to AJ, "goofball, could you give Louis and me a minute?" she asked. AJ nodded again and took Louise out of the room with him, closing the door behind him.
"Listen to me, Louis," she said, turning his head so he'd face her, "I know this sucks. I know it's a fucking mess. But I need you to be strong for me now, for AJ and Louise," she looked at the closed door, thinking about the baby she'd be leaving behind.
"I know, Clem, but I don't know if I can," Louis said, his hands rubbing his eyes furiously, "You're my rock. You're everything I live for, and now you're leaving me. You're leaving us," he declared.
"Louis, you better not be saying what I think you're saying," she warned.
"I don't know," Louis admitted, "How can I live on after you're gone?" he asked, a plea in his voice as he looked at Clementine. He attempted to memorize her features, commit them to memory lest he ever forget what the love of his life looked like.
"You can live on by keeping AJ and our daughter alive," she retorted, harsher than she meant to. "I need to know you won't walk out on them, Louis. Please."
Louis looked like he'd been hit by a truck, "You know I'd never do that, Clem! I love them with all my heart; I'd die before I let anything happen to them."
"Then, for the love you bear me, live on for them. Don't mourn my death, but be thankful for the time we spent together," she pleaded, taking his hands in hers.
"They really were good times, weren't they?" Louis said, the smallest hint of a grin crossing his face before tears broke surface with his eyes once more.
"The best four years of my life," declared Clem, turning to kiss him. With that kiss, she tried to convey how much she regretted having to leave. She tried to make him realize that if she could have it any other way, she would. But this was the hand they'd been dealt, and they had to make do with what they got.
"Now," she said after a few minutes of silence. The words she had to say burned in her throat, and she had to take a deep breath before continuing, "Will you…?"
Louis looked down at his shaking hands and closed his eyes. He'd known her for four years, he owed her that much. But he couldn't. No matter how much he argued with himself, he couldn't shoot the woman he loved.
"I – I can't," he whispered, ashamed of himself that he'd be such a coward.
To his surprise, Clementine wasn't mad. Instead, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know how you feel. Shooting people, it changes you," she explained, looking at a spot far off. "Don't worry about it. AJ will do it," she said, nodding.
"How do you know that?"
"Because he knows what to do if I get bit," was all she offered by way of explanation. "Could you go get him?"
He did as she asked, and opened the door for AJ to enter with a very awake-looking Louise. The baby was silently exploring the room with her eyes until they landed on Clementine. Although she couldn't understand what was going on, she reached for her mother instinctively.
AJ handed her over, and Clem took Louise in her arms. She looked at the baby with tears in her eyes, unable to contain herself, "I'm gonna miss you so much, little one. You're gonna grow up to be a strong survivor, okay? And terrorize your father for me, alright?"
She heard Louis choke back tears as they watched Clem interact with her daughter for the last time. She called AJ forward while handing the baby over to Louis. "Come here, goofball."
The boy did what she said and sat down next to her mother, in all ways but one. Clementine looked down at him and smiled despite herself. He'd grown into a fearsome survivor, unhindered by the morals of the old world. Tonight, however, AJ became a kid again, tears streaking his face and sad eyes looking at the woman who'd raised him.
"I need you to be strong, okay?"
"I will," he replied, almost automatically. He seemed to be thinking about something before looking up and offering her a sad smile, "You'll be with Lee now, Clem." the girl smiled back at him, nodding at his words.
"I love you so much, goofball," she said, tears dripping from her eyes. Louis looked on in silence, his mind racing a thousand miles a second.
"I love you too, Clem," AJ told her, finally giving into his impulse and launching himself to her. He clung to her for dear life, and she just stroked his back and comforted him. It amazed Louis how calm Clem seemed at this moment, when her life was all but over. Yet another thing he admired of her: her resolve.
"I love you, Louis," she said suddenly, her eyes finding his and conveying the full meaning of those words. No other time had Louis needed to hear those three words this badly, and he treasured the way they rolled off Clementine's tongue.
"I love you, baby," Louis choked, looking away.
Clem sighed and closed her eyes. "You know what you must do now, AJ," she told the boy, who nodded shakily and reached into his back pocket. He produced his revolver and lowered the hammer slowly.
Louis couldn't bear the sight of it, and turned on the spot, laying his free hand on the door for support. His knees were weak, and his mind felt as though it might melt at any moment. He closed his eyes and let the tears run down his face, begging for it to be over.
"I'll miss you, boys," he heard Clementine say, her voice surprisingly even. Before he could turn and return the gesture, he heard the deafening bang of the pistol, and Clementine was no more.
Tears had welled in both Louis and his daughter's eyes as the man finished the story. They stayed silent, almost drowning in the thickness of the atmosphere that had formed inside their tent. Suddenly, Louise realized why her father blamed himself for Clementine's death. He couldn't protect her. He hadn't been strong enough, and the implications of that ate away at him slowly.
As she'd heard the story, they way she had so many others before it, Louise was saddened by the thought of a mother she'd never met. All the other kids at the makeshift school had lost someone in their lives, but she hadn't met anyone who'd lost someone they didn't even know to begin with.
Decisively, she placed a hand on Louis's scarred forearm and looked up at him, "It's not your fault, daddy," she whispered.
"What?" said Louis, blinking away tears.
"Mommy's death. It wasn't your fault. Those things just happen," she assured him, running her hand down his arm to offer comfort.
"I – I don't think I can convince myself of that," Louis said, looking away from her.
"You don't have to," she said, making him lift his head up, "As long as I know you're not to blame, it's alright," she added, offering her dad a small smile, which he returned.
"You're as stubborn as your mother," Louis told her, tousling her hair and making her groan. He cleared his throat and checked his watch, "Now, you gotta go to bed."
Louise offered no objection and lay back on her pillow, closing her eyes. Louis placed a kiss on her forehead before getting up and leaving the tent. Looking up at the stars, he closed his own eyes and sighed.
"I hope I've made you proud, Clem," he said to the stars, a single tear trickling down his face.
